Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/03/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL TIME AGAIN!  AND ONCE MORE THEY HAVE SHUNNED DEUCE BIGELOW:  MALE GIGOLO – One of El Paso’s best yearly events is the Plaza Classic Film Festival.  The movie lover’s dream returns this week with more than a week of excellent movies chock full of special guests and related events.  This year there is an even bigger focus on movies with local connections and even a museum exhibit dedicated to the greater Paso Del Norte region and its role in film history.  So make sure you check out at least one movie this festival season.  You can’t go wrong with seeing a classic film in the gorgeous movie palace known as the Plaza Theatre.  The festival runs from August 2 to 12 and you can find more information at plazaclassic.com.  (elpasoinc.com)

EL PASO HAS ANOTHER WORLD CHAMPION – Kudos to Andres Hernandez for winning the gold in the 200 freestyle, in addition to other medals in the 100 freestyle and the 100 back, at the World Swimming Championships for Down syndrome that took place in Canada recently.  Andres has been competing for years and this time out beat competitors from over 20 countries to get his medals.  Congratulations to Andres.  He makes the region proud.  (cbs4local.com)

FRIENDLY ESTONIANS ARE INVADING EL PASO WITH BOOKS!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! – Because everyone on Facebook is a moron, “worried” parents created a mini-scare among an El Paso parents Facebook group when they shared stories of foreign exchange student booksellers roaming the city.  This being Facebook, people immediately jumped to conclusions and started talking about human trafficking, child abductions and other preposterous scenarios.  Naturally, the local news media got involved and calmed everyone’s nerves by discovering that the book sellers were Estonian students that were ensnared by, borderline pyramid scheme, Southwest Advantage to sell books during their summer break.  So no, Estonians are not here to kidnap your children.  They might be a bit pushy when selling books, but please be polite if you encounter them in your neighborhood.  They are guests in our community and we should be friendly and make them feel welcome.  Whoever assigned these poor souls to sell books in Clint during the middle of summer is one messed up individual.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ON A POSITIVE NOTE, AT LEAST MUGABE ISN’T LEADER OF ZIMBABWE ANYMORE – The first open democratic election in Zimbabwe in decades started out well and then turned into a bloody riot once the results came in earlier this week.  The vote was close, but in the end incumbent President Emmerson Mnangagwa and his party won re-election with a majority of the seats in power.  The close result and long delay in the count have caused some of the population to think that the vote was rigged and this led to deadly protests on the day the results were first released.  Opposition leader Nelson Chamisa has also rejected the results and claims to have really won the election thus making a tense situation that much more dangerous.  Though no serious voting irregularities were reported, Zimbabwe has a SLIGHT reputation for being corrupt and that has led the population to question the results. Regardless, Zimbabwe is still doing WAAAAAAY better than when idiot Mugabe was in charge.  (bbc.com)

AT THIS RATE, EUROPE WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IMMIGRANTS ANYMORE.  BECAUSE EUROPE WILL BE BURNED TO A CRISP AND EVERYONE WILL BE DEAD.  ONLY THE LAVA PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO MIGRATE TO EUROPE – Temperatures are expected to approach the continental record of 118 degrees Fahrenheit the next few days when temps in parts of Spain and Portugal flirt with that hellish mark.  The rest of Europe is also burning up and the heatwave of 2018 continues to be one for the ages.  But of course, global climate change doesn’t exist so this is all an illusion and fake news.  If everyone just ignores the high temperatures, like climate change, the temps will magically go back to normal.  Take care, Europe.  In addition to rising sea levels, desertification and the expansion of existing deserts is one aspect of climate change that many people overlook.  Let’s just hope Europe doesn’t become Sahara 2.  (bbc.com)

THAT IS ONE INTERESTING WEIRDO ROGUE PLANET – Turns out the weirdo rogue object that is floating in the Milky Way is not a Brown Dwarf, but a really big planet.  The orb’s unofficial name has been shortened to SIMP and it is now been deemed a planet because it is just “small” enough to fit in that category.  It seems our giant orb friend also has a powerful magnetic field, is really hot and might have a moon!  The universe is really, really weird.  Let’s just hope SIMP doesn’t decide to wander into our Solar System and play billiards with all his new orb friends.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/27/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DUE TO A SLIGHT CALCULATION ERROR, THE $20 MILLION EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM APPROVED IN THE 2012 BOND ELECTION SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN A $60 MILLION CHILDREN’S MUSEUM.  OOPS, GUESS THEY’LL JUST HAVE TO RAISE TAXES – In the 2012 Quality of Life Bond Election, voters approved $20 million for a children’s museum.  After actual analysis and proper estimates, it turns out a decent museum will cost $60 million.  As a result, the City of El Paso decided this week to give an additional $20 million to the museum with the caveat that the other $20 million is raised by the private sector.  All in all, the region will be getting a better museum but it really makes the people who put together the bond proposal look like complete neophyte idiots.  The tax impact will only be about $3 extra a year on a house valued at $100,000 – so that just means one less Fireball shot for everyone when they go out to the Douchebarmuda Triangle between George Dieter and Zaragoza.  Oh well, now I can only drink 10 Fireball shots in one night.  Hopefully this is the last of the 2012 Bond Election errors we’ll be seeing, but judging by the state of the arena project I wouldn’t be surprised if that $100+ million dollar commitment turned into a one meeleeon beelleon dollar commitment over the next few years.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO INC DID A WRITE UP ON LOCAL INTERNET-PEOPLE AND DID NOT MENTION SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT.  FOR SHAME, EL PASO INC.  FOR SHAME – Although we are hurt that El Paso Inc. didn’t mention us in their review of favorite local internet-people, it’s still a great list and a good gateway into all the great vloggers, podcasters, writers and internet-people that are making it here in El Paso and the surrounding region.  From booze to travel to comedy to literature; there is an abundance of local talent covering every topic under the sun.  So go check out their list for some good El Paso area entertainment.  (elpasoinc.com)

THE CULT-CHARTER-FAILED EXPERIMENT SCHOOLS ARE INVADING EL PASO!  IT’S FREE LIKE A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE TAXPAYER MONEY INSTEAD GOES TO A HEARTLESS “NON-PROFIT” HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY.  HOORAY PROGRESS? – IDEA School is opening up in Far East El Paso and it’s about as weird as you would expect from a charter-cult school.  I guess all you need to know about the school and the cult program is that they will overload classrooms and aim to have “every student complete college”.  Although a pipe dream, it is a very stupid pipe dream.  If everyone gets a college degree it will cheapen the college degree and having one will be insignificant.  Wouldn’t it be better if some kids that aren’t particularly good at school went through a vocational program and got a job instead?  Shouldn’t the ultimate goal be that every student ends up in a meaningful job instead of the cliché “all kids should go to college”?  All in all, the loaded classrooms and pie in the sky rhetoric makes these schools the same as public schools – but this time the majority of your money goes out of town!  The American government has no fucking clue on how to fix the education system.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WITH ALL ITS PROBLEMS, THE LAST THING GREECE NEEDED WAS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE.  THE LAST THING ANYONE NEEDS IS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE – Over 80 people are dead after devastating wild fires hit the Greek coast near Athens, severely damaging multiple villages popular with tourists.  The hardest hit area was the town of Mati where people where many people were overtaken by the fires as they desperately tried to run to the ocean.  Arson is currently considered as the main source of the fire and government officials are also blaming illegal construction and poor municipal planning for the lack of escape routes and for creating an environment conductive to wild fires.  This is the worst fire to hit Greece in decades but, with climate change burning and drying up a good portion of the world, it’s looking like these types of events will sadly become the norm.  (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE MARS HAS EVEN MORE WATER THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT.  AT THIS RATE THEY’LL BE TELLING US THAT THE CANALS ON MARS ARE IN FACT FILLED WITH WATER AND MARTIANS AND THEY HAVE BEEN LYING TO US THIS WHOLE TIME – Last time out, scientists revealed that satellite images had shown signs of melted ice and short-lived running water in some parts of Mars.  Now scientists have used data gathered from the European Space Agency’s Mars Express to show that there is possibly a decent sized lake of liquid water underneath part of Mars’ polar ice cap.  Using radar to penetrate the ground, the spacecraft bounced back data that seems to show that there is something ‘lake-like’ under the surface.  It will take years before a mission can go to the Mars ice cap to verify this information, but it’s looking like Mars is more active than previously thought.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

TURNS OUT AMAZON’S FACIAL RECOGNITION SOFTWARE IS RACIST.  WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT SUCH A NOBLE AND HONEST COMPANY WOULD CREATE AN ERROR-FILLED, RACIST ALGORITHM – The ACLU recently ran the pictures of all the members of Congress through Amazon’s, much ballyhooed, Rekognition program and 28 were identified as police suspects.  In addition, 40% of the false positives were black even though the percentage of black members of Congress is much lower than 40%.  This would be hilarious if it weren’t such a serious issue.  Apparently, the facial recognition software is a bit on the biased side when linking minorities to a criminal database.  Emboldened by the news, Amazon has said that they will now change their slogan “From A to Z” into the more fitting “From A to KKK”.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/20/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK!  A DISASTER ON I-10 THAT WASN’T CAUSED BY TXDOT! – In one of the biggest traffic nightmares to ever hit El Paso, I-10 has been closed in both directions for more than a day after a truck driver stupidly crashed his truck on Thursday into one of the supporting columns on a utility bridge in that part of I-10 that goes under downtown.  Temporary repairs should be completed soon to open up the freeway, but more permanent repairs will take some time.  The crash was caused when a truck driver from an Arizona company was reaching for his “water bottle” and swerved to the side thus crashing into the column and causing his trailer to burst into flames.  I really hope that “water bottle” is code for “Big Gulp filled with vodka” because it’s pretty scary that someone did something this stupid while completely sober.  The next step will be for the City and state to sue the driver and trucking company for all they’re worth to make up for all the lost time and money caused by this stupid traffic accident.  Hell, everyone in El Paso should sue the fucking company and driver and at least get a few bucks for their misfortune.  (cbs4local.com)

LAS CRUCES IS SHOWING EVERYONE HOW TO DO A PROPER BOND ELECTION.  MEANWHILE IN EL PASO, CITY COUNCIL IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MORE WAYS TO DO A POORLY WORDED BOND ELECTION SO THAT EVEN LESS CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH MORE MONEY – Kudos to the Las Cruces city government in being as thorough and informative as possible in their upcoming bond election.  In addition to separating all bond measures to be voted upon individually, the General Obligation Bond Election will be conducted via a mail-in ballot sent to all eligible voters.  The wording on the measures are also specific yet vague enough so that the city isn’t pigeon-holed in what they can and can’t do with the funds (who can forget the geniuses in the City of El Paso’s legal department who decided to call an arena a ‘multi-purpose center’ even though everyone knew it was a fucking arena).  Clear choices, accessibility and proper legal vetting – maybe the City of El Paso should have the Las Cruces government look over their bond elections.  Nah, the City of El Paso will just use Certificates of Obligation to skip that whole pesky bond election nuisance.  (cbs4local.com)

I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS TO NEVER POST A VIRAL VIDEO HARASSING COPS ON THE INTERNET IF YOU COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES IN FULL VIEW OF SECURITY CAMERAS A FEW DAYS BEFORE – People were “outraged” a few days back when a cop pulled his gun on a bunch of annoying wannabe thug kids who refused to follow orders and were walking behind him (note to readers:  never walk behind a cop’s line of sight in a heated situation, you’re just asking to get shot at that point).  Many people defended the dumbass kids in the video and wanted the unprofessional cop to be prosecuted for some non-existent crime.  But fast forward a few weeks and we learn that those “innocent’ kids are full blown criminals who are considered a pariah by most people in their neighborhood.  A recent crime spree of robberies and vandalism was reported in Ascarate park a few weeks back and, low and behold, the kids caught on tape committing the crimes turned out to be the “innocent” children who thought they were badasses for harassing a cop and recording it.  Thankfully, these morons will now go to juvenile detention where they will hopefully learn a lesson and stay away from horrible influences and the older ones will go straight to jail where they will hopefully re-think their path in life.  And if there is any justice in the world, the parents of these fuckheads will all be monitored by Child Protective Services and be prosecuted if their children ever do shit like this again.  So if you plan on ever going on a crime spree caught by multiple security cameras, make sure you don’t come out in any viral videos where you will be easily identified.  And yes, a cop losing his cool and pulling his gun on some wannabe thugs is bad.  But being a criminal who goes on crime sprees is much worse, no matter how old you are.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE IT’S SEXUAL ABUSE PUBLIC RELATIONS NIGHTMARE WEEK AT THE VATICAN ……. AGAIN – In addition to the horrible messes that Pope Francis has been dealing with in Chile, Honduras and Australia; now we have another truly disturbing scandal involving a Cardinal in America that looks to explode and bring more pressure on the Pope to actually dole out some meaningful punishments.  Cardinal Theodore McCarrick is facing multiple accusations of abuse and improper behavior and more seem to be popping up.  All in all, the accusations are pretty bad and if found to be true Pope Francis will be under great pressure to dole out a serious punishment instead of the usual “lifetime of penance” thing they normally do.  For all of the Pope’s progressive talk, now is the time where his actions should match his words.  (northjersey.com)

WHILE DONALD TRUMP THREATENS THE WORLD TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS “SMALL HANDS”, PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS IN AFRICA TALKING ABOUT MUTUAL RESPECT AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT IN THE CONTINENT.  LOOK KIDS, A FALLING STAR!  OH WAIT, THAT’S JUST AMERICA’S STANDING AS A GLOBAL POWER FALLING TO THE GROUND – In international news that is mostly positive, Chinese President Xi Jinping is in Africa for the upcoming BRICS summit (emerging markets shindig) in Johannesburg and is taking the opportunity to visit Senegal and Rwanda to strengthen China’s ties to these countries.  In this climate of tariffs and trade wars created by the idiot in the White House, China is doing the exact opposite and talking about mutual respect and the benefits of trade as he wins over the vast majority of Africa to China’s sphere of influence.  Sure, China is doing this mainly for its own benefit and their might be some ulterior motives.  But compared to the shit that the European powers and America have done in Africa, giving countries Chinese loans in order to improve infrastructure and manufacturing isn’t the most nefarious thing imaginable.  Once upon a time, America was respected and looked up to in places like Senegal and other African countries.  Nowadays ……. not so much.  (africatimes.com)

JUPITER HAS A LOT OF MOONS AND NOW IT HAS 12 NEW MOONS.  SO WHILE JUPITER HAS 79 MOONS, MERCURY AND VENUS STILL HAVE NONE.  POOR MERCURY AND VENUS ARE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS AND SAN DIEGO PADRES OF CELESTIAL ORBS – Scientists looking for the fabled Planet X have discovered 12 new moons surrounding Jupiter when the orb passed by their viewing range.  The researchers with the Carnegie Institution for Science found 12 previously unseen moons including a weirdo moon that is less than a kilometer in diameter and that travels in the opposite direction as its closest moon neighbors.  Most of these moons are really small compared to other moons, but having 12 new moons is still very impressive for Jupiter.  I’m sure Mercury and Venus would be elated just to have one teeny, tiny moon to keep them company.  (space.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/13/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUNLAND PARK IS CELEBRATING ITS 35TH YEAR OF BEING AN “OFFICIAL” CITY BY BRINGING IN HUNDREDS OF JOBS TO THE CITY!  HOW THE HELL DID THE DUMBASSES IN THE CITY GOVERNMENT NOT FUCK THIS UP? – In surprising and happy news, Stampede has announced that they will be establishing a major protein processing (mass food preparation) plant in Sunland Park that will create over 1,000 jobs in Sunland Park.  When Tyson Foods left the facility a few years back, state and local government agencies came together to create a plan to bring another employer to fill the void and they have surely accomplished that goal (and then some) with the arrival of Stampede to the city.  Who knows how much credit the city government of Sunland Park should get for this?  But I like to think that when Mesilla Valley Economic Development Alliance members and state officials had meetings with Stampede in Sunland Park, they told the mayor and city council members that the meeting was on the Moon and sent them to the Spaceport so they wouldn’t screw up negotiations.  Happy 35th anniversary of being called a city, Sunland Park.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EL PASO’S DIVISION TWO SOCCER TEAM IS HAVING A “CONTEST” TO CHOOSE A NAME FOR THE TEAM.  IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ALREADY HAVE THE NAME DECIDED ON AND ARE USING THIS AS A SHAMELESS MARKETING SCHEME.  LORD KNOWS HOW WELL THE NAMING CONTEST DEBACLE WENT FOR THE CHIHUAHUAS – El Paso is getting a division 2 soccer team and MountainStar Sports Group “needs your help” in picking a name.  The El Paso team will play in the USL and fans are asked to pick from a list of five finalists.  Three of the names (Stars, Estrellas and Tejanos) are amazingly stupid so, knowing the team management, are probably the frontrunners.  Tejanos is actually the dumbest name that can be chosen because ‘Tejanos’ is the term that people in South Texas east of Laredo use to refer to themselves because of some random pseudo-historical beliefs that they hold.  So Tejanos makes no sense in this part of the world and it’s also, inexplicably, the nickname for the El Paso Community College sports teams.  The remaining two names aren’t all that bad and both have a nice ring to them.  ‘Lagartos’ has a strong affinity with Downtown El Paso and the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the desert gator theme was a fan favorite when the baseball team voting contest was announced before Chihuahuas was finally chosen.  ‘Locomotive’ is the other name that is pretty cool because it ties in with the train yard and railroad history in El Paso and acts as an homage to all the Eastern European futball teams that use the Lokomotiv name.  So please, for the love of God, go vote for Lagartos or Locomotive as the El Paso Futball team name.  Otherwise we’ll end up with Stars, Estrellas or (GROAN) Tejanos.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

NMSU STUDENT EXCAVATIONS HAVE UNCOVERED THE REMAINS OF A SETTLEMENT MORE THAN 500 YEARS OLD THAT SHEDS LIGHT ON THE ORIGINAL JORNADA MOGOLLON INHABITANTS OF THE REGION.  ARCHAEOLOGY IS FUN! – NMSU’s Anthropology Department has continued important work on the poorly named Cottonwood Spring Pueblo north of Las Cruces and the El Paso Herald Post has a great story on the ongoing research.  Although it is called a ‘pueblo’ the settlement is more closely related to the Mogollon people and the Paquime nation state than the contemporary Pueblo settlements and people of northern New Mexico.  If anything, the people who created these settlements are more closely related to the contemporary Apache tribes in the area than to any other group.  Still, the research they are doing here is very important and gives a clear picture of the complex and advanced peoples that inhabited our region hundreds of years ago.  Current dating techniques place the Cottonwood Spring Settlement to about 1300 to 1450 AD and the size is rather impressive, consisting of hundreds of rooms.  Let us never forget our past and the history of the Greater Mogollon region and its people.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU WERE WONDERING IF THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE IN NICARAGUA, WELL THEY JUST GOT WORSE – Fighting continues in Nicaragua as mass protests have grown in the past few months and a mass strike just added more fuel to the fire.  Of the more extreme things to come out this week was the raid by government/paramilitary forces on a church that resulted in the deaths of multiple protestors that were seeking refuge in the facility.  As it stands, President Daniel Ortega is steadfast on maintaining power and will not even call for new elections or any viable changes.  So both sides are at a stalemate and we now find the violence in the country approaching ‘90s civil war levels.  If you thought the migration from Central American countries into the U.S. was bad now, it will get monumentally worse if Nicaragua goes into civil war mode.  (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO EARTHQUAKES, HURRICANES AND VOLCANOES; JAPAN ALSO HAS TO DEAL WITH OVERWHELMING RAIN AND CATASTROPHIC FLOODING.  I GUESS GODZILLA AND OTHER KAIJU ARE JUST THINLY-VEILED METAPHORS FOR ALL THE NATURAL DISASTERS THAT CONSISTENTLY HIT JAPAN ON A CONSISTENT BASIS – Torrential rains and accompanying floods and mudslides in western and central Japan have killed more than 170 people since last week and millions more have been affected by blackouts and the evacuation of homes in the danger zone.  This is the strongest flooding event that Japan has seen in decades and some parts of the country have truly been devastated.  Although the rain has died down, any future rainfall in these saturated areas will just bring more damage and destruction.  Stay safe, Japan.  (bbc.com)

THE WORLD CUP IS COMING TO AN END.  ALL THAT’S LEFT IS THE UNLIKELY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF FRANCE VS. CROATIA.  RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE FINAL – The World Cup ends on Sunday and it has been, for the most part, a pretty good tournament.  No real standout team has emerged, but we have had a few solid teams in the mix and two of the strongest are now in the final.  Croatia is probably the more exciting and productive of the two, but France has the “strong defense, only do enough to win” vibe that doesn’t excite but leads to multiple victories.  So who you got?  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/06/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

JUDGING BY THE LOCAL NEWS STATIONS, YOU’D THINK THAT DRUNK DRIVING AND DOWNTOWN ARENA CONSTRUCTION WOULD BE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN EL PASO.  BUT NO, PLAIN OLD HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER IN EL PASO – The El Paso Public Health Department has released a study that covers different aspects of the health of El Paso’s residents as a whole.  Among the more interesting findings was that the top 4 leading causes of death in the region can be attributed to cardiovascular disease, cancer, stroke and accidents.  They also released a color coded map of the area’s health issues with dark red being the color for the unhealthiest areas of the city.  Guess what part of the city was colored with the darkest red imaginable?  It rhymes with ‘Vower Lalley’.  Who would have thought that a car-dependent area filled with nothing but auto dealerships, junkyards, bars, greasy spoon diners, money laundering operations masquerading as successful businesses and liquor stores would be an unhealthy environment?  Naturally, the people in the Lower Valley will respond by complaining to the city and asking for more on-street parking and more places to drive their car – why bother with sidewalks when you can just use that space for another driving lane and more parking!  That last part sounds like a joke, but people in the Lower Valley have actually asked for sidewalks and pedestrian areas to be removed so they can have more space to park and drive their shitty cars.  (cbs4local.com)

MIRACLE IN LAS CRUCES – Kudos to the Las Cruces community and other charitable people in the area for stepping up big time when the  Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission burned down on June 22.  Since then, different people and businesses have committed to help and now the thrift store will have a temporary home as they make repairs and the more than 700 children who depend on the organization for school clothes will still be able to get help for the upcoming school year.  The Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission could still use help, so if you want to donate to an organization doing good things locally look no further than these guys.  (cbs4local.com)

JUST ANOTHER FRIENDLY REMINDER, RED SANDS IS FUCKING PRIVATE PROPERTY.  SO QUIT POLLUTING THE PRISTINE SAND DUNES WITH UNAUTHORIZED OFF ROAD VEHICLES.  BAD ENOUGH THAT CRAPPY HOUSING IS ALREADY ENCROACHING ON THE AREA – Red Sands is private property, but that still doesn’t stop the throngs of people who use it for off-roading, drinking, photo shoots, parties and other random violations of natural space.  The problem is so bad that there is a security force known as the Texas Rescue Patrol (possible Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers reference) that is made up of volunteers whose sole purpose is to make sure people don’t go onto the private Red Sands property for borderline illicit activities.  Instead of focusing on dime a dozen trails on the Westside and rundown slum housing in Union Plaza, it would be nice if “activists” and other interested parties would work with El Paso County and other relevant government entities to try and secure all this land for preservation and regulated public use.  One day greedy developers are going to encroach on this entire area and a unique and pristine sand dune environment will be destroyed.  If you think dumbass, disrespectful off-roaders are cunts; you have no idea how bad the developers will be in comparison.  Let’s force the government to finally step up to the plate at Red Sands and make it a public park.  The Texas Rescue Patrol can protect Red Sands from 4th of July fireworks but, unlike Chip and Dale, they can’t be around 24/7 to protect Red Sands all the time.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY FOUND THE KIDS TRAPPED IN A CAVE IN THAILAND.  THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY ARE STRANDED IN THE FLOODED CAVE AND IT’S GOING TO BE A HELL OF AN EFFORT TO GET THEM OUT – 12 boys and their futball coach have been found in the Tham Luang cave in Thailand after being missing for days, but now the hard part begins as volunteers try to take them out.  A diver has already died trying to deliver supplies and the monsoon season means it’s a race against time to try and get them out.  Many ideas have been brought up to try and get them out, ranging from the practical to the absurd, as authorities plan their next move.  As always, famous attention whore Elon Musk came out with a stupid idea involving a “kid-sized submarine” even though it’s already been noted that some of the gaps in the cave are so narrow that a diver cannot pass while wearing an oxygen tank.  But sure, a fucking submarine should have no problem taking the kids out in narrow passages where only one person can fit.  Elon Musk, ladies and gentleman!  And they still keep on giving the fucker billions of dollars for outlandish, “futuristic” ideas that don’t generate a profit.  A dozen kids are close to death and Elon Musk still manages to weasel his way into the story.  God help those poor children.  If the cave doesn’t kill them, the SpaceX Tesla Super Submarine will surely explode and kill them all.  (bbc.com)

MEXICO HAS A NEW PRESIDENT, BUT JUAREZ STILL CAN’T PICK A DAMN MAYOR – Lopez Obrador was the landslide winner in Mexico’s election in a contest that wasn’t even close.  But while pundits are marveling over Obrador and the Morena party’s rise to power, Juarez is having an ongoing controversy in the mayoral election.  Preliminary results show Javier Gonzalez Mocken from the Morena party beat incumbent Armando Cabada by just over 5,000 votes.  Naturally, this has led to calls for a recount and claims of fraud at the polls.  And with the added bonus of Cabada being involved, the drama in the Juarez race is the most spectacularly absurd election in all of Mexico.  (elpasotimes.com)

AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE YEARS OF SHITTING ON ETHICS AND COMMON DECENCY, SCOTT PRUITT RESIGNED AS CHIEF OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY – Scott Pruitt resigned this week not because Republicans finally grew a pair of balls and called him out on his corruption and cronyism, but because his feelings were hurt because activists were calling him and his family out for being human excrement.  Normally this would be great news, but Donald Trump will just find another sack of shit with no morals to “lead” the EPA and allow corporations to do whatever they want to the environment as long as they “donate” to the right politicians.  Fuck those guys.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/29/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THIS COMING WEEK WE WILL ALL BE CELEBRATING AN IMPORTANT ANNIVERSARY.  THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S CHICO’S TACOS 65TH ANNIVERSARY! – Chico’s Tacos first opened its doors on July 4, 1953 and El Paso, and the world, has never been the same.  Among all their legendary food items, Chico’s is best known for its flautas that are drowned in cheese and a special tomato sauce and that are the food of choice for drunk people getting out of bars at 2 AM.  Though if you go to Chico’s you also have to try the El Paso-style round hot dog or the special menu item where they put a hamburger patty inside a grilled cheese sandwich.  So be sure to do your civic duty this coming week by visiting Chico’s Tacos and buying your fair share of delicious, greasy food and commemorative T-Shirts.  On July 4 we honor Joe Mora, Emma Mora and family for giving us Chico’s Tacos on that fateful July 4th in 1953.  On a side note, July 4th is also Independence Day so you can celebrate that as well and make a double holiday out of it!  (cbs4local.com)

IN STARTLING NEWS, EL PASO COUNTY HAS REVEALED THAT THE ASCARATE GOLF COURSE LOSES MONEY EVERY YEAR AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE WITH TIME.  BUT EL PASO COUNTY IS SO COMPETENT AND THE ASCARATE GOLF COURSE IS SO EFFICIENTLY RUN, HOW CAN THAT BE? – A new report reveals that the Ascarate Park Golf Course loses money because “people aren’t playing gold anymore”.  Seriously, a department in El Paso County researched all the financials and information available on Ascarate and came up with the impressive conclusion that “people just aren’t playing that much golf anymore (shrugs shoulders)”.  Armed with this impressive research, County Commissioners must now decide how to fix this problem and at least break even with the golf course.  Gee, maybe a government entity should not be in charge of an old golf course and should instead sell it and let a private company handle it.  At the very least they can transfer the entire park to the City of El Paso – they do have a parks and recreation department and handle every other fucking park inside city limits.  Hell, maybe El Paso COUNTY can actually build a park outside of El Paso city limits and let the city government handle parks INSIDE city limits.  But alas, El Paso County will keep on pursuing pointless endeavors and lose money on projects they have no business in running.  (cbs4local.com)

KHALID IS HOLDING A SPECIAL HOMETOWN CONCERT IN EL PASO IN SEPTEMBE …… WAIT IT SOLD OUT, BUT THEY JUST ADDED A SECOND SHO ……. TOO SLOW, THAT ONE SOLD OUT TOO – Khalid announced a special hometown show at the Don Haskins Center for September 14 and soon after the tickets went on sale the show sold out in minutes.  But because Khalid is such a cool guy, he added a second show to maximize the amount of people who bought tickets.   Space is still available for the second show, so buy your tickets now or miss out on some Khalid action.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AT LEAST EUROPE IS TRYING TO FACE ITS MIGRATION PROBLEMS HUMANELY.  UNLIKE OTHER COUNTRIES – After days of contentious meetings, the European Union has reached an immigration control agreement between its members that seeks to make sure all countries are on the same page when it comes to migration.  Even though the number of immigrants that have come into Europe has dropped considerably in the last couple of years, some eastern European countries continue to be racist and Italy continues to take the brunt of the Mediterranean migrants because it is the closest and most popular entry point for migrants.  One of the main issues is the weirdo European Union policy of having migrants register in the country where they reach Europe (which is most often Italy) and the fact that most people don’t want to stay in Italy or any of the other countries that they arrive in when they reach the continent and instead want to go to Germany or France.  This new agreement offers to help the “arrival” countries and give funding to promote economic development in Africa , but most people believe this is all for show and that the continents migration issues will continue.  But at least they aren’t separating children from their parents and creating internment camps on military bases – that would just be fascist and no modern country would ever sink to those levels.  (reuters.com)

IT’S GREEN SATURDAY!  GO STOCK UP ON YOUR UNREGULATED GHETTO WEED PRODUCTS BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT TAKES THEM ALL! – Ever since California legalized recreational marijuana sales, July 1st was the date given for when full government regulation would kick in to ensure that all marijuana retailers were only selling safe and government approved products.  With that in mind, shops all over California are rushing to fulfill these government regulations and are having fire sales to get rid of all their ‘unregulated’ merchandise before they become unauthorized.  It’s Weed Apocalypse and now is the time to stock up on cheap, ghetto weed and marijuana products from a legitimate business before you are forced to buy your favorite garbage product from a random drug dealer that doesn’t know the difference between herbicides and rat poison.  (reuters.com)

REMEMBER WHEN REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS REFUSED TO APPROVE BARACK OBAMA’S FULLY MANDATED CHOICE FOR THE SUPREME COURT BECAUSE “THERE WAS AN IMPORTANT ELECTION COMING UP”?  GUESS WHO IS NOW TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH A FLY BY NIGHT SUPREME COURT NOMINATION BEFORE A MAJOR ELECTION? – Republicans and Conservatives are hypocritical sacks of shit.  Donald Trump gets a lot of blame for being a complete, fucking cunt and human excrement, but the Republicans are fully complicit in all this fascist bullshit and they should be called out on it.  The fact that they stole a Supreme Court pick from President Obama and are now trying to fast track a pick from Donald Trump speaks volumes about their hypocrisy and evil nature.  We won’t even bother with the mysteriously corrupt circumstances of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement; these fuckers can burn the Constitution and wipe their ass with the ashes and the redneck fucks that follow them would just applaud.  The scary thing is that most of these sacks of shit are followers of American Evangelism, which is nothing more than an evil mockery of the teachings of Jesus Christ, and they use to justify their racism and evil nature.  Jesus would be ashamed of these people and the vile things that they do in his name.  Fuck the hypocrite, conservative Republican sacks of shit and their theft of the Supreme Court.  Republicans sure seem to be fans of treason and fascism.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/22/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUMMER IS HERE AND, AS TRADITION DICTATES, IT’S GOING TO BE HOTTER THAN HELL IN THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – El Paso is welcoming Summer in its usual fashion with a crippling heat wave.  Temperatures are expected to hover around highs of 105 degrees Fahrenheit or higher this weekend, so be safe and try to limit outdoor activities this weekend.  You can go outside, but just don’t do anything stupid.  El Paso is used to super hot weather but nobody is immune to heat stroke.  (cbs4local.com)

KUDOS TO THE EL PASO COMMUNITY FOUNDATION FOR TRYING TO HELP OUT IMMIGRANT FAMILIES THAT ARE STUCK ON THE BORDER ON BOTH SIDES – Since we last left Donald Trump’s Fascist Adventures, he decided to create a humanitarian crisis by issuing his big bad “Zero Tolerance” policy that led to children being separated from their parents and placed in internment camps.  After that massive public relations failure, Donald Trump backtracked on the whole torturing children plan and is now flapping his gums and spewing racist rhetoric to try and cover his mistakes.  After this clusterfuck, there are a ton of impoverished families that need help and the El Paso Community Foundation is stepping up to help all those in need in the Paso del Norte region.  The “Migrant Families Relief Fund” that they started will help distribute funds to local organizations that will provide everything from food to supplies to housing and legal aid for immigrants in need in both El Paso and Juarez.  Good show, El Paso Community Foundation.  Even if fascists are in power in Washington, it doesn’t mean that the rest of the country can’t be decent human beings.  (elpasoinc.com)

STUDENTS AT CLARKE MIDDLE SCHOOL HAVE CREATED A MOBILE APP THAT HAS BEEN PICKED UP BY THE APPLE APP STORE.  WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL I USED COMPUTERS TO WRITE ANONYMOUS OBSCENITIES ON RANDOM MESSAGE BOARDS AND LOOK FOR PICTURES OF NAKED GIRLS.  DAMN, THIS NEW GENERATION OF RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULTS ARE MAKING ME LOOK BAD – Elements and Principles of Art is a mobile app that teaches users about art concepts such as balance, contrast, unity, pattern, etc.  The thing that is really inspiring is that students at Clarke Middle School, under the guidance of visual arts teacher Samuel Saucedo, are the ones that designed and put the app together.  Kudos to these kids for doing a very unique and amazing thing.  It’s a free app, so if you can take time off from your busy schedule of writing obscenities online and looking for pictures of naked girls make sure to download the app and get these guys some more exposure.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE A MASSIVE BODY OF WATER CAN’T KEEP IMMIGRANTS AWAY FROM EUROPE.  MAYBE IF THEY BUILD A WALL ON THE MEDITERRANEAN IT WILL STOP IMMIGRATION, EVERYONE KNOWS ALL YOU NEED IS A MASSIVELY EXPENSIVE WALL TO SOLVE ALL IMMIGRATION PROBLEMS – The migrant drama continues to be a hot button issue in Europe, even though the numbers have died down from the highs experienced a few years ago.  Italy is threatening to take over ships used to rescue migrants, Malta is refusing to let ships filled with migrants to dock on their shores and Hungary is creating draconian laws to punish people who help immigrants in any form.  So yeah, just a typical week in Europe.  America’s immigration issue is nothing compared to the immigration problems that Europe has to face – but even the most hard line Europeans treat migrants with some basic decency, unlike the American government.  (bbc.com)

KOKO THE GORILLA WILL JOIN THE PANTHEON OF GREAT APES THAT INCLUDES KING KONG, DONKEY KONG, MAGILLA GORILLA AND DONKEY KONG JR. – Koko the Gorilla died this week at the age of 46 and she will forever be remembered as the Gorilla who learned sign language.  Koko died under the care of the Gorilla Foundation in Californa where she spent her latter years and continued with her mastery (by gorilla standards) of sign language.  Hell, I can barely communicate in human languages and don’t know a thing about sign language – so Koko had one up on me.  Rest in peace, Koko.  You were a kickass gorilla and you will be missed.  (reuters.com)

INCOMPETENCE IN RECYCLING ISN’T JUST AN EL PASO PROBLEM, IT’S A GLOBAL PROBLEM NOW – There’s a problem facing recycling programs worldwide and tons of recyclables sit in warehouses waiting for someone to buy them up and recycle them.  Once upon a time, China bought most of the world’s recyclable materials and life was good for most recycling companies and government recycling programs.  But then China decided to evolve its economy and stopped buying plastics and most other recyclables as it focused inwards on its own waste recycling and other environmental issues.  As has been seen with the City of El Paso and its recycling contracts, most recycling companies are not making money and tons and tons of plastics and other items are accumulating in warehouses with nowhere to go.  China isn’t going to come around and buy everything up, so the world will now have to find another way to economically recycle plastics and other items or watch as they are simply dumped in landfills.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/15/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

FROM WILDFIRES TO MUDSLIDES, THE MESCALERO APACHE TRIBE JUST CAN’T CATCH A BREAK – Over 1,000 acres of forest were burned down in last week’s fires near Mescalero, New Mexico and now heavy rains this weekend are expected to bring the threat of mudslides to the area.  Wildfires burn down vegetation and that in turn causes the soil to wash away more easily and exasperates the runoff and mudslide potential.  Federal authorities are working with the tribe and local governments to try and secure the area that is in danger of mudslides.  A state of emergency has been issued by the Mescalero Apache Tribe and evacuations are still on the table in case things get real bad with the storms.  And now the unpleasant waiting game begins.  (cbs4local.com)

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS NOT VERY GOOD AT BUDGETING AND RESPONSIBLE SPENDING.  IN RELATED NEWS, THE SKY IS BLUE – In news that surprised no one, an audit has revealed that the new William Beaumont Army Medical Center in Far East El Paso is over $200 million over budget and 3 years behind schedule.  The hospital project was started in 2013 and was expected to be completed in 2016 at a cost of $812 million, yet here we are.  Incompetent contractors and an absurd amount of design changes have led to the bloated budget and, unless they are building a secret alien base and using the hospital as a cover, the time and money wasted is absurd even by federal government Baby Huey standards.  The moral of the story is that the federal and state governments should never be in charge of anything and all money should just be funneled straight to the local level where it can be used efficiently.  Let’s cross our fingers and hope Beaumont Medical Center actually gets completed by 2019.  (cbs4local.com)

WE CAN ALWAYS NOT BUILD PLAYGROUNDS AND JUST HAVE CHILDREN RUN AROUND IN THE GRASS LIKE A NORMAL PARK – Parents in El Paso are mad that playgrounds are hot during the middle of the day IN SUMMER and are asking the city to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for protective shelters at each playground location.  Geez, can’t people just go early in the morning or wait until the fucking Sun goes down for their kids to use the playground?  Do we really need to spend millions of dollars to coddle people who obviously don’t give a damn about anything and take their children outside during 100+ degree temperature days.  Somehow people are up in arms over crappy buildings in Union Plaza being torn down yet aren’t protesting when the government plans to waste millions on pointless projects like playground shelters for dumbass parents and their kids.  Your tax dollars at work.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER DECADES OF POSTURING AND COMPLAINING, GREECE WILL FINALLY RECOGNIZE THE COUNTRY OF ‘MACEDONIA’ AS LONG AS THEY CALL THEMSELVES ‘NORTH MACEDONIA’.  GREECE LOVES ITS POINTLESS CONFLICTS – The leaders of Greece and Macedonia/North Macedonia have agreed, in principle, to a compromise that will see ‘Macedonia’ change its official name and Greece finally support the small country’s admission into the European Union and NATO.  The compromise is 27 years in the making and is one of the more absurd political powder kegs that Greece has created for itself over the years.  At issue was Greece’s objection to the name ‘Macedonia’ being used for a country because there is also a region of Greece known as ‘Macedonia’ and there were fears of future land grabs in the area.  Also, Greece has a heavy Alexander The Great fetish and didn’t want to share him and his legend with the place that was now calling itself Macedonia – ‘Macedonia’ being the homeland of Alexander.  Though it should be noted that after thousands of years very few people in this geographic region actually have a direct connection to him because thousands of years of migration will generally wipe away any pure genetic connection to any region of the world.  But all this posturing seems to be in the rearview mirror and all that remains is for the respective citizens and representatives of the countries to agree to this and it will all be settled.  Though because this is Greece and ‘North Macedonia’, we can expect lots of riots before any decision is made official.  (bbc.com)

WHO KNEW DESTABILIZING LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENTS IN CENTRAL AMERICA IN ORDER TO FIGHT A FAIRY TALE BATTLE WITH THE SHADOW OF THE SOVIET UNION WOULD LEAD TO SO MANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES? – The American government generally reaps what it sows and the current shit show in Nicaragua is indirectly related to all the anti-communist paranoia in Central America that they engaged in for most of the 20th century.  Hell, the CIA might be directly involved in this one as well.  President Daniel Ortega and his opposition have been fighting a bitter battle in Nicaragua over the past two months that has left over 170 dead.  A truce has been called to try and end hostilities, but as long as President Ortega stays in power and offers no concessions the opposition will still keep on fighting.  Considering what happened in the Contra War of the 1980s, this has the potential to explode in scope.  Let’s just hope this doesn’t lead to another large refugee crisis in Central America, the idiot in the White House can barely manage the current trickle of immigrants without resorting to human rights violations.  For the sake of the whole world, let’s hope that America stays out of this and just lets Nicaragua sort this out themselves with possibly the help of the UN.  (reuters.com)

IN CONTINUING WITH THEIR STREAK OF AWARDING THE WORLD CUP TO COUNTRIES WITH FLAGRANT HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS, THE UNITED STATES WILL HOST THE WORLD CUP IN 2026 ON THE HEELS OF THE EVENTS IN RUSSIA AND QATAR – A joint bid by the United States, Canada and Mexico has been chosen by FIFA as the winning entry for the right to host the 2026 World Cup.  The only competition was Morocco, but their lack of extreme human rights violations set them back in the voting.  The addition of safe, secure and honorable Canada really set the bid back but Donald Trump’s decision to separate children from their parents at the border and place young kids in internment camps was the icing on the cake that put America on top of the voting and dwarfed all the horrible abuses that even Russia and Qatar have engaged in.  Although the U.S. and Mexico can hold their own in human rights violations, which is something that FIFA looks for in its World Cup bids, Canada will have to step up its game if it truly wants to earn FIFA’s respect.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/08/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

REMIND ME TO NEVER PISS OFF A HAIL STORM – An American Airlines flight from San Antonio to Phoenix made an emergency landing in El Paso after it went into the path of a severe Thunderstorm last Sunday.  This was the same system that brought heavy rains and hail to the El Paso area on Sunday and judging by the after-pictures of the plane it was one hell of a severe storm.  I don’t know how large the hail stones were, but they busted up the windshield and “completely fucked up the plane’s nose cone” (actual aviation term).  Luckily no one was seriously injured in the incident and the plane will be repaired and live to fly another day.  But let this be a lesson to everyone, don’t mess around with desert thunderstorms – they can cause a lot of damage.  (cbs4local.com)

AFTER MULTIPLE INSPECTIONS, THE CITY OF EL PASO IS TAKING ACTION AGAINST THE OWNERS OF A BATTERED DOWNTOWN BUILDING TO KEEP IT UP TO CODE.  THE PLOT TWIST IS THAT THE BUILDING DOESN’T BELONG TO BILLY ABRAHAM, FOR ONCE – The Popular Building in Downtown El Paso is a historic landmark designed by Henry Trost that once housed the Popular Department Store.  Unfortunately, its glory days are long gone and the current owners aren’t exactly rushing to fix the property.  After multiple violations, including mold and exposed electrical wires, the City of El Paso has finally put its foot down and given Fallas Paredes and its parent company 30 days to fix the most pressing problems at the building before fines and other punishments are levied on the owners.  The building still has retail and some apartments on the first few floors and the owners do seem to have a legitimate restoration plan, so hopefully this will kick start the renovation of the building.  Worst case scenario is that Billy Abraham somehow buys the building and nothing gets done for decades until he is sued by the estate of another deceased pop star.  (elpasoinc.com)

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ARTISTS! – The Paso Del Norte music scene produces tons of great artists and now they have a new outlet to be heard … the El Paso International Music Foundation.  The foundation is a great idea that hopes to offer networking and exposure opportunities to local musicians trying to get their music heard.  And keeping with the El Paso music scene tradition, you can expect a lot of drama and everybody sleeping around with everyone else’s boyfriends/girlfriends.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

GUATEMALA’S FUEGO VOLCANO LIVED UP TO ITS NAME WITH DEADLY RESULTS.  ON A RELATED NOTE, NEVER BUILD YOUR HOUSE NEXT TO SOMETHING CALLED FUEGO VOLCANO – The death toll of the disastrous Fuego volcano eruption is now over 100 as authorities and the people of Guatemala struggle during the recovery phase.  The volcano erupted with a big explosion earlier this week and , unlike the slow burn lava flow previously seen in Hawaii, the action in Guatemala was limited to a short period of time but produced ultra-deadly pyroclastic flows and lahars that engulfed nearby villages with minimal warning.  So as the desperate search for survivors reaches its end, the people are now looking to the authorities for help but also for answers as to why there was no warning about the impending eruption.  Let’s hope this is the last we hear from Fuego for awhile.  (reuters.com)

HOORAY!  IT’S WORLD CUP TIME!  THE MAGICAL CONTEST HELD EVERY FOUR YEARS WHERE GERMANY, SPAIN AND BRAZIL WILL COMPETE FOR THE TITLE OF SUPER MASTERS OF FUTBALL AS DOZENS OF OTHER TEAMS WITH A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL PRETEND LIKE THEY HAVE AN ACTUAL CHANCE TO WIN – The World Cup starts next Thursday and, even though FIFA chose to have it in a borderline dictatorship like Putinland, at least they didn’t pick a country like Qatar to host the most important futball tournament in the world – that would just be absurd.  So sit back and enjoy the magic as your productivity at work and in your personal life drop down to near zero as you aimlessly watch Tunisia vs. Panama while subconsciously wondering where your life went wrong.  (dailymail.co.uk)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – Donald Trump is now attacking our allies and is poised to make a fool of himself at the G7 Summit in Canada by bitching about unfair trade even though he understands nothing about global trade and business in general.  The idiot probably thinks he can make America declare bankruptcy and he can just run off with all his ill-gotten gains when the whole thing collapses.  This is sadly the reality we are living in.  Oh, and he gets to meet with Kim Jong-un next week in his attempt to strike a “deal” with North Korea.  So he has double the opportunity to make a global ass of himself in the next few days.  The bar is so low that as long as he doesn’t give North Korea any American territories or islands as part of the “deal”, people will consider it a great success.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/01/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EPISD OFFERS A SURPRISE KICK IN THE BALLS TO MANY STUDENTS AS THEY LEAVE FOR SUMMER VACATION.  EPISD DOESN’T HAVE MUCH TACT – In a surprise announcement that caught many off guard, the EPISD Board President and friends decided to let everyone know (during the last fucking week of school) that the district is low on funds and was probably going to close some schools to save money.  Even the Superintendent was apparently caught off guard by this news as he only issued a statement on Friday and did not answer questions from the press.  The optics of this announcement looks horrible as only last year the El Paso Independent School District got hundreds of millions of dollars in a bond election to consolidate and build new schools and now they are coming back and saying that enrollment is still collapsing and that schools will have to be shut down.  Gee, maybe this should have been addressed when the district was asking voters for hundreds of millions of dollars.  In addition, there are plans for the construction of a new central office building near Downtown El Paso and the fact that millions will be spent on that will make these school closures look even more awful in comparison.  Most of the schools that are “under capacity” and in danger of closing are elementary schools in poor neighborhoods and that just adds to the increasingly horrible optics of this plan.  It’s almost as if EPISD wants everyone to hate them and move their kids to another district thus allowing them to close even more schools!  (cbs4local.com)

AS EXPECTED, BILLY ABRAHAM’S BANKRUPTCY FILING HAS LED TO SOME AMAZINGLY STUPID SCHEMES TO TRY AND KEEP THE COURT FROM SELLING OFF ALL HIS BUILDINGS.  LUCKILY, THE JUDGE AND EVERYONE ELSE WITH A BRAIN CAN SEE HOW STUPID THESE SCHEMES ARE – In an attempt to prevent the court from selling off the American Furniture Building, Billy Abraham is working with Jose A. Gonzalez in a plan that will lease the building to accommodate an alleged Wyndham Hotel.  While Paul Foster has made a $225,000 offer on the building, Jose A. Gonzalez is offering a $185,000 a year lease for the building which he says he will renovate and thus bring in a Wyndham hotel to the property.  While this is all well and good, Jose A. Gonzalez is just as sketchy as Billy Abraham and has dozens of multi-million dollar projects “in the planning stages” all around the city in addition to his own financial legal issues.  Judge H. Christopher Mott, who is handling the bankruptcy case, found all of this to be a bit fishy and has set a July 24 date for a hearing to determine if this is all feasible or just a shameless Abraham-Gonzalez scheme that will never get off the ground and is being proposed solely to keep the building from being sold.  Stay tuned.  (elpasoinc.com)

FREE ONIONS!  CHEAP LEASES ON LAND!  THIS CATTLE RANCHING RACKET SOUNDS PRETTY SWEET! – A mini controversy erupted in Las Cruces this week as residents found a huge pile of onions in the middle of the desert and decided to use social media to let people know that there were free onions available for everyone.  Unfortunately, the onions belonged to the cows on some guys government leased land and were not put out there so people could go get them.  The story garnered multiple news stories on local news sites and was quickly blown out of proportion.  Things calmed down when it was explained that the onions were not dumped there as waste and that Barker Produce donated the non-consumer friendly onions to the rancher to feed to the cows.  Barker Produce also offered to give cull onions to anyone who went to their company’s front desk and asked for them.  Although they have a hard center, the rest of the onion is edible even though they are not too aesthetically pleasing.  So problem solved and free onions for everyone!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK, ANOTHER EBOLA OUTBREAK IN AFRICA.  ONE DAY LUCK WILL RUN OUT ON THE DUMBASSES RUNNING THESE COUNTRIES TO THE GROUND AND AN EBOLA OUTBREAK WILL BECOME CATASTROPHIC – The latest winner of the Ebola lottery is the Democratic Republic of Congo where the World Health Organization has increased their projections to 100 to 300 cases of Ebola this summer in the current outbreak region.  Fortunately for everyone else, the outbreak is centered in the remote and sparsely populated Bikoro region and thus will probably not reach any major urban zones.  Democratic Republic of Congo is a corrupt, war-ravaged borderline dictatorship; so the presence of Ebola in the country only makes a bad situation even worse.  But the WHO is on the case and they have enough experience with this to stop this before it becomes something truly catastrophic.  But we shouldn’t grow too complacent, one day luck will run out and the world will have to face prolonged exposure to Ebola in urban environments outside of Africa.  (reuters.com)

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THE CURRENT KILAUEA ERUPTION IS ENTERING A “CALM” PHASE, THE BAD NEWS IS THAT IT MIGHT BE BUILDING UP TO A BIGGER EXPLOSION THAN BEFORE – The volcanic lave flows continue on the big island of Hawaii and more homes and businesses continue to fall in the lava’s path.  Even though the eruption has entered a calm phase, the lava still flows and this will continue to be a problem for the residents on this part of the island for some time to come.  Though we should be careful not to sensationalize these eruptions and act like all of Hawaii is on fire, it is still a pretty big deal to the people in this area and the pictures and videos of the lava and eruptions are simply spellbinding.  Be safe, Hawaii, and let’s hope that the calming isn’t a sign of more devastating things to come.  (reuters.com)

DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT AND ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED BY THAT CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES – This week, Donald Trump decided to bully AMERICA’S ALLIES by putting tariffs on them and risked the start of a major trade war due to his stupidity and arrogance.  Though these countries are America’s friends and allies, they won’t stand idly by as they are attacked by a jingoistic American jackass who sadly controls trade powers.  Interestingly, Russia is not getting any major tariffs or sanctions, but fuck if Donald Trump would ever anger his masters.  In addition, idiot Trump also went back and forth on the North Korea summit and defended racist tweets by Roseanne Barr.  So it was quite the week for the racist, moron sack of shit that is currently in the Oval Office.  Donald Trump is, and will always be, a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)