Simple Minded Weekly-RECAPITATION! – 01/05/2018


SOCORRO IS MAKING A WELL THOUGH OUT AND RATIONAL PLANNING DECISION?  WHAT TYPE OF BIZARRO WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?  – The City of Socorro has shocked many by making a very smart move to expand its connections to I-10 with the construction of a new road east of Horizon that will connect North Loop to the freeway.  At the moment the city only has Horizon as a major arterial connection to I-10 and with the proposed expansion of Bauman Road the city will have another connection to alleviate the crazy traffic on Horizon Boulevard.  Coupled with the Eastlake expansion, this will give the City of Socorro a large financial shot in the arm as most of the lots on those streets will be high priced commercial lots that pay more in taxes than standard residential areas.  The city will now work with the Metropolitan Planning Organization to get this project off the ground.  Good job, Socorro government.  Keep on doing stuff like this instead of all the other stupid stuff you usually do.  (

NEVER STOP YOUR CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY TO GET INTO A FIGHT.  YOU’D THINK THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE IN EL PASO NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS – In perhaps the most preventable traffic death in the city’s history, two idiots (Jonathan Perez and Carlos Hoyos) got into a road rage pissing match on Loop 375 and decided to stop in the middle of the freeway to yell at each other.  That genius decision caused a major crash that resulted in the death of one of the passengers in the stopped vehicle.  This is your weekly reminder that driving while stupid is waaaaaaaaaaay more dangerous than driving while intoxicated.  Maybe the cops will create a safety campaign where they set up random checkpoints to give IQ tests and make sure people aren’t driving while stupid.  (

ACCORDING TO THE MAX GROSSMAN SCHOOL OF HISTORIC PRESERVATION, YOU ONLY DEFEND “HISTORIC” DISTRICTS FOR PROPERTIES THAT ALLOW YOU TO GRANDSTAND LIKE A PRAT ON TV – Thanks to some clever boundary wrangling, Community College will not have to follow historical district guidelines and will build a bland, lifeless building in an actual historic neighborhood that has some very beautiful buildings around it.  Fuck, the architects that designed the EPCC parking garage really suck ass. Even though the “activists” go crazy when you talk about tearing down some cinder block buildings in an area that isn’t even a historic district.  When an ugly ass building goes up in an ACTUAL historic district the “activists” don’t do anything because KVIA isn’t there to felLate them and their bullshit historical fairy tales.  Maybe if they call the district Communitycollegito they will show up to at least make sure the new fucking Community College Rio Grande Campus parking garage sort of matches the beautiful architecture in the area.  Do yourself a favor and look at the renderings for the building.  Yikes, that’s a horrible building.  Did the fucking architects who designed that even go to school or did they just buy the generic plans at Wal-Mart?  (


BEFORE YOU START MAKING CLEVER JOKES ABOUT HOW THE ULTRA COLD WEATHER IN THE EASTERN US IS A SIGN THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX.  PLEASE LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLIMATE AND WEATHER.  AND THE CORRECT TERM IS CLIMATE CHANGE NOT GLOBAL WARMING – It’s colder than Lucifer’s teats in the Eastern U.S., but don’t let that lull you into the belief that this is a sign that that the Earth isn’t getting hotter.  In fact, increased extreme weather is a sign that the overall temperature is going up and making things more chaotic.  And if you really want to see hot weather, just check out what’s happening in Australia where it is currently summer.  They are expecting high temperatures not seen in decades and the asphalt in some roads is even melting!  (

WHEN YOUR ONLY OTHER OPTION IS HAVING A MORON LIKE DONALD TRUMP ACT AS A MEDIATOR, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST DEAL WITH THE MORON IN NORTH KOREAN DIRECTLY – South Korea is using the upcoming Winter Olympics in Pyeonchang as an opportunity to engage in high level talks with North Korea.  The talks are mainly aimed at getting a North Korean delegation to attend the Olympic games but they are hoping it will pave the way towards more productive talks on more important issues.  The fact that South Korea is taking the lead in all of this just shows how little faith they have in America and Donald Trump’s idiotic blabbing style of diplomacy.  Maybe Donald Trump has inadvertently done something good via his stupidity!  (

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – It’s been awhile since we last checked with the idiot in the White House, but this week saw the Mueller investigation continue to inch closer to criminal charges on the moron and someone wrote a book that detailed all the stupidity and backstabbing going on in the administration.  So business as usual for Donald Trump and friends.  Perhaps the most shocking thing about Michael Wolff and his book Fire and Fury is that Donald Trump and his cronies let him hang around the White House for months and observe all the incompetence first hand.  How fucking stupid can they be?  What type of book did they think he was going to write?  Damn, fuck Donald Trump.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/29/2017


NMSU WINS!  NMSU WINS! – After decades of disappointment and losing seasons, NMSU has finally won a bowl after more than 50 years of waiting.  The NMSU Aggies beat Utah State by a score of 26 to 20 in a tense game that had to be decided in overtime.  Their last win came in the 1960 Sun Bowl which was, in fact, the last bowl that they were invited to.  That win was so long ago that a Brontosaurus played on the offensive line for that team.  Before they went extinct, Brontosauruses made excellent offensive linemen.  Congratulations, Aggies!  Now comes the hard part of trying to stay afloat in the top level of college football without a conference.  Good luck and God speed.  (

SPEEDING ON ANY ROAD IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.  SPEEDING ON A POORLY MAINTAINED PRIVATE ROAD IS JUST CRAZY – Tragedy has once again happened on Jobe Road.  The private road, that is part of the weirdo Joe Battle / Windermere hodge podge of private and public paving, has once again claimed another ill prepared driver.  Three people are dead and one person is in critical condition after a car flipped over and caught on fire on the dangerous road.  The road is borderline passable if you drive near the speed limit, so speeding and not paying attention while driving on this “road” is just dangerous.  As a private road, it can possibly be gated to prevent unauthorized personnel from using it but the people in charge of the road don’t seem like the type to do something good for the community.  Jobe – “When they’re not raping the mountains in order to make crappy concrete, their crappy roads are luring people to their deaths!”  (

LOST IN THE ONSLAUGHT OF NMSU CAUSING HELL TO FREEZE OVER, THE SUN BOWL WAS ALSO PLAYED – Due to prearranged scheduling out of everyone’s control, the Sun Bowl was played on the same day as NMSU’s bowl game.  So while most of the sporting attention in the region was focused on NMSU’s miracle season, the Sun Bowl had another successful entry in its long history.  The game was a largely one-sided affair as North Carolina State walloped Arizona State by a final score of 52 to 31, but all things considered the turnout was pretty good at around 40,000 and it seems everyone had a great time (except for Arizona State’s players).  Next year is the Sun Bowl’s 85th birthday and it will hopefully be entertaining as usual.  The choice of teams have fallen over the years as the directors have allowed other bowls to push it aside, but the Sun Bowl is still a gem for the Paso del Norte region and beyond – and CBS still televises it, so that’s pretty cool.  (


ALL THE OTHER TIMES IRANIANS HAVE PROTESTED IN THE STREETS HAVE ENDED SO WELL, I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENING THIS TIME OUT – What started out as a protest against high prices and bad economic conditions in Iran has now become a nationwide anti-government demonstration in its second day.  Though the demonstrations are not as massive as the ones that occurred a few years back, they seem to be growing in size and are as unpredictable as any other demonstration in Iran’s past.  And judging by what has happened as a result of other Iranian protest movements, it’s worth keeping an eye on this developing situation.  (

EVEN BANANAS ARE IN DANGER IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.  IS NOTHING SAFE FROM THE FUCKING GREED AND STUPIDITY OF HUMANITY – The Cavendish is the main banana variety that is sold in western markets, but that wasn’t always the case.  Up until the middle of the of the 20th century, the main banana variety that people were familiar with was the Gros Michel.  But thanks to incompetent crop management a fungus nearly wiped out the Gros Michel and plantations had to switch to the more resistant Cavendish variety.  Fast forward a few decades and banana growers are facing an amazingly similar problem as fungus threatens to wipe out the Cavendish variety in plantations around the world.  Thankfully some, but not all, growers learned their lesson from the past and new crop management techniques are being implemented and new varieties and genetic research are being used to try and protect the banana industry.  Who knew bananas led such interesting lives?  (

GOODBYE 2017 AND HELLO 2018.  LET’S SEE IF 2O18 CAN IMPROVE ON THIS PAST YEAR – The new year is upon us!  Have a safe and fun time celebrating the arrival of 2018 this weekend.  Hopefully the fascist idiots get their asses handed to them this upcoming year and maybe we’ll finally get closer to a truly rational and logical world.  One can hope.  Also check back with Simple Minded Entertainment often, we have some big plans for 2018.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/22/2017


IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, TXDOT’S DECADES LONG I-10 AND AMERICAS INTERCHANGE PROJECT HAS KILLED SOMEONE – For some ungodly reason, Bob Bielek and friends have taken close to a decade to finish up the I-10 and Americas Spaghetti Bowl II project and now the dangerous driving conditions created by a perpetual construction zone have ended in tragedy.  Two truck drivers died this week when construction equipment was dangerously left hanging over the construction zone into the left lane of traffic.  The situation created an accident that involved multiple vehicles and left two people dead.  As is customary, txdot will just shrug their shoulders and blame the contractors and the project that should have been finished in a few years will now go on for another decade.  (

PASO DEL NORTE COULD USE A LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE KAYLEE CASTILLO – Kudos to 8-year old Kaylee Castillo for her efforts to bring some joy to refugees as they come to El Paso.  For the past two years she has been selling candy in order to buy teddy bears to give to children via the child crisis center and EPPD’s crimes and children’s unit.  She does a lot more for the community than the vast majority of the population and we can all learn a lesson from this wonderful girl.  Good show, Kaylee Castillo.  (

WHO KNEW LOSING ALL YOUR GAMES WOULD LEAD TO A DROP IN ATTENDANCE AND REVENUE – In news that surprised no one, it was revealed that UTEP’s athletic program revenue is abysmal and the university has to subsidize the football program and every other sport in order to break even.  Ticket revenue for the 2016 football season fell to a paltry $582,469 and with no wins and minimal hope it will take A LOT of effort to reverse this trend.  It’s amazing that that the university will spend millions to support football but can’t spare $10 to start a men’s soccer and baseball program at UTEP.  (


WHO KNEW THAT ONE OF THE GUYS FROM BLINK 182 WOULD BE THE PERSON TO LEAD THE WORLD TO ALIEN DISCLOSURE AND A NEW ERA IN HUMANITY? – For the first time ever, the U.S. government has released video of something that they cannot identify.  The government released two videos taken from fighter jet cameras to Tom DeLonge’s To The Stars Academy and the videos are backed up by the New York Times who investigated the encounters and got testimony from pilots and people involved in the government’s not-so-secret U.F.O. investigation program.  Let’s not jump to conclusions though, the video is either evidence of some secret military DARPAesque project or proof of the time-traveling, inter-dimensional, reptilian gray aliens that built the pyramids.  It’s definitely the second one!  (

MADRID THE PATHETIC EX-GIRLFRIEND IS GETTING ANGRIER AS CATALONIA STRIVES TO MAKE THE BREAKUP OFFICIAL– The majority of Catalonia have once again voted for a government that seeks independence from Spain and the heavy handed assholes in Madrid will now do everything in their power to undermine the Catalan people.  Even though the “pro-Spain” Citizens party won the most seats in the election, the separatist parties will still have the majority of power in the government.  Madrid already took most of Catalonia’s autonomy, so who knows what actions they will take after their upcoming temper tantrum when Catalonia slams the door in their face.  (

WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR THAN WITH A CHIRPING ROBOT MONKEY THAT WRAPS AROUND YOUR FINGER – Merry Christmas, everyone!  It’s that special time of the year when we forget all the important things in life and start obsessing over pointless presents and other consumerist trappings.  The hot toy this year is a tiny robot monkey that makes odd noises, back in my day our Christmas robots were fuzzy puppets that at least had the decency to say their own name.  Elmo and Furby must be spinning in their graves.  Be safe this Christmas and don’t get arrested in your attempt to capture teeny tiny robot monkey Fingerlings for your ungrateful brat children.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/15/2017


THE CINCINNATI PARTY DISTRICT IS FINALLY GETTING A SWANKY NEW FACE-LIFT.  I GIVE IT 15 MINUTES BEFORE SOMEONE THROWS UP ALL OVER THE STREET AND IT BECOMES TRASHY ALL OVER AGAIN … THE WAY GOD INTENDED CINCINNATI STREET TO BE – The Cincinnati area near UTEP will be the first location to benefit from El Paso’s Sun City Lights archway program.  The project includes improvements to the street, sidewalks, lighting and also features additional trees, landscaping and a large archway over the street that acts as a gateway to the area.  Although making the Cincinnati area nice and shiny is a good move, let’s not forget that it’s the trashiness that makes Cincy special and the main reason that we all love it.  They can do anything they want to the street, just don’t mess around with Cincy’s trashy party attitude.  (

MOVE OVER SANTA CLAUS, IT’S TIME FOR SANTA KHALID-AUS! – Because Khalid is a very cool guy, he decided to give back to the community by giving toys to an entire elementary school in El Paso.  The city’s favorite son cemented his reputation this week by personally delivering over 500 toys to all the students at Crockett Elementary School.  Sure, some kids in other schools felt left out, but Santa Khalid-aus is only human and there are only so many free shows and toys he can give to the people of El Paso.  (

THE NEW MEXICO STATE AGGIES WANT TO REMIND YOU TO ATTEND THEIR BOWL GAME IN TUCSON.  THEY WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT HELL STAYS FROZEN, SO GO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW! – The NMSU Aggies will be playing in their first bowl game since 1960 when they take on the Utah State Aggies in the NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl on December 29.  This will be a rematch of the 1960 edition of the Sun Bowl where NMSU won by the score of 20 to 13.  The Aggies are looking to capitalize on this positive news and try to gain more support from the community.  Next year the football team will not have a conference and they will have a tougher time with a harder independent schedule.  So let’s support the Aggies and keep them from drifting away to a lower division in football.  (


ONE DAY DISNEY WILL OWN EVERYTHING AND MICKEY MOUSE WILL BE KING OF THE WORLD – In news that has been brewing for some time, Disney officially announced its intention to acquire the lion’s share of Fox Corporation’s assets.  The merger deal is believed to be worth $66.1 billion and will make Disney a much bigger behemoth than it already is.  The deal still has to be approved by federal regulators, but once it’s complete it will give Disney everything that Fox currently has except Fox News, the Fox Sports channels and the Fox Broadcasting Corporation and its owned affiliates.  So basically Disney is getting everything of value in the deal and Rupert Murdoch keeps his news division.  The deal will have a great impact on many facets of both companies and the stuff they produce, but one of the cooler things is that the X-Men will finally be able to inhabit the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  And as is the case in everything, The Simpsons predicted the Disney-Fox merger almost 20 years ago.  The Simpsons are written by very intelligent people and/or The Devil.  (

GOODBYE, NET NEUTRALITY.  GOODBYE, REGULATIONS AND CONSUMER PROTECTIONS.  THE INMATES ARE IN CHARGE OF THE ASYLUM AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL LET CORPORATIONS DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT – It’s finally happened, the FCC has ended net neutrality and will now allow internet providers to pick and choose the speed of certain services and the price of that speed.  The end of net neutrality wouldn’t be so bad if the government hadn’t wasted money to help create the internet’s infrastructure and if they hadn’t auctioned off the spectrum in what was basically a sweetheart deal.  But alas, the government has given full reign of the internet to corporations without any considerations for the public that should rightfully control at least part of the system.  So now we find ourselves at the mercy of the corporations that control internet providers and hope that they will do the right thing and create a service that doesn’t discriminate between content.  (

MAYBE THERE’S HOPE FOR AMERICA YET – Democracy survived partisan stupidity this week as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican, and alleged young girl predator, Roy Moore in Alabama’s U.S. senate race.  Though it’s a bit sad that the Democrat candidate only won the vote by less than a 2% margin even though the Republican candidate was a vile, racist, hypocrite, constitution-trampling sexual predator.  But it’s ultra deep red Alabama so this is one hell of a victory.  Maybe this will be a wake-up call to the country to stand up and vote and finally get rid of the fascist shitheads in office that only want to enact racist policies and bend over for corporate interests with deep pockets.  If Alabama can do it, the rest of the country has no excuse.  There is hope again in America.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/08/2017


THE EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM IS LOOKING LIKE IT WILL BE A WORLD CLASS BUILDING.  UNLESS MAX GROSSMAN MAKES UP ANOTHER BULLSHIT CLAIM THAT THE OLD GREYHOUND MAINTENANCE STATION  WAS A LATINO OUTPOST KNOWN AS GREYHOUNDITO, THEN NOTHING WILL EVER GET BUILT – Even though the city has faced multiple setbacks on other voter-approved quality of life projects, it looks like the El Paso Children’s museum is right on track.  The project is now in the design stage and the City of El Paso has narrowed down the list of possible architect firms down to three.  The three world class firms have submitted conceptual designs and the public will now vote in order to give the city a better idea of what they want to see in the project.  All the designs make the area look much better and it’s very cool that all three incorporate some sort of pathway over the “El Paso subway rail track pit” that lead into the Cleveland Square area.  For what it’s worth, Snohetta has the best idea with a design that is modern and inviting but not overbearing.  Koning Eizenberg Architecture’s design is also pretty good but doesn’t seem to mesh with the surroundings too well and the façade is pretty plain.  And TEN Arquitectos’ plan just looks like a giant parking garage for humans with no real design features.  Unfortunately, the parking garage design is probably the front runner because the city really loves parking garages and bland architecture.  But anything is better than the old Greyhound maintenance building that used to be there.  Even if it’s historical Greyhoundito land, it still was an eyesore.  So be sure to attend the public meetings and vote for Snohetta to design the El Paso Children’s Museum. #SAVEGREYHOUNDITO  (

UP YOURS, GLOBAL WARMING!  AFTER WEEKS OF UNSEASONABLY WARM WEATHER, WINTER HAS FINALLY COME TO PASO DEL NORTE AND THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Winter has come to El Paso as a cold front has brought snow and very cold temperatures this week.  As local tradition dictates, people in the area reacted like they’ve never seen snow before even though it snows every fucking year.  Temperatures are expected to be cool for the next few days, so keep warm and say hello to winter.  (

UTEP HAS A NEW HEAD COACH!  LET’S HOPE THIS ISN’T THE ONE THAT ENDS UP COMMITTING SUICIDE BEFORE THE SEASON IS OVER.  IT HASN’T HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT SEEING HOW MOST OF THE OTHER MINER COACHES HAVE LEFT, YOU CAN NEVER UNDERESTIMATE UTEP – After a disastrous win-less football season that saw Coach Sean “Freddy” Krueger(sic) quit after a few games, UTEP has announced that Dana Dimel will be the new head coach of the UTEP football team.  Although not as exciting of a hire as when UTEP somehow landed Mike Price over a decade ago, Dana Dimel has a decent resume that includes stints in Arizona and Kansas State.  We wish Dana Dimel the best of luck and hope he joins the small group of successful UTEP coaches that includes Bob Stull and Mike Price and not the extra long list of names of failed UTEP coaches that includes practically every other coach that has been brought in.  (


CALIFORNIA IS BURNING … AGAIN! – In what is becoming a year round occurrence, wild fires are once again devastating California.  This time out, the fires are spreading around the Los Angeles and San Diego area.  The fires are fed by the dry and windy conditions in the area and the forecast offers no real relief in the coming days.  Although many buildings have been destroyed as a result of the multiple fires hitting the region, thankfully the casualty count has been minimal.  Stay safe, California.  (

FEW PLACES HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ATTACK AND KILL NEUTRAL UN PEACEKEEPERS.  DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO IS ONE SUCH PLACE – The UN has had peacekeepers in the DR Congo region since 2010 and it appears things are still pretty fucked up there.  This week, fourteen UN peacekeepers were killed and dozens were wounded after suspected rebels attacked the UN personnel in the North Kivu province of Congo.  The UN was already considering withdrawing most of its peacekeepers from the region and this will probably make them speed up the process.  This part of Africa is a giant clusterfuck and it will take more than peacekeepers to change its destiny.  Keep your eyes on DR Congo in 2018, things might start to heat up here soon.  (

HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY FINLAND!  MAY YOU PARTY WITH LOTS OF BOOZE AND REINDEER INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT – Although the Finnish people and their culture have been around for thousands of years, the country of Finland was only founded in 1917 after centuries of control by either the Russians or its Nordic neighbors.  Finland is one of the top countries in Europe and it is nice to see a community find success after freeing itself from the shackles of a Frankenstein empire.  Happy birthday, Finland.  May you have many more years of prosperity.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/01/2017


THE LIGHTS AT THE PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS ARE COOL, BUT ARE THEY COOLER THAN THE LILY LIMON AND EDDIE HOLGUIN MEMORIAL CHRISTMAS LIGHT SPECTACULAR IN THE LOWER VALLEY? NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THAT SPECTACULAR LIGHT SHOW! – The lights are back for the holidays at the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the Christmas tradition continues this weekend with the annual tree lighting ceremony, parade and holiday festival all around downtown El Paso.  So don’t forget to check out the fun in downtown this Saturday.  Or if you hate crowds, just go check out the lights and the holiday attractions sometime during the week.  (

I’D BE CAREFUL WITH THE ATTEMPTS TO FIX UP EL PASO STREET IN DOWNTOWN.  WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE EFFECTS OF HELL FREEZING OVER WILL HAVE ON THE WORLD – It’s finally happening!  REAL investors are moving into El Paso Street with plans to fix up buildings in the area.  For a long time, the only people that owned buildings on El Paso Street were dumbass, money-hungry fucks who were only in it for the monthly rent and who didn’t give a damn what businesses were in the area or in what condition the buildings were in.  This appears to be changing as Lane Gaddy and other investors have been purchasing buildings in the area with an intent to restore them and bring more business into the area.  This is the first time, in a long time, that a legit investor with a history of great projects has made inroads into this long neglected area of Downtown El Paso.  Couple this with the city’s continued Paseo De Las Luces project and the work Juarez has done to coordinate their Avenida Juarez renovation with what is happening on El Paso Street, and you have the ingredients for a promising future for the once proud corridor that connects the hearts of Juarez and El Paso.  (

IN POSITIVE LOCAL EDUCATION NEWS, HART AND ZAVALA ELEMENTARY SHOW HOW SPORTS AND EDUCATION CAN BE USED AS A POSITIVE FORCE AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL – Most of the time, when we see the local schools in the news it’s because of bloated bond elections, overspending on construction projects, ill-advised academies or some sort of bullying and/or sex scandal.  So it is always nice to see a positive story turn up in the news about something great that local schools are doing.  Proving that sports can be done right at the elementary school level, the El Paso Herald Post has a great run down of a recent competition between Hart and Zavala Elementary schools that saw them have friendly matches in basketball and soccer as part of the Community Schools initiatives.  Under the program, soccer and reading clubs are paired up along with basketball and homework clubs to combine after school learning with sports.  Instead of wasting tons of money on soccer fields for con-man led youth soccer tournaments that only care about taking money from gullible parents, maybe the city government should spend money on local youth athletic programs that actually accomplish something.  Kudos to the Community Schools initiative for doing youth sports right in El Paso by focusing on the academic as well as the athletic.  (


LET’S PUT A SPOTLIGHT ON YEMEN.  IT SEEMS NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YEMEN AT THE MOMENT – Perhaps one of the most important, yet often ignored, global news stories today is the civil/proxy war occurring in Yemen.  Among the more pressing issues as a result of the conflict – we have civilians dying in droves, Saudi Arabia stopping supplies from reaching the people via a borderline illegal blockade, anti-government factions fighting among themselves and a sense that there is no end in sight.  Though there is hope that global pressure will finally make Saudi Arabia ease their blockade and allow supplies to reach civilians, this is probably the only good news that is coming out of the region.  For more info, be sure to check out the excellent write up in the Economist that has a great recap of the war in Yemen and possible solutions.  Though the best solution is if Yemen were broken up to smaller countries based on historic tribal territories and if Saudi Arabia and Iran just minded their own fucking business.  (

MOUNT AGUNG VOLCANO UPDATE:  IT’S STILL SPEWING ASH, BUT A MASSIVE ERUPTION HAS YET TO OCCUR THOUGH IT IS EXPECTED.  VOLCANOES MAKE HURRICANES LOOK LIKE SPEED DEMONS WHEN IT COMES TO ANTICIPATION – Bali is still on alert as authorities in Indonesia expect the Mount Agung Volcano to have a massive eruption soon.  The volcano has been active and spewing ash for weeks making flights impossible in the immediate area and making life uncomfortable for most of Bali.  Though the main airport has opened periodically to allow some flights to leave, it is de facto closed for the foreseeable future and things probably won’t get better for awhile.  Stay safe, Bali.  (

WHERE WOULD AN INNOCENT OPOSSUM LEARN SUCH BAD BEHAVIOR?  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, FLORIDA!  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! (SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY) – Florida has always been known for humans that do stupid things, but now animals are getting in on the act.  The world’s greatest opossum broke into a restaurant during the Thanksgiving holiday and proceeded to get drunk on hard liquor.  Good show, classy opossum.  For those concerned, the opossum was safely returned back to the wild and vowed never to break into bars and get drunk again – a promise that will be broken next week on Live PD!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/24/2017


TXDOT ONCE AGAIN SHOWS OFF IT’S AMAZING PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS BY SHUTTING DOWN A MAIN ROAD FOR HOURS AND SIMPLY SHRUGGING THEIR SHOULDERS AS THE PROBLEM GROWS – On Thursday afternoon a tractor trailer pulling a load of propane flipped over on Montana near Hueco Tanks and caught fire.  As a result the fire and wreck led to the closure of the road, a closure that still continues today.  So for over 24 hours, txdot’s response to a propane fire that is blocking a major road is to close the road and shrug their shoulders as they ask drivers to go make their own detour.  If one day you are faced with a fire, just let it burn and make up an excuse why it’s better to just let it burn off than doing anything else.  It’s the txdot way.  (

THE EL PASO STREET CARS ARE ALMOST HERE!  LET’S SEE HOW THEY ARE MADE (CUE MR. ROGERS AND HIS MAGIC TROLLEY WITH MAGICAL VIDEOS) – In one of the more interesting videos that the City of El Paso propaganda wing has created, they give a behind the scenes look at how the El Paso Street Cars will be restored.  So far, the trolley cars are looking very cool and will be a slick addition to downtown.  Kudos, city government and City TV.  This is looking like it will be a successful project.  (

EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SUPPORT LOCAL SMALL BUSINESSES DAY! – On the heels of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday is upon us.  So once you get your big deals on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, make sure you have some cash left over to buy from local businesses on Saturday.  Although a fairly new concept, Small Business Saturday has been growing over the years and is an excellent opportunity to support the local economy.  I will personally be supporting local businesses this Saturday by going to Dreams Cabaret, Xcape, Red Parrot and Foxy’s.  I hope you will join me.  Support local businesses!  Whoooooo!  (


THOUGH BROKEN, THE DAESH CUNTS OF THE ISLAMIC STATE CAN STILL INFLUENCE RANDOM TERRORISTS TO ATTACK.  THIS TIME THE DEADLY ATTACK CAME IN EGYPT – The Sinai area of Egypt has been a hot spot of activity for years as local terrorist groups have been emboldened by the instability in the country and surrounding region.  Egypt just suffered its deadliest terrorist attack ever when a Sinai area terrorist group, believed to be aligned with ISIS, attacked a mosque in the town of Bir al-Abed, killing more than 230 people.  With all the conflicts around the Middle East, it’s surprising that this hasn’t turned into a Muslim World War with different factions and countries all going at it for control and power in the region.  (

TO THE DELIGHT OF ZIMBABWE, AND THE WORLD, ROBERT MUGABE HAS GONE OUT WITH A WIMPER AND ACCEPTED HIS FATE AS FAILED DICTATOR ON THE VERGE OF A “DEADLY ACCIDENT” – Zimbabwe has a new president and Robert Mugabe will now ride off into the sunset straight to the fiery pits of hell.  So now the world waits to see if the new president, Emmerson Mnangagwa, will lead Zimbabwe to a new prosperous era or if he will just bring the same old corruption and incompetence to presidency.  On the bright side, Mugabe saw the writing on the wall and stepped down with minimal bloodshed.  So Zimbabwe is off to a pretty good start, all things considered.  (

BONUS THANKSGIVING POOP TRIVIA! – Hats off to Discover Magazine for showcasing fantastic turkey feces facts on Thanksgiving.  Did you know that boy turkeys make long, strung out poops (which like most all birds also contain urine in solid form) and that girl turkeys make clumpy poops.  And the reason for this difference?  Turkey schlongs interfering with the pooping process.  Now you know.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/17/2017


DOWNTOWN EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW 26-STORY BUILDING!  THAT IS UNTIL THE PLANS KEEP ON CHANGING AND IT BECOMES A MINI-MALL WITH BOTH A DOLLAR GENERAL AND A FAMILY DOLLAR – The Meyers Group and Il Sabes have won the right to work with the City of El Paso to build a high rise tower on the vacant parking lot in front of city hall. The mixed-use building will include retail, apartments, a hotel and tons of parking.  Four other groups responded to the city’s request for a public-private plan for the empty lot in front of city hall at Mills and Campbell and Meyer’s Group apparently had the best plan.  Though Meyer’s Group has a mixed history when it comes to initial promises and actual results in their El Paso plans, this project looks like it will be a great benefit to the city and the surrounding Paso del Norte region.  The design for the building looks pretty cool, but I’m still curious to see what the other 4 plans looked like.  Maybe one of the other plans was a design for the world’s biggest Dollar General that’s open 24 hours a day!  Imagine all the Duranguito-style history and tourism we could attract with the world’s biggest Dollar General.  (

THANKSGIVING IS UPON US WHICH MEANS IT’S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL SUN BOWL THANKSGIVING PARADE ON MONTANA AND THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING DRINKATHON THAT OCCURS IN EVERY BAR THROUGHOUT EL PASO.  ENJOY! – The FirstLight Federal Credit Union Sun Bowl Parade, or the Thanksgiving Parade on Montana as it is known by everybody, will take place next Thursday and is one of the more endearing of El Paso’s holiday traditions.  But before you enjoy the parade, make sure you read the great article from the El Paso Herald Post that highlights all the volunteers that help to make the parade an yearly success.  We salute you, volunteers.  And don’t forget to hit up all the bars in the city for El Paso’s other Thanksgiving tradition, the “Day Before” Parties – one of the city’s top days for booze consumption and general debauchery.  (

LET’S ARREST MORE PEOPLE AND GET EVEN MORE FEDERAL PRISONERS IN THE EL PASO COUNTY JAIL.  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? – Incompetent El Paso County detention officers, Matthew Garrett McBain and Dorian Lautret, were arrested and charged with tampering with records after inmate Roberto Gallegos died in the Far East El Paso County Jail Annex.  An investigation revealed that even though the idiots should have checked in on the inmate on a regular interval for health reasons.  According to a review after the death, it showed that they lied on the checkup logs and only checked a few times during the night according to the surveillance evidence.  This has resulted in the county jail failing it’s compliance obligations and embarrassing the community once again.  Naturally, Sheriff Richard Wiles will just shrug his shoulders and make up random excuses that don’t make sense while the county government gives his department more money and lets him make even more horrible deals with the federal government regarding federal prisoners.  The El Paso County government isn’t particularly competent.  (


DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD.  THE WICKED WITCH OF ZIMBABWE IS DEAD … OR AT LEAST HE IS ALMOST OUT OF OFFICE – Zimbabwe is in the midst of a “not a coup” coup as the military has stepped in to maintain the peace in the country.  Normally people would be weary of a coup, but Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe is such a massive pile of shit that no one cares if the cunt is kicked out of office and/or murdered.  Mugabe has turned Zimbabwe into an economic wasteland over the years due to his stupid policies, but it appears the straw that broke the camel’s back was his shameless attempt to put his idiot wife as the next in line to lead the country.  Once he fired vice president Emmerson Mnangagwa last week, the writing was on the wall for Dictator Mugabe and it seemed his days were numbered.  Since then the military, the opposition and his own party made their move against him and started planning for the future.  Hopefully Mugabe steps down peacefully because the last thing Zimbabwe needs is a civil war.  The guys in line to take over the government aren’t exactly shining beacons of truth and freedom, but anything is better than fucking Mugabe.  (

FOR THAT ABSURD AMOUNT OF MONEY, THEY COULD HAVE BOUGHT MILLIONS OF PAINTINGS OF DOGS PLAYING POKER.  HELL, FOR $450 MILLION THEY COULD HAVE JUST GENETICALLY ENGINEERED DOGS THAT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER – Because rich people are crazy and like to throw their money around, some random billionaire paid a record $450 million for a Leonardo da Vinci painting of Jesus dressed up in Renaissance clothing.  To put this in perspective, this is the equivalent of someone in modern day Jacksonville painting Jesus in a cowboy hat and wearing a Limp Bizkit T-Shirt.  The vast majority of the money was paid not because of the artistic value of the piece but because it is attributed to da Vinci.  If this painting would have been painted by a random Italian art student back in the 16th century, there is no way in fuck that it would have gotten $450 million in auction.  So once more the use of art as an investment, and possible money laundering vehicle, by the ultra wealthy has destroyed the concept of art just a little bit more.  (

IN SHOCKING NEWS, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL THE MAJOR INTERNET COMPANIES ARE HORRIBLE BUSINESSES THAT DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY.  BUT AT LEAST THEY CATER TO STALKERS, SO THAT’S NICE OF THEM – Not since scientists discovered that water is wet, have I been as surprised as I am now.  It turns out that internet companies make minimal effort to regulate the free flow of personal data used by their ultra invasive advertising programs that are the main source of their revenue.  Researchers at the University of Washington purchased ads on popular sites and used the mobile advertising ID (MAID) with tracking tools available to advertisers to cyber-stalk subjects to the point where they knew where and when they were going on a daily basis.  For as low as $1,000 YOU too can take advantage of the internet’s ultra sketchy advertising system used by marketers, large corporations and internet giants to track any individual.  It’s a stalker’s paradise!  The monetizing of personal data is an inevitable result of the rise of advertising as the main source of income for most internet companies and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.  But maybe these multi-billion dollar companies can do a little bit more to secure the personal data of the fucking lemmings that are making them a shitload of money.  It’s not like they don’t have the cash to do that.  Fuck Facebook, Fuck Google, Fuck Twitter, Fuck Amazon and Fuck All The Rest Of The Techwhores!  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/10/2017


THE NEW BORDER WEST EXPRESSWAY PROJECT IN WEST EL PASO IS SCHRODINGER’S FREEWAY:  IT EXISTS AS BOTH AN UNDER AND OVER BUDGET PROJECT AT THE SAME TIME! – Say what you will about State Representative Joe Pickett, but he sticks by his guns.  Joe Pickett hates toll roads and will fight any toll road that gets in his way.  The latest target of his “toll road rage” is the Border West Expressway that is now over budget and behind schedule.  As is the case with all the horribly managed txdot projects, district engineer Bob Bielek came out to spin everything around and make it seem like 12 months is only a minor delay and that although the project is over the original budget, it is actually within the contingency budget and thus under budget.  This is nothing new, Bob Bielek will always make up random nonsense to cover for txdot and to make himself out as the victim.  Remember when he wanted to tear down the Lincoln Center near the Spaghetti Bowl and said he had to do it because the building had molested him as a child and was a threat to all the area children.  Classic Bielek, making himself the victim and spewing nonsense to protect his txdot masters.  Let’s see if they can build the thing without any more delays or overages.  (

REST IN PEACE, MAJESTIC JUAREZ GREYHOUND RACETRACK – It’s finally happened, the government in Juarez has decided to tear down the old greyhound racetrack and build a (pffft) well-planned technology district that will create jobs and training in the city with a focus on high technology.  While jobs, training and economic benefits are nice – what about gambling?  Precious gambling never hurt anyone and now the government of Juarez has intelligently decided to invest in jobs, education and technology with a well-planned joint venture with the private sector.  For shame, Juarez planners who are thinking about the future.  So now the racetrack will go up to heaven where the angels will bet money on greyhound puppies.  Rest in Peace, Juarez Greyhound Track.  (

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE PRESENT TO YOU THE ELITE OF EL PASO’S LEGAL COMMUNITY.  GOD HELP US ALL – Judges are supposed to be the crème de la crème of the legal profession who are highly knowledgeable, exercise impeccable judgment and show excellent decision making skills.  In El Paso County you just have to be power hungry and slightly delusional to be a judge.  It was a banner week for El Paso judges as not one, but two judges, managed to draw attention to themselves in amazingly stupid ways.  First up, Judge Luis Aguilar of the 243rd District Court was publicly reprimanded by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct for, in essence, being a complete, fucking asshole to everyone in his court.  The commission received multiple complaints on him and they finally had to act concerning the “power trip” attitude he was showing lawyers and prospective jurors in court.  Not to be outdone, Judge Bonnie Rangel of the 171st District Court had a promotional Judge Judy-like video of hers leaked onto the internet.  The video was made a few years back, according to the judge, and it was to serve as a pilot for a show she was pitching in the hopes of making a ton of cash and retiring.  As you can expect, the video is pretty weird and involves the judge talking about vaginas, watermelons and birth control for pre-teens within the framework of a life changing car accident.  But at least Judge Rangel isn’t an asshole.  Its way better when judges make watermelon vagina comments on derivative TV show pilots instead of being totalitarian pricks in the court room.  ( /


THE PROXY WAR IN YEMEN HAS WORKED OUT SO WELL THAT NOW SAUDI ARABIA WANTS TO START A NEW PROXY WAR WITH IRAN IN LEBANON – Things seem to be heating up in Lebanon as the rhetoric in the Middle East rises to include a possible conflict in that country.  Political forces in Lebanon are starting to get antsy in the wake of Prime Minister Saad Hariri resigning and leaving the country for the “safety” of Riyadh Saudi Arabia.  While the official story is that the prime minister left because he feared for his life after an assassination threat, the rumor inside Lebanon is that he was detained by the Saudis as part of a power play against Iran.  Whatever the result, let’s just hope this doesn’t end up as bad as Yemen.  Yemen is the best evidence that no one wins when Iran and Saudi Arabia get in a dick measuring contest.  (

MUCH LIKE THE PANAMA PAPERS AND EVERY OTHER LEAK BEFORE IT, THE NEW PARADISE PAPERS LEAK PROVES THAT RICH PEOPLE ARE THIEVING BASTARDS THAT WILL NEVER BE PUNISHED – Although most of the tax loopholes used by the people implicated in the Paradise Papers leak are completely legal, it doesn’t take away from the fact that these borderline tax evasion moves are amazingly skeevy.  Many rich and powerful people and organizations around the world have been implicated by the Paradise Papers leak and at the end of the day there will be a lot of finger wagging and not much else.  The rich get richer and the rest of us will always get fucked.  (

BECAUSE ONLINE NAMING CONTESTS HAVE NEVER RESULTED IN STUPID OUTCOMES, NASA WANTS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET TO HELP NAME A NEW CELESTIAL ORB – The New Horizons probe is on its way to (486958) 2014 MU69, an icy celestial orb-thing that is beyond Pluto.  Because that name is pretty lifeless, NASA is holding a contest to give the object a name before the killjoy scientists give it a stupid cliché name once the object is observed and cataloged.  This promises to end well, so go visit NASA and offer your suggestion for a name.  Or don’t, we all know the winning name is going to be something stupid like Beiberland or Planety McPlanetface.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/03/2017


WILL BILLY ABRAHAM FINALLY BE FORCED TO REPAIR ONE OF HIS BUILDINGS?  OR IS THIS JUST THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER DECADE OF LEGAL APPEALS – After much legal wrangling, Judge Linda Chew has ordered Billy Abraham and his ownership group to pay over $1.2 million in fines for the condition of the American Furniture Building in Downtown El Paso.  The city fined Billy Abraham over the condition of the building awhile back and now the courts are finally starting to enforce what is obvious to anyone with eyes and that walks within eyesight of the once grand building.  Much like other Abraham-related cases, there will be appeals and stalling tactics but it looks like Billy Abraham will finally have to bite the bullet on the American Furniture Building and either sell or repair it.  Here’s hoping it all works out and the building is restored to its beautiful and historic splendor.  It doesn’t matter who owns the building, we all just want it to look pretty again and not be a waste of space.  (

MAYBE THE CITY OF SOCORRO CAN RENAME THE SUBDIVISION AS “NUEVO OLD HUECO RAZA ESTATES SUBDIVISION”, THAT WOULD SURELY SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS – Once more, Socorro City Council is the site of more inane bickering as people who didn’t follow the rules when they built their houses are angry because their borderline illegal “canal road access” might be closed off due to development.  Most people just grin and bear it when they break the rules and then get fucked as a result of their stupid actions, in Socorro the people complain and scream for the government to fix their stupid mistakes.  At the heart of the current Socorro clusterfuck, is the Eastlake development that will go near Old Hueco Tanks Road and will be built next to borderline illegal construction that was put up back in the day when Socorro and El Paso County didn’t care much for code enforcement.  The people complaining don’t have access to utilities and they must use a private canal road to access their properties and thus feel that any development next to their property must fix the self-imposed problems that their absurd unauthorized construction caused.  Here’s a bit of advice, if you own a landlocked property with no access to utilities or roads you shouldn’t build a fucking house on the property.  Unless these properties once had access to a road and then the City of Socorro authorized the road to be vacated into private property, the government has no obligation to build roads and bring in utilities for houses that were built without proper authorization.  Normally this would be an open and shut case, but this being Socorro it will probably end with more yelling and a stupid compromise that kills the entire project.  (

THIS IS JUST A SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO WRITE ‘EL PAWSO’.  HA HA HA, ‘EL PAW-SO’ IS PURE BRILLIANCE – El Pawso’s Pageant, which is a pageant for dogs, will be held this Saturday, November 4 in Downtown El Paso’s Cleveland Square Park.  So if you’re an extreme dog lover or just want to giggle like a schoolgirl when someone says ‘El Paw-so’, make sure to hit up the pageant this weekend.  ‘EL PAW-SO’ – tee hee hee hee.  (


TURNS OUT MADAGASCAR ISN’T AS WHIMSICAL AND DELIGHTFUL AS THE DANCING LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT TO BE.  BUT THEN AGAIN, THE LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT BEFORE THE PLAGUE BEGAN – It’s strange writing about a plague outbreak in the 21st Century, but here we are.  The bacterial infection that has killed millions in centuries past has made a comeback of sorts and Madagascar is in the midst of the worst outbreak in decades.  So far the outbreak in the island nation has resulted in over 1,800 cases and 127 deaths since it began in late summer.  The country is no stranger to bubonic plague, but this current episode in Madagascar has included the deadlier pneumonic version that is more easily spread.  The outbreak is at a turning point and is on the cusp of dying down, but there is still the chance that this could spread to neighboring countries in Africa and that would be very bad.  (

TURNS OUT THERE WASN’T JUST ONE MASS HUMAN MIGRATION INTO THE AMERICAS VIA THE BERING STRAIT.  IN FACT, IT IS NOW BELIEVED THAT MULTIPLE MIGRATIONS CAME INTO THE AMERICAS OVER THE COURSE OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS.  WE LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY – For the longest time, scientists believed that the first humans to come into  the Americas came in about 15,000 years ago via a land bridge centered on the Bering Strait during the end of the last ice age.  New research has shown that humans probably started arriving here earlier and might have used a coastal route as well.  Judging by the dozens of unrelated language families that exist, and existed, in the Americas it’s safe to say that hundreds if not thousands of different migrations were taken over the years by different tribes and peoples coming over from Asia to the Americas in search of new hunting ground.  The early colonization of the American continent is a very interesting topic and it changes and expands rapidly.  So if you like ever-evolving scientific research, you should give these studies a closer read.  (

AND THE FIRST DOMINO HAS FALLEN IN THE CASE AGAINST THE INCOMPETENT AND COLLUDING GOVERNMENT OF DONALD TRUMP – The first charges have been filed as a result of the investigation by Robert Mueller into all the sketchy things that Donald Trump and friends did during the election campaign.  Both Paul Manafort and Rick Gates where charged with money laundering and perjury as a result of the lies they told to investigators and their sketchy financial deals with foreign powers.  But perhaps most damning was the fact that Trump campaign contributor, George Papadopoulos, plead guilty to lying about his contacts with Russia during the campaign.  In addition, it seems he was working for the investigation for the past few months as part of a deal.  This pretty much confirms that Russian officials worked with members of Trump’s team and that all the denials from the past about not having any Russian contact at all were complete bullshit.  So get ready for the perjury train, because it looks like the vast majority of Trump’s team will go down for being lying sacks of shit and Russian bootlickers.  Who knows, perhaps the giant orange cunt will resign before his entire family gets arrested.  (