Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 02/19/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HEAVILY PROTESTS TEXAS GOVERNOR, WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI, ON HIS PROPAGANDA TRIP TO THE BORDER. EL PASO ALWAYS MAKES ME PROUD – On his search for a token Mexican to stage a photo op, Texas governor Greg Abbott aka Maxisimo Fascist Ruler Wheelchair Mussolini came to El Paso to speak at a Republican fundraising dinner to a crowd of bootlickers and random individuals without a spine. Wheelchair Mussolini is best known for trying to fuck the TIguas and block their gaming operations even though there are OTHER casinos and racetracks around Texas in addition to the statewide LOTTERY. Ah, the sweet smell of hypocrisy. Apparently gambling is only bad for those that don’t bow down and kiss the supreme fascist leader’s feet and/or donate to his campaign. The asshole has also been emboldened by his lord and master, Donald Trump, to threaten cities that don’t listen to his stupid “sanctuary city” initiatives by withholding funding and also forcing people out of office for disagreeing with him (which violates most of the Founding Father’s democratic principles and is the literal definition of authoritarian rule). So instead of celebrating the Republican ideals of freedom and a small government, the Republican turncoats are now bowing down to Donald Trump’s fascist version of the Republican party that emphasizes heavy government spending to create a police state that bends over for Russia. Kudos to El Paso for protesting and booing this fascist fuck. Hopefully some of the people that paid money to attend the “dinner” will grow a pair of balls and stand up for true Republican ideals. WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI LITERALLY WANTS TO HAVE THE POWER TO REMOVE ELECTED OFFICIALS FROM OFFICE IF THEY DISAGREE WITH HIM! HOW FUCKED UP AND ANTI-AMERICAN IS THAT? (cbs4local.com)
.
THE IDK BAR IN NORTHEAST EL PASO SUFFERED ITS 2ND SHOOTING IN SIX MONTHS THIS PAST WEEKEND. BALL’S IN YOUR COURT, BARFLY. LET’S SEE IF THEY CAN BEAT THE 2 SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS RECORD – A mini crime wave hit Northeast El Paso this weekend as multiple shootings and general bad behavior hit the embattled part of the city. Things had been very positive in Northeast El Paso recently, and then came the pointless crimes and shootings. Hopefully the police department and authorities can nip this in the bud before it gets worse and, whether justified or not, the first place they will focus on is the bar that had TWO SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS! Who do they think they are? Union Plaza or something. (cbs4local.com)
.
LIKE THE MAJESTIC CATERPILLAR, SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT IS METAMORPHOSING INTO SOMETHING MORE BEAUTIFUL. OKAY, WE’RE MORE OF A MOTH THAN A BUTTERFLY BUT OUR WEBSITE IS GETTING NICER – Just a heads up to all our readers and harassers, the Simple Minded Entertainment website is getting an upgrade and hopefully this will make things more efficient. So bear with us as we update our site and try to get everything working properly. (self)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

.
MY ADVICE TO THE POPE IS “DON’T FEED THE TROLLS” – The current Pope is pretty cool and has lots of progressive policies that is taking the Catholic Church into the modern era. In addition, he was the first Pope to visit Juarez and that’s pretty badass! It seems this progressive attitude is not going too well with some of the more conservative members of the church and he is being trolled and “bullied” online and with posters around Rome. It’s pretty obvious that some conservative Cardinals and higher ups in the Vatican aren’t too fond of a progressive Pope, but to use the tactics of angry 13 year old girls is pretty sad on their part. And you’d think that decades of child rape by priests and subsequent cover ups would be the thing that gets conservative Vatican officials angry and on the road to reform, but apparently the Pope saying compassionate things about refugees is the one thing that really grinds their gears. (bbc.com)
.
THE MANDELA EFFECT IS A FRINGE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THEORY THAT, AFTER MANY STUDIES, HAS BEEN LABELED AS SCIENCE FICTION. BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK (CUE CREEPY MUSIC) – The Mandela Effect is a phenomenon that has spread amongst fringe science circles to explain alternate dimensions and the “false memories” that some people seem to have. Among the most popular examples of the effect are the spelling of the “Berenstain/Bearenstein Bears”, Sinbad in a movie called Shazaam, various celebrity deaths and the original example of some people falsely (at least in this universe) remembering that Nelson Mandela died in prison. Most of these examples have been linked to false memories, group think and hive mind; but if they were really examples of an alternate universe no physical evidence would exist and only the ethereal fragments of memories would remain if the timeline was in fact altered sometime in the past. So none of this can actually be proved or disproven. It really makes you think (cue creepy music). (aeon.com)
.
DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO, AND WILL ALWAYS, BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – This week in Donald Trump stupidity, the idiot held a glorified Klan rally in Florida to boost his ego and for no other reason. During his “speech” he once again attacked the media and then started talking about an imaginary terrorist attack on Sweden that occurred the night before in his head but not in the real world. Caught in a lie, he later tried to cover his ass by implying that he was referring to a Fox News report that greatly exaggerated the “terrible refugee crime wave” that is “gripping” Sweden. Maybe he confused the Sweden Attack with the Bowling Green Massacre. Even at its worst, the crime in Sweden doesn’t even begin to compare to the crimes seen in some of America’s worst neighborhoods. It’s hilarious that the leader of a country that includes Baltimore, the Rust Belt, Florida, Chicago and the Mississippi Delta is criticizing Sweden’s crime rate. It’s good to see Sweden fighting back and using humor to make the supreme idiot look even dumber online. Donald Trump truly is a complete, fucking cunt. (bbc.com)