Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/02/2018


EL PASO DISTRICT ATTORNEY JAIME ESPARZA ISN’T VERY GOOD AT HIS JOB.  HE’S SO BAD AT HIS JOB THAT EVEN UTEP FOOTBALL COACHES MARVEL AT HIS INCOMPETENCE – For a second time, a Judge has declared a mistrial in the case of Devon Huerta and the punch that “may or may not” have killed Constable Robert White back in Halloween of 2014.  Though there was no hard evidence that Devon Huerta delivered the punch that “may or may not” have led to Constable White’s eventual deadly heart attack, the DA still decided to proceed with a Jury Trial for some stupid ass reason that is only known to Jaime Esparza.  I assume he just wanted to waste taxpayer money as he grandstanded for votes by showing how much he loves law enforcement.  At most, this should have been some basic assault plea deal but it ended up as two costly trials because DA Jaime Esparza wanted to appear “tough”.  Now we wait and see if it goes back to trial or if something else can be worked out.  By now DA Esparza should have known that the juries in El Paso and Las Cruces don’t really like cops and are usually stacked with morons who will gladly let someone get away with murder if it satisfies some random agenda that only exists in their head.   (

OH GOODY!  EL PASO IS GETTING ANOTHER DIVISION 2 SPORTS TEAM.  WE’RE REALLY HITTING THE BIG TIME NOW!  /S – After finally realizing that they really aren’t that important or powerful the members of MountainStar Sports Group have given up on their plans to get an MLS team and have settled for a division 2 futball team in the USL.  Although it should be noted that the MLS really, really sucks balls and by international futball standards it is probably division 3 thus making El Paso’s new team a division 4 team at best.  Regardless, MountainStar Sports is hyping this up and is trying to drum up support for a downtown stadium.  Though after the debacle with the multipurpose arena, no politician with any brain is going to touch that project with a ten foot pole.  If they build the stadium with their own money that would be awesome, but in the current climate there is no way in hell any of the local government agencies commit to this without risking their ass in future elections.  Our local government will sooner build a monument to Billy Abraham in downtown El Paso before they do another controversial sports complex deal.  (

FOR THOSE WONDERING IF THAT DOME GOING UP NEAR DOWNTOWN ON I-10 IS RELATED TO ALIENS ……. NO, IT’S NOT ALIENS.  UNLESS ALIENS ARE SILENTLY INVESTING IN ROOFING MATERIALS – The Gabbo-tastic dome that has been going up near Downtown El Paso has been attracting attention since construction started and now we know what exactly is going on in that building.  Thanks to KDBC, who simply asked the owner what was going on, we now know that the dome is being built as a showroom for foam roofing company Foam Applications LLC.  The company is owned by Francisco Molinar and he has apparently been working on this business with his family for quite some time.  Although foam roofing doesn’t sound very sexy, the building looks like it’s going to be a fresh an eye-catching architectural experience.  And if all else fails, the family can just lease the building which will inevitably become a strip club called “One Giant Boob Club”.  (


AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NUCLEAR WAR.  IF THE IDIOT TODDLER IN THE WHITE HOUSE MUST START A WAR, IT’S BETTER IF IT’S JUST A TRADE WAR – In one of his most ignorant moves yet, Donald Trump has committed to steel and aluminum tariffs because he thinks the rest of the world will just let him do whatever he wants without retaliation and because “trade wars are easy to win”.  He’s doing this to kiss ass in the Rust Belt for upcoming elections, but doesn’t understand the basics of economics and can’t see how this will fuck over the rest of the country when the price of all other goods start to rise as a result of other countries and their inevitable retaliatory tariffs.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (

PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS ON THE VERGE OF DECLARING HIMSELF DE FACTO DICTATOR FOR LIFE.  BUT DID YOU KNOW HE HAS ALSO BANNED WINNIE THE POOH IN CHINA?  THE MONSTER! – China has a weirdo communist/capitalist system in place that once made a big deal of limiting term limits because of Chairman Mao and the horrible shit parade that his decades in power ultimately created.  But now the weirdo communist/capitalist system will bend the rules it created because President Xi Jinping wants to be president for life and the country is stable enough that no one in power really cares if he stays or not.  In the run up to this historical change to the government rules, the Chinese government has been cracking down on phrases like “election term” and “emperor for life” from internet posts but also erasing pictures of Winnie the Pooh from the internet.  Why is Winnie the Pooh a resistance figure in China?  Well, it turns out that President Xi Jinping has a striking resemblance to the lovable, portly bear and the Chinese people use Winnie the Pooh as a replacement figure when they indirectly want to criticize their president.  Do yourself a favor and look for Xi Jinping/Winnie the Pooh comparison pictures on the internet.  You won’t be disappointed.  All hail Chinese Emperor Winnie the Pooh!  (

IT IS ACADEMY AWARDS TIME!  WILL THE SEQUEL / REMAKE / RE-IMAGINING / HOMAGE TO THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON WIN BEST PICTURE?  YOU’LL HAVE TO WATCH THE CEREMONY ON SUNDAY TO FIND OUT – The Oscars will be taking place in Hollywood this Sunday and that can only mean one thing ……. THE SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT TOURNAMENT OF FILM IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  So once the New York / Los Angeles Film Awards take place this Sunday, the movie prize that really matters can finally be decided.  Onward to the 2018 Simple Minded Tournament of Film!  (