SIMPLE MINDED PRIMETIME TV VIEWING GUIDE 2018 – Thursday

1 – The Good Place

Simple Minded Summary

An amazingly underrated show that is consistently funny while switching up the plot practically every season (or less).  The show is unpredictable and it is amazing to see how far the show has gone from the first episode.  The cast, writers and staff are top notch and it seems like they have many more stories to tell.  If only more people would watch this great show, it truly is underrated.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Kristen Bell – Let-It-Go Sexiness

2) William Jackson Harper – Surprisingly-Buff-When-Shirtless-Philosophy-Professor Sexiness

3) D’Arcy Carden – Not-A-Robot Sexiness

2- Legacies

Simple Minded Summary

It’s literally what happens when The Vampire Diaries and The Originals have a baby.  So get ready for younger vampires, younger witches and younger werewolves all loaded up with hormones.  And even with these elements, Legacies is still more realistic and less preposterous than fantastically over-the-top Riverdale.  God, I really hope they have a Riverdale/Legacies crossover in the future.  MAKE THIS CROSSOVER HAPPEN NOW!

Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Danielle Rose Russell – Werempire Sexiness

2) Jenny Boyd – Sexy Sexiness

3) Matthew Davis – We-Needed-Someone-From-The-Other-Shows-To-Come-Out-In-This-One Sexiness

3 – Superstore

Simple Minded Summary

Turning the lives of lowly Not-Wal-Mart workers struggling to get by into comedic gold!  Don’t worry, it’s a lot sweeter and heart-warming than it sounds.  Come for the working class comedy, stay for Nichole Bloom.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Nichole Bloom –Ditzy Sexiness

2) Ben Feldman – Not-Scott-Baio-But-Sort-Of-Looks-Like-His-Son Sexiness

3) America Ferrera – Betty-La-Fea-Flashback Sexiness

SIMPLE MINDED PRIMETIME TV VIEWING GUIDE 2018 – Wednesday

1 – Riverdale

Simple Minded Summary

I have no idea why I watch Riverdale.  One day I’m watching the premiere and in the blink of an eye I find myself starting season 3 with no idea how I got there.  Every episode features random murders, absurd plot twists, shameless excuses for Archie to take off his shirt, poor parenting and 30 year old guys dressed up like boy scouts.  I have no idea why I keep watching ……. ah yes, cute redhead Madelaine Petsch is on this show.  Carry on, Riverdale.  Carry on.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Madelaine Petsch – Crazy-Redhead Sexiness

2) K.J. Apa – Excuse-Me-I-Seem-To-Have-Accidentally-Lost-My-Shirt Sexiness

3) Lili Reinhart and Camila Mendes – You-Can’t-Have-Betty-Without-Veronica Sexiness

2 – The Goldbergs

Simple Minded Summary

Even though the show is going through its “child characters are now adults and still at home” phase and even with more over-the-top plots, The Goldbergs is still one of the best sitcoms on TV.  I assume one day all the children will eventually move out and they can explore that dynamic; or they can just make all the characters unemployed dropouts and have them living at home.  Whatever path they choose, hijinks will ensue.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Wendi McLendon-Covey – Eternal-MILF Sexiness

2) Hayley Orrantia – Unemployed-Dropout Sexiness

3) Sean Marquette and Alex Jennings – Bad-Influence Sexiness

3 – Single Parents

Simple Minded Summary

In the tradition of Modern Family, the show intersects the lives of multiple family units as they tackle the mysteries of life.  The unifying theme of the show is that all the family units involve ‘single parents’, thus the title of the show.  I assume all their spouses died in horrible accidents, thus making the show a little less upbeat than Modern Family.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Leighton Meester – Single-Mom Sexiness

2) Jackie Seiden/Hannah Simone – Random-Character Sexiness

3) Brad Garrett –Everybody-Loves-Brad Sexiness

SIMPLE MINDED PRIMETIME TV VIEWING GUIDE 2018 – Tuesday

1 – The Gifted

Simple Minded Summary

Attractive mutants fight attractive humans and other attractive mutants in an attempt to create the most attractive mutant homeland imaginable.  Seriously, all the characters are attractive – not an ugly person in sight.  Thanks to its combination of sexiness and violence, this is one of the best shows on TV.  Did I mention that the amazing Skyler Samuels plays, not one, but THREE Stepford Cuckoos on this show?  That’s pretty much all you need to know.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Skyler Samuels – Triple-Cute-Girl Sexiness (I was just going to put up three pictures of Skyler Samuels and call it a day, but we take our analysis seriously.)

2) All The Women On The Gifted – Hot-Mutant Sexiness

3) All The Guys On The Gifted – Macho-Mutant Sexiness

2 – The Flash

Simple Minded Summary

Although Flash always preaches about respecting the timeline and the dangers of time travel, The Flash doesn’t really give a damn about the timeline and practically goes back in time every episode.  In fact, Flash probably should just call himself The Time Traveler seeing as to how he mainly uses his super speed to dick around with time.  And this season Nora, his grown-up daughter from the future, is in the current timeline because no one really cares about the timeline at all.  But heaven forbid anyone else tries to alter the past.  Only Flash can mess around with time.  Overall, The Flash is the third best superhero show out there – it needs a little more Legends and/or Skyler Samuels to move up a notch.

Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Danielle Panabaker – Sky-High Sexiness

2) Grant Gustin – Damn-The-Timeline Sexiness

3) Jessica Parker Kennedy – Black-Sails-Had-A-Lot-Of-Great-Rewind-Worthy-Scenes Sexiness

3 – Black Lightning

Simple Minded Summary

Black Lightning’s nemesis on the show is named Tobias Whale, and he’s an albino, and he has a mini-harpoon gun.  All we need is a crazy sailor character and the Moby Dick reference circle is complete.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Cress Williams – Electric-Zap Sexiness

2) Nafessa Williams – Thunder-Clap Sexiness

3) James Remar – Warriors Sexiness

SIMPLE MINDED PRIMETIME TV VIEWING GUIDE 2018 – Monday

1 – Legends Of Tomorrow

Simple Minded Summary

Most TV shows suck the humor out of everything and purposely try to be “dark and edgy” in order to appear “smart and relevant”.  Legends of Tomorrow does none of this and shamelessly embraces snarky humor and over the top action.  As a result, the show is one of the best on TV and constantly delivers great entertainment while sacrificing none of the emotional impact.  It’s a shame more people don’t watch this show.  Check it out, people!  EXPERT HINT:  the show becomes excellent during the second season, so don’t give up on it if you are just starting with season one.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Caity Lotz – Tight-White-Uniform-Ass-Kicking Sexiness

2) Matt Ryan –Sting-Dabbling-In-Dark-Arts Sexiness

3) Beebo – Cuddly-Blue Sexiness

2 – Arrow

Simple Minded Summary

The story of a vigilante who uses a bow and arrow to ……. Is Stephen Amell taking off his shirt!?!?  What?  Oh, I’ve lost my train of thought.  So yeah, Stephen Amell fights crime by shooting arrows and taking off his shirt.  In any given episode he takes off his shirt more times than he shoots an arrow.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Stephen Amell – Shirtless-Archery Sexiness

2) Juliana Harkavy–Multiple-Canary Sexiness

3) Colton Haynes – Baby-Arrow Sexiness

3 – 9-1-1

Simple Minded Summary

Like most Ryan Murphy associated productions, 9-1-1 is an absurdist romp that is immensely entertaining.  Most of the situations on the show involve preposterous, over-the-top emergencies and various public servants coming together to save the day in a calm and creative way.  If the final season and series finale doesn’t involve an alien invasion and the various 9-1-1 related issues caused by such an outlandish situation, I will be deeply disappointed.


Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Jennifer Love Hewitt – I’ve-Had-A-Crush-On-Her-Since-I-Was-A-Kid Sexiness

2) Peter Krause – Conflicted-Fireman Sexiness

3) Fire Truck – Saving-Lives-And-Driving-Fast Sexiness

SIMPLE MINDED PRIMETIME TV VIEWING GUIDE 2018 – Weekend

1 – BOB’S BURGERS

Simple Minded Summary

Do you like hamburgers?  It’s a cartoon about a guy who makes hamburgers with his family and so much more.  So if you like hamburgers and more things, then this is the show for you.

Reasons To Watch

1) It’s been happening gradually, but Bob’s Burgers is officially the best show on Sunday nights and one of the best TV shows currently airing in any format.  Though Bob’s Burgers is the new kid on the block compared to The Simpsons and Family Guy (which have been on for a combined 100,000 years on television!), it has actually been on for close to a decade but it still feels like it’s only a few seasons old.  That just goes to show you how fresh and lean (Ha ha, ground beef joke – zing!) the writing and production of this show has been over the years. 

2) H. Jon Benjamin simply kicks ass.  His super sexy voice should be reason alone to tune in every Sunday night.  And the rest of the voice cast – including Kristen Schaal, John Roberts, Dan Mintz, Eugene Mirman – and everyone else on the show also do a pretty damn good job of bringing life to the characters.  What can I say, everyone involved on the show kicks ass.  Good job, everyone on Bob’s Burgers.

3) Bob Belcher –Mustachioed-Meat-Bringer Sexiness

2 – THE SIMPSONS

Simple Minded Summary

A simple cartoon sitcom that has evolved into its own complex universe, complete with thousands of characters and locations.  One day The Simpsons mythology will gain a life of its own and become the basis of a new religion when society collapses and all that is left of our civilization is random copies of The Simpsons on DVD.

Reasons To Watch

1) Even after close to a millennia on TV, it’s still good for a good chuckle and that’s all we ask of it.  It’s been said before, but each episode gives you at least one or two good laughs and each season gives you one or two great episodes.  Which is more than some BRAND NEW comedies can produce in today’s bloated streaming/cable market.

2) For some reason, people decided last year that Apu was offensive even though he’s been on the air for decades and he’s always been portrayed as intelligent and hard working.  I guess people are more whiny nowadays and will bitch and complain about everything.  But as long as they don’t complain about Bumblee Man and Pepito, The Biggest Cat In The Whole Wide World, I’ll be happy.  I will definitely kick someone’s ass if they dare besmirch the name of our most beloved Mexican American icons.  If anything they should replace Apu with Bumblebee Man, Pepito or Senor Ding Dong.  The Mexican community have more important things to do than bitch and complain about a fucking cartoon character and would appreciate a successful small business owner representing them on TV.

3) Pepito, The Biggest Cat In The Whole Wide World – Awesome-Mexican-Stereotype Sexiness

3 – SUPERGIRL

Simple Minded Summary

Some people think that Supergirl is too political and don’t want to watch it for that reason.  Some people are morons that complain about everything.  Supergirl kicks ass while wearing a sexy, yet modest, skirt.  I like Supergirl.

Reasons To Watch (Pretty much  just pictures of the first thing that pops up on Google image search when you type in ‘sexy’)

1) Melissa Benoist – Strong-Female-Role-Model Sexiness

2) Katie McGrath – Villain-But-Not-Yet-A-Villain Sexiness

3) Mehcad Brooks – Wasn’t-Jimmy-Olsen-A-Nerd? Sexiness

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION – 11/02/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TONS OF PEOPLE ARE VOTING IN EL PASO, BUT WE NEED EVEN MORE TO KICK THE FASCISTS OUT OF OFFICE – Early voting numbers are breaking records in El Paso and throughout the state, but we need even more people to vote to kick the fascists out of office. Over 120,000 people have voted so far in El Paso and here’s hoping that even more people turn up on election day. So please vote on Tuesday to ensure that corrupt, boot-licking morons are kicked out of office. Vote for Beto O’Rourke and every other candidate that isn’t a fascist or a coward – America is counting on you. Everybody is voting, El Paso, don’t be left out! (kvia.com)

HELLO, COLDNESS. THE WEATHER OUTSIDE CAN FINALLY MATCH THE COLD, DARK RECESSES OF MY DEPRESSED HEART. YAYYYYYYY! EMO POWERS ACTIVATE! – Fall is progressing and Winter is slowly approaching and the cold weather is finally returning to the Greater Mogollon region. Temperatures have dropped throughout the area and this week has seen the first freezes and even snow in some parts of our neck of the woods. So while the temperature will fluctuate between super hot and super cold in El Paso, as is the case every Fall and Winter, you can start enjoying Winter early by going out to Ski Apache – they’ve already had snow! (cbs4local.com)

HOORAY! SAN ELIZARIO IS GETTING A (SORT OF) NEW LIBRARY. MEANWHILE IN SOCORRO, CITY COUNCIL DECIDED TO BLOW UP A LIBRARY. BECAUSE SOCORRO DON’T BELIEVE IN THAT FANCY BOOK LEARNING – In positive news, San Elizario High School has announced that their library will be now be open to the public. Access to books and computers is very important for the advancement of a community and it’s good to see San Elizario ISD step up and help the people in this way. Library access is very scarce in the mission area and this really gives everyone hope that things are looking up in the area. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

MASS MURDER IS BECOMING SO COMMON IN AMERICA THAT PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO TREAT IT AS A DAILY NEWS STORY WITH NO MEANINGFUL IMPACT BEYOND A FEW DAYS. THAT’S JUST SAD – This is a story that is becoming all too familiar, a crazy moron with easy access to guns kills multiple civilians because of hate-filled beliefs. Last Saturday; a fat-ass, redneck piece of trash walked into a Synagogue in Pittsburgh and shot and killed 11 innocent people just because the conspiracy theories that he was a big fan of told him that “Jews are bad” and “immigrants are invading America”. That actually was the thing that set him off and that he mentioned in his last social media post – his belief that a specific Jewish organization was helping out refugees and bringing them into America for an invasion. Gee, where could such a feeble-minded idiot get the idea that “refugees were invading America”. It’s almost as if there is an ignorant fat ass in power that is stoking fear and hatred in America in order to get votes for his party in the upcoming election. Fuck this terrorist, racist piece of trash and all his enablers in power that use fear and hatred to divide people. 11 innocent people are dead because of the hate-filled rhetoric that is the new normal for the Republican Party and no one seems to want to call them out on it. (reuters.com)

IN FUNGUS WE TRUST – In the realm of biomaterial engineering, mycelium is gaining a reputation for being a truly super material. Mycelium is the very strong “root” structure of fungus that makes up most of its mass and is usually found beneath the surface. By controlling growth and allowing the mycelium to fill out molds, this super material can be used to make everything from boots to building materials and can one day even become the basis of “space construction” all over the solar system. Due to its light weight, low cost and ease of transport; fungus spores can be cheaply sent virtually anywhere. The BBC has a great article on the biomaterial applications of mycelium and how it can one day shape our future construction needs. Check it out if you want to learn more about the fascinating world of fungus, they aren’t just pizza toppings anymore. (bbc.com)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE VOTE! – We’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating, PLEASE VOTE! If you didn’t do early voting, just show up on Tuesday and do your duty as a citizen of this country. In addition to Beto O’Rourke for Senate; other local, state and national races will be determined and we need your help to vote for non-fascists and decent human beings to rule this country. So to summarize, vote for Beto O’Rourke and every Democrat on the ballot. The Republicans have shown themselves to be nothing more than Donald Trump bootlickers who are one step short of becoming fascist foot soldiers. And if the Republican snowflakes don’t like the criticism, they can all go fuck themselves. Vote these fuckers out! This is no joke. (fivethirtyeight.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/26/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ON PAPER, TRADING 44 ACRES FOR OVER 2,000 ACRES OF LAND IS A GREAT DEAL.  BUT GIVING AWAY 44 ACRES OF PRIME WESTSIDE REAL ESTATE FOR LAND IN THE UNDEVELOPED HINTERLANDS OF FAR NORTHEAST EL PASO IS STILL A GAMBLE.  BUT WE’RE GETTING A GIANT INDOOR WATER PARK, SO WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER GUY! – After what seems like decades of begging, the City of El Paso has finally managed to snare Great Wolf Lodge into setting up an operation in El Paso.  Although the deal is not yet finalized; with the vast amount of tax breaks and land swaps involved, it should be approved.  In return for his prime real estate on the Westside where Great Wolf will set up, Paul Foster will get thousands of acres in Far Northeast El Paso that have been awaiting development for years.  If the Northeast land gets developed property and generates taxes soon, this will be a win-win for everyone.  It’s still possible that Great Wolf Lodge goes back on the deal but, with the decade plus of tax breaks being offered, it makes great financial sense for them to set up shop in El Paso and build a world-class resort in the area.  Let’s see how this all shakes out when City Council votes on the plan on Tuesday.  (elpasotimes.com)

WE’RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO MAX GROSSMAN FINALLY SHUTTING THE FUCK UP – The City of El Paso has recently won more legal battles in its quest to build an arena in the former whore house area of Union Plaza and Max Grossman is down to his final appeals that he hopes to use to keep his name in the papers just a little longer.  The City of El Paso no longer has to give advance warning to tear down buildings in the arena footprint area and hopefully they can start the construction process as soon as possible just so this can all be done and over with.  Though Max Grossman has agreed to these terms, he still has a few more pointless appeals and legal cases that he will try to use via his billionaire buddies in east texas.  So although we aren’t at the end of this legal clusterfuck, it looks like we’re close to the end when Max Grossman just shuts the fuck up and lets the entire city move forward.  At this point no one else in the city really cares and it’s only one foreign out-of-towner who wants to see El Paso get left behind.  Meanwhile in Chihuahuita, the federal government is actually destroying a historical neighborhood with their stupid wall and Max Grossman and friends are eerily quiet.  I guess actual history takes a back seat when it comes to kissing Donald Trump’s ass and letting them do whatever the hell they want.  (cbs4local.com)

IF 3D PRINTING WERE A SPORT, UTEP WOULD BE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS! – While UTEP athletics have not been too competitive lately, at least we’re kicking ass in 3D printing and high tech research!  UTEP’s EM Lab team led by Raymond C. Rumpf has been developing new and exciting technology for years and their latest creation looks to be one of their most important.  It turns out that researchers at the UTEP lab have created the first true three-dimensional volumetric circuit using a 3D printer.  If this line of research is successful it can revolutionize the manufacturing of microchips and benefit electronics manufacturers of all types.  Good show, UTEP.  Does anyone know if Dr. Rumpf can coach any sports?  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WELL, IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED.  CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF AND BASIC ECONOMIC THEORY, STUPID TARIFFS AND OVERVALUED COMPANIES DO NOT LEAD TO A STRONG ECONOMY – Stocks are down worldwide and economies all over the world are going into the shitter.  Though it’s not an official “crash”, Friday was a pretty bad day for stock markets around the world and there is no real positive news to keep the charade going.  But I’m sure we can expect a dead cat bounce and shameless attempts to prop up dead companies in order to get as much cash as possible from the markets.  The Christmas season is going to have to put up some phenomenal numbers to keep all the markets from going into super Yogi the Bear territory.  (bbc.com)

SURPRISE, SURPRISE.  THE IDIOT WHO SENT BOMBS TO VARIOUS DEMOCRATIC PARTY LEADERS IS A TRUMP FANATIC.  A REALLY, REALLY BIG TRUMP FANATIC – Predictably, the person responsible for sending all those mail bombs this week was an idiot from Florida that was obsessed with Donald Trump and his hate-filled rhetoric.  The idiot in question is Cesar Sayoc and there is no doubt that this guy was influenced by Donald Trump and has been obsessing over him for years.  His entire fucking van was covered with pro-Trump stickers for crying out loud ……. literally the entire van was covered by stupid pro-Trump meme stickers.  Luckily, or predictably, the bomber was a moron and none of the bombs went off.  But even though the idiot looks like he was the president of the Florida branch of the Donald Trump fan club, conservatives will just brush this off and ignore the fact that the FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES practically influenced an insane person to go on a bombing spree.  But sure, let’s just continue to ignore Donald Trump’s violent rhetoric and just lie and say that “both sides do it” and use that as a catchall excuse for his idiocy.  (reuters.com)

DIONE, SATURN’S MOON, APPEARS TO BE COVERED BY MYSTERIOUS STRIPES.  IT MIGHT BE ALIENS, BUT IT’S PROBABLY NOT – Researchers from the Planetary Science Institute and the Smithsonian are currently studying what caused the mysterious stripes found on the Saturnian Orb, Dione.  So far, scientists have found that the mostly linear lines are most likely caused by materials falling from the heavens and not from surface activity.  Because there is no concrete explanation so far, we are obligated by internet law to claim that the lines on Dione were caused by aliens in order to increase traffic to this article.  So if anyone asks, the mystery lines on Dione might have been caused by aliens.  Though they were probably not caused by aliens.  For more information on these mysterious moon features without our expert alien speculation, you can find the full report in the journal Geophysical Research Letters.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/19/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

MAYBE WE SHOULD LET THE EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM RUN ALL THE QUALITY OF LIFE BOND PROJECTS.  THEY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONES MAKING RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT DECISIONS – The El Paso Children’s Museum Committee has announced that they have chosen Snohetta as the architectural firm that will be designing the museum.  Snohetta had the best presentation in the design contest and the project they have planned for the museum should be world class.  Once more, the El Paso Community Foundation and the Children’s Museum have done excellent work and are one of the few organizations in the city that can competently do public/private partnerships in El Paso.  The $60 million project has everyone excited and there should be no problem raising the private capital that will push this project to the next level.  Maybe we should get these guys to also manage the cultural center and arena projects.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

A MAJOR INFRASTRUCTURE PROJECT IN THE LOWER VALLEY?!?  WHAT SORT OF SORCERY IS THIS?  EVERYONE KNOWS THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT CONSIDERS THIS AREA AN IMAGINARY PLACE LIKE ATLANTIS AND CAMELOT – After years of traffic issues near the international bridge on Zaragoza, the City of El Paso and Camino Real Regional Mobility Authority will address these problems with major projects in the area.  The main solution for this traffic problem will be the extension of Winn Road and its conversion to a 4-lane road to connect to an updated entrance area at the bridge.  In addition, changes will be made to the ramps on Loop 375 in the area to create a more efficient flow of traffic.  Hopefully this will further separate the commercial traffic from the normal traffic that goes in and out of the bridge and create a much safer and free flowing traffic environment.  It’s good to see the Lower Valley be acknowledged by the government.  Who knew it was a real place?  (cbs4local.com)

EVERYONE DESERVES A JOB AND A PLACE TO CALL HOME – Although homelessness isn’t as big of a problem here as in other parts of the world, it is still a problem facing El Paso.  The El Paso Herald Post has an excellent write up on the local homeless issue presented via a profile on a homeless person befriended by the writer.  Like most tales of homelessness, the story of Chuck and his dog is filled with tragedy and sadness.  But his story does put things in perspective and gives a human face to this ever growing issue that needs society’s full attention.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

NOW BOB AND DOUG MCKENZIE CAN GET DRUNK AND HIGH!  GOOD SHOW, CANADA! – It’s official, Marijuana is now legal in Canada.  The country now joins Uruguay as one of the few countries where weed is legal on a national level.  The move will generate tons of extra revenue for the government in addition to denting the power of drug dealers and minimizing the unnecessary amount of individuals being placed in prison for bullshit “crimes”.  Canada is taking a brave stance in the face of the disastrous “war on drugs” that has engulfed the world over the past few decades and is showing that advanced countries can control drug use in other non-authoritarian ways.  Meanwhile, south of the border in America, fascists are in control of the government, rapists are being placed on the Supreme court and the war on drugs continues to waste trillions of dollars while accomplishing jack shit.  Advantage:  Canada.  (reuters.com)

IF YOU CAN’T TRUST THE COUNTRY THAT PROVIDED THE MOST 9/11 HIJACKERS THEN SWEPT THE INFORMATION UNDER THE RUG, THEN WHO CAN YOU TRUST? – After weeks of lies and denials, the Saudi Arabian government has finally admitted that Jamal Khashoggi DID die in the consulate and did not leave happy and alive as previously stated.  But it was totally an accident, guys – they promise!  No one is really buying their current story about a fight that ended in accidental death, but more cover-ups will be on the way until they make up a suitable story that is accepted by the world and that throws everyone under the bus except Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.  For its part, the American government led by Donald Trump is just nodding like morons accepting everything that the Saudi government says because they care more about money than anything else.  Donald Trump is completely against “terrorist” nations like Iran and Qatar, unless those nations kiss his ass and offer “business opportunities that are not really business opportunities (wink wink)” like Saudi Arabia.  They’re only ‘terrorists” if they don’t give Donald Trump a nice piece of the action.  Maybe Yemen should have let Donald Trump build a shitty ass hotel.  (bbc.com)

AND THAT’S WHY WE HAVE RULES, LAWS AND EVENT PERMITS.  PERMITS ARE A BURDEN BUT COMPLETELY NECESSARY – Tragedy struck near the northern Indian city of Amritsar this week when a train slammed into a crowd of people watching a Dusshera fireworks display while gathering on top of live rail tracks.  Over 60 people are dead and hundreds are hurt in this accident that could have easily been prevented with competent planning and reasonable rules, regulations and permits.  The videos emerging from the scene are chilling and it’s remarkable that more people are not hurt after this horrible accident.  Although many people will end up being blamed for this disaster, the person who organized this event right next to live rail lines and the government officials who approved such a stupid idea are the ones who will get the brunt of the people’s wrath.  Permits are not just there to annoy people, they are there to prevent stupid ideas from becoming terrifying disasters.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/12/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF THIS IS HOW THE EL PASO POLICE DEPARTMENT ACTS WHEN DEALING WITH A SUICIDAL OLD MAN, IMAGINE WHAT THEY’LL DO WHEN FACED WITH A REAL EMERGENCY – The El Paso Police Department shut down local businesses around the Pebble Hills Command Center and forced employees and customers to stay inside for hours after an elderly man named Richard Palafox was shot by 3 officers because he allegedly threatened them with a weapon.  Naturally the police department did this overkill shut down for safety reasons and not to stack up easy overtime for their officers.  Lord knows the El Paso Police Department has never had shameless overtime scandals and only does overkill scenarios like this for safety reasons.  If this is how they act with an old man with a gun, if there’s ever a mass shooting event in the city they’ll probably shut down the entire town and force people to stay indoors for a week.  (cbs4local.com)

TWO LIONS AND A TIGER WERE FOUND IN A RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY IN JUAREZ AFTER THEIR OWNER SHOWED UP TO THE HOSPITAL WITH LARGE FELINE-RELATED INJURIES.  OF COURSE, DRUGS AND DRUG DEALING ARE NOT PART OF THIS CASE – The authorities in Juarez have moved two lions and a tiger to a rescue facility after they were taken from their owner who did not have the proper paperwork.  This being Juarez, apparently there is such a thing as a permit to own lions and tigers  So far the owner’s only punishment has been to be mauled by a large feline and having the cats removed from his property.  The authorities could possibly investigate how a regular person had enough money to purchase 3 large predatory cats, but they probably won’t.  Obviously drug dealing was not involved in this case and the authorities will just count this as a win after placing the cats in a shelter.  (cbs4local.com)

MAYBE THE MOUNTAIN LION JUST WANTED TO CHECK OUT THE NEW EXHIBITS AT THE EL PASO ZOO – The El Paso Zoo was on lock down on Friday after security at the zoo allegedly saw a mountain lion around the property.  No “mountain lion” has actually been caught, so this might just be a false alarm and the security guards may have just seen a really large cat.  It’s very easy to confuse Garfield with a mountain lion or any other medium size wildcat.  The mountain lion is believed to come from the Franklin Mountains, but they had some random idiot on the local news say the mountain lion came from Juarez – which is a theory so stupid that we won’t even bother discussing it.  But people in the area shouldn’t worry too much about this, if it were a true “mountain lion emergency” EPPD would have shut down the freeway and all the businesses in a 5 mile radius to make sure everyone was “safe” and not because of sweet, sweet overtime pay.  Then they would shoot a random house cat because it was being “suspicious” and label it “case closed”.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

YOU’D THINK A COUNTRY PLANNING TO SECRETLY MURDER SOMEONE WOULD MAKE AN EFFORT TO AT LEAST TRY TO KEEP IT SECRETISH – Jamal Khashoggi disappeared in Turkey more than a week ago and all evidence points to at least some involvement by Saudi Arabia.  There is video of Khashoggi entering the Saudi Arabia consulate in Turkey, but no evidence that he actually left.  So either he was murdered in there or he magically disappeared.  Turkey is claiming to have audio and video of the murder and Saudi Arabia is responding by covering their ears and yelling “Fake News”.  Even if Saudi Arabia did murder the government critic, nothing will really happen and the rest of the world will just wag their finger and act outraged (like when the Russian government murders people and blows up passenger planes and no one seems to do anything).  At most, Donald Trump will send out an angry tweet filled with empty threats and then nothing will happen.  (bbc.com)

WHO KNEW THAT HIRING IDIOTS TO RUN A COMPANY WOULD LEAD TO SUCH HORRIBLE RESULTS.  REST IN PEACE, SEARS – By Sunday we will know if Sears will shut down completely or will live on for at least a few more months.  It’s no surprise that Sears is in horrible condition.  They’ve been selling off assets and engaging in stupid business practices for more than a decade.  At the moment, Sears’ stock is in the toilet and the company doesn’t have the money to keep all of its stores open.  The company is pinning their hopes on a bankruptcy plan that will keep about half of their 700 stores open, but it’s too early to tell if this will be enough to permanently save the company.  So while not completely dead, this past week’s stock market drop has at least put Sears in a coma.  (reuters.com)

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  LET’S ALL GO EAT SPOOKY TREATS AT BURGER KING! – Japan has really embraced Halloween in the past decade and one of the most unique things that they have is that almost every store and restaurant has special Halloween items on the menu.  Burger King is one of the companies embracing this trend in America and this year they have brought the Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry drink to their stores.  In the past they have also served whoppers on black buns, so Burger King has been on the cutting edge of American Halloween treats.  Here’s hoping more American businesses embrace this trend and start giving us more spooky treats for October.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/05/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO’S PROFESSIONAL FUTBALL TEAM FINALLY HAS A NAME AND …….. IT’S A PRETTY FUCKING COOL NAME.  MOUNTAINSTAR COULD HAVE REALLY SCREWED THIS UP, BUT THEY CAME THROUGH.  I’M IMPRESSED – MountainStar Sports Group officially announced the name of their new soccer club to much fanfare this week and also gave everyone a first peak at the logo and color scheme for the team.  Welcome the El Paso Locomotive FC to your sports loving hearts!  The name, logo and colors are surprisingly good and the presentation went pretty well.  Overall, most people are really excited about the team and they might pack more people into the Chihuahua’s City Hall Field per game than the actual official tenants.  And if the team proves to be successful, we can see a large stadium project in their future if they can guarantee a shot at being promoted into the MLS.  I would have preferred if the team were named FC Lokomotiv El Paso for traditionalist reasons, but all in all the name and team has great potential.  CHOO CHOO!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 HOORAY!  THEY HAVE FINISHED THE CONNECTIONS ON US-85 IN THE VICINITY OF PAISANO AND SUNLAND PARK.  TRAFFIC IS STILL A DISASTER IN THAT AREA, BUT AT LEAST IT’S NO LONGER AN APOCALYPTIC CLUSTERFUCK – In a pleasant surprise, txdot has announced the completion of bridge roads on US-85 from Paisano to Sunland Park.  This should help alleviate some of the traffic on I-10 in that area and also takes us one step closer to the super loop that will one day wrap around all of El Paso.  So next time you find yourself in the traffic clusterfuck known as I-10 on the Westside, just use Paisano instead.  (cbs4local.com)

SHEEP AND GOATS AND COWS, OH MY!  – NMSU will be holding its annual Ag Day Degree training program later this month and this time they will also have a special sheep and goat symposium devoted to everything you wanted to know about sheep and goats, but were afraid to ask.  The event will start on Thursday, October 18 and continue through the weekend.  The combined fee for both events is only $50 and is a great way to get a taste of NMSU’s world class agriculture programs.  So if you were ever curious about farming and related topics, this is your chance to learn from professionals!  It’s good to see the sheepies finally get their day in the sun.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S VERY HARD TO ELECT A DICTATOR INTO A DEMOCRATIC OFFICE, BRAZIL LOOKS TO ACCOMPLISH THIS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE FEAT THIS WEEKEND – The Brazilian presidential election is this Sunday and right wing, wannabe dictator Jair Bolsonaro is the front runner.  Bolsonaro has literally said he is in favor of a dictatorship and has been skyrocketing up the polls by promising to fix Brazil’s crime and corruption problems by unchecked, extra judicial force and general vitriol.  So Brazil basically wants to stop a tire fire by pouring gasoline on top of it.  The election will probably go into a run-off where the idiot will face the more stable Fernando Haddad, but even then it looks like Bolsonaro has a good chance of winning.  Fascism looks to be on the rise and the world should be very careful when right wing idiots start coming to power in droves.  (reuters.com)

IN IMPORTANT NEWS THAT THE WORLD SHOULD PROBABLY BE PAYING ATTENTION TOO, CAMEROON IS CURRENTLY IN THE MIDST OF A BORDERLINE CIVIL WAR BETWEEN FRENCH AND ENGLISH SPEAKERS.  YOU’D THINK SOMETHING THAT CRAZY WOULD GET MORE PRESS COVERAGE – In Cameroon, separatists in the Northwest and Southwest English speaking parts of the Country are seeking independence from the French speaking government.  Although the government claims that things are under control, tensions are still high in the separatist regions and the revolutionaries are vowing to stop the presidential election vote in these areas.  The divisions in these regions run deeper than French vs. English, but this appears to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.  When you start creating boundaries and borders from hundreds of miles away with no actual thought given to the people that live there, you will always have problems.  This is the curse of the Frankenstein countries that cobble together as much land as possible simply for the greed of it.  coughcough  I’m looking in your direction, Russia and America.  (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO PLACING A SEXUAL PREDATOR IN THE SUPREME COURT, THE PEOPLE IN POWER ARE PLACING CHILDREN IN INTERNMENT CAMPS.  AMERICA IS TURNING INTO A BANANA REPUBLIC RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES – So now even more children are being placed in internment camps in Tornillo with no release in sight and they aren’t even being offered an education while in custody.  At this very moment, hypocrite and spineless Republicans in Washington are shrugging their shoulders and saying, “At least they haven’t built any gas chambers yet.”  This country is going into the fascist shitter faster than anyone thought possible.  (cbs4local.com)