Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/15/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

UTEP IS MANUFACTURING SUCCESS ……. LITERALLY! – $70 million has been approved at the state level for UTEP to expand on its additive engineering and rocket research programs.  The money will be used to build a new facility for the Center For Advanced Manufacturing And Aerospace and to update UTEP’s aerospace research facilities at the old Fabens Airport.  The projects will support work in high tech fields that constantly need new employees and UTEP will be helping fill the need for these jobs in the future.  To infinity and beyond, UTEP.  (cbs4local.com)

JEFFERSON HAS A NEW PAIR OF MASCOTS THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE A TRANSFORMER LOWRIDER.  WHEN WILL A CENTRAL EL PASO SCHOOL FINALLY ACCEPT FATE AND CHOOSE A TRANSFORMER LOWRIDER AS A MASCOT? – Please welcome Jeffrey and Sylvia Fox to the El Paso mascot community.  The Jefferson/Sylvia mascots have cool new costumes that replace the old ones that have been around for years.  Jeffrey is a classic red fox and a boy, while Sylvia is a silver fox and a girl wearing a pink skirt.  The new costumes look great and Jefferson should be proud of their new ambassadors.  Though if they wanted to be completely accurate; the silver fox should be a retired body shop owner who works out a lot, is recently widowed and now spends all his cash at strip clubs.  Becoming a silver fox is the only way to retire.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IT’S GOOD TO SEE THAT THE CITY OF EL PASO GOVERNMENT TAKES THEIR MARCHING ORDERS FROM WAL-MART.  HEAVEN FORBID THE CITY NOT BE BEHOLDEN TO CORPORATE INTERESTS – The City Of El Paso recently moved the makeshift memorial in honor of the victims of the August 3 terrorist attack from its natural site on the road behind Wal-Mart to the nearby, and  out of the way, Ponder Park.  It’s only a coincidence that the city moved the memorial a few days before Wal-Mart rushed its reopening just in time for Black Friday.  It’s not like the city bent over backwards for a large corporation that has been largely indifferent to the terrorist attack.  Wal-Mart is also building a memorial for the victims, but that won’t be completed by Black Friday because memorials don’t sell Chinese goods at enormously marked up prices and thus can’t turn a profit.  ALSO, DON’T FORGET TO SHOP AT THE CIELO VISTA WAL-MART – IT HAS REOPENED AND HAS SPECIALS FOR ALL!  This message has been approved by the City Of El Paso.  (elpasoheraldposst.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I THINK THIS IS HOW WATERWORLD STARTED.  NICE KNOWING YOU, VENICE – Flooding in Venice, Italy has reached near record levels and 80% of the city was flooded at one point this week.  The flooding was a result of storms and a wind-aided tide that raised the high tide to a near record 187 cm on Tuesday, just below the 194 cm reached in 1966.  Although global climate change cannot be blamed for causing this specific event, the rising temperatures globally are having a chaotic change in global weather patterns that will make events like this the norm and not just a “once in a generation” event.  In fact, of the top ten high tides that have hit Venice since records began in 1923, around half have occurred in the past decade or so.  So while climate change isn’t creating monster storms, it is creating conditions that make them more frequent.  Visit Venice while you can before Kevin Costner buys it and turns it into Waterworldland.  Kevin Costner was right all along.  (bbc.com)

I THINK I’VE READ THIS BOOK BEFORE.  I BELIEVE IT WAS CALLED HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES UP TO 1900 – As the world’s attention regarding China focuses on Hong Kong and its trade war with the U.S., China has been using the distractions to expand its program to move thousands of the Uighur population away from their homeland.  The Uighurs are an ethnic minority in China that are predominantly Muslim and live in the northwest portion of the country.  The Chinese want to drive them out of their homeland and have been settling the area with ethnic Han Chinese for decades.  Reservations, internment camps and settlers sent to forcibly replace a population – where have we seen that before?  Hmmmmm?  In a perfect world the Uighurs would gain their independence and a portion of northwest China and Central Asia would be set aside to form a new nation.  But the world we live in is not fair and we’ll be lucky if a couple hundred Uighur are alive a hundred years from now and the Chinese government is “fair” enough to “allow” them to have a casino on their own land.  Then the government can capitalize on their greed and create a bullshit blood quantum gatekeeper to ensure that the tribe becomes inbred and ends up disappearing entirely in a few generations.  At least China learned from the best.  (independent.co.uk)

THE HISTORY OF PLAGUE IS ALMOST AS EXCITING AS THE HISTORY OF HUMANS – New research has found that Yersinia pestis, the delightful bacteria that causes plague, has been found in humans for thousands of years before the first major plague was recorded.  Overall, the plague is believed to have claimed the lives of over 200 million people over the course of human history and is quite the nasty infection.  Discover Magazine has a great summary of the plague’s history and the most up to date research that is showing us just how far back it has harmed humans, so go check it out and learn about our deadly little friend.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/08/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HOORAY!  NEW MEXICO STATE UNIVERSITY IS #710! – U.S. News And World Report just released their annual list of the best universities in the world and NMSU came in at #710 of the 1,500 universities that made the cut.  Considering all the universities in the world, this is quite the accomplishment.  UTEP didn’t even make the list, so we’ll assume that they are number #10,000 or something.  Or maybe they’re so awesome that they can’t even be ranked.  Congratulations NMSU you are a great university and some of your programs have been acknowledged as world class.  In our hearts your Green Chile Agricultural degree will always be the greatest education program in the universe.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

AFTER DECADES OF DOMINATING EL PASO’S AIRWAVES, ESTELA CASAS IS MOVING ON TO A NEW CAREER – Estela Casas announced her retirement from KVIA this week as she embarks on her new career as Executive Director of the University Medical Center Foundation.  Estela has become the face of TV news in the region and she will be missed by all.  But don’t worry about her, she has a new career now and will do much more meaningful work as leader of the charitable arm of UMC/Thomason Hospital.  Even though the ownership group had turned KVIA into a right wing mouthpiece (like most other local stations), Estela Casas was always a professional and reported on stories without bias.  This is a big loss for KVIA and we will see how they respond once general manager Kevin Lovell removes his mouth from Donald Trump’s dick while prominent Texas right wing nut jobs cheer him on.  Estela will finish out the year at KVIA and will begin her new endeavor in 2020.  Godspeed, Estela.  (kvia.com)

DIG A LITTLE DEEP AND HELP A CITY OUT – El Paso Giving Day, the holiday created by the Paso Del Norte Community Foundation to get El Pasoans to donate money before they blow it all on Black Friday, will take place again this year on November 14.  The early giving period has already begun and the donations currently outpace the rate of giving seen in other years.  This year matching funds will be provided by Wal-Mart – and its $1 million match – along with other organizations.  So make sure to donate to your favorite local charity now or on November 14 and keep making El Paso a great place to live.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EVO MORALES MAY HAVE JUST OVERESTIMATED HOW MUCH THE PEOPLE OF BOLIVIA LOVED HIM.  SPOILER ALERT:  IT APPEARS THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY LOATHED HIM ENOUGH TO RIOT – Almost all of Bolivia is being gripped by protests and riots after Evo Morales got cute in the last election.  During the first round of elections last month, the vote count mysteriously stopped for almost a day and then it was announced that Evo Morales won the 1st round of voting by more than 10% – thus avoiding a run-off election.  The funny thing is that Evo Morales would have probably won the run-off election in a landslide so he didn’t really need to dick around with the first round of voting.  But I guess he got cocky after he basically annulled term limits and was on his way to becoming dictator for life.  Congratulations, Venezuela.  You are no longer the biggest clusterfuck in South America.  We now wait anxiously to see if Argentina or Brazil take the bait and do something amazingly stupid in the coming week.  (bbc.com)

NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY CALIFORNIA, AUSTRALIA IS ALSO ON FIRE – Dozens of large bushfires are burning around New South Wales and Queensland states in Australia as evacuation orders have been given to thousands of residents.  Much like California; dry conditions, crazy winds and unbridled development are the root cause of the fires that will only be exasperated in the future by climate change.  Unlike California, Australia has precious kangaroos and koalas that can’t run away from the fires.  Will someone please help the kangaroos and koalas!  (reuters.com)

IT’S SINGLES DAY ON MONDAY (11/11), THE CHINESE HOLIDAY INVENTED TO CELEBRATE BEING SINGLE AND WASTING MONEY.  IT’S ALSO VETERAN’S DAY.  HOORAY, CAPITALISM WON! – Have a safe weekend and have fun with whatever you have planned for this Monday’s Veteran’s Day and/or Singles Day.  Veteran’s day celebrates all the members of the armed forces present and past who have mainly fought in America’s wars to spread Western values, like capitalism, around the world.  Meanwhile, Singles Day is a Chinese holiday that started out as a way for college students to celebrate being single (11/11 is just a bunch of lone ‘1’s) and that later evolved into Alibaba’s shameless celebration of Chinese consumerism and capitalism.  Who says America’s push for Western ideals hasn’t had an impact globally.  (bloomberg.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/01/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HUGS NOT WALLS IS THE MESSAGE THE WORLD NEEDS TODAY – After a bit of a delay, the annual Hugs Not Walls event was held on the Rio Grande along El Paso and Juarez.  Even after all the bullshit that the Trumpublicans have done to the nation, it’s good to see that this event is still going strong.  It only lasted for a few minutes but 300 families had the chance to meet face to face after being separated by antiquated immigration laws.  Maybe one day North America will be advanced enough to become something similar to the European Union where commerce and people flow freely with maximum economic output, but I’m not holding my breath.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

WE ALL NOW THAT EL PASO HIGH’S R.R. JONES STADIUM IS THE BEST HIGH SCHOOL STADIUM IN THE WORLD.  NOW LET’S MAKE IT SEMI-OFFICIAL – USA Today has an online poll for best high school football stadium in America and El Paso High’s R.R. Jones Stadium has made the championship round.  The stadium was up against mostly large stadiums that don’t really have any aesthetic value outside of size so it should be a cinch for the stadium to win.  Regardless, go to the website and vote to make it known to everyone that our stadium rocks.  It’s the best and we really don’t need a USA Today poll to prove it, but winning would be pretty cool.  (cbs4local.com)

A SUPER LIGHT SHOW IS COMING TO CONNECT EL PASO AND JUAREZ WITH THE POWER OF PHOTONS!  AS LONG AS IT INVOLVES LAZER TAG AND/OR LIGHTSABERS, I AM IN – The Border Tuner art installation doesn’t launch until November 13, but their website is already up and is accepting submissions to provide “community voices”.  The art installation will feature lights and audio to create a visual connection between El Paso and Juarez right on the Rio Grande near Bowie High.  The entire art project will run for 12 days starting on November 13 and will feature various artists from around the region and the world.  The art installation provides a message of unity that we all need right now and looks to be a very impressive project.  So go check it out!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE POLLUTION IN DELHI, INDIA IS REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW.  A LOT WORSE THAN NORMAL AND THAT’S PRETTY FUCKING BAD – The pollution in Delhi has reached such a severe level that classes have been canceled until next week and all construction in the region has been halted.  The current level for particulate pollution is about 20 times the World Health Organization allowed maximum, so things are pretty bad.  The Indian government is busy pointing fingers at each other and nothing will really be done to stop the pollution.  India is currently the poster child for unbridled capitalism and even though it has resulted in some tremendous economic growth it has come at a high price when it comes to the environment and income equality.  But hey, everyone in India is getting cell phones and streaming entertainment.  Who cares if they don’t live long enough to enjoy it.  (bbc.com)

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE MONTREAL EXPOS FOR WINNING THEIR FIRST WORLD SERIES.  FELICITATIONS! – In true Halloween spirit, the Montreal Expos went into this year’s World Series dressed up as the “Washington Nationals” and won the championship in 7 games.  The series was surprisingly exciting and featured no wins for the home team over the entire series.  Kudos to the Expos and may they have continued success in the future.  (sbnation.com)

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME HAS ENDED.  DON’T FORGET TO “FALL BACK” – Remember to turn back the clock one hour on Sunday at 2 AM, unless you live in a weirdo place like Arizona that doesn’t believe in things.  This is a special time of the year where you get an extra hour to party at bars as the 2 AM last call magically turns into 1 AM.  Just don’t forget to change your clock; because you’ll end up showing up early to church or work or school or some other thing instead of staying home and getting an extra hour of comfy sleep.  Don’t miss out on the free sleep!  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/25/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE PLAYA DRAIN TRAIL HAS QUIETLY BECOME ONE OF THE MOST IMPRESSIVE PUBLIC WORKS PROJECTS IN EL PASO.  WHO NEEDS LOUD FANFARE WHEN QUIET EFFICIENCY GETS THE JOB DONE – The Playa Drain Trail project started a few years ago with the first phase of the project that created a trail from Ascarate Park to Riverside Park.  Since then, another phase was completed that connected Ysleta to Capistrano Park.  Multiple local agencies are now working together to get public input on how best to build phase 2 of the project that will connect Riverside with Ysleta and create a continuous 8.4 mile multi-use trail from Ascarate to Capistrano Park.  Who knows, maybe one day they’ll create a super trail that will connect all the communities of the Greater Mogollon region from the middle of New Mexico down the Rio Grande into west Texas.  Kudos to the Paso Del Norte Health Foundation and all the other local government agencies for working together to get this done.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL IS GETTING RENOVATIONS.  I’LL BE REALLY DISAPPOINTED IF THEY DON’T BUILD TWENTY REBOTE COURTS AND A GIANT STATUE OF A CHOLO – As part of EPISD’s last mega bond election Jefferson High School and Silva Magnet will be getting extensive improvements.  The project just started construction and is expected to be completed sometime in 2022.  The $36 million project includes a new 3-story building, new sports facilities and extensive renovations.  Jefferson hasn’t seen any major construction in a while so it’s nice to see them get something new.  (cbs4local.com)

GET WELL SOON, JUNO THE ELEPHANT – This week, Juno the Elephant at the El Paso Zoo successfully completed a 4th cancer treatment.  She was diagnosed with a malignant growth in 2016 and has been receiving treatment ever since.  Juno is 52 years old and, because of her age, zoo staff has pursued a less aggressive plan to treat her cancer.  So far the growth has been controlled and has not become too much of a threat.  The growth might never fully be eliminated, but here’s hoping that Juno can still live a long and productive elephant life.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AMERICA REALLY FUCKED THE KURDS.  THANKS, DONALD – Of all the stupid ass things that Donald Trump has done (and he’s done plenty of stupid ass shit), betraying the Kurds in Syria was perhaps the biggest cunt move he has ever pulled.  After helping American forces fight the daesh in Syria and giving America a foothold in the region over the past few years, the Kurds have been abandoned by America.  American forces have simply tucked their tail between their legs and run away because Daddy Putin willed it.  The great dealmaker Trump basically gave Turkey and Russia everything they wanted and got nothing in return.  If Obama would have done anything this shameless and stupid, Republicans would have already removed him from office and shot him into space.  So now America has lost influence in the Middle East and our allies will never trust us because America’s word is worthless as long as Republican cowards are in office.  Nice going, Donald.  Putin must be so proud of you.  (bbc.com)

LIKE HURRICANES ON THE ATLANTIC COAST AND THE SWALLOWS OF SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO, WILDFIRES HAVE RETURNED TO CALIFORNIA – It’s fire season throughout California and the season is living up to its name.  Fires are currently raging north of San Francisco and north of Los Angeles and the high wind risk has led the electric utility to shut down electricity for thousand – if not millions of people.  On the bright side, there are so many fires in California that the local fire departments are practically experts on these types of blazes and via their hard work they have minimized damage and loss of life.  But yeah; unbridled growth into overgrown natural areas, shoddy power lines, ultra dry climate and high winds are sort of the perfect tinder box for this type of natural disaster.  (ktla.com)

RATS DRIVING TEENY, TINY CARS ARE NOT ONLY ADORABLE BUT HELP SHED SOME LIGHT ON STRESS MANAGEMENT IN HUMANS – Researchers at the University of Richmond have found that rats that were taught to drive little cars showed less stress than other rats.  The rats were trained to drive little custom cars created with small plastic tub, attached to a metallic plate with wheels and controlled by copper wires.  The rats were taught to “drive” to get treats and the study found that the rats had high levels of anti-stress hormones in their feces at the end of the study.  It is believed that learning a new activity brought some satisfaction to the rats and lowered their stress.  Hopefully these findings can be used to find alternative treatments for people with mental disorders that cannot be controlled by a ton of meds.  Good job, car-driving rats.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/18/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

NEW MEXICO, AND THE MESILLA VALLEY IN GENERAL, IS NOW THE LARGEST PECAN PRODUCING REGION IN AMERICA.  HOORAY!  BUT LET’S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY WITH THE WATER INTENSIVE CROPS IN THE DESERT – A recent report by the United States Department of Agriculture shows that pecan production in New Mexico grew by almost 7% from 2018 to 2019 and much of that was in southern New Mexico around the Mesilla Valley into El Paso.  More and more farmers in the region are even switching to pecans as one of their main crops.  And while this is good for the local economy, it should be noted that pecans are very water intensive and not the best choice of crop for an arid desert environment.  Luckily, NMSU is one of the premiere agricultural study institutions in the world and the New Mexico Pecan Growers Association are on top of all the pecan-related issues in the region.  Using technology and the knowledgeable agricultural organizations in the area, it is possible to create a sustainable and economically viable pecan growing industry in the region.  At least we hope that their not just focusing on the money.  (cbs4local.com)

SUPPORT THE WYLER AERIAL TRAMWAY.  FILL OUT A SURVEY – In order to determine how much interest there is and how much money to spend, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department is doing a feasibility study on the tramway.  One of the main parts of the study is an online survey that everyone in El Paso and beyond can participate in.  So go fill out the survey and show that there is tremendous interest in the tramway.  You’ll even have the chance to give some ideas on what you think the new and improved project should look like.  Hell, it doesn’t look like they’re tracking multiple surveys from the same location.  Feel free to fill out the survey as many times as you want.  Let’s show them we want the Wyler Aerial Tramway back in service and better than ever.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

I CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE YOU, EL PASO LOCOMOTIVE –Congratulations to the El Paso Locomotive futball club for making the playoffs in their inaugural season.  The team secured their place in the postseason after defeating the Portland Timbers II by a score of 4 to 1.  The team now has one more game and a chance to move up in the rankings and maybe secure a home playoff game.  Good show, Choo-Choos.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

SANTIAGO, CHILE IS RIOTING BECAUSE OF RATE HIKES ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.  MEANWHILE, SUN METRO RAISED RATES IN EL PASO AND NOBODY REALLY CARED – Anti rate hike protests have descended into full blown riots in Santiago, Chile today as demonstrations grow across the country.  The root cause of the initial protest was the rate hike across Santiago’s metro system and the rest of their public transportation, but the protests have highlighted the unease and inequality that has been growing across the country.  Although Chile is one of the most prosperous countries in South America, it also has some of the highest inequality rates in the world with rich people getting richer and the poor getting left behind at an alarming rate.  According to many, the tension has been in the air for a long time in Chile and all that was missing was a spark to get the ball rolling.  So this week Chile did the impossible and made Argentina look stable and competent by comparison.  Get it together, Chile.  (reuters.com)

CANADA VOTES ON MONDAY AFTER ONLY A FEW WEEKS OF CAMPAIGNING BY THE CANDIDATES.  IN AMERICA, WE ARE CURRENTLY IN YEAR 3 OF CAMPAIGNING FOR THE 2020 ELECTION.  AMAZING AMERICAN EFFICIENCY AT WORK – Canada will be holding a national election on Monday as Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his Liberal Party seek to hold on to power  for another term.  The race is really too close to call and can go in a number of directions come Monday.  Of note is that – like other civilized countries – Canada’s parliamentary system has elections that only last a few weeks.  Compare this to America and its never ending primaries and “campaigning while still in office” mentality that leads to years of wasted time and money.  But who are we kidding, the reason America has such long elections is so that corporations can suck up all that sweet campaign advertising money.  Who cares about the people as long as the rich get richer.  It’s no wonder that America and its magical constitution and political system is emulated around the globe (SARCASM ALERT:  No other country on Earth is stupid enough to follow America’s system and every advanced nation on Earth follows a parliamentary government sprinkled with civil law).  (bbc.com)

NOTHING LIKE EATING SOME STEAMED HAMS WHILE WATCHING THE AURORA BOREALIS AT AN EXTREMELY LOW LATITUDE – A report in The Astrophysical Journal Letters has revealed that the earliest written record of the northern lights occurred sometime between 680 and 650 B.C.  The observation was found on Babylonian and Assyrian cuneiform tablets and correspond with a spike in solar activity found in tree rings of that time period.  The increased solar activity would explain why the northern lights were seen at such a low latitude and showcases the impact of solar storms throughout history.  Luckily the Babylonians and Assyrians didn’t have satellites or electrical networks, otherwise they would have been wrecked.  Or maybe they did and that’s why their societies faded away (cue spooky music).  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/11/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

CHALK THE BLOCK IS BACK IN DOWNTOWN EL PASO.  HOW MANY OBSCENE CHALK DRAWINGS WILL BE DRAWN THIS WEEKEND? – If you’re a fan of chalk and chalk-related activities, then this weekend was made especially for you.  The Chalk The Block art festival returns to Downtown El Paso this weekend and it will be “chalk” full of chalky goodness including live music, art installations, chalk art and opportunities to create your own chalk drawings all over Downtown El Paso.  My regards to anyone who draws a picture of Mayor Dee Margo bending over for Donald Trump anywhere within the festival grounds.  Bonus points if you write “Dee Margo Sucks Chalk” and draw a giant penis next to his face.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

FOR THOSE THAT DON’T LIKE CHALK, THERE’S ALSO A BENEFIT SHOW HOSTED BY JIM WARD GOING ON IN DOWNTOWN.  BUT IF YOU’RE REALLY COOL YOU’LL GO TO BOTH EVENTS – The 2nd Annual El Paso Forever Concert will take place on Saturday and will feature Cold War Kids, Emily Davis And The Murder Police and Sleepspent.  The event will take place around the Union Plaza area and most proceeds will go to local charities.  The event is put together by local legend Jim Ward in association with the El Paso Community Foundation and focuses on giving as much money from ticket sales as possible to charity.  So go support great music and local projects at the El Paso Forever Concert.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

RON STALLWORTH HAS JUST BEEN NAMED THE SUN BOWL THANKSGIVING PARADE GRAND MARSHALL.  KUDOS! – The annual Sun Bowl Thanksgiving parade will honor Ron Stallworth as he leads the parade for this year’s edition.  Ron Stallworth has been having a great year as BlacKKKlansman, the movie based on his book and exploits going undercover in the KKK, won multiple awards including an Oscar.  The theme for this year’s parade is “Bobbleheads On Parade” but the poster sort of makes it seem like an unauthorized Funko Pop parade theme.  So check out the Thanksgiving Parade in just over a month.  How time flies.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I GUESS SUPER POWERFUL SPINNY STORMS ARE GOING TO BE THE NEW NORMAL AROUND THE WORLD – In a season that has given us record breaking storms in the Atlantic and the South Pacific, Typhoon Hagibis (a cousin to hurricanes and cyclones) has just struck the Tokyo area as one of the largest storms to hit that part of the world in decades.  Japan is an advanced and stable country, so the storm should not have as crippling an effect as major storms in other parts of the world.  Though the storm has disrupted and canceled some games in the Japan-hosted Rugby World Cup, that’s much better than thousands of dead and cities sent back decades in development.  Take care, Japan.  But if you can survive earthquakes and tsunamis, you can survive typhoons.  (reuters.com)

LOS ANGELES IS BURNING!  THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR BUT WE’RE STILL GOING TO ACT SHOCKED – The north part of the Los Angeles area is currently experiencing a massive wild fire and Sylmar and the rest of the northern San Fernando Valley are on high alert.  The fire has already destroyed dozens of structures and has shut down multiple roads in the area causing a traffic nightmare that has a ripple effect on most of the city.  It should be noted that Los Angeles is so massive that most of the city barely notices that a massive natural disaster is taking place aside from the traffic issues and – let’s face it – most of the people in Los Angeles barely know that Sylmar exists and wouldn’t be able to find it on a map.  But if the fire takes out a major cocaine stash house, you can rest assured that the city will notice.  (ktla.com)

IT’S NOBEL PRIZE TIME!  THEY’RE LIKE THE TONY AWARDS ONLY WITH EVEN LESS PRESS COVERAGE AND VIEWERS – It’s Nobel Prize season and the super smart committee of Nordic smarties are getting together and handing out their awards.  This year’s winners run the gamut from people that worked on lithium-ion batteries to someone who helped end the conflict between Ethiopia and Eritrea.  But most of the prizes went to discoveries that are really hard to explain in a few smart ass sentences.  So if you really love science, go to the official Nobel Prize site and do your best trying to make sense out of all these important discoveries.  (nobelprize.org)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/04/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOP 375 IS FINALLY “COMPLETE”.  THIS BEING A TXDOT PROJECT, IT WON’T ACTUALLY BE A LOOP AROUND EL PASO BUT A SERIES OF INCOMPETENTLY DESIGNED ON AND OFF RAMPS THAT SORT OF RESEMBLE A LOOP – The Border West Expressway is finally open and people on the Westside finally have another path to get to the other side of town besides I-10 and Mesa.  The project was decades in the making and completes the final piece of Loop 375 – connecting the Racetrack Drive area with Downtown El Paso.  Though if you want to get technical, there still is no controlled access highway that runs from the Racetrack drive area to Transmountain.  The road will be a toll road but it is currently free, so ride it all you want while you can.  It’s good to see projects like this finally be completed, though since txdot is involved it will probably become a giant mass of on ramps and exits that make no sense and just increase traffic in the area.  But hey, at least we have a “finished” Loop in El Paso.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

SUNLAND PARK MALL IS NOT DEAD.  IT’S GRAVELY WOUNDED, BUT IT’S NOT DEAD YET – After seeing multiple anchor stores leave or simply disappear, Sunland Park Mall appears to be showing some signs of life.  Road construction in the area is coming to a close, so more people should return in the coming months.  In addition, mall management is aggressively pursuing new tenants with over 15 new stores, restaurants and businesses opening in the last few months or planning to open in the coming months.  So give Sunland Park Mall another try and let’s try to prevent the area from becoming the site of a bloated whale carcass of a shopping center.  (cbs4local.com)

RIDE THE TROLLEY AND HELP THE EL PASO STRONG CAMPAIGN!  THAT’S A GOOD TROLLEY! – The El Paso Strong Ride offer will be extended through the end of October to encourage more donations to the El Paso Strong campaign.  Fares for the trolley will continue to be waived for the remainder of the month with people encouraged to donate instead to the El Paso Strong campaign that is working on creating a memorial to honor the victims of the August 3 terrorist attack at Wal-Mart.  You’re a scholar and a saint, El Paso Streetcar System.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

PEOPLE ARE NOW GETTING SHOT WITH LIVE AMMUNITION IN THE HONG KONG PROTESTS.  THINGS ARE DEFINITELY GETTING WORSE.  AND IN OTHER NEWS, HAPPY 70TH ANNIVERSARY CHINESE REPUBLIC UNDER COMMUNIST RULE! – October 1st was the 70th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China and communist rule in the country.  Naturally, people in Beijing and Hong Kong celebrated differently – with Beijing opting for parades and Hong Kong opting for riots.  The protests in Hong Kong keep on getting more violent and now the government is banning face masks and using live rounds in more cases.  We’ve said it before, but something’s got to give by 2047.  The ‘One Country, Two Systems’ philosophy is imploding on itself and it probably won’t work for a few more decades.  (bbc.com)

SPEAKING OF RIOTS WITH LIVE AMMUNITION, IRAQ IS IN THE MIDST OF MASSIVE PROTESTS – Over 20 people have died around Iraq as a result of large protests and riots against the government and its apparent incompetence.  Unlike Hong Kong, the people here aren’t asking for more autonomy or independence – but they might as well just ask for independence at this point.  Iraq is ‘one system, three countries’ and as soon as the Shia, Sunni and Kurds get their own lands we might actually have something resembling peace and prosperity in the region.  Only foolish pride is holding the “country” together and maybe they should all just admit that smaller countries here make more sense and are more efficient.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT PLANET NINE/NIBIRU/PLANET X MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A MINI BLACK HOLE.  SURE, WHY NOT? – The existence of a massive planet outside the orbit of Pluto has been debated for years.  The weirdo orbit of Trans-Neptunian Objects on the outer reaches of the Solar System has led many to hypothesize that a massive planet is altering their orbit.  But new research has led some scientists to hypothesize that a primordial black hole about the size of a softball is what is causing the observed manipulation of the TNOs.  Although small, the black hole is still very strong and one hopes that it doesn’t decide to visit Earth anytime soon.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/27/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

GO SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC.  AND I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT KHALID – The El Paso International Music Foundation is sponsoring “Locals Week” again this year and it promises to showcase even more local musicians.  The event is spread out over multiple venues and multiple days and includes many free events.  The event is finishing up this weekend, so be sure to go to your nearest music-centric bar and jam out to some talented El Paso-area artists.  The bands, venues and schedules are too numerous to list.  So just check out the neat little write up on El Paso Herald Post for more details.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE EL PASO MUSEUM OF ART HAS FINALLY FINISHED ITS RENOVATION PROJECT AND THE NEW AND IMPROVED MUSEUM IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS.  I WONDER IF THEY FINALLY CREATED A SPACE FOR MURALS AND PRISON ART FEATURING SAD CLOWNS AND OLD ENGLISH LETTERING – This Friday, the El Paso Museum Of Art will be holding the grand opening for the newly renovated second floor of the museum.  This renovation is a few years in the making and was part of the museum’s Refresh Project that also saw the renovation of the museum’s Kress collection.  The renovation promises to make the museum more accessible for patrons as well as allowing more of the museum’s collection to be shown to the public.  As long as they have paintings of pretty naked girls, I support all the city’s arts and culture expenditures.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GOOD SHOW, DONA ANA COUNTY PUBLIC TRANSIT!  THERE’S GOING TO BE A BUS LINE THAT CONNECTS HATCH AND OTHER COMMUNITIES TO LAS CRUCES!  MEANWHILE IN EL PASO, SOCORRO HAS NEGATIVE BUS STOPS AND EL PASO HAS ANTI-CONNECTIVITY WITH NEARBY CITIES LIKE HORIZON – Dona Ana County’s South Central Regional Transit will be adding the ‘Green Line’ that will connect locations such as Hatch, Salem, La Placitas, Rincon, Radium Springs, Doña Ana, Doña Ana Community College, Mountain View Hospital and Memorial Hospital.  The planned service is decades in the making and will give much needed regional connectivity to the growing communities north of Las Cruces.  Public transit is a very good use of a community’s limited resources and it’s good to see that the Mesilla Valley is taking the lead in the region’s public transit needs.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

 FORCING PEOPLE TO LIVE “HAPPILY” UNDER A COMMON FLAG AND GOVERNMENT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.  IT RARELY WORKS.  AND WHEN IT DOES, IT WORKS BADLY – Once upon a time, the vast of majority of Africa was divided up by idiot European powers for the sole purpose of exploiting the people and natural resources.  No care was given to existing cultural and tribal divisions and the borders were drawn haphazardly by people who were equal parts greedy and stupid.  When African “nations” gained independence, they kept the exact same borders and even expanded upon them because the new people in power liked the greedy part of the European drawn borders.  One of the victims of this clusterfuck was Cameroon which combined different peoples that eventually led to French-speaking and English-speaking parts of the country.  This linguistic conflict runs deeper than simply language and a good portion of the country has suffered because of the greedy powers-that-be that want as much territory as they can get their hands on.  The government will be holding a “national dialogue” on September 30 to try and solve this crisis, but when the leaders of Cameroon are a borderline dictatorship – it’s very hard to get anything meaningful done.  And on top of all that, very few of the separatists will be involved in the talks.  It’s good to see that they’re at least acknowledging the problem.  But the world has a long way to go before the issue of Frankenstein countries finally gets fixed.  (africanews.com)

A MILLION PEOPLE ON MARS IN A HUNDRED YEARS.  SOUNDS GREAT, LET’S START NOW – A paper in the journal New Space showcases a plan to sustain a population of one million Martian colonists using only locally-sourced foods.  The plan would take about one hundred years, but eventually a large Martian population would not have to depend on imported food from Earth.  The plan focuses on plant-based, insect-based and lab grown foods that could be efficiently grown on Mars.  In addition, these sustainable food options could be used on Earth and on space-based colonies to make more efficient use of limited resources.  I vote for fungus.  We can eat them AND use them as a construction material.  Everybody wins!  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

SADLY, THIS IS HOW THE REST OF THE WORLD LOOKS AT DONALD TRUMP AND AMERICA.  HELL, EVERYONE IN AMERICA THAT ISN’T A FASCIST BOOTLICKER LOOKS AT IDIOT TRUMP THE SAME WAY – Activist Greta Thunberg gave a stirring speech at this week’s UN climate summit and Donald Trump just waddled around the whole place as everyone stared at him like he was some sort of imbecile.  But the look that Greta Thunberg gave him was a great metaphor for the disdain every sane person in the world has for this moron.  Donald Trump did a lot of stupid shit this week (when doesn’t he do stupid shit?) and is well on his way to an impeachment hearing because of it.  But the perfect visual for Donald Trump’s week – and entire life – is the disgusted look on Greta Thunberg’s face.  We all feel that way, Greta.  We all feel that way.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/20/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DRIVING 100 MPH ON A CITY STREET IS BAD ENOUGH, BUT DOING IT WHILE DRUNK AND THEN CAUSING A DEADLY ACCIDENT JUST MAKES YOU A CRIMINAL OF THE HIGHEST ORDER – Joel Garcia is the cunt that decided to drive his car over 100 mph, while drunk, and ran a red light that caused an accident that claimed the lives of 3 people.  He was recently found guilty of 3 counts of intoxication manslaughter and now awaits the sentencing for his crimes.  The max sentence that can be given to him is 20 years and here’s hoping that they throw the book at him and give him 20 years for each of the three victims – served consecutively so he never sees the light of day.  He was a repeat drunk driver who decided to get drunk and drive again and obviously never learned his lesson.  But the worst part is that he was driving 100 MPH ON A FUCKING NORMAL CITY STREET WITH TRAFFIC LIGHTS!  His genius lawyer said he wasn’t drunk, but that only makes his crime even worse.  That would mean he NEGLIGENTLY DROVE HIS CAR OVER 100 MPH ON A REGULAR STREET WHILE SOBER!  AND THEN RAN A RED LIGHT!  Fuck this guy!  They should give him life in prison and start charging speeders that break the law by a substantial amount with the same level of punishment as drunk drivers.  Drunk driving is bad, but driving your car at irresponsible speeds is much worse.  (cbs4local.com)

LET’S ALL GO WATCH RHINOS PLAY WITH THEMSELVES!  HMMMM, THAT SORT OF CAME OUT WRONG.  LET’S JUST GO WATCH THEM PLAY A HOCKEY SCRIMMAGE – The El Paso Rhinos are back and the reigning back to back Thorne Cup Champions will start the new season with a free inter-squad scrimmage today.  The team is consistently the most successful sports team in El Paso and the surrounding region and we should all give them a hand.  So go support your Rhinos as they get ready to start another hockey season.  Here’s to more championships!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

LA UNION CORN MAZE IS BACK!  THE MAGICAL TIME WHERE DRUNK COLLEGE STUDENTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN SHOW THE SAME MENTAL APTITUDE BY GETTING LOST IN AN OVERSIZED MAZE – Autumn is slowly creeping into the region and La Union Corn Maze has returned as a harbinger for the changing season.  The corn maze will open this Saturday and will stay open until a few days after Halloween on November 3.  This year’s maze design celebrates the 50th anniversary of Western Tech, but I still think my idea of Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Michael Myers Vs. Godzilla would have been a better maze design.  The maze is aimed for families but everyone can enjoy it.  Let’s face it, teens and college students have been known to get drunk before going to the maze and playing games up to and including ‘grab ass’.  So it’s fun for the whole family!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE WORLD HAS A NEW BOOGEY MAN AND THAT BOOGEY MAN IS E-CIGARETTES AND VAPING. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN! – In the past few months there have been 530 cases of what many believe to be a vaping-linked lung disease, with 8 of those cases resulting in death.  Preexisting conditions and illegal modifications of e-cigarettes are believed to be a cause in many of those illnesses, but that hasn’t stopped hysteria from taking over among those in power who want to earn points for upcoming elections.  Alcohol, semi-automatic firearms and high fructose corn syrup are responsible for thousands of illnesses and deaths every month, but we can’t focus on real issues because big, bad e-cigarettes are roaming the halls of all the world’s schools looking to addict and rape all the children.  Imagine if an e-cigarette rapes a middle school student and gives her lung disease and gets her pregnant?  The ensuing abortion/drug/health insurance debate would cause cranial explosions in most conservatives.  Please, think of the children – but only if they’re white and affluent.  (reuters.com)

HAPPY 80TH ANNIVERSARY, BATMAN – September 21 is Batman Day and we here at Simple Minded Entertainment will be celebrating by wearing our Batman undies all weekend long.  Even though the September date seems a bit arbitrary and is not really tied to any Batman-centric event, we will follow DC’s lead and treat this like his actual birthday (yes, we are aware Batman is fictional and does not have an actual birthday).  The holiday will be a world-wide event featuring pop-up shops, themed events, book releases and the Bat-signal shining in cities throughout the world.  Viva Batman!  (newsweek.com)

A CONFLICT IS BREWING IN THE MIDDLE EAST WHERE THE CIA AND AMERICAN ASSETS ARE NOT (WINK, WINK) SERVING AS AGITATORS.  WHERE HAVE WE SEEN THIS BEFORE? – Last weekend’s attack on Saudi oil production facilities “miraculously” had minimal casualties and the damage was not as significant as previously thought.  It couldn’t have gone better even if it was planned by outside forces to escalate a war in the region (wink, wink).  The Houthi rebels in Yemen claimed responsibility for the attack, but they pretty much take credit for everything that bites Saudi Arabia in the ass so they might not be 100% reliable.  The Saudis and Americans claim Iran did it and Iran blames America and the Saudis.  No one here is 100% reliable here and the addition of Donald Trump and friends to the equation adds a steaming pile of bullshit to the existing shit show.  On the home front, it seems like Donald Trump might have been trying to extort Ukraine to attack Joe Biden – so it seems like there is a shit show everywhere this week.  Maybe if Iran makes up bullshit conspiracy theories about Joe Biden and all of Donald Trump’s political enemies, they can sell the information to Donald Trump and get all sanctions removed.  Maybe this is how we finally get peace in the Middle East!  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/13/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SMART BUS IS BACK!  AND THIS TIME HE’S TAKING OVER ALAMEDA AND DYER! – After years of cockteasing, Sun Metro will finally launch the Brio smart bus rapid transit network on Alameda and Dyer this month.  The first Brio service launched on North Mesa a few years ago and now Alameda and Dyer will get improved service, speed and free wi-fi on the new dedicated routes along the major streets.  Montana was supposedly the next Brio project after this, but with construction coming up on the street I wouldn’t be surprised if Montwood became the new candidate to receive the Brio smart bust treatment.  It’s not rail transportation, but smart bus is no joke.  Smart bus is smart, dammit.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

RIVER OAKS WILL BUILD ONE MEELEEON BEELEEON SHOPPING CENTERS IN EL PASO WITHIN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.  BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE THING EL PASO NEEDS MORE OF, IT IS MINI MALLS – In exciting news for fans of strip malls, River Oaks Properties has announced that they will build 11 new shopping centers in the region.  The construction projects will be built in 2019 and 2020 and will add 500,000 square feet of shopping space – mainly around Far East and Northwest El Paso.  When asked for a comment, a spokesperson for River Oaks simply started yelling, “SHOPPING CENTERS!  SHOPPING CENTERS!  SHOPPING CENTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

HEY KIDS, HERE’S ANOTHER CHANCE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE INTERNET WHEN THEY ASK YOU TO NAME SOMETHING.  FEEL FREE TO MAKE UP THE DUMBEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF – El Paso Animal Services has a new giant dog mascot and they want you to name it.  Although the online voting only lets you choose between Franklin, Sunny and Wilson; who says you can’t submit an anonymous email and ask them to name it something else.  Feel free to submit a stupid name, kids.  Don’t let the man stop your dreams.  I suggest the names ‘Rabies The Dog’, ‘Poochie The Dog’, ‘Chico The Chihuahua 3000’ or ‘Dee Margo Is An Incompetent Mayor The Dog’.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I DON’T KNOW WHAT GOD OR GODS THE BAHAMAS PISSED OFF.  BUT I DON’T EVER WANT TO PISS OFF THOSE CELESTIAL FUCKERS – Almost two weeks after Hurricane Dorian devastated parts of the Bahamas, over one thousand people are still missing and another tropical storm is expected to hit the area over the weekend.  Though the new storm isn’t as strong as the monstrous Hurricane Dorian, a new storm passing by so soon is like rubbing salt on the wound.  Take care, Bahamas.  (reuters.com)

HONG KONG HAS A NEW UNOFFICIAL NATIONAL ANTHEM NOW.  THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT END WELL – Although people are saying that the protests in Hong Kong are ‘pro-democracy rallies’, the obvious truth is that these are pro-independence rallies in an extremely volatile part of the world.  At this point, Hong Kong would gladly welcome a communist regime or ultra religious caliphate if it meant that they would gain independence from China.  This week saw the most powerful symbolic gestures yet in the protests as the people of Hong Kong booed the Chinese national anthem during Hong Kong’s World Cup qualifying match and also started singing a new Hong Kong anthem – “Glory To Hong Kong” – in flash mobs throughout the territory.  To a country like China that gets extremely butt-hurt over symbolic things like flags and national anthems, this new action by Hong Kong is perhaps the most startling.  Who knows how this is going to end, but it’s not going to be pretty.  The ‘one country, two systems’ policy looks dead in the water and either China comes in and invades the entire thing or Hong Kong does the impossible and manages to become an independent state.  The countdown to 2047 continues.  (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE EDDIE MONEY HAS USED ONE OF HIS TICKETS.  REST IN PEACE, EDDIE MONEY – In sad news in the world of rock music, Eddie Money has passed away at the age of 70.  He had an amazing career that included massive hits in the ‘70s and ‘80s.  He was a musical icon and continued to rock and appear on TV until the day he died.  Among his hits are the songs “Two Tickets to Paradise”, “Take Me Home Tonight”, “Walk on Water” and “Baby Hold On”.  The man is gone, but his music will live on and will always pop up whenever someone does anything involving the ‘80s.  It’s federal law that you must include an Eddie Money song if you ever do a movie or TV show set in the ‘80s.  Keep on rocking up there, Eddie Money.  (deadline.com)