Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/02/2018


EL PASO DISTRICT ATTORNEY JAIME ESPARZA ISN’T VERY GOOD AT HIS JOB.  HE’S SO BAD AT HIS JOB THAT EVEN UTEP FOOTBALL COACHES MARVEL AT HIS INCOMPETENCE – For a second time, a Judge has declared a mistrial in the case of Devon Huerta and the punch that “may or may not” have killed Constable Robert White back in Halloween of 2014.  Though there was no hard evidence that Devon Huerta delivered the punch that “may or may not” have led to Constable White’s eventual deadly heart attack, the DA still decided to proceed with a Jury Trial for some stupid ass reason that is only known to Jaime Esparza.  I assume he just wanted to waste taxpayer money as he grandstanded for votes by showing how much he loves law enforcement.  At most, this should have been some basic assault plea deal but it ended up as two costly trials because DA Jaime Esparza wanted to appear “tough”.  Now we wait and see if it goes back to trial or if something else can be worked out.  By now DA Esparza should have known that the juries in El Paso and Las Cruces don’t really like cops and are usually stacked with morons who will gladly let someone get away with murder if it satisfies some random agenda that only exists in their head.   (

OH GOODY!  EL PASO IS GETTING ANOTHER DIVISION 2 SPORTS TEAM.  WE’RE REALLY HITTING THE BIG TIME NOW!  /S – After finally realizing that they really aren’t that important or powerful the members of MountainStar Sports Group have given up on their plans to get an MLS team and have settled for a division 2 futball team in the USL.  Although it should be noted that the MLS really, really sucks balls and by international futball standards it is probably division 3 thus making El Paso’s new team a division 4 team at best.  Regardless, MountainStar Sports is hyping this up and is trying to drum up support for a downtown stadium.  Though after the debacle with the multipurpose arena, no politician with any brain is going to touch that project with a ten foot pole.  If they build the stadium with their own money that would be awesome, but in the current climate there is no way in hell any of the local government agencies commit to this without risking their ass in future elections.  Our local government will sooner build a monument to Billy Abraham in downtown El Paso before they do another controversial sports complex deal.  (

FOR THOSE WONDERING IF THAT DOME GOING UP NEAR DOWNTOWN ON I-10 IS RELATED TO ALIENS ……. NO, IT’S NOT ALIENS.  UNLESS ALIENS ARE SILENTLY INVESTING IN ROOFING MATERIALS – The Gabbo-tastic dome that has been going up near Downtown El Paso has been attracting attention since construction started and now we know what exactly is going on in that building.  Thanks to KDBC, who simply asked the owner what was going on, we now know that the dome is being built as a showroom for foam roofing company Foam Applications LLC.  The company is owned by Francisco Molinar and he has apparently been working on this business with his family for quite some time.  Although foam roofing doesn’t sound very sexy, the building looks like it’s going to be a fresh an eye-catching architectural experience.  And if all else fails, the family can just lease the building which will inevitably become a strip club called “One Giant Boob Club”.  (


AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NUCLEAR WAR.  IF THE IDIOT TODDLER IN THE WHITE HOUSE MUST START A WAR, IT’S BETTER IF IT’S JUST A TRADE WAR – In one of his most ignorant moves yet, Donald Trump has committed to steel and aluminum tariffs because he thinks the rest of the world will just let him do whatever he wants without retaliation and because “trade wars are easy to win”.  He’s doing this to kiss ass in the Rust Belt for upcoming elections, but doesn’t understand the basics of economics and can’t see how this will fuck over the rest of the country when the price of all other goods start to rise as a result of other countries and their inevitable retaliatory tariffs.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (

PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS ON THE VERGE OF DECLARING HIMSELF DE FACTO DICTATOR FOR LIFE.  BUT DID YOU KNOW HE HAS ALSO BANNED WINNIE THE POOH IN CHINA?  THE MONSTER! – China has a weirdo communist/capitalist system in place that once made a big deal of limiting term limits because of Chairman Mao and the horrible shit parade that his decades in power ultimately created.  But now the weirdo communist/capitalist system will bend the rules it created because President Xi Jinping wants to be president for life and the country is stable enough that no one in power really cares if he stays or not.  In the run up to this historical change to the government rules, the Chinese government has been cracking down on phrases like “election term” and “emperor for life” from internet posts but also erasing pictures of Winnie the Pooh from the internet.  Why is Winnie the Pooh a resistance figure in China?  Well, it turns out that President Xi Jinping has a striking resemblance to the lovable, portly bear and the Chinese people use Winnie the Pooh as a replacement figure when they indirectly want to criticize their president.  Do yourself a favor and look for Xi Jinping/Winnie the Pooh comparison pictures on the internet.  You won’t be disappointed.  All hail Chinese Emperor Winnie the Pooh!  (

IT IS ACADEMY AWARDS TIME!  WILL THE SEQUEL / REMAKE / RE-IMAGINING / HOMAGE TO THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON WIN BEST PICTURE?  YOU’LL HAVE TO WATCH THE CEREMONY ON SUNDAY TO FIND OUT – The Oscars will be taking place in Hollywood this Sunday and that can only mean one thing ……. THE SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT TOURNAMENT OF FILM IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  So once the New York / Los Angeles Film Awards take place this Sunday, the movie prize that really matters can finally be decided.  Onward to the 2018 Simple Minded Tournament of Film!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/23/2018


HORIZON BOULEVARD HAS BEEN A TRAFFIC AND SAFETY NIGHTMARE FOR YEARS.  GUESS WHO FINALLY FOUND OUT THAT THERE IS TRAFFIC ON HORIZON?  YOU GUESSED IT!  TXDOT! – After years of traffic issues on Horizon Boulevard, txdot has finally showed up to the party a few years late.  I guess they were hoping that the road would magically cease to be the state’s responsibility and that Socorro and Horizon would, also, magically decide to be responsible and proactive.  The state has begun with the public input phase of planning and is now holding community meetings where they will listen to the concerns of the citizens who live there and then just ignore them and go ahead and do whatever it was they were planning to do anyway.  The best thing that txdot could do to alleviate traffic in the area is to create an overpass where Moon Road ends and create another north/south connection under the freeway, but we all know that Bob Bielek and friends will just build half a sidewalk along Horizon, add half a lane, shrug their shoulders and call it a day.  But txdot should not get all the blame for the traffic disaster on Horizon Boulevard.  If El Paso County, Socorro, Horizon City and Sparks would just show some basic government initiative they would at least have plans in the books to expand and improve Moon Road, Mark Twain Avenue and Stockyard Drive.  Connectivity is the best way to reduce traffic problems and giving people other options while driving is the ONLY way these issues can be corrected..  (

NOT EVERYTHING ALONG THE RIO GRANDE IN EL PASO IS ABOUT FENCES, CONCRETE AND OVER THE TOP SECURITY MEASURES DESIGNED TO FIGHT OFF IMAGINARY TERRORISTS.  SOME PARTS OF THE RIO GRANDE IN EL PASO ARE TREATED LIKE AN ACTUAL FUCKING RIVER ECOSYSTEM.  HEAVEN FORBID A RIVER BE TREATED LIKE A RIVER – Kudos to the International Boundary and Water Commission for their habitat restoration project along the Rio Grande from the Sunland/El Paso zone all the way up to New Mexico.  The IBWC does a great job of maintaining the land around the river and has planted tens of thousands of plants and trees in order to restore the native environment around the Rio Grande.  It’s a shame that they cannot extend their restoration project into the actual city of El Paso but, because of shitty mid-20th century Anglo engineering that “managed” the river with tons of concrete and the overkill “security” measures needed to fight imaginary invaders, it will be a longgggggggg time before the government fixes the ecological mess they created.  At least the Rio Grande will be restored from Sunland going north, so that’s nice.  (

WE TIP OUR HAT TO TWO LOCAL LEGENDS – It was a sad week as Eugenio Licon and Fred Carr passed away.  Licon was the founder of the historical Licon Dairy in San Elizario which produces some of the best Asadero cheese in the world (you have to buy them fresh from the farm) and also has a petting zoo on the premises.  Licon was an esteemed member of the San Elizario community and his loss will be felt by many.  He will have one last ride around his farm on Saturday after the funeral mass and the public is welcome to attend and say their goodbyes.  Fred Carr also passed away this week and he will be remembered as being one of the best linebackers in the history of UTEP football.  Carr led the Miners to 2 bowl victories and was drafted fifth overall by the Green Bay Packers in the 1968 draft.  He had a great career with the team and was inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in 1983.  At first glance, Fred Carr and Eugenio Licon seem from extreme ends of the spectrum.  But they were both valued members of the community who did great things in their time in the Greater Mogollon territory.  God speed, gentlemen.  (


LOOKS LIKE LIFE IN SYRIA, FOR THOSE NOT FELLATING ASSAD AND PUTIN, IS STILL PRETTY HORRIBLE – The United Nations will finally seek a ceasefire to hostilities in Syria in an attempt to provide humanitarian aid to the hardest hit rebel areas that are still filled with civilians.  The UN has been pretty passive in this latest round of pro-government (coughRUSSIAcough) aggression in rebel held areas that have left many civilians dead or wounded.  You know it’s bad when the pictures coming out of the area cause the UN to finally grow a backbone and tell Russia to cut its bullshit.  There are many areas in Syria that have experienced indiscriminate bombing by the Assad government but the main focus of this ceasefire is the devastatingly hit area of Eastern Ghouta.  Now we move to the political wrangling portion of the UN’s ceasefire plan which will see Russia try to make this as beneficial as possible to Assad and his cronies.  In case you are wondering, the clusterfuck in Syria is not going to end anytime soon.  (

GOODBYE, OLYMPICS.  WE’LL SPEND ALL OF OUR TIME WATCHING SPORTS WE NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT AGAIN IN TWO YEARS –The 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics are coming to an end and it all finishes up with the always entertaining closing ceremony on Sunday.  Like most Olympic games, the 2018 event featured many memorable moments and went off with very few controversies.  As an added bonus, NBC has finally gotten it right and announced that Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will be part of the main commentary team for the network’s closing night coverage.  Because everything is better with commentary by Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir.  (

JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER, VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES AND MOVIES DON’T LEAD TO MASS SHOOTINGS.  THE EASY AVAILABILITY OF WAR WEAPONS AND AMERICA’S CRAPPY MENTAL HEALTHCARE SYSTEM ARE THE REASONS WE HAVE MASS SHOOTINGS – In the wake of the Florida School Shooting, idiots in government have come out of the woodwork to blame “violent” video games and media for influencing the school shooter.  While most people correctly recognize this as paid-off conservatives covering for the NRA, a lot of people sincerely believe this bullshit that video games lead to violence.  Decades of research and studies of violent media and video games have found no correlation with media and mass shootings or even increased violence.  In fact, some studies have seen a DROP in violence because of these so called “bad influence” games, movies and media.  Kudos to the writers of Discover Magazine for breaking this down so eloquently and presenting nothing but the facts in this debate.  Dumbasses have been blaming “corrupting media” for whatever ills society faces for centuries and it’s time that these idiot pearl-clutchers are put in their place.  (




After some delay, here is the Simple Minded 8-Track Mix Tape.  So here's our top musical picks for the 4th quarter of 2017 - July, August and September.  We'll try to put up our full Top 100 Songs list for 2017.  Yes, we are aware we're a couple of months behind schedule.

FOURTH QUARTER 2017 – October, November & December

TRACK 1 – “Turbo” by Cosmo from the album Cosmotronic

PRODUCT OF:  Ivrea, Italy

THIS SONG KICKS ASS BECAUSE:  It’s the perfect mix of Euro Pop and avant-garde electronic beats.  And you got to love a song that incorporates a long, hard laugh into the chorus.

IF I CLOSE MY EYES I CAN SEE:  Italian fashion models in post apocalyptic, Middle Eastern haute couture being led by Cosmo in an epic dance fight against a fascist army in the ruins of an Italian city.

WANT TO READ A FANTASTIC FACT RELATING TO THE SONG THAT WE PROBABLY JUST MADE UP?  DID YOU KNOW:  In addition to being the nickname of singer Marco Jacopo Bianchi, ‘Cosmo’ is also the nickname for legendary fashion magazine, Cosmopolitan.

Continue reading “SIMPLE MINDED 8-TRACK MIX TAPE – 4th Quarter 2017”

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/16/2018


THE WAY THE BORDER PATROL UNION IS PAINTING IT, ALL THE CARTELS GOT TOGETHER AND HIRED A GIANT HOLE TO MURDER A BORDER PATROL AGENT – Once more an official government report has revealed that there is no evidence of a crime being committed in the death of Border Patrol Agent Rogelio Martinez near Van Horn a few months back.  The death of the agent and the injury of his partner was seized upon by conspiracy theorists and right wing nut jobs as proof that illegal immigrants were roaming the desert looking to kill innocent Muricans and thus proof that the border wall was needed ASAP (even though this happened a fuckload of miles away from the actual border).   This all appears to be a very tragic accident involving agents not paying attention and a deep arroyo/culvert ditch, but that won’t stop the conspiracy theorists and the Border Patrol Union from grasping at straws and declaring that master criminals planned this as an assassination for some equally outlandish reason.  (

GOOD TO SEE DOWNTOWN JUAREZ MAKING A COMEBACK – After a period of violence, Juarez has been making a comeback these past few years and Downtown Juarez is the epicenter of the revival.  A new first-run theater has opened in Juarez near the Catedral Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe and efforts continue to restore historic buildings in the area.  The multiplex is in a new shopping center created by investors and it is only one of many projects that are sprouting up in the area.  In addition, the government in Juarez is working with the government in El Paso to match the planned renovations on Avenida Juarez with the current restoration being done on El Paso Street.  Let’s hope everything gets better in Juarez and the spirit of revival in Downtown El Paso spreads into Downtown Juarez.  (

SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT THE COCAINE ON THE LAS CRUCES BUS WASN’T PART OF THE CITY’S PLAN TO INCREASE RIDERSHIP?  BUT IT WAS SUCH A GREAT IDEA! – Police in Las Cruces arrested an employee of Roadrunner Transit for allegedly selling drugs on the job.  The alleged bus station dealer is Ernesto Garcia-Quintana and he deserves some credit for doing two jobs at once, though selling drugs on the clock on government property isn’t really the best of ideas.  He was found with 18 small bags of cocaine and $1,000 of cash yet somehow is still employed with the City of Las Cruces.  And why is he still employed despite an obvious work violation?  Because Las Cruces don’t give a fuck and loves the COCAINE!  (


ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING.  IT’S GETTING DEPRESSING THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN SO OFTEN THAT SOCIETY IS BECOMING DESENSITIZED – A school shooting took the lives of 17 innocent people in Florida this week as a deranged ex-student went to his old school on Valentine’s Day and shot up the place with an AR-15.  The tragedy at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida seems to have struck a nerve with the American public and it looks like this might actually be a turning point in keeping semi-automatic weapons away from the hands of deranged individuals and morons.  It looks like “thoughts and prayers” won’t be enough for certain members of the government to wipe their hands clean of this and tough ACTION will actually be demanded by the people this time.  Which is a shame, because everyone knows that the most meaningful and powerful prayers come from the mouths of racist, vile, hypocrite Evangelical scumbags like Donald Trump.  (

IT TURNS OUT THAT RUSSIA WAS, IN FACT, INTERFERING WITH U.S. ELECTIONS IN 2016.  THIS WAS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE BUT DONALD TRUMP WHO GOT A PINKY SWEAR FROM PUTIN THAT RUSSIA DID NOTHING WRONG – Robert Mueller has issued an indictment against 13 Russian nationals for meddling in the 2016 U.S. Election.  And the investigation is still going strong, so get ready for more damning evidence against those that colluded with Russia to “vote for the worst” in the 2016 elections.  While the fact that a foreign power interfered in America’s elections is pretty bad, the fact that American’s went along with it is the most disturbing thing of all.  And the Americans that went along with it are most likely the next group of people to be indicted.  Because he is a moron, Donald Trump will somehow blame all of this on Obama and claim that he and his cronies were forced by him to work with obvious Russian trolls.  (

MOVE OVER BLACK PANTHER, AFRICAN ROBIN HOOD FOUTANGA BABANI SISSOKO IS AFRICA’S TRUE UNSUNG HERO – In the mid-‘90s, Foutanga Babani Sissoko scammed a Dubai bank and others for hundreds of millions of dollars with claims that he had black magic powers that could double any investment.  Even after he was caught, he still managed to get off with a slap on the wrist and ended up giving away tens of millions of dollars away to the poor and needy in a way that would make Robin Hood proud.  He continued to evade punishment and returned to his hometown where he was elected to office and lives out his days in his homeland.  Yes, he stole money.  But the fact that he stole money directly from upper level skeevy bankers and the ultra-bastard banking industry AND then went on to give away most of the money sort of cancels everything out.  How the fuck have they not made a movie or TV show about Foutanga Babani Sissoko?  The man is a hero!  Be sure to check out the excellent article on the BBC website for the full story on this obscure modern day Robin Hood.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/09/2018


LOOKS LIKE CARLSBAD MIGHT BE GETTING A NEW MASSIVE HOLE IN THE GROUND THANKS TO CORPORATE GREED.  THOUGH THIS NEW ONE IS A SINKHOLE THAT WON’T BE BRINGING IN MANY TOURISTS – Carlsbad has been struggling with the likely collapse of the I&W brine well for awhile and it looks like the state of New Mexico will finally pony up the tens of millions of dollars needed to stabilize the danger area and keep it from collapsing into a massive sinkhole near one of the city’s major roads.  The State Senate passed legislation to take funds from the New Mexico vehicle excise tax to cover the costs of filling in the brine well and preventing a disaster.  The bill will now go to the House of Representatives will it will hopefully pass and then go on to the governor.  This should be a lesson to everybody that companies that rape the environment for profit only provide shitty jobs for a few years and then just turn tail and declare bankruptcy when shit hits the fan.  I&W and the executives that made tons of money from this brine well should be the ones paying for the clusterfuck and not the taxpayers.  But sure, let’s cut regulations and let more oil companies be irresponsible so a few uneducated dumbasses can feel like big shots with “high paying” jobs that only last a few years.  (

THE NINE LIVES OF BILLY ABRAHAM – Just when you think he’s down and out for the count, Billy Abraham manages to squirm away and live to fight another day.  At the eleventh hour Billy Abraham prevented an auction on Tuesday morning that was set to sell off 11 of his properties by declaring bankruptcy.  He is still on the hook for the over $1 million settlement that the estate of Juan Gabriel won from him, but he now has some breathing room.  There is no way that Abraham’s property empire will come out unscathed from this and many of the highly sought after historic downtown buildings he owns will definitely be sold to more competent owners to cover costs.  But for now, Billy Abraham can breathe a sigh of relief as his property empire collapses in slow motion.  Maybe if Billy Abraham is left with only one building he might actually fix it up?  (

UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE A PRISTINE NATURAL LANDSCAPE FROM IRRESPONSIBLE DEVELOPERS IS FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO BUY UP THE LAND AND CREATE AN OPEN SPACE – In a move lauded by all, the City of El Paso will pay $3.5 million to buy up hundreds of acres of pristine land around the Franklin Mountains and Castner Range in order to preserve the natural environment and expand the Franklin Mountains park.  Though this is a great idea, this being El Paso, you can count on some random group of idiots to protest the decision and make up equally idiotic reasons for their protest.  Maybe poor Mexicans used to live in the canyon and Max Grossman has to “stand up” for their legacy and protect the “history” of Castnerito.  At this point, nothing is beyond the range of possibility.  The important thing is that skeevy developers will no longer be able to build crappy ass, glorified cardboard box housing on this beautiful land.  (


THE 2018 PYEONGCHANG WINTER OLYMPICS ARE OFFICIALLY OPEN!  LET’S SEE HOW MANY STEROIDS AND DRUGS THE RUSSIAN TEAM CAN GET AWAY WITH USING BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT AND PRETENDING IT DIDN’T HAPPEN – The Opening Ceremony has officially kicked off the Winter Olympics this weekend and it was an impressive visual spectacle as always.  As can be expected, the festivities featured fire, dancing, fire, drums, bitter cold and even more fire!  The highlight of the event, however, was seeing South and North Korea marching under one banner and bringing some hope that the North vs. South pissing match might one day be settled peacefully.  The Olympics are at their best when the political nonsense is pushed to the back burner and conflicts are laid to rest, if even just for a few weeks.  Meanwhile, the Russian team is still denying they did anything wrong despite the overwhelming evidence and are using the games to make themselves into martyrs.  I guess some people didn’t get the memo about fair play and not bringing politics into the games.  (

JUST WHEN IT DIDN’T SEEM POSSIBLE FOR THINGS TO GET WORSE IN VENEZUELA, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE IN VENEZUELA – As Venezuela continues on its descent into oblivion at the hands of Maduro, some people on the border with Colombia have survived by crossing into Colombia for work and to buy goods that are impossible to find in Venezuela.  Now the people in these communities are in danger of losing their normalcy as the Colombian government seeks to tighten security on the border in order to better control the waves of people that come from Venezuela on a daily basis.  The new tightened regulations will require all people who come from Venezuela to have a passport or “border card” to come into Colombia.  The news has caused increased activity on the border as Venezuelans prepare for an even tougher time earning a living and getting basic goods and services.  Maybe it’s time for the parts of Venezuela far away from Caracas to declare their independence from the Kingdom of Stupidity that Chavez and his followers created in the capital.  It can’t be any worse than what they are currently facing.  (

BUT I THOUGHT THE CORPORATE WELFARE TAX CUTS WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP CORPORATIONS MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY AND TAKE THE STOCK MARKET TO SUPER EXTREME LEVELS, THUS MAKING EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR TRUMP A SUPER BILLIONAIRE.  DID THE IDIOTS IN WASHINGTON LIE TO US? – Although the economy is very complex and can’t be judged entirely by the state of the stock market, since Donald Trump used its rise as 100% proof HE improved the economy it is only fair that the massive drop in the stock market be seen as his fault and proof that he is tanking the economy.  The Dow is down by 10% from its highs in January and this has spread to other markets around the world.  This seems to be a correction in the market, but it can also be a sign that the fundamentals of the economy are a lot worse off than most people thought.  Stay tuned, it looks like it’s going to be one hell of a roller coaster ride.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/02/2018


I GUESS COHEN STADIUM IS GOING TO BE TORN DOWN TO BUILD AN APPLEBEES, A WHATABURGER, A WAL-MART AND A COMMUNITY CENTER.  BECAUSE WHEN YOU MASH UP THE IDEAS OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE YOU END UP WITH A GENERIC PLAN FOR A SHOPPING CENTER – After tons of focus groups and community meetings, the City of El Paso has created the most generic plan possible for the old Cohen Stadium site.  There was some hope that Cohen Stadium would be turned into something unique like an amphitheatre, but the plan is to now bulldoze the stadium and build a generic shopping center around an empty patch of grass where the field used to stand.  Some of the ideas that residents had were amazingly stupid and wasteful, like building a direct competitor to Wet ‘N Wild using taxpayer money.  But the city caved in a bit to those whims and will now include a “regional water park” to try to fit in every stupid idea that they got in the Cohen focus groups.  At the end of the day, without any real leadership the property will just become a generic shopping center with an Applebee’s, a Whataburger and a Wal-Mart.  Just like every other generic shopping center in El Paso.  But if the focus groups want a generic Applebee’s shopping center then that’s what the Northeast will get.  (

ALTHOUGH IT APPEARS LIKE THE HISTORIC LINCOLN CENTER IS SAFE FROM DEMOLITION, THEY ARE STILL LOOKING FOR A GOVERNMENT ENTITY TO TAKE OVER AND GIVE THE BUILDING A PURPOSE.  IF ALL ELSE FAILS THEY CAN JUST TURN IT INTO AN APPLEBEE’S AND WHATABURGER – You got to give state Rep. Joe Pickett credit, when he finds a cause he likes he really throws himself into it.  Long after the community came together to save the Lincoln Center in Central El Paso from txdot’s stupid demolition plans, Joe Pickett is still fighting for funding and partners to take over the Lincoln Center.  Its one thing to save the building from demolition but someone is going to have to step up and give the building a purpose.  There is a hope that the building will be used as  community center, but a private/public partnership might have to be used to try and get ANYTHING established in that area.  If the Cohen Stadium focus groups are any indication, the people of El Paso will just ask for something outlandish and stupid at the Lincoln Center like a water park and 20 soccer fields.  Please, someone help the Lincoln Center become a useful structure once again and let’s keep the focus groups to a minimum.  (

ROBOT SEMI-TRUCKS ARE INVADING EL PASO!  WHERE IS OPTIMUS PRIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM? – It’s no surprise that autonomous vehicles will one day take over our roads and the early stages of this revolution are starting to take place in El Paso.  A test run is being conducted by three companies that are running an autonomous semi-trailer line transporting refrigerators from El Paso to California.  Although a human driver is present throughout the process to keep tabs on the system and as a backup, these are just the early stages of the autonomous vehicle revolution.  Let’s just hope the trucks aren’t evil.  I’ve seen that movie before.  (


WHO KNEW WOODPECKERS, HEADBANGERS AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON? – The damage to the brain caused by concussions and severe head impacts is a hot topic these days as more and more evidence is discovered about the dangers of banging your brain repeatedly.  It’s only natural that research has turned to the majestic woodpecker, nature’s head banging brain rocking machine!  Research by Boston University graduate student George Farah on preserved woodpecker specimens has found that woodpecker brains have a similar accumulation of tau proteins as human brains that have gone through repeated head impacts.  While the role of tau proteins in the brain are still not fully known, it is apparent that the woodpecker is not impacted by this “damage” or finds a way to isolate it.  Who knew the woodpecker might be the key to better treatment for various brain ailments?  (

WE’RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO CUSTOM SEX BOTS AND THE COMPLETE COLLAPSE OF CIVILIZATION.  IT’S A CREEPY, CREEPY WORLD – A free computer program known as FakeApp has been released that allows you to replace anyone’s face on any video with whatever face you want.  It’s face swapping gone mad!  The free program is quite efficient and has produced some amazingly realistic face swaps.  Naturally, 99% of the output since its release has been fake celebrity porn videos known as DeepFakes and sadly this is what the program will be known for.  Because every technology ever developed since the beginning of time has always been used for sexual gratification immediately after it was created.  It’s a creepy new world and we’re getting closer to the day when you can create a lifelike sex bot with the face of the girl who broke your heart in college.  Not that it’s crossed my mind.  That thought’s never crossed my mind.  (

YEAH, THE FANCY TV GROUNDHOG IS PROBABLY MORE ACCURATE AT WEATHER FORECASTING THAN CHUCK DEBRODER.  BUT CAN A GROUNDHOG PARTY HARDER THAN CHUCK?  I THINK NOT – Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this Groundhog’s Day and thus we will have six more weeks of winter.  I, for one, trust Phil’s scientific acumen and have great faith in groundhog weather prediction abilities.  So when you’re freezing your ass off during a random storm in March, feel free to blame groundhogs.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/26/2018


BUT WILL THEY LET HORSES RIDE ON THE PASO DEL NORTE SUPER TRAIL?  WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE PONIES? – In a plan that is long overdue, the Paso del Norte Health Foundation is spearheading the creation of a 50 mile long continuous trail that will stretch from Tornillo to the New Mexico State line.  The long gestating Paso Del Norte Trail is now in the planning phase and it’s looking like the trickiest part will be getting the trail through Dowtown El Paso in a way that makes it look like a continuous path.  Normally a trail like this would follow the river, but thanks to America’s militarized fascist wet dream of a border – that idea is not very likely.  The canals make for perfect trail routes in most of the area, but that downtown stretch is going to be a doozy.  We’re still hoping for them to announce that horses will be allowed on the trail because it would be pretty damn cool to ride a horse from the lower valley to the upper valley unimpeded.  FREE THE PONIES!  LET THEM USE THE TRAIL!  (

FIVE DAYS THAT SHOOK VADO, NEW MEXICO – Vado is rarely in the news, but this week was different as the region and the WORLD were fixated on the rescue of a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head.  Although multiple rescue attempts failed to trap the dog, eventually it just saved itself and showed up one day without the jug.  People are still hoping the dog will be “rescued” and, with the help of a shelter, eventually be adopted by a good home.  Thus ends one of the most exciting chapters in the history of Vado.  Elsewhere in New Mexico; a bunch of kids were raped, people were murdered and cops shot innocent civilians in and around Albuquerque.  When the biggest news event is a community effort to save a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head, you know that life is pretty fucking good.  (

ALTHOUGH NOT AS EXCITING AS A FIVE DAY DOG RESCUE, STUDENTS IN EPISD ARE DOING THEIR PART BY HELPING TO REHABILITATE A PARALYZED DOG – Kudos to the students at EPISD’s Center for Career, Technology and Education for lending a hand to help a paralyzed dog.  Camila the dog was taken by MuttLove Dog Rescue to EPISD to receive physical therapy after the dog was diagnosed with a spinal disease that left the dog paralyzed.  Veterinary students at CTE will provide the rehabilitation and engineering students will help build a custom wheelchair to help Camila get around.  Thankfully Camila did not have a plastic jug stuck to its head.  That would have taken five days for a solution to be found and the students would not have had the resources to solve such a perplexing problem.  Kudos, EPISD CTE students and everyone else involved in saving Camila.  (


WHILE AMERICA WAS FOCUSED ON SYRIA, IRAN, NORTH KOREA AND PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY ON EARTH; THE TALIBAN AND OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS DECIDED TO TAKE OVER AFGHANISTAN ONE MORE TIME – Hot on the heels of a large wave of recent Taliban attacks in Afghanistan, the daesh cunts of ISIS decided to bomb a children’s charity in the country.  Yup, ISIS is now making its presence felt in Afghanistan and have attacked the offices of Save the Children charity killing three workers and one soldier.  Donald Trump has really done a hell of a job destroying ISIS!  Naturally, the Taliban and every other terrorist in Afghanistan felt the wave of stupidity emanating from Washington D.C. and decided that now was the time to make a move.  We should probably see if we can get China to take over this mess, Lord knows a decade of American occupation in Afghanistan didn’t accomplish a damn thing.  (

NOW VENEZUELA IS GETTING IN A PISSING MATCH WITH EUROPE.  IT LOOKS LIKE THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO PISS OFF THE ENTIRE WORLD.  AT SOME POINT EVEN RUSSIA WILL PUT SANCTIONS ON VENEZUELA – Hot on the heels of fresh sanctions from the European Union, Venezuela has expelled the Spanish ambassador because of some imaginary conspiracy theory that Maduro pulled out of his ass.  If you’re keeping score at home, the government in Venezuela now blames America, Europe and most of the developed world for its problems.  It’s definitely not corruption and incompetence at the highest levels of Venezuela that are responsible for the human rights abuses and the shit economy.  It’s the big bad capitalist conspiracy that is keeping Venezuela down.  (

IF THERE’S ONE THING WE KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THE FIRST MODERN HUMANS, IT’S THAT THEY ARE DEFINITELY OLDER THAN THE FEW THOUSAND YEARS THAT CRAZY, REDNECK, YOUNG EARTH BIBLE THUMPERS BELIEVE IN – Not only are humans much older than originally thought (about 300,000 years according to most modern evidence).  It turns out that humans may have left Africa about 100,000 years earlier than originally thought as well.  A new human fossil find in Israel has been dated to being between 177,000 to 194,000 years old and that pretty much ruins most of the timelines regarding humanity’s exit from Africa.  Science is an ever evolving mystery that just keeps on getting more interesting with every new puzzle piece.  (


Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 01/19/2018


A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE EL PASO COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT, THE ONLY EL PASO COUNTY GOVERNMENT ENTITY THAT ISN’T PERPETUALLY DOING SOMETHING STUPID – The El Paso County Sheriff’s department has revealed crime statistics from 2017 and they show that crime throughout the county has dropped by 26% compared to 2016.  The crime has dropped in both violent and property categories and this follows a trend that has occurred since Sheriff Richard Wiles took over the department a few years back.  We joke a lot about Wiles and his quirks, but he gets the job done and has always helped keep crime down and increase awareness in the community.  And he’s light years beyond the wacko sheriff in Dona Ana County.  So we salute you Sheriff Wiles and El Paso County law enforcement, you’re doing a great job and have not shot any innocent civilians like some of the other law enforcement outfits in the country.  (

LOOKS LIKE BILLY ABRAHAM IS GOING TO LOOSE HIS DOWNTOWN PROPERTIES SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT – Even as Billy Abraham is trying to keep the Toltec Building from creditors, ten more of his properties are now on the auction block in an attempt to raise funds to cover Abraham’s debts.  This really looks like the end of Billy Abraham’s dilapidated downtown empire.  It’s going to take a hell of a lot of legal wrangling to keep them from selling his buildings and he probably doesn’t have the means to cover the $1,000,000 Juan Gabriel concert judgment that is the main force speeding up this sale.  He could borrow the money to save his properties, but at this point it’s not apparent that there is anybody left that is stupid enough to lend him money.  Even if this all goes through, he’ll still have a few properties including the American Furniture building in Downtown El Paso.  But with all the financial buzzards circling around you have to wonder at what point will Billy Abraham be stable enough to renovate any one of his buildings and get some rent money that won’t be taken up in a future court case.  Is this the end of Billy?  (

THE EL PASO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LIZARDS ARE OFFICIALLY AN ENDANGERED SPECIES – The carpeting at the El Paso Airport has long been one of the more unique decorations found in any airport around the world.  Love it or hate it, the “lizard carpet” has achieved an almost cult-like status in the decades that it has been a staple in El Paso International Airport.  But alas, all good things must come to an end and the airport’s renovation plans include a phasing out of the iconic lizard design by mid-2018.  There’s some good news in that pieces of the carpeting  will be given out to people that want a piece of history, but it still sucks to see it gone forever at the airport.  Farewell, Airport Lizards.  (


CAPE TOWN IS ON THE VERGE OF BECOMING THE FIRST MAJOR CITY IN THE WORLD TO RUN OUT OF WATER.  THAT’S USUALLY WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU COMBINE A MISMANAGED GOVERNMENT WITH A CRAPPY ECONOMY – As a result of a prolonged drought and an even longer streak of governmental incompetence, Cape Town in South Africa is on the verge of running out water by mid April.  Mandatory water usage caps have been placed throughout the city as the government struggles to fix a mess that they should have been planning against for years.  It’s right next to the ocean, so desalination plants are an option – but desalination plants don’t grow on trees and won’t be online anywhere near the April deadline.   (

TO ALL THE PEOPLE IN HAWAII WHO JUST HAD A HEARTATTACK, HAWAII’S EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT DEPARTMENT WOULD LIKE TO APOLIGIZE FOR THE FALSE ALARM.  WHOOPS – A ballistic missile threat false alarm was sent out in Hawaii last Saturday and it took over 30 minutes for the authorities to let everyone know it was an accident.  The situation was made worse by the fact that the alarm said it was not a test and it was the real thing.  So if you had a cell or were watching TV in Hawaii last Saturday you probably thought you were going to die and maybe did some stupid things in your “final moments” on Earth.  Although many people thought the system was hacked, it turns out that human error in a shift change led to the false alarm.  That employee was re-assigned because it’s practically impossible to be fired from a government job unless you kill someone and/or cuss out your superiors.  (

PHOENIX HAD NOT ONE, BUT TWO, SERIAL KILLERS IN 2017.  THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE ISSUING A TRAVEL WARNING ABOUT ARIZONA ANY MINUTE NOW – Cleophus Cooksey Jr. was arrested last month for murdering his parents, and after tracing his gun, they discovered that he was responsible for 7 other murders (possibly more) in the Phoenix area last year.  The Phoenix Police Department was quoted as saying, “To solve nine homicides in a period of three weeks is outstanding”.  No Phoenix PD, to NOT have nine homicides in a period of three weeks would be outstanding.  Solving nine homicides in three weeks is just sad, especially for a major American city not named Chicago, Detroit or Baltimore.  Talk about having a lack of tact.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/12/2018


AT THIS RATE, BILLY ABRAHAM WILL RUN OUT OF BUILDINGS BY THE END OF THE YEAR – Billy Abraham has been one of the most irresponsible building owners in Downtown El Paso for years, either neglecting his properties or not paying loans related to his buildings.  It seems this bad karma is finally coming back to bite him in the ass as a second building  of his is in the process of being foreclosed and sold to a new owner.  After losing the train depot on Campbell St. via fancy legal wrangling by Isha Rogers and Steve Santamaria, Billy Abraham is about to lose the historic Toltec Building to the same exact duo via the same blueprint of buying up debt and foreclosing on the property.  Billy Abraham is putting up a legal fight to stop the process, but like last time it just seems he is delaying the inevitable.  And after all the years of neglect and thumbing his nose at the local government, Billy Abraham doesn’t have too much sympathy in the city.  It looks like the framework is in place and now we wait and see how many of his buildings he will actually be able to hold onto as time rolls by.  The good news is that all these wonderful historic buildings will finally be renovated and put to good use.  (

ALTHOUGH NOT AS RICH AS PAUL FOSTER, LANE GADDY HAS EMERGED AS THE SECOND-MOST PROLIFIC HIGH QUALITY PROPERTY DEVELOPER IN PASO DEL NORTE.  HE’S LIKE THE SCOTTIE PIPPEN OF EL PASO PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT – When he’s not restoring Downtown El Paso buildings to their full historic splendor, Lane Gaddy is using his recycling empire to develop land in Santa Teresa.  The latest addition to the Lane Gaddy property empire is over 2,000 acres in Santa Teresa that his investment group hopes will be used for a variety of land uses and not just industrial.  Santa Teresa is booming and it will be a major community in a few years so it’s good to see that someone responsible like Lane Gaddy will have a hand in how the place develops.  Speaking of responsible developments, maybe Lane Gaddy can buy up some of those foreclosure properties that are soon to be popping up in Downtown.  (

THE MAJOR ISSUE IS THAT THE COUNTY PAYS A SHITLOAD OF MONEY TO MAINTAIN A PARK INSIDE CITY LIMITS WHEN IT SHOULD INSTEAD BE FOCUSING ON PARKS IN THE PARTS OF THE COUNTY THAT DON’T HAVE A A CITY PARK SYSTEM.  BUT LET’S INSTEAD FOCUS ON BOOZE AT THE SPORTSPARK.  THAT’S OBVIOUSLY THE MAJOR ISSUE HURTING EL PASO COUNTY’S FINANCES – Because the El Paso County government loves nothing more than to waste time and money, they asked random people at the Sportspark their opinions on booze and will use that as the sole reason to stop alcohol sales at the Sportspark.  So now the park will get less revenue and taxpayers will have to pay more money for a park that should have just been transferred to the City of El Paso Parks department.  But at least the pearl-clutchers in the government got to say a “scientific” survey says drinking in a park is bad and thus we must protect the people of El Paso from themselves.  This will cost taxpayers more money on the white elephant county parks, but at least the elected officials got to pat themselves on the back.  So just another day of financial mismanagement in the offices of the El Paso County government.  (


AT LEAST THE Y DON’T GET HURRICANES IN CALIFORNIA ……. YET – Not to be outdone by earthquakes and wildfire, mud has decided that it too will kill people and cause havoc in California.  Santa Barbara and the surrounding region just can’t catch a break as the land that was previously devastated by wildfires less than a month ago is now the site of massive flooding and mudslides.  Over a dozen people are dead and hundreds have no place to go as the mudslides have taken a swipe at areas spared the brunt of the wildfires wrath.  It is believed that the wildfires and dead vegetation have contributed to the mudslide-happy conditions in the area because water can no longer be absorbed by the ground.  But building on a hillside is always a risky proposition, especially when land is reclaimed in arroyo-like areas where the water likes to flow.  I would say things are going to get better, but I don’t want to jinx it considering California’s crazy weather.  (

THAT’S ONE HELL OF AN ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN – An Iranian oil tanker has collided with a Chinese cargo ship 160 miles from Shanghai and the result is nothing short of severe.  While survivors were recovered from the cargo ship, no survivors were found from the tanker that caught fire shortly after the impact.  The fire is so bad that the ship is still burning almost a week after the impact and it doesn’t seem like the fire is close to being contained.  At the moment there is no spill, but the Sanchi tanker is filled with the light oil known as condensate which will not create a messy spill on the surface but will instead just explode or slowly be released into the deep ocean if the vessel sinks.  Either way, this is going to be one hell of an environmental disaster in this part of the ocean.  (

THERE IS APPARENTLY TONS OF ACCESSIBLE ICE ON MARS.  WE JUST NEED TO FIND SOME BOOZE ON THE PLANET AND WE CAN MOVE IN NEXT WEEK! – After increased studies of Mars, it seems like humanity is unlocking more and more of the red planet’s secrets on a weekly basis.  Not only is there ice on Mars but, according to a recent study that used the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, it was found that there are at least eight sites with eroded slopes that are covering up large shelves of ice that are hundreds of feet thick.  These sites are important because they can be the perfect sites for future colonists to set up camp and use the ice deposits for water and fuel.  Maybe all those whackos saying that Mars will be colonized within our lifetime aren’t so whacko after all.  (


Simple Minded Weekly-RECAPITATION! – 01/05/2018


SOCORRO IS MAKING A WELL THOUGH OUT AND RATIONAL PLANNING DECISION?  WHAT TYPE OF BIZARRO WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?  – The City of Socorro has shocked many by making a very smart move to expand its connections to I-10 with the construction of a new road east of Horizon that will connect North Loop to the freeway.  At the moment the city only has Horizon as a major arterial connection to I-10 and with the proposed expansion of Bauman Road the city will have another connection to alleviate the crazy traffic on Horizon Boulevard.  Coupled with the Eastlake expansion, this will give the City of Socorro a large financial shot in the arm as most of the lots on those streets will be high priced commercial lots that pay more in taxes than standard residential areas.  The city will now work with the Metropolitan Planning Organization to get this project off the ground.  Good job, Socorro government.  Keep on doing stuff like this instead of all the other stupid stuff you usually do.  (

NEVER STOP YOUR CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY TO GET INTO A FIGHT.  YOU’D THINK THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE IN EL PASO NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS – In perhaps the most preventable traffic death in the city’s history, two idiots (Jonathan Perez and Carlos Hoyos) got into a road rage pissing match on Loop 375 and decided to stop in the middle of the freeway to yell at each other.  That genius decision caused a major crash that resulted in the death of one of the passengers in the stopped vehicle.  This is your weekly reminder that driving while stupid is waaaaaaaaaaay more dangerous than driving while intoxicated.  Maybe the cops will create a safety campaign where they set up random checkpoints to give IQ tests and make sure people aren’t driving while stupid.  (

ACCORDING TO THE MAX GROSSMAN SCHOOL OF HISTORIC PRESERVATION, YOU ONLY DEFEND “HISTORIC” DISTRICTS FOR PROPERTIES THAT ALLOW YOU TO GRANDSTAND LIKE A PRAT ON TV – Thanks to some clever boundary wrangling, Community College will not have to follow historical district guidelines and will build a bland, lifeless building in an actual historic neighborhood that has some very beautiful buildings around it.  Fuck, the architects that designed the EPCC parking garage really suck ass. Even though the “activists” go crazy when you talk about tearing down some cinder block buildings in an area that isn’t even a historic district.  When an ugly ass building goes up in an ACTUAL historic district the “activists” don’t do anything because KVIA isn’t there to felLate them and their bullshit historical fairy tales.  Maybe if they call the district Communitycollegito they will show up to at least make sure the new fucking Community College Rio Grande Campus parking garage sort of matches the beautiful architecture in the area.  Do yourself a favor and look at the renderings for the building.  Yikes, that’s a horrible building.  Did the fucking architects who designed that even go to school or did they just buy the generic plans at Wal-Mart?  (


BEFORE YOU START MAKING CLEVER JOKES ABOUT HOW THE ULTRA COLD WEATHER IN THE EASTERN US IS A SIGN THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX.  PLEASE LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLIMATE AND WEATHER.  AND THE CORRECT TERM IS CLIMATE CHANGE NOT GLOBAL WARMING – It’s colder than Lucifer’s teats in the Eastern U.S., but don’t let that lull you into the belief that this is a sign that that the Earth isn’t getting hotter.  In fact, increased extreme weather is a sign that the overall temperature is going up and making things more chaotic.  And if you really want to see hot weather, just check out what’s happening in Australia where it is currently summer.  They are expecting high temperatures not seen in decades and the asphalt in some roads is even melting!  (

WHEN YOUR ONLY OTHER OPTION IS HAVING A MORON LIKE DONALD TRUMP ACT AS A MEDIATOR, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST DEAL WITH THE MORON IN NORTH KOREAN DIRECTLY – South Korea is using the upcoming Winter Olympics in Pyeonchang as an opportunity to engage in high level talks with North Korea.  The talks are mainly aimed at getting a North Korean delegation to attend the Olympic games but they are hoping it will pave the way towards more productive talks on more important issues.  The fact that South Korea is taking the lead in all of this just shows how little faith they have in America and Donald Trump’s idiotic blabbing style of diplomacy.  Maybe Donald Trump has inadvertently done something good via his stupidity!  (

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – It’s been awhile since we last checked with the idiot in the White House, but this week saw the Mueller investigation continue to inch closer to criminal charges on the moron and someone wrote a book that detailed all the stupidity and backstabbing going on in the administration.  So business as usual for Donald Trump and friends.  Perhaps the most shocking thing about Michael Wolff and his book Fire and Fury is that Donald Trump and his cronies let him hang around the White House for months and observe all the incompetence first hand.  How fucking stupid can they be?  What type of book did they think he was going to write?  Damn, fuck Donald Trump.  (