Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/02/2018


I GUESS COHEN STADIUM IS GOING TO BE TORN DOWN TO BUILD AN APPLEBEES, A WHATABURGER, A WAL-MART AND A COMMUNITY CENTER.  BECAUSE WHEN YOU MASH UP THE IDEAS OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE YOU END UP WITH A GENERIC PLAN FOR A SHOPPING CENTER – After tons of focus groups and community meetings, the City of El Paso has created the most generic plan possible for the old Cohen Stadium site.  There was some hope that Cohen Stadium would be turned into something unique like an amphitheatre, but the plan is to now bulldoze the stadium and build a generic shopping center around an empty patch of grass where the field used to stand.  Some of the ideas that residents had were amazingly stupid and wasteful, like building a direct competitor to Wet ‘N Wild using taxpayer money.  But the city caved in a bit to those whims and will now include a “regional water park” to try to fit in every stupid idea that they got in the Cohen focus groups.  At the end of the day, without any real leadership the property will just become a generic shopping center with an Applebee’s, a Whataburger and a Wal-Mart.  Just like every other generic shopping center in El Paso.  But if the focus groups want a generic Applebee’s shopping center then that’s what the Northeast will get.  (

ALTHOUGH IT APPEARS LIKE THE HISTORIC LINCOLN CENTER IS SAFE FROM DEMOLITION, THEY ARE STILL LOOKING FOR A GOVERNMENT ENTITY TO TAKE OVER AND GIVE THE BUILDING A PURPOSE.  IF ALL ELSE FAILS THEY CAN JUST TURN IT INTO AN APPLEBEE’S AND WHATABURGER – You got to give state Rep. Joe Pickett credit, when he finds a cause he likes he really throws himself into it.  Long after the community came together to save the Lincoln Center in Central El Paso from txdot’s stupid demolition plans, Joe Pickett is still fighting for funding and partners to take over the Lincoln Center.  Its one thing to save the building from demolition but someone is going to have to step up and give the building a purpose.  There is a hope that the building will be used as  community center, but a private/public partnership might have to be used to try and get ANYTHING established in that area.  If the Cohen Stadium focus groups are any indication, the people of El Paso will just ask for something outlandish and stupid at the Lincoln Center like a water park and 20 soccer fields.  Please, someone help the Lincoln Center become a useful structure once again and let’s keep the focus groups to a minimum.  (

ROBOT SEMI-TRUCKS ARE INVADING EL PASO!  WHERE IS OPTIMUS PRIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM? – It’s no surprise that autonomous vehicles will one day take over our roads and the early stages of this revolution are starting to take place in El Paso.  A test run is being conducted by three companies that are running an autonomous semi-trailer line transporting refrigerators from El Paso to California.  Although a human driver is present throughout the process to keep tabs on the system and as a backup, these are just the early stages of the autonomous vehicle revolution.  Let’s just hope the trucks aren’t evil.  I’ve seen that movie before.  (


WHO KNEW WOODPECKERS, HEADBANGERS AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON? – The damage to the brain caused by concussions and severe head impacts is a hot topic these days as more and more evidence is discovered about the dangers of banging your brain repeatedly.  It’s only natural that research has turned to the majestic woodpecker, nature’s head banging brain rocking machine!  Research by Boston University graduate student George Farah on preserved woodpecker specimens has found that woodpecker brains have a similar accumulation of tau proteins as human brains that have gone through repeated head impacts.  While the role of tau proteins in the brain are still not fully known, it is apparent that the woodpecker is not impacted by this “damage” or finds a way to isolate it.  Who knew the woodpecker might be the key to better treatment for various brain ailments?  (

WE’RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO CUSTOM SEX BOTS AND THE COMPLETE COLLAPSE OF CIVILIZATION.  IT’S A CREEPY, CREEPY WORLD – A free computer program known as FakeApp has been released that allows you to replace anyone’s face on any video with whatever face you want.  It’s face swapping gone mad!  The free program is quite efficient and has produced some amazingly realistic face swaps.  Naturally, 99% of the output since its release has been fake celebrity porn videos known as DeepFakes and sadly this is what the program will be known for.  Because every technology ever developed since the beginning of time has always been used for sexual gratification immediately after it was created.  It’s a creepy new world and we’re getting closer to the day when you can create a lifelike sex bot with the face of the girl who broke your heart in college.  Not that it’s crossed my mind.  That thought’s never crossed my mind.  (

YEAH, THE FANCY TV GROUNDHOG IS PROBABLY MORE ACCURATE AT WEATHER FORECASTING THAN CHUCK DEBRODER.  BUT CAN A GROUNDHOG PARTY HARDER THAN CHUCK?  I THINK NOT – Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this Groundhog’s Day and thus we will have six more weeks of winter.  I, for one, trust Phil’s scientific acumen and have great faith in groundhog weather prediction abilities.  So when you’re freezing your ass off during a random storm in March, feel free to blame groundhogs.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/26/2018


BUT WILL THEY LET HORSES RIDE ON THE PASO DEL NORTE SUPER TRAIL?  WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE PONIES? – In a plan that is long overdue, the Paso del Norte Health Foundation is spearheading the creation of a 50 mile long continuous trail that will stretch from Tornillo to the New Mexico State line.  The long gestating Paso Del Norte Trail is now in the planning phase and it’s looking like the trickiest part will be getting the trail through Dowtown El Paso in a way that makes it look like a continuous path.  Normally a trail like this would follow the river, but thanks to America’s militarized fascist wet dream of a border – that idea is not very likely.  The canals make for perfect trail routes in most of the area, but that downtown stretch is going to be a doozy.  We’re still hoping for them to announce that horses will be allowed on the trail because it would be pretty damn cool to ride a horse from the lower valley to the upper valley unimpeded.  FREE THE PONIES!  LET THEM USE THE TRAIL!  (

FIVE DAYS THAT SHOOK VADO, NEW MEXICO – Vado is rarely in the news, but this week was different as the region and the WORLD were fixated on the rescue of a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head.  Although multiple rescue attempts failed to trap the dog, eventually it just saved itself and showed up one day without the jug.  People are still hoping the dog will be “rescued” and, with the help of a shelter, eventually be adopted by a good home.  Thus ends one of the most exciting chapters in the history of Vado.  Elsewhere in New Mexico; a bunch of kids were raped, people were murdered and cops shot innocent civilians in and around Albuquerque.  When the biggest news event is a community effort to save a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head, you know that life is pretty fucking good.  (

ALTHOUGH NOT AS EXCITING AS A FIVE DAY DOG RESCUE, STUDENTS IN EPISD ARE DOING THEIR PART BY HELPING TO REHABILITATE A PARALYZED DOG – Kudos to the students at EPISD’s Center for Career, Technology and Education for lending a hand to help a paralyzed dog.  Camila the dog was taken by MuttLove Dog Rescue to EPISD to receive physical therapy after the dog was diagnosed with a spinal disease that left the dog paralyzed.  Veterinary students at CTE will provide the rehabilitation and engineering students will help build a custom wheelchair to help Camila get around.  Thankfully Camila did not have a plastic jug stuck to its head.  That would have taken five days for a solution to be found and the students would not have had the resources to solve such a perplexing problem.  Kudos, EPISD CTE students and everyone else involved in saving Camila.  (


WHILE AMERICA WAS FOCUSED ON SYRIA, IRAN, NORTH KOREA AND PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY ON EARTH; THE TALIBAN AND OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS DECIDED TO TAKE OVER AFGHANISTAN ONE MORE TIME – Hot on the heels of a large wave of recent Taliban attacks in Afghanistan, the daesh cunts of ISIS decided to bomb a children’s charity in the country.  Yup, ISIS is now making its presence felt in Afghanistan and have attacked the offices of Save the Children charity killing three workers and one soldier.  Donald Trump has really done a hell of a job destroying ISIS!  Naturally, the Taliban and every other terrorist in Afghanistan felt the wave of stupidity emanating from Washington D.C. and decided that now was the time to make a move.  We should probably see if we can get China to take over this mess, Lord knows a decade of American occupation in Afghanistan didn’t accomplish a damn thing.  (

NOW VENEZUELA IS GETTING IN A PISSING MATCH WITH EUROPE.  IT LOOKS LIKE THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO PISS OFF THE ENTIRE WORLD.  AT SOME POINT EVEN RUSSIA WILL PUT SANCTIONS ON VENEZUELA – Hot on the heels of fresh sanctions from the European Union, Venezuela has expelled the Spanish ambassador because of some imaginary conspiracy theory that Maduro pulled out of his ass.  If you’re keeping score at home, the government in Venezuela now blames America, Europe and most of the developed world for its problems.  It’s definitely not corruption and incompetence at the highest levels of Venezuela that are responsible for the human rights abuses and the shit economy.  It’s the big bad capitalist conspiracy that is keeping Venezuela down.  (

IF THERE’S ONE THING WE KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THE FIRST MODERN HUMANS, IT’S THAT THEY ARE DEFINITELY OLDER THAN THE FEW THOUSAND YEARS THAT CRAZY, REDNECK, YOUNG EARTH BIBLE THUMPERS BELIEVE IN – Not only are humans much older than originally thought (about 300,000 years according to most modern evidence).  It turns out that humans may have left Africa about 100,000 years earlier than originally thought as well.  A new human fossil find in Israel has been dated to being between 177,000 to 194,000 years old and that pretty much ruins most of the timelines regarding humanity’s exit from Africa.  Science is an ever evolving mystery that just keeps on getting more interesting with every new puzzle piece.  (


Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 01/19/2018


A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE EL PASO COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT, THE ONLY EL PASO COUNTY GOVERNMENT ENTITY THAT ISN’T PERPETUALLY DOING SOMETHING STUPID – The El Paso County Sheriff’s department has revealed crime statistics from 2017 and they show that crime throughout the county has dropped by 26% compared to 2016.  The crime has dropped in both violent and property categories and this follows a trend that has occurred since Sheriff Richard Wiles took over the department a few years back.  We joke a lot about Wiles and his quirks, but he gets the job done and has always helped keep crime down and increase awareness in the community.  And he’s light years beyond the wacko sheriff in Dona Ana County.  So we salute you Sheriff Wiles and El Paso County law enforcement, you’re doing a great job and have not shot any innocent civilians like some of the other law enforcement outfits in the country.  (

LOOKS LIKE BILLY ABRAHAM IS GOING TO LOOSE HIS DOWNTOWN PROPERTIES SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT – Even as Billy Abraham is trying to keep the Toltec Building from creditors, ten more of his properties are now on the auction block in an attempt to raise funds to cover Abraham’s debts.  This really looks like the end of Billy Abraham’s dilapidated downtown empire.  It’s going to take a hell of a lot of legal wrangling to keep them from selling his buildings and he probably doesn’t have the means to cover the $1,000,000 Juan Gabriel concert judgment that is the main force speeding up this sale.  He could borrow the money to save his properties, but at this point it’s not apparent that there is anybody left that is stupid enough to lend him money.  Even if this all goes through, he’ll still have a few properties including the American Furniture building in Downtown El Paso.  But with all the financial buzzards circling around you have to wonder at what point will Billy Abraham be stable enough to renovate any one of his buildings and get some rent money that won’t be taken up in a future court case.  Is this the end of Billy?  (

THE EL PASO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LIZARDS ARE OFFICIALLY AN ENDANGERED SPECIES – The carpeting at the El Paso Airport has long been one of the more unique decorations found in any airport around the world.  Love it or hate it, the “lizard carpet” has achieved an almost cult-like status in the decades that it has been a staple in El Paso International Airport.  But alas, all good things must come to an end and the airport’s renovation plans include a phasing out of the iconic lizard design by mid-2018.  There’s some good news in that pieces of the carpeting  will be given out to people that want a piece of history, but it still sucks to see it gone forever at the airport.  Farewell, Airport Lizards.  (


CAPE TOWN IS ON THE VERGE OF BECOMING THE FIRST MAJOR CITY IN THE WORLD TO RUN OUT OF WATER.  THAT’S USUALLY WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU COMBINE A MISMANAGED GOVERNMENT WITH A CRAPPY ECONOMY – As a result of a prolonged drought and an even longer streak of governmental incompetence, Cape Town in South Africa is on the verge of running out water by mid April.  Mandatory water usage caps have been placed throughout the city as the government struggles to fix a mess that they should have been planning against for years.  It’s right next to the ocean, so desalination plants are an option – but desalination plants don’t grow on trees and won’t be online anywhere near the April deadline.   (

TO ALL THE PEOPLE IN HAWAII WHO JUST HAD A HEARTATTACK, HAWAII’S EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT DEPARTMENT WOULD LIKE TO APOLIGIZE FOR THE FALSE ALARM.  WHOOPS – A ballistic missile threat false alarm was sent out in Hawaii last Saturday and it took over 30 minutes for the authorities to let everyone know it was an accident.  The situation was made worse by the fact that the alarm said it was not a test and it was the real thing.  So if you had a cell or were watching TV in Hawaii last Saturday you probably thought you were going to die and maybe did some stupid things in your “final moments” on Earth.  Although many people thought the system was hacked, it turns out that human error in a shift change led to the false alarm.  That employee was re-assigned because it’s practically impossible to be fired from a government job unless you kill someone and/or cuss out your superiors.  (

PHOENIX HAD NOT ONE, BUT TWO, SERIAL KILLERS IN 2017.  THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE ISSUING A TRAVEL WARNING ABOUT ARIZONA ANY MINUTE NOW – Cleophus Cooksey Jr. was arrested last month for murdering his parents, and after tracing his gun, they discovered that he was responsible for 7 other murders (possibly more) in the Phoenix area last year.  The Phoenix Police Department was quoted as saying, “To solve nine homicides in a period of three weeks is outstanding”.  No Phoenix PD, to NOT have nine homicides in a period of three weeks would be outstanding.  Solving nine homicides in three weeks is just sad, especially for a major American city not named Chicago, Detroit or Baltimore.  Talk about having a lack of tact.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/12/2018


AT THIS RATE, BILLY ABRAHAM WILL RUN OUT OF BUILDINGS BY THE END OF THE YEAR – Billy Abraham has been one of the most irresponsible building owners in Downtown El Paso for years, either neglecting his properties or not paying loans related to his buildings.  It seems this bad karma is finally coming back to bite him in the ass as a second building  of his is in the process of being foreclosed and sold to a new owner.  After losing the train depot on Campbell St. via fancy legal wrangling by Isha Rogers and Steve Santamaria, Billy Abraham is about to lose the historic Toltec Building to the same exact duo via the same blueprint of buying up debt and foreclosing on the property.  Billy Abraham is putting up a legal fight to stop the process, but like last time it just seems he is delaying the inevitable.  And after all the years of neglect and thumbing his nose at the local government, Billy Abraham doesn’t have too much sympathy in the city.  It looks like the framework is in place and now we wait and see how many of his buildings he will actually be able to hold onto as time rolls by.  The good news is that all these wonderful historic buildings will finally be renovated and put to good use.  (

ALTHOUGH NOT AS RICH AS PAUL FOSTER, LANE GADDY HAS EMERGED AS THE SECOND-MOST PROLIFIC HIGH QUALITY PROPERTY DEVELOPER IN PASO DEL NORTE.  HE’S LIKE THE SCOTTIE PIPPEN OF EL PASO PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT – When he’s not restoring Downtown El Paso buildings to their full historic splendor, Lane Gaddy is using his recycling empire to develop land in Santa Teresa.  The latest addition to the Lane Gaddy property empire is over 2,000 acres in Santa Teresa that his investment group hopes will be used for a variety of land uses and not just industrial.  Santa Teresa is booming and it will be a major community in a few years so it’s good to see that someone responsible like Lane Gaddy will have a hand in how the place develops.  Speaking of responsible developments, maybe Lane Gaddy can buy up some of those foreclosure properties that are soon to be popping up in Downtown.  (

THE MAJOR ISSUE IS THAT THE COUNTY PAYS A SHITLOAD OF MONEY TO MAINTAIN A PARK INSIDE CITY LIMITS WHEN IT SHOULD INSTEAD BE FOCUSING ON PARKS IN THE PARTS OF THE COUNTY THAT DON’T HAVE A A CITY PARK SYSTEM.  BUT LET’S INSTEAD FOCUS ON BOOZE AT THE SPORTSPARK.  THAT’S OBVIOUSLY THE MAJOR ISSUE HURTING EL PASO COUNTY’S FINANCES – Because the El Paso County government loves nothing more than to waste time and money, they asked random people at the Sportspark their opinions on booze and will use that as the sole reason to stop alcohol sales at the Sportspark.  So now the park will get less revenue and taxpayers will have to pay more money for a park that should have just been transferred to the City of El Paso Parks department.  But at least the pearl-clutchers in the government got to say a “scientific” survey says drinking in a park is bad and thus we must protect the people of El Paso from themselves.  This will cost taxpayers more money on the white elephant county parks, but at least the elected officials got to pat themselves on the back.  So just another day of financial mismanagement in the offices of the El Paso County government.  (


AT LEAST THE Y DON’T GET HURRICANES IN CALIFORNIA ……. YET – Not to be outdone by earthquakes and wildfire, mud has decided that it too will kill people and cause havoc in California.  Santa Barbara and the surrounding region just can’t catch a break as the land that was previously devastated by wildfires less than a month ago is now the site of massive flooding and mudslides.  Over a dozen people are dead and hundreds have no place to go as the mudslides have taken a swipe at areas spared the brunt of the wildfires wrath.  It is believed that the wildfires and dead vegetation have contributed to the mudslide-happy conditions in the area because water can no longer be absorbed by the ground.  But building on a hillside is always a risky proposition, especially when land is reclaimed in arroyo-like areas where the water likes to flow.  I would say things are going to get better, but I don’t want to jinx it considering California’s crazy weather.  (

THAT’S ONE HELL OF AN ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN – An Iranian oil tanker has collided with a Chinese cargo ship 160 miles from Shanghai and the result is nothing short of severe.  While survivors were recovered from the cargo ship, no survivors were found from the tanker that caught fire shortly after the impact.  The fire is so bad that the ship is still burning almost a week after the impact and it doesn’t seem like the fire is close to being contained.  At the moment there is no spill, but the Sanchi tanker is filled with the light oil known as condensate which will not create a messy spill on the surface but will instead just explode or slowly be released into the deep ocean if the vessel sinks.  Either way, this is going to be one hell of an environmental disaster in this part of the ocean.  (

THERE IS APPARENTLY TONS OF ACCESSIBLE ICE ON MARS.  WE JUST NEED TO FIND SOME BOOZE ON THE PLANET AND WE CAN MOVE IN NEXT WEEK! – After increased studies of Mars, it seems like humanity is unlocking more and more of the red planet’s secrets on a weekly basis.  Not only is there ice on Mars but, according to a recent study that used the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, it was found that there are at least eight sites with eroded slopes that are covering up large shelves of ice that are hundreds of feet thick.  These sites are important because they can be the perfect sites for future colonists to set up camp and use the ice deposits for water and fuel.  Maybe all those whackos saying that Mars will be colonized within our lifetime aren’t so whacko after all.  (


Simple Minded Weekly-RECAPITATION! – 01/05/2018


SOCORRO IS MAKING A WELL THOUGH OUT AND RATIONAL PLANNING DECISION?  WHAT TYPE OF BIZARRO WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?  – The City of Socorro has shocked many by making a very smart move to expand its connections to I-10 with the construction of a new road east of Horizon that will connect North Loop to the freeway.  At the moment the city only has Horizon as a major arterial connection to I-10 and with the proposed expansion of Bauman Road the city will have another connection to alleviate the crazy traffic on Horizon Boulevard.  Coupled with the Eastlake expansion, this will give the City of Socorro a large financial shot in the arm as most of the lots on those streets will be high priced commercial lots that pay more in taxes than standard residential areas.  The city will now work with the Metropolitan Planning Organization to get this project off the ground.  Good job, Socorro government.  Keep on doing stuff like this instead of all the other stupid stuff you usually do.  (

NEVER STOP YOUR CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY TO GET INTO A FIGHT.  YOU’D THINK THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE IN EL PASO NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS – In perhaps the most preventable traffic death in the city’s history, two idiots (Jonathan Perez and Carlos Hoyos) got into a road rage pissing match on Loop 375 and decided to stop in the middle of the freeway to yell at each other.  That genius decision caused a major crash that resulted in the death of one of the passengers in the stopped vehicle.  This is your weekly reminder that driving while stupid is waaaaaaaaaaay more dangerous than driving while intoxicated.  Maybe the cops will create a safety campaign where they set up random checkpoints to give IQ tests and make sure people aren’t driving while stupid.  (

ACCORDING TO THE MAX GROSSMAN SCHOOL OF HISTORIC PRESERVATION, YOU ONLY DEFEND “HISTORIC” DISTRICTS FOR PROPERTIES THAT ALLOW YOU TO GRANDSTAND LIKE A PRAT ON TV – Thanks to some clever boundary wrangling, Community College will not have to follow historical district guidelines and will build a bland, lifeless building in an actual historic neighborhood that has some very beautiful buildings around it.  Fuck, the architects that designed the EPCC parking garage really suck ass. Even though the “activists” go crazy when you talk about tearing down some cinder block buildings in an area that isn’t even a historic district.  When an ugly ass building goes up in an ACTUAL historic district the “activists” don’t do anything because KVIA isn’t there to felLate them and their bullshit historical fairy tales.  Maybe if they call the district Communitycollegito they will show up to at least make sure the new fucking Community College Rio Grande Campus parking garage sort of matches the beautiful architecture in the area.  Do yourself a favor and look at the renderings for the building.  Yikes, that’s a horrible building.  Did the fucking architects who designed that even go to school or did they just buy the generic plans at Wal-Mart?  (


BEFORE YOU START MAKING CLEVER JOKES ABOUT HOW THE ULTRA COLD WEATHER IN THE EASTERN US IS A SIGN THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX.  PLEASE LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLIMATE AND WEATHER.  AND THE CORRECT TERM IS CLIMATE CHANGE NOT GLOBAL WARMING – It’s colder than Lucifer’s teats in the Eastern U.S., but don’t let that lull you into the belief that this is a sign that that the Earth isn’t getting hotter.  In fact, increased extreme weather is a sign that the overall temperature is going up and making things more chaotic.  And if you really want to see hot weather, just check out what’s happening in Australia where it is currently summer.  They are expecting high temperatures not seen in decades and the asphalt in some roads is even melting!  (

WHEN YOUR ONLY OTHER OPTION IS HAVING A MORON LIKE DONALD TRUMP ACT AS A MEDIATOR, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST DEAL WITH THE MORON IN NORTH KOREAN DIRECTLY – South Korea is using the upcoming Winter Olympics in Pyeonchang as an opportunity to engage in high level talks with North Korea.  The talks are mainly aimed at getting a North Korean delegation to attend the Olympic games but they are hoping it will pave the way towards more productive talks on more important issues.  The fact that South Korea is taking the lead in all of this just shows how little faith they have in America and Donald Trump’s idiotic blabbing style of diplomacy.  Maybe Donald Trump has inadvertently done something good via his stupidity!  (

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – It’s been awhile since we last checked with the idiot in the White House, but this week saw the Mueller investigation continue to inch closer to criminal charges on the moron and someone wrote a book that detailed all the stupidity and backstabbing going on in the administration.  So business as usual for Donald Trump and friends.  Perhaps the most shocking thing about Michael Wolff and his book Fire and Fury is that Donald Trump and his cronies let him hang around the White House for months and observe all the incompetence first hand.  How fucking stupid can they be?  What type of book did they think he was going to write?  Damn, fuck Donald Trump.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/29/2017


NMSU WINS!  NMSU WINS! – After decades of disappointment and losing seasons, NMSU has finally won a bowl after more than 50 years of waiting.  The NMSU Aggies beat Utah State by a score of 26 to 20 in a tense game that had to be decided in overtime.  Their last win came in the 1960 Sun Bowl which was, in fact, the last bowl that they were invited to.  That win was so long ago that a Brontosaurus played on the offensive line for that team.  Before they went extinct, Brontosauruses made excellent offensive linemen.  Congratulations, Aggies!  Now comes the hard part of trying to stay afloat in the top level of college football without a conference.  Good luck and God speed.  (

SPEEDING ON ANY ROAD IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.  SPEEDING ON A POORLY MAINTAINED PRIVATE ROAD IS JUST CRAZY – Tragedy has once again happened on Jobe Road.  The private road, that is part of the weirdo Joe Battle / Windermere hodge podge of private and public paving, has once again claimed another ill prepared driver.  Three people are dead and one person is in critical condition after a car flipped over and caught on fire on the dangerous road.  The road is borderline passable if you drive near the speed limit, so speeding and not paying attention while driving on this “road” is just dangerous.  As a private road, it can possibly be gated to prevent unauthorized personnel from using it but the people in charge of the road don’t seem like the type to do something good for the community.  Jobe – “When they’re not raping the mountains in order to make crappy concrete, their crappy roads are luring people to their deaths!”  (

LOST IN THE ONSLAUGHT OF NMSU CAUSING HELL TO FREEZE OVER, THE SUN BOWL WAS ALSO PLAYED – Due to prearranged scheduling out of everyone’s control, the Sun Bowl was played on the same day as NMSU’s bowl game.  So while most of the sporting attention in the region was focused on NMSU’s miracle season, the Sun Bowl had another successful entry in its long history.  The game was a largely one-sided affair as North Carolina State walloped Arizona State by a final score of 52 to 31, but all things considered the turnout was pretty good at around 40,000 and it seems everyone had a great time (except for Arizona State’s players).  Next year is the Sun Bowl’s 85th birthday and it will hopefully be entertaining as usual.  The choice of teams have fallen over the years as the directors have allowed other bowls to push it aside, but the Sun Bowl is still a gem for the Paso del Norte region and beyond – and CBS still televises it, so that’s pretty cool.  (


ALL THE OTHER TIMES IRANIANS HAVE PROTESTED IN THE STREETS HAVE ENDED SO WELL, I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENING THIS TIME OUT – What started out as a protest against high prices and bad economic conditions in Iran has now become a nationwide anti-government demonstration in its second day.  Though the demonstrations are not as massive as the ones that occurred a few years back, they seem to be growing in size and are as unpredictable as any other demonstration in Iran’s past.  And judging by what has happened as a result of other Iranian protest movements, it’s worth keeping an eye on this developing situation.  (

EVEN BANANAS ARE IN DANGER IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.  IS NOTHING SAFE FROM THE FUCKING GREED AND STUPIDITY OF HUMANITY – The Cavendish is the main banana variety that is sold in western markets, but that wasn’t always the case.  Up until the middle of the of the 20th century, the main banana variety that people were familiar with was the Gros Michel.  But thanks to incompetent crop management a fungus nearly wiped out the Gros Michel and plantations had to switch to the more resistant Cavendish variety.  Fast forward a few decades and banana growers are facing an amazingly similar problem as fungus threatens to wipe out the Cavendish variety in plantations around the world.  Thankfully some, but not all, growers learned their lesson from the past and new crop management techniques are being implemented and new varieties and genetic research are being used to try and protect the banana industry.  Who knew bananas led such interesting lives?  (

GOODBYE 2017 AND HELLO 2018.  LET’S SEE IF 2O18 CAN IMPROVE ON THIS PAST YEAR – The new year is upon us!  Have a safe and fun time celebrating the arrival of 2018 this weekend.  Hopefully the fascist idiots get their asses handed to them this upcoming year and maybe we’ll finally get closer to a truly rational and logical world.  One can hope.  Also check back with Simple Minded Entertainment often, we have some big plans for 2018.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/22/2017


IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, TXDOT’S DECADES LONG I-10 AND AMERICAS INTERCHANGE PROJECT HAS KILLED SOMEONE – For some ungodly reason, Bob Bielek and friends have taken close to a decade to finish up the I-10 and Americas Spaghetti Bowl II project and now the dangerous driving conditions created by a perpetual construction zone have ended in tragedy.  Two truck drivers died this week when construction equipment was dangerously left hanging over the construction zone into the left lane of traffic.  The situation created an accident that involved multiple vehicles and left two people dead.  As is customary, txdot will just shrug their shoulders and blame the contractors and the project that should have been finished in a few years will now go on for another decade.  (

PASO DEL NORTE COULD USE A LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE KAYLEE CASTILLO – Kudos to 8-year old Kaylee Castillo for her efforts to bring some joy to refugees as they come to El Paso.  For the past two years she has been selling candy in order to buy teddy bears to give to children via the child crisis center and EPPD’s crimes and children’s unit.  She does a lot more for the community than the vast majority of the population and we can all learn a lesson from this wonderful girl.  Good show, Kaylee Castillo.  (

WHO KNEW LOSING ALL YOUR GAMES WOULD LEAD TO A DROP IN ATTENDANCE AND REVENUE – In news that surprised no one, it was revealed that UTEP’s athletic program revenue is abysmal and the university has to subsidize the football program and every other sport in order to break even.  Ticket revenue for the 2016 football season fell to a paltry $582,469 and with no wins and minimal hope it will take A LOT of effort to reverse this trend.  It’s amazing that that the university will spend millions to support football but can’t spare $10 to start a men’s soccer and baseball program at UTEP.  (


WHO KNEW THAT ONE OF THE GUYS FROM BLINK 182 WOULD BE THE PERSON TO LEAD THE WORLD TO ALIEN DISCLOSURE AND A NEW ERA IN HUMANITY? – For the first time ever, the U.S. government has released video of something that they cannot identify.  The government released two videos taken from fighter jet cameras to Tom DeLonge’s To The Stars Academy and the videos are backed up by the New York Times who investigated the encounters and got testimony from pilots and people involved in the government’s not-so-secret U.F.O. investigation program.  Let’s not jump to conclusions though, the video is either evidence of some secret military DARPAesque project or proof of the time-traveling, inter-dimensional, reptilian gray aliens that built the pyramids.  It’s definitely the second one!  (

MADRID THE PATHETIC EX-GIRLFRIEND IS GETTING ANGRIER AS CATALONIA STRIVES TO MAKE THE BREAKUP OFFICIAL– The majority of Catalonia have once again voted for a government that seeks independence from Spain and the heavy handed assholes in Madrid will now do everything in their power to undermine the Catalan people.  Even though the “pro-Spain” Citizens party won the most seats in the election, the separatist parties will still have the majority of power in the government.  Madrid already took most of Catalonia’s autonomy, so who knows what actions they will take after their upcoming temper tantrum when Catalonia slams the door in their face.  (

WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR THAN WITH A CHIRPING ROBOT MONKEY THAT WRAPS AROUND YOUR FINGER – Merry Christmas, everyone!  It’s that special time of the year when we forget all the important things in life and start obsessing over pointless presents and other consumerist trappings.  The hot toy this year is a tiny robot monkey that makes odd noises, back in my day our Christmas robots were fuzzy puppets that at least had the decency to say their own name.  Elmo and Furby must be spinning in their graves.  Be safe this Christmas and don’t get arrested in your attempt to capture teeny tiny robot monkey Fingerlings for your ungrateful brat children.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/15/2017


THE CINCINNATI PARTY DISTRICT IS FINALLY GETTING A SWANKY NEW FACE-LIFT.  I GIVE IT 15 MINUTES BEFORE SOMEONE THROWS UP ALL OVER THE STREET AND IT BECOMES TRASHY ALL OVER AGAIN … THE WAY GOD INTENDED CINCINNATI STREET TO BE – The Cincinnati area near UTEP will be the first location to benefit from El Paso’s Sun City Lights archway program.  The project includes improvements to the street, sidewalks, lighting and also features additional trees, landscaping and a large archway over the street that acts as a gateway to the area.  Although making the Cincinnati area nice and shiny is a good move, let’s not forget that it’s the trashiness that makes Cincy special and the main reason that we all love it.  They can do anything they want to the street, just don’t mess around with Cincy’s trashy party attitude.  (

MOVE OVER SANTA CLAUS, IT’S TIME FOR SANTA KHALID-AUS! – Because Khalid is a very cool guy, he decided to give back to the community by giving toys to an entire elementary school in El Paso.  The city’s favorite son cemented his reputation this week by personally delivering over 500 toys to all the students at Crockett Elementary School.  Sure, some kids in other schools felt left out, but Santa Khalid-aus is only human and there are only so many free shows and toys he can give to the people of El Paso.  (

THE NEW MEXICO STATE AGGIES WANT TO REMIND YOU TO ATTEND THEIR BOWL GAME IN TUCSON.  THEY WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT HELL STAYS FROZEN, SO GO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW! – The NMSU Aggies will be playing in their first bowl game since 1960 when they take on the Utah State Aggies in the NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl on December 29.  This will be a rematch of the 1960 edition of the Sun Bowl where NMSU won by the score of 20 to 13.  The Aggies are looking to capitalize on this positive news and try to gain more support from the community.  Next year the football team will not have a conference and they will have a tougher time with a harder independent schedule.  So let’s support the Aggies and keep them from drifting away to a lower division in football.  (


ONE DAY DISNEY WILL OWN EVERYTHING AND MICKEY MOUSE WILL BE KING OF THE WORLD – In news that has been brewing for some time, Disney officially announced its intention to acquire the lion’s share of Fox Corporation’s assets.  The merger deal is believed to be worth $66.1 billion and will make Disney a much bigger behemoth than it already is.  The deal still has to be approved by federal regulators, but once it’s complete it will give Disney everything that Fox currently has except Fox News, the Fox Sports channels and the Fox Broadcasting Corporation and its owned affiliates.  So basically Disney is getting everything of value in the deal and Rupert Murdoch keeps his news division.  The deal will have a great impact on many facets of both companies and the stuff they produce, but one of the cooler things is that the X-Men will finally be able to inhabit the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  And as is the case in everything, The Simpsons predicted the Disney-Fox merger almost 20 years ago.  The Simpsons are written by very intelligent people and/or The Devil.  (

GOODBYE, NET NEUTRALITY.  GOODBYE, REGULATIONS AND CONSUMER PROTECTIONS.  THE INMATES ARE IN CHARGE OF THE ASYLUM AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL LET CORPORATIONS DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT – It’s finally happened, the FCC has ended net neutrality and will now allow internet providers to pick and choose the speed of certain services and the price of that speed.  The end of net neutrality wouldn’t be so bad if the government hadn’t wasted money to help create the internet’s infrastructure and if they hadn’t auctioned off the spectrum in what was basically a sweetheart deal.  But alas, the government has given full reign of the internet to corporations without any considerations for the public that should rightfully control at least part of the system.  So now we find ourselves at the mercy of the corporations that control internet providers and hope that they will do the right thing and create a service that doesn’t discriminate between content.  (

MAYBE THERE’S HOPE FOR AMERICA YET – Democracy survived partisan stupidity this week as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican, and alleged young girl predator, Roy Moore in Alabama’s U.S. senate race.  Though it’s a bit sad that the Democrat candidate only won the vote by less than a 2% margin even though the Republican candidate was a vile, racist, hypocrite, constitution-trampling sexual predator.  But it’s ultra deep red Alabama so this is one hell of a victory.  Maybe this will be a wake-up call to the country to stand up and vote and finally get rid of the fascist shitheads in office that only want to enact racist policies and bend over for corporate interests with deep pockets.  If Alabama can do it, the rest of the country has no excuse.  There is hope again in America.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/08/2017


THE EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM IS LOOKING LIKE IT WILL BE A WORLD CLASS BUILDING.  UNLESS MAX GROSSMAN MAKES UP ANOTHER BULLSHIT CLAIM THAT THE OLD GREYHOUND MAINTENANCE STATION  WAS A LATINO OUTPOST KNOWN AS GREYHOUNDITO, THEN NOTHING WILL EVER GET BUILT – Even though the city has faced multiple setbacks on other voter-approved quality of life projects, it looks like the El Paso Children’s museum is right on track.  The project is now in the design stage and the City of El Paso has narrowed down the list of possible architect firms down to three.  The three world class firms have submitted conceptual designs and the public will now vote in order to give the city a better idea of what they want to see in the project.  All the designs make the area look much better and it’s very cool that all three incorporate some sort of pathway over the “El Paso subway rail track pit” that lead into the Cleveland Square area.  For what it’s worth, Snohetta has the best idea with a design that is modern and inviting but not overbearing.  Koning Eizenberg Architecture’s design is also pretty good but doesn’t seem to mesh with the surroundings too well and the façade is pretty plain.  And TEN Arquitectos’ plan just looks like a giant parking garage for humans with no real design features.  Unfortunately, the parking garage design is probably the front runner because the city really loves parking garages and bland architecture.  But anything is better than the old Greyhound maintenance building that used to be there.  Even if it’s historical Greyhoundito land, it still was an eyesore.  So be sure to attend the public meetings and vote for Snohetta to design the El Paso Children’s Museum. #SAVEGREYHOUNDITO  (

UP YOURS, GLOBAL WARMING!  AFTER WEEKS OF UNSEASONABLY WARM WEATHER, WINTER HAS FINALLY COME TO PASO DEL NORTE AND THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Winter has come to El Paso as a cold front has brought snow and very cold temperatures this week.  As local tradition dictates, people in the area reacted like they’ve never seen snow before even though it snows every fucking year.  Temperatures are expected to be cool for the next few days, so keep warm and say hello to winter.  (

UTEP HAS A NEW HEAD COACH!  LET’S HOPE THIS ISN’T THE ONE THAT ENDS UP COMMITTING SUICIDE BEFORE THE SEASON IS OVER.  IT HASN’T HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT SEEING HOW MOST OF THE OTHER MINER COACHES HAVE LEFT, YOU CAN NEVER UNDERESTIMATE UTEP – After a disastrous win-less football season that saw Coach Sean “Freddy” Krueger(sic) quit after a few games, UTEP has announced that Dana Dimel will be the new head coach of the UTEP football team.  Although not as exciting of a hire as when UTEP somehow landed Mike Price over a decade ago, Dana Dimel has a decent resume that includes stints in Arizona and Kansas State.  We wish Dana Dimel the best of luck and hope he joins the small group of successful UTEP coaches that includes Bob Stull and Mike Price and not the extra long list of names of failed UTEP coaches that includes practically every other coach that has been brought in.  (


CALIFORNIA IS BURNING … AGAIN! – In what is becoming a year round occurrence, wild fires are once again devastating California.  This time out, the fires are spreading around the Los Angeles and San Diego area.  The fires are fed by the dry and windy conditions in the area and the forecast offers no real relief in the coming days.  Although many buildings have been destroyed as a result of the multiple fires hitting the region, thankfully the casualty count has been minimal.  Stay safe, California.  (

FEW PLACES HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ATTACK AND KILL NEUTRAL UN PEACEKEEPERS.  DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO IS ONE SUCH PLACE – The UN has had peacekeepers in the DR Congo region since 2010 and it appears things are still pretty fucked up there.  This week, fourteen UN peacekeepers were killed and dozens were wounded after suspected rebels attacked the UN personnel in the North Kivu province of Congo.  The UN was already considering withdrawing most of its peacekeepers from the region and this will probably make them speed up the process.  This part of Africa is a giant clusterfuck and it will take more than peacekeepers to change its destiny.  Keep your eyes on DR Congo in 2018, things might start to heat up here soon.  (

HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY FINLAND!  MAY YOU PARTY WITH LOTS OF BOOZE AND REINDEER INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT – Although the Finnish people and their culture have been around for thousands of years, the country of Finland was only founded in 1917 after centuries of control by either the Russians or its Nordic neighbors.  Finland is one of the top countries in Europe and it is nice to see a community find success after freeing itself from the shackles of a Frankenstein empire.  Happy birthday, Finland.  May you have many more years of prosperity.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/01/2017


THE LIGHTS AT THE PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS ARE COOL, BUT ARE THEY COOLER THAN THE LILY LIMON AND EDDIE HOLGUIN MEMORIAL CHRISTMAS LIGHT SPECTACULAR IN THE LOWER VALLEY? NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THAT SPECTACULAR LIGHT SHOW! – The lights are back for the holidays at the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the Christmas tradition continues this weekend with the annual tree lighting ceremony, parade and holiday festival all around downtown El Paso.  So don’t forget to check out the fun in downtown this Saturday.  Or if you hate crowds, just go check out the lights and the holiday attractions sometime during the week.  (

I’D BE CAREFUL WITH THE ATTEMPTS TO FIX UP EL PASO STREET IN DOWNTOWN.  WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE EFFECTS OF HELL FREEZING OVER WILL HAVE ON THE WORLD – It’s finally happening!  REAL investors are moving into El Paso Street with plans to fix up buildings in the area.  For a long time, the only people that owned buildings on El Paso Street were dumbass, money-hungry fucks who were only in it for the monthly rent and who didn’t give a damn what businesses were in the area or in what condition the buildings were in.  This appears to be changing as Lane Gaddy and other investors have been purchasing buildings in the area with an intent to restore them and bring more business into the area.  This is the first time, in a long time, that a legit investor with a history of great projects has made inroads into this long neglected area of Downtown El Paso.  Couple this with the city’s continued Paseo De Las Luces project and the work Juarez has done to coordinate their Avenida Juarez renovation with what is happening on El Paso Street, and you have the ingredients for a promising future for the once proud corridor that connects the hearts of Juarez and El Paso.  (

IN POSITIVE LOCAL EDUCATION NEWS, HART AND ZAVALA ELEMENTARY SHOW HOW SPORTS AND EDUCATION CAN BE USED AS A POSITIVE FORCE AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL – Most of the time, when we see the local schools in the news it’s because of bloated bond elections, overspending on construction projects, ill-advised academies or some sort of bullying and/or sex scandal.  So it is always nice to see a positive story turn up in the news about something great that local schools are doing.  Proving that sports can be done right at the elementary school level, the El Paso Herald Post has a great run down of a recent competition between Hart and Zavala Elementary schools that saw them have friendly matches in basketball and soccer as part of the Community Schools initiatives.  Under the program, soccer and reading clubs are paired up along with basketball and homework clubs to combine after school learning with sports.  Instead of wasting tons of money on soccer fields for con-man led youth soccer tournaments that only care about taking money from gullible parents, maybe the city government should spend money on local youth athletic programs that actually accomplish something.  Kudos to the Community Schools initiative for doing youth sports right in El Paso by focusing on the academic as well as the athletic.  (


LET’S PUT A SPOTLIGHT ON YEMEN.  IT SEEMS NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YEMEN AT THE MOMENT – Perhaps one of the most important, yet often ignored, global news stories today is the civil/proxy war occurring in Yemen.  Among the more pressing issues as a result of the conflict – we have civilians dying in droves, Saudi Arabia stopping supplies from reaching the people via a borderline illegal blockade, anti-government factions fighting among themselves and a sense that there is no end in sight.  Though there is hope that global pressure will finally make Saudi Arabia ease their blockade and allow supplies to reach civilians, this is probably the only good news that is coming out of the region.  For more info, be sure to check out the excellent write up in the Economist that has a great recap of the war in Yemen and possible solutions.  Though the best solution is if Yemen were broken up to smaller countries based on historic tribal territories and if Saudi Arabia and Iran just minded their own fucking business.  (

MOUNT AGUNG VOLCANO UPDATE:  IT’S STILL SPEWING ASH, BUT A MASSIVE ERUPTION HAS YET TO OCCUR THOUGH IT IS EXPECTED.  VOLCANOES MAKE HURRICANES LOOK LIKE SPEED DEMONS WHEN IT COMES TO ANTICIPATION – Bali is still on alert as authorities in Indonesia expect the Mount Agung Volcano to have a massive eruption soon.  The volcano has been active and spewing ash for weeks making flights impossible in the immediate area and making life uncomfortable for most of Bali.  Though the main airport has opened periodically to allow some flights to leave, it is de facto closed for the foreseeable future and things probably won’t get better for awhile.  Stay safe, Bali.  (

WHERE WOULD AN INNOCENT OPOSSUM LEARN SUCH BAD BEHAVIOR?  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, FLORIDA!  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! (SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY) – Florida has always been known for humans that do stupid things, but now animals are getting in on the act.  The world’s greatest opossum broke into a restaurant during the Thanksgiving holiday and proceeded to get drunk on hard liquor.  Good show, classy opossum.  For those concerned, the opossum was safely returned back to the wild and vowed never to break into bars and get drunk again – a promise that will be broken next week on Live PD!  (