Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/07/2018


LET’S ALL WELCOME CURACUBBY TO EL PASO – Another tech firm has decided to expand into ElPaso and it really is looking like there will be a tech scene in Downtown ElPaso.  The latest firm to enter the market is Curacubby, which to my extreme disappointment does not make computer software designed to match pediatricians with baby bears.  Curacubby is – in fact – a tech company that runs an online management system for schools and care providers that handles everything from enrollment to billing. The company is currently hiring and hopes to fill various positions with local talent.  So if you’ve ever wanted to work for a tech startup, now is your chance – and you don’t even have to move to Silicon Valley!  Kudos to the local city governments, the Borderplex Alliance and everyone else who is working behind the scenes to make deals like this happen.  (

ANOTHER ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR RON STALLWORTH. THIS IS BECOMING A COMMON OCCURRENCE – The accolades just keep on coming for BlacKKKlansman, the movie based on the book by local legend Ron Stallworth.  This week the film was nominated for multiple Golden Globes and with awards season upon us the accolades should just keep rolling in. Both the movie and book recount Ron Stallworth’s time in law enforcement in Colorado and the time he spent undercover as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.  Which was all the more dangerous and absurd because Ron Stallworth is black. Ron Stallworth is a great El Pasoan and it’s good to see his story get a much deserved international audience. It’s looking like we’ll be seeing BlacKKKlansman mentioned multiple times when Academy Award nominations are announced.  (

SO WHAT’S THE PUNISHMENT FOR GETTING DRUNK AND KILLING SOMEONE?  SIX MONTHS IN JAIL AND PROBATION.  EL PASO JURIES ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT GIVING OUT PUNISHMENTS – A verdict was reached this week in the case of Lorenzo Anchondo, who killed Xiaoyan Shi when he drunkenly went over the curb and hit a stop sign that landed on the victim’s head. An El Paso jury found him guilty of intoxication manslaughter for the offense but his “punishment” was a paltry 6 months in jail and probation.  To put that in perspective, if Lorenzo Anchondo would have had a box of kiddie porn in his car he would have gotten like 10 years in prison for that alone.  But KILLING someone only gets him a few months in jail.  Hell, even Billy Abraham got more time in PRISON and the person he killed was a drunk hobo who was crossing in the middle of the street away from the crosswalk in the dead of night. Anchondo must have been driving pretty fast to knock down a stop sign with such force that it killed someone, but I guess they only want to focus on the drinking and not the dangerous speed in a residential area.  El Paso juries are proof that common law and the 12-juror system might not be the best way to handle a legal system.  Bring on efficient European-style civil law!  (


THE DEATH CROSS IS COMING FOR YOU!  BEWARE!  BEWARE! – The financial markets have been tanking this week (who knew trade wars and piss poor management of the country could lead to volatility and horrible market conditions?) and experts predict that it’s probably going to get worse in the coming months.  The Death Cross occurs when “an index’s near-term moving average of daily closing prices falls below its long-term moving average as both averages are declining.”  And that very same phenomenon occurred on Friday like a majestic financial groundhog. This indicates that the index will fall more in the short term but any long term predictions are still up in the air. For my money, my favorite financial groundhog is the inverted yield curve and that one says we’re fucked. But fret not, as long as Americans keep making stupid purchases the markets will continue to fluctuate but remain in relatively stable territory.  If the end of year reports still show that people are buying TVs, iPhones, Netflix subscriptions, large trucks and other shit that they don’t need all will remain relatively stable.  If there is one national resource that America has in droves – it is stupidity.  And that is the real commodity that keeps the economy running.  (

TURNS OUT THE PLAGUE HAS BEEN A PAIN INHUMANITY’S ASS FOR FAR LONGER THAN ORIGINALLY THOUGHT – The 5,000 year old bones of a young woman found in Sweden have revealed the presence of plague according to DNA analysis.  The finding makes her the earliest known victim of the plague in humans and might explain the huge migrations and population shifts that are found throughout this time period.  The research by scientists Nicolas Rascovan and Simon Rasmussen published in the journal Cell reveals that the strain in the woman was the pneumonic plague which would have made it easier to spread from person to person in close quarters. If this spread like outbreaks that are found in Europe’s written historical record, it would have been cataclysmic to all the early civilizations around at that time and would have led to a significant paradigm shift in the history of the world.  It’s very interesting that this can be dated to the mysterious 3000 B.C. mark where many legendary figures are said to originate and where massive global change is believed to have occurred.  Plague is a bitch.  (

FRANCE IS RIOTING!  IN RELATED NEWS, THE SKY IS BLUE – More people and groups around France have been emboldened by the “yellow vest” protesters and their successful anti-fuel tax demonstrations.  The discontent in France is so great that French authorities expect more protests and possible riots this weekend and have closed important venues for the next few days.   The lack of leadership for this movement makes it difficult to gauge just what their endgame is, but as long as the rich get tax breaks and the poor get shafted people will continue to protest and fight back.  Though it should be noted that these are prim and proper protesters that only do it on the weekends and go back to work during the week.  They want to change France, not destroy it completely.  But yeah, Macron is sort of fucked.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/30/2018


ABOUT TIME THEY ALLOW INDUSTRIAL HEMP PRODUCTION IN NEW MEXICO.  YOU’D LITERALLY HAVE TO SMOKE POUNDS OF IT TO GET EVEN REMOTELY HIGH.  WHY IS IT EVEN ILLEGAL IN THE FIRST PLACE? – Amazingly, growing industrial hemp in New Mexico was not allowed and will finally start up as a legitimate industry in 2019.  New Mexico State University, the all-knowing beacon of all things agricultural, approved the regulations for hemp production on Thursday and the New Mexico Department of Agriculture will enforce the regulations starting in 2019.  Hemp promises to be a lucrative crop for New Mexico farmers and will also benefit the environment because it uses much, MUCH less water than some of the other crops being grown in the state.  And because society has to pander to the right wing nut jobs, all hemp that has more than .3 percent THC will be destroyed so that the “precious children” are not poisoned by the big bad marijuana drug.  (

THE RACETRACK IN VADO IS ALMOST COMPLETE!  HOORAY FOR VADO! – After years of planning and construction, Vado Speedway Park is looking like it will be ready for competition starting next spring.  The track will take over the majority of races that used to occur at Southern New Mexico Speedway and will look to expand with more races.  This is a great project for Vado and other small communities in the region should look at creating unique opportunities such as this to expand their economic output.  Good show, Vado.  Good show, Jones family.  (

RULE NUMBER ONE FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IS TO ALWAYS BLAME KIDNAPPERS WHEN YOU GO OUT DRINKING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND DON’T RETURN UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MORNING – Simple Minded Entertainment’s Hero of the Week award goes to Jorge Parra, who decided to cover up a night of drinking and drug use in Juarez by telling his wife that he was kidnapped and that his car was stolen.  He would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for his meddling wife and those meddling Scooby kids.  She was naturally worried that her family was in danger and went to the police who subsequently charged Jorge Parra with making a false report once the expertly planned scheme was unraveled by the authorities.  Remember, the key to a happy marriage is to create an elaborate lie when you do something wrong AND THEN tell your significant other not to go to the police because the cartels know where you live.  The last part is the key to protecting the lie and the relationship.  (


BUENOS AIRES WELCOMES THE G20 SUMMIT THIS WEEKEND AND, AS LONG AS NOTHING BLOWS UP, IT WILL BE CONSIDERED A GREAT SUCCESS – The G20 shindig will take place in Argentina this year and, as usual, we can expect more talking from world leaders and only the most minimal of action.  Hot button issues this year include climate change, Russia being a bully and all the disasters that Donald Trump has created through his stupidity.  Buenos Aires has decided to keep things classy this year as the major global event will occur less than a week after the Copa Libertadores final between River Plate and Boca Juniors – two teams from Buenos Aires – was canceled because fans of one team attacked the players of the other team before the game started.  Not to be outdone, a local TV station put up a picture of Apu from The Simpsons when Prime Minister Modi of India arrived in the country.  Keep it classy, Buenos Aires.  (

REST IN PEACE, GEORGE BUSH – Former President George H.W. Bush passed away tonight at the age of 94.  Although many people didn’t agree with his policies, President Bush was able to compromise and work with politicians of different backgrounds to get things done.  He served his country throughout his life, starting in the military and then moving through different areas of public service.  He was not perfect and there will be some debate on his legacy and on the impact of some of his policies, but he comported himself with respect to the job at hand throughout his career.  He also led indirectly to some of the best comedic skits in the history of Saturday Night Live and was a good sport about the constant satire during his term in office.  Rest in peace, President George Bush.  (

A LARGE EARTHQUAKE HAS STRUCK THE PACIFIC COAST OF CALIF ……. ALASKA.  OH YEAH, ALASKA GETS EARTHQUAKES TOO – A magnitude 7.0 earthquake struck near Anchorage, Alaska this week causing structural damage throughout the city but, luckily, no major loss of life.  Most people don’t associate Alaska with earthquakes, but it is on the Ring of Fire and was the location of the massive 9.2 magnitude Good Friday earthquake that occurred in 1964.  Who knew that the Syfy channel movie Ice Quake was a documentary?  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/23/2018


IT’S GOOD THAT THE COUNTY GOVERNMENT IS PLANNING TO SPEND MONEY ON ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT.  BUT THIS BEING EL PASO COUNTY, THEY MIGHT JUST SPEND THE $2 MILLION ON TRYING TO LURE ANOTHER WHATABURGER TO SOCORRO – El Paso County is looking at creating an economic development fund of $2.5 million dollars to attract businesses and jobs to the El Paso area.  The money will be used for infrastructure, land acquisition and other incentives to try and lure companies to El Paso that will hopefully create high paying jobs.  It’s nice to see the county government show some initiative and try to create business opportunities in the region.  As long as they don’t blow the entire fund on a stupid project this should be a great investment.  Though judging by some past El Paso County foibles, spending the entire fund on something stupid is, unfortunately, a possibility.  (

COME JOIN SOME OF PASO DEL NORTE’S BEST AUTHORS FOR A CHARITY Q&A FOR A GREAT CAUSE – The SOMOS fund was created by the El Paso Community Foundation to help out youth in Juarez that have been impacted by violence.  Next week they will be having a cool benefit that will feature a Q&A with important local authors, including Benjamin Alire Saenz, Ron Stallworth, Philip Connors, Andrew Selee and others.  You will have the opportunity to listen to these great authors for a minimum donation of just $25 or a donation of $100 which includes copies of the authors’ books.  A bunch of books for $100 and you get to meet the authors; that’s a bargain!  So mark your calendars for November 27 and head on out to the SOMOS fundraiser in Downtown.  (

IF ANYONE DESERVES A KICKSTARTER DONATION, IT’S THE MAN THAT CREATED WICKED LAKE.  LET’S ALL GIVE HIM MONEY AND THEN MAYBE HIS NEXT PROJECT WILL BE WICKED LAKE 2! – Zach Passero is best known for the movie Wicked Lake, the heart-warming story of hot naked witches from El Paso that go to Ruidoso to kill redneck sociopaths.  It’s a great slasher film that makes Cinemax late night movies proud and that deserves more attention as a cult classic.  Passero’s latest project is an animated feature called The Weird Kidz about teens that go out into the desert for a camping trip in a mysterious location.  I don’t believe this movie will have hot naked girls, but it still sounds pretty cool.  So go on The Weird Kidz kickstarter page and donate some money.  If not for this movie, do it for all the wonderful lesbian witch memories that Wicked Lake provided us.  (


ALTHOUGH YEMEN IS NOT YET IN FAMINE MODE, THE CIVIL WAR HAS ALREADY CREATED A HELLISH HUMANITARIAN CRISIS THAT HAS CLAIMED THE LIVES OF TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.  BUT AT LEAST SAUDI ARABIA GETS TO STOKE ITS EGO BY BEING A REGIONAL BULLY.  DONALD TRUMP MUST BE PROUD – New analysis by charities on the ground show that over 85,000 children may have died from starvation and health issues in the 3 years that the civil war has ravaged Yemen.  That number ONLY includes children under 5 and doesn’t even take into account all the people that have died because of the actual civil war and adults who have died because of the collapse of health care and society in general.  To make matters worse, Saudi Arabia has been using this whole conflict as an excuse to bully the region and is the main cause of all the major attacks in the area.  But maybe the international community led by America will step in and bring peace in the regi …….. never mind, Donald Trump isn’t done bending over for Saudi Arabia.  Even after the Saudi government brazenly murdered a journalist in a foreign country, Donald Trump went out of his way to write a letter of support for Saudi Arabia that practically apologized for the U.S. government’s investigation of the matter.  But he’s only doing this because he loves America and not because the Saudis pump money into his hotels and his businesses.  Meanwhile, thousands of children continue to die for a bullshit conflict.  (

JUST A REMINDER THAT THE EBOLA OUTBREAK IN THE CONGO IS STILL GOING STRONG.  THIS STORY GETS LOST IN THE SHUFFLE OF MAJOR NEWS STORIES AND IT’S SOMETHING THAT MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT – Dozens of new ebola cases are being confirmed daily in the Democratic Republic of Congo and the outbreak doesn’t have an end in sight.  Because the infections are popping up in the northeastern part of the country that is plagued by constant conflicts, medical staff are finding it hard to enter the area and contain the problem.  So even though the official number is over 350 infected individuals since the start of the outbreak in July, that number is probably higher and the potential for more infections is worse than what is being reported.  This is truly a horrible situation and the risk to neighboring countries and communities is very high.  Hopefully this story gets more attention from the international community before it’s too late.  (

THE NATIVES OF NORTH SENTINEL ISLAND DON’T LIKE OUTSIDERS.  SO IT’S A GOOD IDEA NOT TO MARK THAT PLACE DOWN ON YOUR TRENDY, INSTAGRAM, BUCKET LIST MUST SEE LIST – A young American adventurer/missionary was murdered on North Sentinel Island when he attempted to visit with the mysterious inhabitants of North Sentinel Island and talk to them about Jesus and/or take a selfie.  It is believed that the island has been inhabited for thousands of years by a single tribe with the most minimal of human interaction and with no knowledge of the outside world.  It should be noted that the reason this is considered one of the most “undisturbed places on Earth” is because it is far away from major shipping lanes and there is very little of value in the area.  Rest assured that if there was gold, diamonds and/or oil on that island; all these guys would already be dead and we wouldn’t be talking about “mysterious” islanders and whether or not the outside world should make contact with them.  It’s actually quite adorable to see videos and pictures of tribesmen walk to the beach completely naked with bows and arrows acting like badasses and “protecting” their island.  So adorably delusional.  If they only knew that they were part of a human zoo display protected by the government and that any random idiot with guns from Wal-Mart could wipe out their entire civilization in a matter of minutes.  Maybe Earth is like the North Sentinel Island of the Universe and some kind-hearted aliens are protecting us – without our knowledge – from meaner aliens that could wipe us out in the drop of a hat.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/16/2018


NEXT YEAR THEY SHOULD AIM FOR OVER $500,000 FOR EL PASO GIVING DAY.  EL PASO REALLY DOES CARE – El Paso Giving Day is a neat event started by the Paso Del Norte Foundation that gathers local charities together and encourages the community to donate online.  The charities are rewarded with bonus grants depending on their performance and the extra publicity really helps many organizations get more money.  This year the group surpassed their goal and over $300,000 was raised on over 2,000 donations.  Good show, everybody that donated.  (

LET’S LIGHT UP PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS IN STYLE – Winterfest is back and now it includes streetcars!  Sunday marks the start of Downtown El Paso’s Winterfest with the annual light parade and tree lighting ceremony at the Plaza De Los Lagartos.  In addition to the light display, the nearby Winterfest will include a skating rink, holiday displays, food, vendors and occasional crippling cold.  This year the streetcars are finally operational in downtown and they will be giving free rides on the weekends throughout the holiday season and the duration of Winterfest.  Let’s all go to Downtown El Paso to look at lights, ride trolleys and possibly get drunk at all the bars.  Hooray for El Paso-style Christmas!  (

ONCE MORE, THE MAJESTIC CREOSOTE AND DESERT LIZARD ARE OVERLOOKED – The Socorro Independent School District has just announced the name and mascot for the newest school and it will be called ……. Cactus Trails Elementary Diamondbacks.  Although it’s a decent name and mascot, there are tons of plants and animals in the Chihuahuan Desert that are more common than cacti and diamondbacks.  Our native creosote, mesquite, ocotillo, yucca, lizards, coyotes and even beavers are constantly overlooked and it would be nice if they got a little more love than the ever popular cactus.  There’s more to a desert than cacti, people!  (


WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT BREXIT WAS GOING TO BE SUCH A COMPLETE CLUSTERFUCK.  AH YES, EVERYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN – The UK is on the verge of coming up with a Brexit agreement with the European Union and they are pretty much in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.  The deal they have isn’t perfect but it’s the best the UK will be able to get after voting for such a stupid idea in the first place.  Prime Minister Theresa May will now have to fend off challengers within her own party who feel she is not very good at her job and try to get enough votes to pass this agreement in parliament.  Brexit, so far, has been a disaster but things can get much worse if this agreement fails in parliament and if Theresa May is replaced as Prime Minister.  Stay tuned.  (

AN ALL NATURAL PLANT THAT PROVIDES PAIN RELIEF WITH MINIMAL SIDE EFFECTS COMPARED TO SIMILAR PHARMACEUTICALS, YOU SAY?  YOU BET YOUR ASS THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO DECLARE IT ILLEGAL AND HELP OUT THEIR BUDDIES IN THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY – Kratom is a tree whose leaves are often consumed as a tea to relieve pain and anxiety in people.  The plant has naturally occurring opiod-like compounds that seem to help many people; but that appears to be a threat to established pharmaceuticals.  Even though the “evidence” about the dangers of Kratom that the government is using is flimsy at best, there are rumors that the government will soon declare this natural remedy an illicit drug on par with cocaine and meth.  The only danger that Kratom poses is to the pocketbooks of the pharmaceutical industry, lobbyists and complicit members of the government.  So naturally, Kratom is the devil and the conservative idiots who make up these bullshit laws will demonize it while “legal” opioids kill millions more than Kratom ever could.  Good job, America!  (

SAD NEWS, TRUE BELIEVERS – Stan Lee, one of the most important figures of the American comic book industry, passed away earlier this week at the age of 95 in Los Angeles.  He will always be remembered for playing an important role in the creation of such legendary comic book creations like Spider-Man, the X-Men and many others.  His work with Marvel alone led directly to the creation of a billion dollar industry in films alone!  The man was truly a legend.  Excelsior!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/09/2018


THE STREETCARS ARE BACK IN EL PASO!  SADLY, THESE FANCY PANTS, MODERN STREETCARS WILL NOT BE PULLED BY MULES LIKE IN THE GOOD OL’ DAYS – It’s official!  As of today, the El Paso Streetcar system will be back in business after being gone for decades.  The trolleys – as the cool kids call them – are the original Presidents Conference Committee Streetcars that ran on the El Paso system back in the day and that have been lovingly restored for modern use.  The system will run on two loops from downtown to UTEP and consists of a 4.8 mile route with over twenty stops.  And as an added inauguration bonus, the streetcars will be available for free rides on weekends until January 6.  So get a move on and get on the streetcar.  Free trolleys!  Hooray!  (

EVEN IN FAILURE, BILLY ABRAHAM STILL WALKS AWAY WITH HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.  NOTHING WILL EVER STOP WILLIAM “BILLY” ABRAHAM – It finally happened.  After all the fines, threats and lawsuits; the courts have finally auctioned off Billy Abraham’s properties in El Paso to pay off all his creditors.  In the end, 11 of his properties were sold for a total of $10.53 million in bankruptcy court this week.  The sales amount will allow all his creditors to be paid and leaves him with a substantial amount of money to do as he pleases.  This marks a new chapter in the history of Downtown El Paso as some wonderful historic landmarks (such as the Kress Building and Caples Building) will now be in the hands of people who should be able to renovate them and bring them back to their old glory.  Interestingly enough, Paul Foster was shut out of the auction when he was unable to purchase the Kress Building after bidding got to high.  This was the only building he made a move on even though he had shown great interest in buying up all the buildings in an earlier offer that was rejected by Abraham.  As for Billy Abraham, he now has spending money so he can finally buy an old building and renovate it – that or he just uses up all his cash and turns The Tap bar into some super nightclub.  (

AFTER YEARS OF POINTLESS LEGAL FIGHTS, A COURT OF APPEALS HAS RULED THAT THE CITY OF EL PASO HAS THE RIGHT TO HOST SPORTS, AND WHATEVER IT WANTS, INSIDE THE WAITING-T0-BE-BUILT ARENA.  AND WE’RE SLOWLY GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE MAX GROSSMAN WILL FINALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR GOOD AND BE COMPLETELY IGNORED BY THE MEDIA – The Downtown Arena project is closer to reality now as the courts have removed a major obstacle to attracting tenants and sponsorships for the arena.  Though there is still room for more appeals, it looks like sports will be a major part of the downtown arena.  It would probably be best for critics of the arena to just compromise and work for the preservation of some buildings and the facades of the more unique structures before their grandstanding results in the entire neighborhood getting flattened.  The courts at the federal level would not get involved with property rights and at this point there is no real reason to save the entire arena footprint as is.  Just pick the most important structures and at least get the city to incorporate the buildings or the facades into the final arena complex.  Hopefully Max Grossman will finally ride off with his butt buddy to Houston and someone intelligent will finally step up among the “historians” and “conservationists” to work out a compromise that gets the arena built and saves a few of the more meaningful structures in the area.  (


“CALIFORNIA IS BURNING” IS A PHRASE THAT GETS MORE USAGE EVERY YEAR.  SO WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED FROM CLIMATE CHANGE PATTERNS IS THAT SOME PLACES WILL GET SWALLOWED BY THE OCEAN AND CALIFORNIA WILL JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST – Multiple fires are raging in California and two of them look pretty bad.  The Camp Fire in northern California practically wiped out the town of Paradise and the Woolsey Fire in the southern part of the state looks to destroy tons of homes around the Malibu area.  To add insult to injury, the Woolsey Fire is raging around the city of Thousand Oaks which just went through a terrible mass shooting/terrorist attack this past weekend that claimed the lives of 12 people in a country music bar.  Although the fires are not completely contained, most of the endangered areas have been evacuated and the firefighters on the ground will do all they can to limit loss of life and property.  It’s a sad state of affairs when writing about deadly forest fires and mass shootings becomes common practice.  Be careful out there, everyone.  (

IT WASN’T A BLUE TSUNAMI, BUT THE ELECTIONS DID PRODUCE A SIGNIFICANT BLUE WAVE – The mid-term elections are over and Democrats have taken over the House of Representatives and have come ever so close to flipping the Senate.  The Senate dream was a bit of a stretch considering most of the seats up for grabs were in majority Republican-held, hillbilly territory that worships Donald Trump – but they did come close.  So it might not have been a complete rebuke of Donald Trump and his idiot xenophobic, fascist policies – but the people have spoken and they are mad.  And even though he didn’t win, Beto O’Rourke lost the Texas Senate race by only 200,000 votes or so and helped lift Democrats around the state to upset wins.  It’s pretty amazing that a Democrat came that close to winning a statewide contest in Texas of, all places.  Maybe the state is finally turning blue.  You made El Paso fucking proud, Beto.  Onward to 2020 where hopefully we will finally be rid of the orange, fascist sack of shit in the White House.  (

OUMUAMUA IS PROBABLY NOT A PIECE OF AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT, BUT IT MIGHT BE.  THE ONLY THING THAT SCIENTISTS CAN ALL AGREE ON IS THAT IT WAS WEIRD AND PENIS-SHAPED – Oumuamua was the weirdo space object that entered the solar system (and our hearts) from a weird trajectory last year that instantly generated speculation about being interstellar and maybe even an alien object.  In addition to the weird path in travels, its penis shape has also been a mystery because no known space objects of that size resemble a penis.  A new study by Harvard astronomers Shmuel Bialy and Abraham Loeb has suggested that because of its shape, size, trajectory and speed that it might be a solar sail or some other similar object from an alien spacecraft.  While the research offers this as just one possible explanation, many people have criticized the report.  But as it stands, it’s either alien space junk or a one-in-a-million penis-shaped object from a penis solar system where everything is shaped like penises.  You decide!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION – 11/02/2018


TONS OF PEOPLE ARE VOTING IN EL PASO, BUT WE NEED EVEN MORE TO KICK THE FASCISTS OUT OF OFFICE – Early voting numbers are breaking records in El Paso and throughout the state, but we need even more people to vote to kick the fascists out of office. Over 120,000 people have voted so far in El Paso and here’s hoping that even more people turn up on election day. So please vote on Tuesday to ensure that corrupt, boot-licking morons are kicked out of office. Vote for Beto O’Rourke and every other candidate that isn’t a fascist or a coward – America is counting on you. Everybody is voting, El Paso, don’t be left out! (

HELLO, COLDNESS. THE WEATHER OUTSIDE CAN FINALLY MATCH THE COLD, DARK RECESSES OF MY DEPRESSED HEART. YAYYYYYYY! EMO POWERS ACTIVATE! – Fall is progressing and Winter is slowly approaching and the cold weather is finally returning to the Greater Mogollon region. Temperatures have dropped throughout the area and this week has seen the first freezes and even snow in some parts of our neck of the woods. So while the temperature will fluctuate between super hot and super cold in El Paso, as is the case every Fall and Winter, you can start enjoying Winter early by going out to Ski Apache – they’ve already had snow! (

HOORAY! SAN ELIZARIO IS GETTING A (SORT OF) NEW LIBRARY. MEANWHILE IN SOCORRO, CITY COUNCIL DECIDED TO BLOW UP A LIBRARY. BECAUSE SOCORRO DON’T BELIEVE IN THAT FANCY BOOK LEARNING – In positive news, San Elizario High School has announced that their library will be now be open to the public. Access to books and computers is very important for the advancement of a community and it’s good to see San Elizario ISD step up and help the people in this way. Library access is very scarce in the mission area and this really gives everyone hope that things are looking up in the area. (


MASS MURDER IS BECOMING SO COMMON IN AMERICA THAT PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO TREAT IT AS A DAILY NEWS STORY WITH NO MEANINGFUL IMPACT BEYOND A FEW DAYS. THAT’S JUST SAD – This is a story that is becoming all too familiar, a crazy moron with easy access to guns kills multiple civilians because of hate-filled beliefs. Last Saturday; a fat-ass, redneck piece of trash walked into a Synagogue in Pittsburgh and shot and killed 11 innocent people just because the conspiracy theories that he was a big fan of told him that “Jews are bad” and “immigrants are invading America”. That actually was the thing that set him off and that he mentioned in his last social media post – his belief that a specific Jewish organization was helping out refugees and bringing them into America for an invasion. Gee, where could such a feeble-minded idiot get the idea that “refugees were invading America”. It’s almost as if there is an ignorant fat ass in power that is stoking fear and hatred in America in order to get votes for his party in the upcoming election. Fuck this terrorist, racist piece of trash and all his enablers in power that use fear and hatred to divide people. 11 innocent people are dead because of the hate-filled rhetoric that is the new normal for the Republican Party and no one seems to want to call them out on it. (

IN FUNGUS WE TRUST – In the realm of biomaterial engineering, mycelium is gaining a reputation for being a truly super material. Mycelium is the very strong “root” structure of fungus that makes up most of its mass and is usually found beneath the surface. By controlling growth and allowing the mycelium to fill out molds, this super material can be used to make everything from boots to building materials and can one day even become the basis of “space construction” all over the solar system. Due to its light weight, low cost and ease of transport; fungus spores can be cheaply sent virtually anywhere. The BBC has a great article on the biomaterial applications of mycelium and how it can one day shape our future construction needs. Check it out if you want to learn more about the fascinating world of fungus, they aren’t just pizza toppings anymore. (

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE VOTE! – We’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating, PLEASE VOTE! If you didn’t do early voting, just show up on Tuesday and do your duty as a citizen of this country. In addition to Beto O’Rourke for Senate; other local, state and national races will be determined and we need your help to vote for non-fascists and decent human beings to rule this country. So to summarize, vote for Beto O’Rourke and every Democrat on the ballot. The Republicans have shown themselves to be nothing more than Donald Trump bootlickers who are one step short of becoming fascist foot soldiers. And if the Republican snowflakes don’t like the criticism, they can all go fuck themselves. Vote these fuckers out! This is no joke. (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/26/2018


ON PAPER, TRADING 44 ACRES FOR OVER 2,000 ACRES OF LAND IS A GREAT DEAL.  BUT GIVING AWAY 44 ACRES OF PRIME WESTSIDE REAL ESTATE FOR LAND IN THE UNDEVELOPED HINTERLANDS OF FAR NORTHEAST EL PASO IS STILL A GAMBLE.  BUT WE’RE GETTING A GIANT INDOOR WATER PARK, SO WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER GUY! – After what seems like decades of begging, the City of El Paso has finally managed to snare Great Wolf Lodge into setting up an operation in El Paso.  Although the deal is not yet finalized; with the vast amount of tax breaks and land swaps involved, it should be approved.  In return for his prime real estate on the Westside where Great Wolf will set up, Paul Foster will get thousands of acres in Far Northeast El Paso that have been awaiting development for years.  If the Northeast land gets developed property and generates taxes soon, this will be a win-win for everyone.  It’s still possible that Great Wolf Lodge goes back on the deal but, with the decade plus of tax breaks being offered, it makes great financial sense for them to set up shop in El Paso and build a world-class resort in the area.  Let’s see how this all shakes out when City Council votes on the plan on Tuesday.  (

WE’RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO MAX GROSSMAN FINALLY SHUTTING THE FUCK UP – The City of El Paso has recently won more legal battles in its quest to build an arena in the former whore house area of Union Plaza and Max Grossman is down to his final appeals that he hopes to use to keep his name in the papers just a little longer.  The City of El Paso no longer has to give advance warning to tear down buildings in the arena footprint area and hopefully they can start the construction process as soon as possible just so this can all be done and over with.  Though Max Grossman has agreed to these terms, he still has a few more pointless appeals and legal cases that he will try to use via his billionaire buddies in east texas.  So although we aren’t at the end of this legal clusterfuck, it looks like we’re close to the end when Max Grossman just shuts the fuck up and lets the entire city move forward.  At this point no one else in the city really cares and it’s only one foreign out-of-towner who wants to see El Paso get left behind.  Meanwhile in Chihuahuita, the federal government is actually destroying a historical neighborhood with their stupid wall and Max Grossman and friends are eerily quiet.  I guess actual history takes a back seat when it comes to kissing Donald Trump’s ass and letting them do whatever the hell they want.  (

IF 3D PRINTING WERE A SPORT, UTEP WOULD BE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS! – While UTEP athletics have not been too competitive lately, at least we’re kicking ass in 3D printing and high tech research!  UTEP’s EM Lab team led by Raymond C. Rumpf has been developing new and exciting technology for years and their latest creation looks to be one of their most important.  It turns out that researchers at the UTEP lab have created the first true three-dimensional volumetric circuit using a 3D printer.  If this line of research is successful it can revolutionize the manufacturing of microchips and benefit electronics manufacturers of all types.  Good show, UTEP.  Does anyone know if Dr. Rumpf can coach any sports?  (


WELL, IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED.  CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF AND BASIC ECONOMIC THEORY, STUPID TARIFFS AND OVERVALUED COMPANIES DO NOT LEAD TO A STRONG ECONOMY – Stocks are down worldwide and economies all over the world are going into the shitter.  Though it’s not an official “crash”, Friday was a pretty bad day for stock markets around the world and there is no real positive news to keep the charade going.  But I’m sure we can expect a dead cat bounce and shameless attempts to prop up dead companies in order to get as much cash as possible from the markets.  The Christmas season is going to have to put up some phenomenal numbers to keep all the markets from going into super Yogi the Bear territory.  (

SURPRISE, SURPRISE.  THE IDIOT WHO SENT BOMBS TO VARIOUS DEMOCRATIC PARTY LEADERS IS A TRUMP FANATIC.  A REALLY, REALLY BIG TRUMP FANATIC – Predictably, the person responsible for sending all those mail bombs this week was an idiot from Florida that was obsessed with Donald Trump and his hate-filled rhetoric.  The idiot in question is Cesar Sayoc and there is no doubt that this guy was influenced by Donald Trump and has been obsessing over him for years.  His entire fucking van was covered with pro-Trump stickers for crying out loud ……. literally the entire van was covered by stupid pro-Trump meme stickers.  Luckily, or predictably, the bomber was a moron and none of the bombs went off.  But even though the idiot looks like he was the president of the Florida branch of the Donald Trump fan club, conservatives will just brush this off and ignore the fact that the FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES practically influenced an insane person to go on a bombing spree.  But sure, let’s just continue to ignore Donald Trump’s violent rhetoric and just lie and say that “both sides do it” and use that as a catchall excuse for his idiocy.  (

DIONE, SATURN’S MOON, APPEARS TO BE COVERED BY MYSTERIOUS STRIPES.  IT MIGHT BE ALIENS, BUT IT’S PROBABLY NOT – Researchers from the Planetary Science Institute and the Smithsonian are currently studying what caused the mysterious stripes found on the Saturnian Orb, Dione.  So far, scientists have found that the mostly linear lines are most likely caused by materials falling from the heavens and not from surface activity.  Because there is no concrete explanation so far, we are obligated by internet law to claim that the lines on Dione were caused by aliens in order to increase traffic to this article.  So if anyone asks, the mystery lines on Dione might have been caused by aliens.  Though they were probably not caused by aliens.  For more information on these mysterious moon features without our expert alien speculation, you can find the full report in the journal Geophysical Research Letters.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/19/2018


MAYBE WE SHOULD LET THE EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM RUN ALL THE QUALITY OF LIFE BOND PROJECTS.  THEY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONES MAKING RATIONAL, INTELLIGENT DECISIONS – The El Paso Children’s Museum Committee has announced that they have chosen Snohetta as the architectural firm that will be designing the museum.  Snohetta had the best presentation in the design contest and the project they have planned for the museum should be world class.  Once more, the El Paso Community Foundation and the Children’s Museum have done excellent work and are one of the few organizations in the city that can competently do public/private partnerships in El Paso.  The $60 million project has everyone excited and there should be no problem raising the private capital that will push this project to the next level.  Maybe we should get these guys to also manage the cultural center and arena projects.  (

A MAJOR INFRASTRUCTURE PROJECT IN THE LOWER VALLEY?!?  WHAT SORT OF SORCERY IS THIS?  EVERYONE KNOWS THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT CONSIDERS THIS AREA AN IMAGINARY PLACE LIKE ATLANTIS AND CAMELOT – After years of traffic issues near the international bridge on Zaragoza, the City of El Paso and Camino Real Regional Mobility Authority will address these problems with major projects in the area.  The main solution for this traffic problem will be the extension of Winn Road and its conversion to a 4-lane road to connect to an updated entrance area at the bridge.  In addition, changes will be made to the ramps on Loop 375 in the area to create a more efficient flow of traffic.  Hopefully this will further separate the commercial traffic from the normal traffic that goes in and out of the bridge and create a much safer and free flowing traffic environment.  It’s good to see the Lower Valley be acknowledged by the government.  Who knew it was a real place?  (

EVERYONE DESERVES A JOB AND A PLACE TO CALL HOME – Although homelessness isn’t as big of a problem here as in other parts of the world, it is still a problem facing El Paso.  The El Paso Herald Post has an excellent write up on the local homeless issue presented via a profile on a homeless person befriended by the writer.  Like most tales of homelessness, the story of Chuck and his dog is filled with tragedy and sadness.  But his story does put things in perspective and gives a human face to this ever growing issue that needs society’s full attention.  (


NOW BOB AND DOUG MCKENZIE CAN GET DRUNK AND HIGH!  GOOD SHOW, CANADA! – It’s official, Marijuana is now legal in Canada.  The country now joins Uruguay as one of the few countries where weed is legal on a national level.  The move will generate tons of extra revenue for the government in addition to denting the power of drug dealers and minimizing the unnecessary amount of individuals being placed in prison for bullshit “crimes”.  Canada is taking a brave stance in the face of the disastrous “war on drugs” that has engulfed the world over the past few decades and is showing that advanced countries can control drug use in other non-authoritarian ways.  Meanwhile, south of the border in America, fascists are in control of the government, rapists are being placed on the Supreme court and the war on drugs continues to waste trillions of dollars while accomplishing jack shit.  Advantage:  Canada.  (

IF YOU CAN’T TRUST THE COUNTRY THAT PROVIDED THE MOST 9/11 HIJACKERS THEN SWEPT THE INFORMATION UNDER THE RUG, THEN WHO CAN YOU TRUST? – After weeks of lies and denials, the Saudi Arabian government has finally admitted that Jamal Khashoggi DID die in the consulate and did not leave happy and alive as previously stated.  But it was totally an accident, guys – they promise!  No one is really buying their current story about a fight that ended in accidental death, but more cover-ups will be on the way until they make up a suitable story that is accepted by the world and that throws everyone under the bus except Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.  For its part, the American government led by Donald Trump is just nodding like morons accepting everything that the Saudi government says because they care more about money than anything else.  Donald Trump is completely against “terrorist” nations like Iran and Qatar, unless those nations kiss his ass and offer “business opportunities that are not really business opportunities (wink wink)” like Saudi Arabia.  They’re only ‘terrorists” if they don’t give Donald Trump a nice piece of the action.  Maybe Yemen should have let Donald Trump build a shitty ass hotel.  (

AND THAT’S WHY WE HAVE RULES, LAWS AND EVENT PERMITS.  PERMITS ARE A BURDEN BUT COMPLETELY NECESSARY – Tragedy struck near the northern Indian city of Amritsar this week when a train slammed into a crowd of people watching a Dusshera fireworks display while gathering on top of live rail tracks.  Over 60 people are dead and hundreds are hurt in this accident that could have easily been prevented with competent planning and reasonable rules, regulations and permits.  The videos emerging from the scene are chilling and it’s remarkable that more people are not hurt after this horrible accident.  Although many people will end up being blamed for this disaster, the person who organized this event right next to live rail lines and the government officials who approved such a stupid idea are the ones who will get the brunt of the people’s wrath.  Permits are not just there to annoy people, they are there to prevent stupid ideas from becoming terrifying disasters.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/12/2018


IF THIS IS HOW THE EL PASO POLICE DEPARTMENT ACTS WHEN DEALING WITH A SUICIDAL OLD MAN, IMAGINE WHAT THEY’LL DO WHEN FACED WITH A REAL EMERGENCY – The El Paso Police Department shut down local businesses around the Pebble Hills Command Center and forced employees and customers to stay inside for hours after an elderly man named Richard Palafox was shot by 3 officers because he allegedly threatened them with a weapon.  Naturally the police department did this overkill shut down for safety reasons and not to stack up easy overtime for their officers.  Lord knows the El Paso Police Department has never had shameless overtime scandals and only does overkill scenarios like this for safety reasons.  If this is how they act with an old man with a gun, if there’s ever a mass shooting event in the city they’ll probably shut down the entire town and force people to stay indoors for a week.  (

TWO LIONS AND A TIGER WERE FOUND IN A RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY IN JUAREZ AFTER THEIR OWNER SHOWED UP TO THE HOSPITAL WITH LARGE FELINE-RELATED INJURIES.  OF COURSE, DRUGS AND DRUG DEALING ARE NOT PART OF THIS CASE – The authorities in Juarez have moved two lions and a tiger to a rescue facility after they were taken from their owner who did not have the proper paperwork.  This being Juarez, apparently there is such a thing as a permit to own lions and tigers  So far the owner’s only punishment has been to be mauled by a large feline and having the cats removed from his property.  The authorities could possibly investigate how a regular person had enough money to purchase 3 large predatory cats, but they probably won’t.  Obviously drug dealing was not involved in this case and the authorities will just count this as a win after placing the cats in a shelter.  (

MAYBE THE MOUNTAIN LION JUST WANTED TO CHECK OUT THE NEW EXHIBITS AT THE EL PASO ZOO – The El Paso Zoo was on lock down on Friday after security at the zoo allegedly saw a mountain lion around the property.  No “mountain lion” has actually been caught, so this might just be a false alarm and the security guards may have just seen a really large cat.  It’s very easy to confuse Garfield with a mountain lion or any other medium size wildcat.  The mountain lion is believed to come from the Franklin Mountains, but they had some random idiot on the local news say the mountain lion came from Juarez – which is a theory so stupid that we won’t even bother discussing it.  But people in the area shouldn’t worry too much about this, if it were a true “mountain lion emergency” EPPD would have shut down the freeway and all the businesses in a 5 mile radius to make sure everyone was “safe” and not because of sweet, sweet overtime pay.  Then they would shoot a random house cat because it was being “suspicious” and label it “case closed”.  (


YOU’D THINK A COUNTRY PLANNING TO SECRETLY MURDER SOMEONE WOULD MAKE AN EFFORT TO AT LEAST TRY TO KEEP IT SECRETISH – Jamal Khashoggi disappeared in Turkey more than a week ago and all evidence points to at least some involvement by Saudi Arabia.  There is video of Khashoggi entering the Saudi Arabia consulate in Turkey, but no evidence that he actually left.  So either he was murdered in there or he magically disappeared.  Turkey is claiming to have audio and video of the murder and Saudi Arabia is responding by covering their ears and yelling “Fake News”.  Even if Saudi Arabia did murder the government critic, nothing will really happen and the rest of the world will just wag their finger and act outraged (like when the Russian government murders people and blows up passenger planes and no one seems to do anything).  At most, Donald Trump will send out an angry tweet filled with empty threats and then nothing will happen.  (

WHO KNEW THAT HIRING IDIOTS TO RUN A COMPANY WOULD LEAD TO SUCH HORRIBLE RESULTS.  REST IN PEACE, SEARS – By Sunday we will know if Sears will shut down completely or will live on for at least a few more months.  It’s no surprise that Sears is in horrible condition.  They’ve been selling off assets and engaging in stupid business practices for more than a decade.  At the moment, Sears’ stock is in the toilet and the company doesn’t have the money to keep all of its stores open.  The company is pinning their hopes on a bankruptcy plan that will keep about half of their 700 stores open, but it’s too early to tell if this will be enough to permanently save the company.  So while not completely dead, this past week’s stock market drop has at least put Sears in a coma.  (

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  LET’S ALL GO EAT SPOOKY TREATS AT BURGER KING! – Japan has really embraced Halloween in the past decade and one of the most unique things that they have is that almost every store and restaurant has special Halloween items on the menu.  Burger King is one of the companies embracing this trend in America and this year they have brought the Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry drink to their stores.  In the past they have also served whoppers on black buns, so Burger King has been on the cutting edge of American Halloween treats.  Here’s hoping more American businesses embrace this trend and start giving us more spooky treats for October.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/05/2018


EL PASO’S PROFESSIONAL FUTBALL TEAM FINALLY HAS A NAME AND …….. IT’S A PRETTY FUCKING COOL NAME.  MOUNTAINSTAR COULD HAVE REALLY SCREWED THIS UP, BUT THEY CAME THROUGH.  I’M IMPRESSED – MountainStar Sports Group officially announced the name of their new soccer club to much fanfare this week and also gave everyone a first peak at the logo and color scheme for the team.  Welcome the El Paso Locomotive FC to your sports loving hearts!  The name, logo and colors are surprisingly good and the presentation went pretty well.  Overall, most people are really excited about the team and they might pack more people into the Chihuahua’s City Hall Field per game than the actual official tenants.  And if the team proves to be successful, we can see a large stadium project in their future if they can guarantee a shot at being promoted into the MLS.  I would have preferred if the team were named FC Lokomotiv El Paso for traditionalist reasons, but all in all the name and team has great potential.  CHOO CHOO!  (

 HOORAY!  THEY HAVE FINISHED THE CONNECTIONS ON US-85 IN THE VICINITY OF PAISANO AND SUNLAND PARK.  TRAFFIC IS STILL A DISASTER IN THAT AREA, BUT AT LEAST IT’S NO LONGER AN APOCALYPTIC CLUSTERFUCK – In a pleasant surprise, txdot has announced the completion of bridge roads on US-85 from Paisano to Sunland Park.  This should help alleviate some of the traffic on I-10 in that area and also takes us one step closer to the super loop that will one day wrap around all of El Paso.  So next time you find yourself in the traffic clusterfuck known as I-10 on the Westside, just use Paisano instead.  (

SHEEP AND GOATS AND COWS, OH MY!  – NMSU will be holding its annual Ag Day Degree training program later this month and this time they will also have a special sheep and goat symposium devoted to everything you wanted to know about sheep and goats, but were afraid to ask.  The event will start on Thursday, October 18 and continue through the weekend.  The combined fee for both events is only $50 and is a great way to get a taste of NMSU’s world class agriculture programs.  So if you were ever curious about farming and related topics, this is your chance to learn from professionals!  It’s good to see the sheepies finally get their day in the sun.  (


IT’S VERY HARD TO ELECT A DICTATOR INTO A DEMOCRATIC OFFICE, BRAZIL LOOKS TO ACCOMPLISH THIS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE FEAT THIS WEEKEND – The Brazilian presidential election is this Sunday and right wing, wannabe dictator Jair Bolsonaro is the front runner.  Bolsonaro has literally said he is in favor of a dictatorship and has been skyrocketing up the polls by promising to fix Brazil’s crime and corruption problems by unchecked, extra judicial force and general vitriol.  So Brazil basically wants to stop a tire fire by pouring gasoline on top of it.  The election will probably go into a run-off where the idiot will face the more stable Fernando Haddad, but even then it looks like Bolsonaro has a good chance of winning.  Fascism looks to be on the rise and the world should be very careful when right wing idiots start coming to power in droves.  (

IN IMPORTANT NEWS THAT THE WORLD SHOULD PROBABLY BE PAYING ATTENTION TOO, CAMEROON IS CURRENTLY IN THE MIDST OF A BORDERLINE CIVIL WAR BETWEEN FRENCH AND ENGLISH SPEAKERS.  YOU’D THINK SOMETHING THAT CRAZY WOULD GET MORE PRESS COVERAGE – In Cameroon, separatists in the Northwest and Southwest English speaking parts of the Country are seeking independence from the French speaking government.  Although the government claims that things are under control, tensions are still high in the separatist regions and the revolutionaries are vowing to stop the presidential election vote in these areas.  The divisions in these regions run deeper than French vs. English, but this appears to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.  When you start creating boundaries and borders from hundreds of miles away with no actual thought given to the people that live there, you will always have problems.  This is the curse of the Frankenstein countries that cobble together as much land as possible simply for the greed of it.  coughcough  I’m looking in your direction, Russia and America.  (

IN ADDITION TO PLACING A SEXUAL PREDATOR IN THE SUPREME COURT, THE PEOPLE IN POWER ARE PLACING CHILDREN IN INTERNMENT CAMPS.  AMERICA IS TURNING INTO A BANANA REPUBLIC RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES – So now even more children are being placed in internment camps in Tornillo with no release in sight and they aren’t even being offered an education while in custody.  At this very moment, hypocrite and spineless Republicans in Washington are shrugging their shoulders and saying, “At least they haven’t built any gas chambers yet.”  This country is going into the fascist shitter faster than anyone thought possible.  (