Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/01/2017


THE LIGHTS AT THE PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS ARE COOL, BUT ARE THEY COOLER THAN THE LILY LIMON AND EDDIE HOLGUIN MEMORIAL CHRISTMAS LIGHT SPECTACULAR IN THE LOWER VALLEY? NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THAT SPECTACULAR LIGHT SHOW! – The lights are back for the holidays at the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the Christmas tradition continues this weekend with the annual tree lighting ceremony, parade and holiday festival all around downtown El Paso.  So don’t forget to check out the fun in downtown this Saturday.  Or if you hate crowds, just go check out the lights and the holiday attractions sometime during the week.  (

I’D BE CAREFUL WITH THE ATTEMPTS TO FIX UP EL PASO STREET IN DOWNTOWN.  WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE EFFECTS OF HELL FREEZING OVER WILL HAVE ON THE WORLD – It’s finally happening!  REAL investors are moving into El Paso Street with plans to fix up buildings in the area.  For a long time, the only people that owned buildings on El Paso Street were dumbass, money-hungry fucks who were only in it for the monthly rent and who didn’t give a damn what businesses were in the area or in what condition the buildings were in.  This appears to be changing as Lane Gaddy and other investors have been purchasing buildings in the area with an intent to restore them and bring more business into the area.  This is the first time, in a long time, that a legit investor with a history of great projects has made inroads into this long neglected area of Downtown El Paso.  Couple this with the city’s continued Paseo De Las Luces project and the work Juarez has done to coordinate their Avenida Juarez renovation with what is happening on El Paso Street, and you have the ingredients for a promising future for the once proud corridor that connects the hearts of Juarez and El Paso.  (

IN POSITIVE LOCAL EDUCATION NEWS, HART AND ZAVALA ELEMENTARY SHOW HOW SPORTS AND EDUCATION CAN BE USED AS A POSITIVE FORCE AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL – Most of the time, when we see the local schools in the news it’s because of bloated bond elections, overspending on construction projects, ill-advised academies or some sort of bullying and/or sex scandal.  So it is always nice to see a positive story turn up in the news about something great that local schools are doing.  Proving that sports can be done right at the elementary school level, the El Paso Herald Post has a great run down of a recent competition between Hart and Zavala Elementary schools that saw them have friendly matches in basketball and soccer as part of the Community Schools initiatives.  Under the program, soccer and reading clubs are paired up along with basketball and homework clubs to combine after school learning with sports.  Instead of wasting tons of money on soccer fields for con-man led youth soccer tournaments that only care about taking money from gullible parents, maybe the city government should spend money on local youth athletic programs that actually accomplish something.  Kudos to the Community Schools initiative for doing youth sports right in El Paso by focusing on the academic as well as the athletic.  (


LET’S PUT A SPOTLIGHT ON YEMEN.  IT SEEMS NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YEMEN AT THE MOMENT – Perhaps one of the most important, yet often ignored, global news stories today is the civil/proxy war occurring in Yemen.  Among the more pressing issues as a result of the conflict – we have civilians dying in droves, Saudi Arabia stopping supplies from reaching the people via a borderline illegal blockade, anti-government factions fighting among themselves and a sense that there is no end in sight.  Though there is hope that global pressure will finally make Saudi Arabia ease their blockade and allow supplies to reach civilians, this is probably the only good news that is coming out of the region.  For more info, be sure to check out the excellent write up in the Economist that has a great recap of the war in Yemen and possible solutions.  Though the best solution is if Yemen were broken up to smaller countries based on historic tribal territories and if Saudi Arabia and Iran just minded their own fucking business.  (

MOUNT AGUNG VOLCANO UPDATE:  IT’S STILL SPEWING ASH, BUT A MASSIVE ERUPTION HAS YET TO OCCUR THOUGH IT IS EXPECTED.  VOLCANOES MAKE HURRICANES LOOK LIKE SPEED DEMONS WHEN IT COMES TO ANTICIPATION – Bali is still on alert as authorities in Indonesia expect the Mount Agung Volcano to have a massive eruption soon.  The volcano has been active and spewing ash for weeks making flights impossible in the immediate area and making life uncomfortable for most of Bali.  Though the main airport has opened periodically to allow some flights to leave, it is de facto closed for the foreseeable future and things probably won’t get better for awhile.  Stay safe, Bali.  (

WHERE WOULD AN INNOCENT OPOSSUM LEARN SUCH BAD BEHAVIOR?  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, FLORIDA!  HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! (SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY) – Florida has always been known for humans that do stupid things, but now animals are getting in on the act.  The world’s greatest opossum broke into a restaurant during the Thanksgiving holiday and proceeded to get drunk on hard liquor.  Good show, classy opossum.  For those concerned, the opossum was safely returned back to the wild and vowed never to break into bars and get drunk again – a promise that will be broken next week on Live PD!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/24/2017


TXDOT ONCE AGAIN SHOWS OFF IT’S AMAZING PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS BY SHUTTING DOWN A MAIN ROAD FOR HOURS AND SIMPLY SHRUGGING THEIR SHOULDERS AS THE PROBLEM GROWS – On Thursday afternoon a tractor trailer pulling a load of propane flipped over on Montana near Hueco Tanks and caught fire.  As a result the fire and wreck led to the closure of the road, a closure that still continues today.  So for over 24 hours, txdot’s response to a propane fire that is blocking a major road is to close the road and shrug their shoulders as they ask drivers to go make their own detour.  If one day you are faced with a fire, just let it burn and make up an excuse why it’s better to just let it burn off than doing anything else.  It’s the txdot way.  (

THE EL PASO STREET CARS ARE ALMOST HERE!  LET’S SEE HOW THEY ARE MADE (CUE MR. ROGERS AND HIS MAGIC TROLLEY WITH MAGICAL VIDEOS) – In one of the more interesting videos that the City of El Paso propaganda wing has created, they give a behind the scenes look at how the El Paso Street Cars will be restored.  So far, the trolley cars are looking very cool and will be a slick addition to downtown.  Kudos, city government and City TV.  This is looking like it will be a successful project.  (

EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SUPPORT LOCAL SMALL BUSINESSES DAY! – On the heels of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday is upon us.  So once you get your big deals on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, make sure you have some cash left over to buy from local businesses on Saturday.  Although a fairly new concept, Small Business Saturday has been growing over the years and is an excellent opportunity to support the local economy.  I will personally be supporting local businesses this Saturday by going to Dreams Cabaret, Xcape, Red Parrot and Foxy’s.  I hope you will join me.  Support local businesses!  Whoooooo!  (


THOUGH BROKEN, THE DAESH CUNTS OF THE ISLAMIC STATE CAN STILL INFLUENCE RANDOM TERRORISTS TO ATTACK.  THIS TIME THE DEADLY ATTACK CAME IN EGYPT – The Sinai area of Egypt has been a hot spot of activity for years as local terrorist groups have been emboldened by the instability in the country and surrounding region.  Egypt just suffered its deadliest terrorist attack ever when a Sinai area terrorist group, believed to be aligned with ISIS, attacked a mosque in the town of Bir al-Abed, killing more than 230 people.  With all the conflicts around the Middle East, it’s surprising that this hasn’t turned into a Muslim World War with different factions and countries all going at it for control and power in the region.  (

TO THE DELIGHT OF ZIMBABWE, AND THE WORLD, ROBERT MUGABE HAS GONE OUT WITH A WIMPER AND ACCEPTED HIS FATE AS FAILED DICTATOR ON THE VERGE OF A “DEADLY ACCIDENT” – Zimbabwe has a new president and Robert Mugabe will now ride off into the sunset straight to the fiery pits of hell.  So now the world waits to see if the new president, Emmerson Mnangagwa, will lead Zimbabwe to a new prosperous era or if he will just bring the same old corruption and incompetence to presidency.  On the bright side, Mugabe saw the writing on the wall and stepped down with minimal bloodshed.  So Zimbabwe is off to a pretty good start, all things considered.  (

BONUS THANKSGIVING POOP TRIVIA! – Hats off to Discover Magazine for showcasing fantastic turkey feces facts on Thanksgiving.  Did you know that boy turkeys make long, strung out poops (which like most all birds also contain urine in solid form) and that girl turkeys make clumpy poops.  And the reason for this difference?  Turkey schlongs interfering with the pooping process.  Now you know.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/17/2017


DOWNTOWN EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW 26-STORY BUILDING!  THAT IS UNTIL THE PLANS KEEP ON CHANGING AND IT BECOMES A MINI-MALL WITH BOTH A DOLLAR GENERAL AND A FAMILY DOLLAR – The Meyers Group and Il Sabes have won the right to work with the City of El Paso to build a high rise tower on the vacant parking lot in front of city hall. The mixed-use building will include retail, apartments, a hotel and tons of parking.  Four other groups responded to the city’s request for a public-private plan for the empty lot in front of city hall at Mills and Campbell and Meyer’s Group apparently had the best plan.  Though Meyer’s Group has a mixed history when it comes to initial promises and actual results in their El Paso plans, this project looks like it will be a great benefit to the city and the surrounding Paso del Norte region.  The design for the building looks pretty cool, but I’m still curious to see what the other 4 plans looked like.  Maybe one of the other plans was a design for the world’s biggest Dollar General that’s open 24 hours a day!  Imagine all the Duranguito-style history and tourism we could attract with the world’s biggest Dollar General.  (

THANKSGIVING IS UPON US WHICH MEANS IT’S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL SUN BOWL THANKSGIVING PARADE ON MONTANA AND THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING DRINKATHON THAT OCCURS IN EVERY BAR THROUGHOUT EL PASO.  ENJOY! – The FirstLight Federal Credit Union Sun Bowl Parade, or the Thanksgiving Parade on Montana as it is known by everybody, will take place next Thursday and is one of the more endearing of El Paso’s holiday traditions.  But before you enjoy the parade, make sure you read the great article from the El Paso Herald Post that highlights all the volunteers that help to make the parade an yearly success.  We salute you, volunteers.  And don’t forget to hit up all the bars in the city for El Paso’s other Thanksgiving tradition, the “Day Before” Parties – one of the city’s top days for booze consumption and general debauchery.  (

LET’S ARREST MORE PEOPLE AND GET EVEN MORE FEDERAL PRISONERS IN THE EL PASO COUNTY JAIL.  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? – Incompetent El Paso County detention officers, Matthew Garrett McBain and Dorian Lautret, were arrested and charged with tampering with records after inmate Roberto Gallegos died in the Far East El Paso County Jail Annex.  An investigation revealed that even though the idiots should have checked in on the inmate on a regular interval for health reasons.  According to a review after the death, it showed that they lied on the checkup logs and only checked a few times during the night according to the surveillance evidence.  This has resulted in the county jail failing it’s compliance obligations and embarrassing the community once again.  Naturally, Sheriff Richard Wiles will just shrug his shoulders and make up random excuses that don’t make sense while the county government gives his department more money and lets him make even more horrible deals with the federal government regarding federal prisoners.  The El Paso County government isn’t particularly competent.  (


DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD.  THE WICKED WITCH OF ZIMBABWE IS DEAD … OR AT LEAST HE IS ALMOST OUT OF OFFICE – Zimbabwe is in the midst of a “not a coup” coup as the military has stepped in to maintain the peace in the country.  Normally people would be weary of a coup, but Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe is such a massive pile of shit that no one cares if the cunt is kicked out of office and/or murdered.  Mugabe has turned Zimbabwe into an economic wasteland over the years due to his stupid policies, but it appears the straw that broke the camel’s back was his shameless attempt to put his idiot wife as the next in line to lead the country.  Once he fired vice president Emmerson Mnangagwa last week, the writing was on the wall for Dictator Mugabe and it seemed his days were numbered.  Since then the military, the opposition and his own party made their move against him and started planning for the future.  Hopefully Mugabe steps down peacefully because the last thing Zimbabwe needs is a civil war.  The guys in line to take over the government aren’t exactly shining beacons of truth and freedom, but anything is better than fucking Mugabe.  (

FOR THAT ABSURD AMOUNT OF MONEY, THEY COULD HAVE BOUGHT MILLIONS OF PAINTINGS OF DOGS PLAYING POKER.  HELL, FOR $450 MILLION THEY COULD HAVE JUST GENETICALLY ENGINEERED DOGS THAT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER – Because rich people are crazy and like to throw their money around, some random billionaire paid a record $450 million for a Leonardo da Vinci painting of Jesus dressed up in Renaissance clothing.  To put this in perspective, this is the equivalent of someone in modern day Jacksonville painting Jesus in a cowboy hat and wearing a Limp Bizkit T-Shirt.  The vast majority of the money was paid not because of the artistic value of the piece but because it is attributed to da Vinci.  If this painting would have been painted by a random Italian art student back in the 16th century, there is no way in fuck that it would have gotten $450 million in auction.  So once more the use of art as an investment, and possible money laundering vehicle, by the ultra wealthy has destroyed the concept of art just a little bit more.  (

IN SHOCKING NEWS, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL THE MAJOR INTERNET COMPANIES ARE HORRIBLE BUSINESSES THAT DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY.  BUT AT LEAST THEY CATER TO STALKERS, SO THAT’S NICE OF THEM – Not since scientists discovered that water is wet, have I been as surprised as I am now.  It turns out that internet companies make minimal effort to regulate the free flow of personal data used by their ultra invasive advertising programs that are the main source of their revenue.  Researchers at the University of Washington purchased ads on popular sites and used the mobile advertising ID (MAID) with tracking tools available to advertisers to cyber-stalk subjects to the point where they knew where and when they were going on a daily basis.  For as low as $1,000 YOU too can take advantage of the internet’s ultra sketchy advertising system used by marketers, large corporations and internet giants to track any individual.  It’s a stalker’s paradise!  The monetizing of personal data is an inevitable result of the rise of advertising as the main source of income for most internet companies and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.  But maybe these multi-billion dollar companies can do a little bit more to secure the personal data of the fucking lemmings that are making them a shitload of money.  It’s not like they don’t have the cash to do that.  Fuck Facebook, Fuck Google, Fuck Twitter, Fuck Amazon and Fuck All The Rest Of The Techwhores!  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/10/2017


THE NEW BORDER WEST EXPRESSWAY PROJECT IN WEST EL PASO IS SCHRODINGER’S FREEWAY:  IT EXISTS AS BOTH AN UNDER AND OVER BUDGET PROJECT AT THE SAME TIME! – Say what you will about State Representative Joe Pickett, but he sticks by his guns.  Joe Pickett hates toll roads and will fight any toll road that gets in his way.  The latest target of his “toll road rage” is the Border West Expressway that is now over budget and behind schedule.  As is the case with all the horribly managed txdot projects, district engineer Bob Bielek came out to spin everything around and make it seem like 12 months is only a minor delay and that although the project is over the original budget, it is actually within the contingency budget and thus under budget.  This is nothing new, Bob Bielek will always make up random nonsense to cover for txdot and to make himself out as the victim.  Remember when he wanted to tear down the Lincoln Center near the Spaghetti Bowl and said he had to do it because the building had molested him as a child and was a threat to all the area children.  Classic Bielek, making himself the victim and spewing nonsense to protect his txdot masters.  Let’s see if they can build the thing without any more delays or overages.  (

REST IN PEACE, MAJESTIC JUAREZ GREYHOUND RACETRACK – It’s finally happened, the government in Juarez has decided to tear down the old greyhound racetrack and build a (pffft) well-planned technology district that will create jobs and training in the city with a focus on high technology.  While jobs, training and economic benefits are nice – what about gambling?  Precious gambling never hurt anyone and now the government of Juarez has intelligently decided to invest in jobs, education and technology with a well-planned joint venture with the private sector.  For shame, Juarez planners who are thinking about the future.  So now the racetrack will go up to heaven where the angels will bet money on greyhound puppies.  Rest in Peace, Juarez Greyhound Track.  (

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE PRESENT TO YOU THE ELITE OF EL PASO’S LEGAL COMMUNITY.  GOD HELP US ALL – Judges are supposed to be the crème de la crème of the legal profession who are highly knowledgeable, exercise impeccable judgment and show excellent decision making skills.  In El Paso County you just have to be power hungry and slightly delusional to be a judge.  It was a banner week for El Paso judges as not one, but two judges, managed to draw attention to themselves in amazingly stupid ways.  First up, Judge Luis Aguilar of the 243rd District Court was publicly reprimanded by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct for, in essence, being a complete, fucking asshole to everyone in his court.  The commission received multiple complaints on him and they finally had to act concerning the “power trip” attitude he was showing lawyers and prospective jurors in court.  Not to be outdone, Judge Bonnie Rangel of the 171st District Court had a promotional Judge Judy-like video of hers leaked onto the internet.  The video was made a few years back, according to the judge, and it was to serve as a pilot for a show she was pitching in the hopes of making a ton of cash and retiring.  As you can expect, the video is pretty weird and involves the judge talking about vaginas, watermelons and birth control for pre-teens within the framework of a life changing car accident.  But at least Judge Rangel isn’t an asshole.  Its way better when judges make watermelon vagina comments on derivative TV show pilots instead of being totalitarian pricks in the court room.  ( /


THE PROXY WAR IN YEMEN HAS WORKED OUT SO WELL THAT NOW SAUDI ARABIA WANTS TO START A NEW PROXY WAR WITH IRAN IN LEBANON – Things seem to be heating up in Lebanon as the rhetoric in the Middle East rises to include a possible conflict in that country.  Political forces in Lebanon are starting to get antsy in the wake of Prime Minister Saad Hariri resigning and leaving the country for the “safety” of Riyadh Saudi Arabia.  While the official story is that the prime minister left because he feared for his life after an assassination threat, the rumor inside Lebanon is that he was detained by the Saudis as part of a power play against Iran.  Whatever the result, let’s just hope this doesn’t end up as bad as Yemen.  Yemen is the best evidence that no one wins when Iran and Saudi Arabia get in a dick measuring contest.  (

MUCH LIKE THE PANAMA PAPERS AND EVERY OTHER LEAK BEFORE IT, THE NEW PARADISE PAPERS LEAK PROVES THAT RICH PEOPLE ARE THIEVING BASTARDS THAT WILL NEVER BE PUNISHED – Although most of the tax loopholes used by the people implicated in the Paradise Papers leak are completely legal, it doesn’t take away from the fact that these borderline tax evasion moves are amazingly skeevy.  Many rich and powerful people and organizations around the world have been implicated by the Paradise Papers leak and at the end of the day there will be a lot of finger wagging and not much else.  The rich get richer and the rest of us will always get fucked.  (

BECAUSE ONLINE NAMING CONTESTS HAVE NEVER RESULTED IN STUPID OUTCOMES, NASA WANTS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET TO HELP NAME A NEW CELESTIAL ORB – The New Horizons probe is on its way to (486958) 2014 MU69, an icy celestial orb-thing that is beyond Pluto.  Because that name is pretty lifeless, NASA is holding a contest to give the object a name before the killjoy scientists give it a stupid cliché name once the object is observed and cataloged.  This promises to end well, so go visit NASA and offer your suggestion for a name.  Or don’t, we all know the winning name is going to be something stupid like Beiberland or Planety McPlanetface.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/03/2017


WILL BILLY ABRAHAM FINALLY BE FORCED TO REPAIR ONE OF HIS BUILDINGS?  OR IS THIS JUST THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER DECADE OF LEGAL APPEALS – After much legal wrangling, Judge Linda Chew has ordered Billy Abraham and his ownership group to pay over $1.2 million in fines for the condition of the American Furniture Building in Downtown El Paso.  The city fined Billy Abraham over the condition of the building awhile back and now the courts are finally starting to enforce what is obvious to anyone with eyes and that walks within eyesight of the once grand building.  Much like other Abraham-related cases, there will be appeals and stalling tactics but it looks like Billy Abraham will finally have to bite the bullet on the American Furniture Building and either sell or repair it.  Here’s hoping it all works out and the building is restored to its beautiful and historic splendor.  It doesn’t matter who owns the building, we all just want it to look pretty again and not be a waste of space.  (

MAYBE THE CITY OF SOCORRO CAN RENAME THE SUBDIVISION AS “NUEVO OLD HUECO RAZA ESTATES SUBDIVISION”, THAT WOULD SURELY SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS – Once more, Socorro City Council is the site of more inane bickering as people who didn’t follow the rules when they built their houses are angry because their borderline illegal “canal road access” might be closed off due to development.  Most people just grin and bear it when they break the rules and then get fucked as a result of their stupid actions, in Socorro the people complain and scream for the government to fix their stupid mistakes.  At the heart of the current Socorro clusterfuck, is the Eastlake development that will go near Old Hueco Tanks Road and will be built next to borderline illegal construction that was put up back in the day when Socorro and El Paso County didn’t care much for code enforcement.  The people complaining don’t have access to utilities and they must use a private canal road to access their properties and thus feel that any development next to their property must fix the self-imposed problems that their absurd unauthorized construction caused.  Here’s a bit of advice, if you own a landlocked property with no access to utilities or roads you shouldn’t build a fucking house on the property.  Unless these properties once had access to a road and then the City of Socorro authorized the road to be vacated into private property, the government has no obligation to build roads and bring in utilities for houses that were built without proper authorization.  Normally this would be an open and shut case, but this being Socorro it will probably end with more yelling and a stupid compromise that kills the entire project.  (

THIS IS JUST A SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO WRITE ‘EL PAWSO’.  HA HA HA, ‘EL PAW-SO’ IS PURE BRILLIANCE – El Pawso’s Pageant, which is a pageant for dogs, will be held this Saturday, November 4 in Downtown El Paso’s Cleveland Square Park.  So if you’re an extreme dog lover or just want to giggle like a schoolgirl when someone says ‘El Paw-so’, make sure to hit up the pageant this weekend.  ‘EL PAW-SO’ – tee hee hee hee.  (


TURNS OUT MADAGASCAR ISN’T AS WHIMSICAL AND DELIGHTFUL AS THE DANCING LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT TO BE.  BUT THEN AGAIN, THE LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT BEFORE THE PLAGUE BEGAN – It’s strange writing about a plague outbreak in the 21st Century, but here we are.  The bacterial infection that has killed millions in centuries past has made a comeback of sorts and Madagascar is in the midst of the worst outbreak in decades.  So far the outbreak in the island nation has resulted in over 1,800 cases and 127 deaths since it began in late summer.  The country is no stranger to bubonic plague, but this current episode in Madagascar has included the deadlier pneumonic version that is more easily spread.  The outbreak is at a turning point and is on the cusp of dying down, but there is still the chance that this could spread to neighboring countries in Africa and that would be very bad.  (

TURNS OUT THERE WASN’T JUST ONE MASS HUMAN MIGRATION INTO THE AMERICAS VIA THE BERING STRAIT.  IN FACT, IT IS NOW BELIEVED THAT MULTIPLE MIGRATIONS CAME INTO THE AMERICAS OVER THE COURSE OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS.  WE LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY – For the longest time, scientists believed that the first humans to come into  the Americas came in about 15,000 years ago via a land bridge centered on the Bering Strait during the end of the last ice age.  New research has shown that humans probably started arriving here earlier and might have used a coastal route as well.  Judging by the dozens of unrelated language families that exist, and existed, in the Americas it’s safe to say that hundreds if not thousands of different migrations were taken over the years by different tribes and peoples coming over from Asia to the Americas in search of new hunting ground.  The early colonization of the American continent is a very interesting topic and it changes and expands rapidly.  So if you like ever-evolving scientific research, you should give these studies a closer read.  (

AND THE FIRST DOMINO HAS FALLEN IN THE CASE AGAINST THE INCOMPETENT AND COLLUDING GOVERNMENT OF DONALD TRUMP – The first charges have been filed as a result of the investigation by Robert Mueller into all the sketchy things that Donald Trump and friends did during the election campaign.  Both Paul Manafort and Rick Gates where charged with money laundering and perjury as a result of the lies they told to investigators and their sketchy financial deals with foreign powers.  But perhaps most damning was the fact that Trump campaign contributor, George Papadopoulos, plead guilty to lying about his contacts with Russia during the campaign.  In addition, it seems he was working for the investigation for the past few months as part of a deal.  This pretty much confirms that Russian officials worked with members of Trump’s team and that all the denials from the past about not having any Russian contact at all were complete bullshit.  So get ready for the perjury train, because it looks like the vast majority of Trump’s team will go down for being lying sacks of shit and Russian bootlickers.  Who knows, perhaps the giant orange cunt will resign before his entire family gets arrested.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – October 27, 2017


IF YOU ADD THE DRUGS, GUNS AND LAUNDERED MONEY THAT IS EXPORTED; EL PASO WOULD DEFINITELY BE IN THE TOP 5 OF THE COUNTRY’S TOP EXPORTERS.  WE WILL NEVER STOP LOBBYING FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO INCLUDE THE BLACK MARKET IN OFFICIAL ECONOMIC FIGURES – Our mantra is that lists should be taken with a grain of salt, but it’s still pretty impressive that El Paso is the 10th largest exporter among all of America’s metropolitan regions.  The total of exports out of El Paso in 2016 was $26.5 billion and that put us ahead of much larger cities.  This is great news and as long as the city continues to expand its relationship with Juarez and the region, things can only get better.  (

IF YOU EVER WANT TO KILL SOMEONE, MAKE SURE YOU DO IT IN LAS CRUCES.  IT’S PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CONVICTED OF MURDER IN DONA ANA COUNTY – A jury in Las Cruces has found Lawrence Lucero not guilty of stabbing David Escamilla to death in 2014 despite all the stabby evidence.  So continuing a tradition dating back to Pat Garrett and possibly much earlier, a jury in Dona Ana County has just shrugged its shoulders and allowed a killer to go free on the flimsiest of excuses.  Even cops can get shot by drunken partners in Las Cruces and the only result will be multiple mistrials.  You need an actual video of someone killing another person to get a murder conviction in Dona Ana County and even then the jury will still doubt the evidence and go with manslaughter.  Maybe this whole trial by jury thing should be abolished in Dona Ana County, it’s not like it accomplishes anything.  (

HEAVEN FORBID SOCORRO FOCUS ON IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT AND INFRASTRUCTURE, THEY INSTEAD WANT TO WASTE MONEY ON POINTLESS THINGS LIKE THE NAMES OF ROADS – The Eastlake extension project will finally give Socorro another access point to I-10 as Old Hueco Tanks Road is remodeled and properly connected to Eastlake and I-10.  This being Socorro, they’ve decided at the last minute to ask that the extension not be known as ‘South Eastlake’.  Instead they want the road to be known as ‘Nuevo Hueco Tanks Road’ so that the segment in Socorro can keep its “identity”. Because it is a stupid idea done at the last minute, the City of Socorro will have to spend thousands of dollars on the name change and signage because the state and county aren’t going to foot the bill.  It’s hard to tell what’s worse; that thousands of dollars that could have been used for useful endeavors will be wasted on a vanity project or that instead of just keeping it as ‘Old Hueco Tanks Road’ they changed it to ‘Nuevo Hueco Tanks Road’ in a false belief that it gives them some sort of Latino cred.  Apparently adding a Spanish word to the name makes them knowledgeable Latino heroes and not just pandering Latino douchebags.  But nothing is more telling than this quote by Socorro Councilman Ralph Duran:  “The amount of money that will be spent on a name change is negligible, considering the amount of money we will be getting back in taxes and sales tax.”  Dear genius, even if the name of the road was ‘Super Buttfuck Avenue’ you’d still be getting back the SAME FUCKING AMOUNT in property and sales tax!  Join us next week when the City of Socorro defends the “honor” of ‘Horizon Boulevard’ south of I-10 by renaming it ‘Cholo Raza Gandara Avenue’.  (


THEY FINALLY DID IT, CATALONIA HAS DECLARED ITS INDEPENDENCE!  LET’S SEE IF THE PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO FIGHT FOR SELF DETERMINATION OR IF THEY’LL JUST WHITTLE UNDER PRESSURE FROM MADRID – The Catalan government, after being pushed around by Madrid, has finally declared its independence – reflecting the will of the voters in the referendum.  Naturally, the Spanish government has decided to get its “ex-wife” back by force, like an abusive husband, and has started a hostile takeover over Catalonia by removing its autonomy.  Now we wait and see if the people of Catalonia will take this lying down or if they will fight for their land.  If you’re keeping score at home, democracy only counts if the result is pre-approved by the powers that be and self-determination is a four letter word among “democratic” nations.  (

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED THAT SOMETHING FROM OUTER SPACE PASSED BY EARTH!  IT’S A GIANT ROCK AND NOT AN ALIEN, BUT IT’S STILL INTERESTING – A comet or asteroid coming from an interstellar path came into the solar system last month and got as close as 14 million miles to Earth before it started its path out of the Solar System on an equally weird route.  The interstellar object did not follow a normal Solar Systemesque trajectory and instead came into the area practically from above at a very high angle.  Although this news is very cool, what’s worrying is that no one saw this coming until a few weeks ago.  So if another space rock comes hurtling in at a similar angle with a trajectory toward Earth we would only have weeks to prepare for a possible impact.  Not only do we have to worry about Solar System rocks hitting the Earth, no we have to keep an eye out for weirdo outer space objects as well.  (

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT – It’s Halloween time again, be safe out there and make sure to get your fill of candy, booze and half-naked costumes.  It seems Halloween goes more global every year and more people are jumping in on the fun.  And while some people in other countries feel that the holiday is ‘invading their culture’, they should relax and just embrace it as a way to get together with friends and family and have a good time.  And if they want some of their country’s holidays to reach a global audience, they should make sure it involves candy, free food, slutty costumes and/or booze.  I will gladly celebrate any holiday from any part of the world as long as it involves free food, booze and slutty costumes.  Bring it on!  Paso del Norte is not threatened by any foreign cultures and will gladly absorb your eaty/drinky/slutty traditions like some sort of degenerate cultural Borg.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/20/2017


MUCH LIKE THE MAJESTIC SALMON OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST THAT RETURN TO THEIR RIVER BIRTHPLACE TO SPAWN AND DIE, THE FISH OF THE RIO GRANDE GO UP RANDOM CANALS IN THE LOWER VALLEY TO GET DRUNK AND PARTY BEFORE THE WATER DRIES UP AND THEY DIE.  IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE – Did you know there’s random fish swimming in the canals of El Paso and in the El Paso portion of the Rio Grande?  Although the news story focuses on people in the Lower Valley complaining about the dead fish rotting in the canals, the real story here is the fish.  What type of fish are these?  Are they a native species or an invasive species that just decided to make El Paso home?  Where do the non-crazy fish go on vacation when the Rio Grande and canals dry up?  We must know the answer to these questions.  People in the Lower Valley complaining are a dime a dozen, but native fish in El Paso are something special.  Why can’t the local news media focus on the important things?  (

BE SURE TO SUPPORT UTEP ON OCTOBER 28 AS THE UNIVERSITY CELEBRATES LEGENDS NIGHT DURING THE FOOTBALL GAME.  BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, FREE AARON JONES BOBBLEHEADS! – UTEP will be honoring past legends of UTEP athletics during their October 28 football game against UTSA; including great athletes like Antonio Davis, Seth Joyner, Blessing Okagbare, Cynthia Ruelas, Paul Stankowski and Aaron Jones.  And just to make things even more awesome, a select few fans will be randomly selected to receive one of 1,000 limited edition Aaron Jones bobbleheads!  Who knows, if they put an Aaron Jones bobblehead on the field it will probably be one of the best players in the game and lead UTEP to victory.  (

IF THEY WOULD HAVE INCLUDED A METRIC FOR SLUTTY COSTUMES, EL PASO WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN THE GREATEST PLACE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD FOR TRICK OR TREATING – We normally don’t pay too much attention to lists on random websites (the only pointless lists we trust are the ones that Simple Minded Entertainment churns out on a monthly basis, thank you very much), but it’s nice to see that El Paso was listed as the 5th best place in America to go trick-or-treating.  The list was created by SmartAsset and they try to be as objective as possible so the list is pretty solid and informative.  So what are you waiting for, start planning your trick-or-treating adventure in El Paso right now ……. And don’t forget your slutty costume.  (


THE UNIVERSAL RIGHT OF SELF-DETERMINATION IS MORE POWERFUL THAT ANY PIECE OF PAPER OR ANY FUCKING CONSTITUTION – Once again, Madrid has decided to make things worse than they are by forcing Spanish rule on Catalonia and making plans to remove the state’s regional autonomy.  So much like a crazy ex-girlfriend, it is butt hurt that Catalonia had an independence referendum and now wants to force Catalonia to “stay together for the kids”.  May the people of Catalonia have the strength to fight on and may this inspire others to break free from the grip of Frankenstein nations around the world.  (

METEORS ARE COOL, AS LONG AS THEY’RE NOT FALLING ON THE EARTH AND KILLING EVERYONE – There’s a special fall show in the heavens this weekend, and continuing into next week, as the Orionid meteor shower will liven up the night sky with a bunch of shooting stars.  So go find a nice dark place away from the city lights and enjoy one of nature’s most amazing spectacles, the meteor shower.  (

LOOKS LIKE WE NOW HAVE A TRUMPGHAZI ON OUR HANDS – As the media focuses on idiot Donald Trump’s online feud with a soldier’s widow and a congresswoman, the real story here is the epic disaster in Niger that resulted in the death of 4 soldiers.  Apparently, the military was in Niger to help in the fight against terrorism in northern Africa and was caught by surprise when terrorists attacked during a “routine” meeting with local officials.  This is like being surprised that you wasted a bunch of money after going to a strip club.  Who knew that terrorists could attack during a counter-terrorism operation?  This was a failure of military intelligence and the apparent silence by the Trump administration makes it all seem a little bit more sketchier.  To add insult to injury, Sgt La David Johnson’s body was found 2 days later and he was either left behind or just ignored while everyone escaped the attack.  When Benghazi occurred, Donald Trump and his ilk bitched and complained endlessly about the government’s handling of the attack.  Losing a soldier for two fucking days after an attack that shouldn’t have happened is waaaaaay worse than Benghazi.  I wonder who Donald Trump and the racist brigade are going to blame for this one?  But I’m pretty sure they’ll find a way to blame Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/13/2017


LOOKS LIKE THE BLUE FLAME BUILDING IS FINALLY COMING BACK TO LIFE.  NOW WE CAN ALL GET OUR DAILY WEATHER REPORT BY STARING AT AN INANIMATE OBJECT! – The El Paso Housing Authority has been working with Paul Foster to purchase the 17-story Blue Flame Building and turn it into a mixed use/mixed income development that will feature low income housing while also mixing in market value apartments and retail space.  The project already has government help lined up and it promises to be a great boost to Downtown’s redevelopment.  As an added bonus, the “flame” on top of the building will also return and tell everyone the weather through its magical color-changing abilities!  In fact, the blue flame will show off its weatherman powers when it lights up again next week for a brief preview.  Welcome back, Blue Flame.  (

CONGRATULATIONS TO RUBEN VOGT ON BEING NAMED COUNTY JUDGE.  WITH HIS SELECTION HE BECOMES THE FIRST OPENLY GAY MAN TO HOLD THIS POSITION IN EL PASO COUNTY.  WHO SAYS EL PASO CAN’T BE PROGRESSIVE AND AHEAD OF THE TIMES? – After much deliberation, El Paso County Commissioners Court chose Ruben Vogt as the replacement for County Judge Veronica Escobar, who left office to pursue El Paso’s Congressional Seat.  Ruben Vogt was Escobar’s chief of state so he’s a solid pick to take over for her and will not require any on the job training when he begins his replacement term.  The choice was almost unanimous, with all commissioners except Vince Perez voting for the choice.  Who knows why Vince Perez voted ‘no’?  But his explanation was pretty all over the place so we’ll just assume that Vince Perez was mad because HE wanted to be the first LGBT County Judge in El Paso’s history.  (

THIS JUST IN, THE EL PASO INDEPENDENT SCHOOL DISTRICT WILL PURCHASE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR INCINERATOR THAT THEY WILL USE TO BURN UP HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A MONTH JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT – Central Office for the El Paso Independent School District is currently located on city land near the airport that has been leased to them for years on what was supposed to be a temporary basis.  After awhile, the city go tired that the district wasn’t taking the hint that this deal was temporary and raised the sweetheart deal of $60,000 a month rent up to around $300,000 a month once the original agreement ran out.  This is when they asked EPISD to vacate in 2014 so they could get their land back.  So now, after years of being told to leave, the district still can’t finalize a plan to move to their new headquarters and will keep on wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars a month that could be used for something else.  This is pretty ironic coming from a district that attempted to push students out of school because they were spending too much time stuck in a grade and hurting the district’s standardized test results.  (


CALIFORNIA IS BURNING MORE THAN USUAL THIS TIME OF YEAR – Although massive wildfires spread by crazy winds are pretty common in southern California, the north part of the state rarely has to deal with anything on this scale.  The wildfires currently hitting California are an epic disaster and the fact that they are occurring in heavily populated areas are making these some of the deadliest fires in the state’s history.  Here’s hoping the weather starts cooperating in the next few days so firefighters can get this under control.  (

HARVEY WEINSTEIN’S BIGGEST MISTAKE WAS NOT BEING A REPUBLICAN WHO SAYS RACIST THINGS AND SPEAKS LIKE AN IGNORANT CHILD.  THEY WOULD HAVE ALREADY ELECTED HIM PRESIDENT IF HE WERE A REPUBLICAN – The shit has hit the fan for Harvey Weinstein and none of his past success will be able to stop the wave of accusations that keep pouring in about his “secret” life as a bully who really, REALLY liked sexual harassment and assault.  Although Weinstein has not been charged with anything and these are all still allegations, when hundreds of women have similar stories with similar patterns then the evidence points to Harvey Weinstein being an asshole who took advantage of the “casting couch culture” for decades.  At this point it would just be easier to make a list of actresses and employees who were NOT harassed or assaulted by Harvey Weinstein, because every day we hear another story about his “hotel room meeting” strategy that he apparently used hundreds of times over the years.  Even though it should have happened earlier given the rumors that always swirled around the prick, it’s good to see Hollywood not sweep this under the rug and come out and try to bring this disgusting behavior out in the open so that Weinstein and his ilk don’t do it again.  If this were another group of people they would just write this off as “boys will be boys” and gladly look the other way.  Remember when someone with similar rumors about sexual assaults was recorded on video saying that because he was rich and famous he could grab women by the pussy and kiss them against their will with no repercussions?  Remember how his peers rallied around the victims and got rid of the disgusting old man for his horrible actions ……. oh yeah, they did no such thing and just made up excuses to protect him.  (

WHO KNEW BRYOSTATIN 1 LED SUCH AN INTERESTING LIFE? – Bryostatins are a compound that researchers strongly feel could be used to fight diseases such as cancer, HIV and other major ailments.  The problem is that the only viable way to get these compounds is via the tiny sea organisms known as Bugula neritina which bunch up and form colonies and are basically considered a nuisance.  To make things a bit more complex, the source of the bryostatins is believed to be not the tiny sea organism but a bacteria found in some of the B. neritina.  Bryostatin 1 is the main compound that scientists are looking at for research and because of the aforementioned problems only a minute amount of the substance has been available for scientific study and the small supply has limited how much work can be done on this fascinating compound.  But don’t worry, scientists are working hard on improving the process to create bryostatin 1 and its ilk and the future looks bright for medical research involving this promising compound.  For more detailed information on the fascinating adventures of Bugula neritina, bryostatins and mystery bacteria please read the full write up regarding these interesting developments on the Discover Magazine blog.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/06/2017


UTEP OFFERS AMAZON THE CHANCE TO LEASE ONCE TOXIC LAND AS AN INCENTIVE TO LAND AMAZON’S SECOND HEADQUARTERS.  DIANA NATALICIO ISN’T VERY GOOD AT THIS WHITE COLLAR CORPORATE BRIBERY THING – The Amazon sweepstakes is under way and cities around the country are busy whoring themselves out and offering bribes (I’m sorry, they’re called “incentives”) to get the company to set up a multi-billion dollar headquarters in their immediate tax zone.  It is admirable that many stakeholders in the Paso del Norte region have come together to support this project (even the Mayor of Juarez has come aboard to support El Paso’s bid, though the Mayor of Las Cruces has not been very vocal about this at all).  But maybe Diana Natalicio should just give them the old Asarco cleanup site instead of just offering a lease, that’s not much of a bribecentive.  Like when San Antonio and Texas bribed (aka incentivized) Toyota to put a factory there and Austin’s bribe (aka economic development incentive) spree to land random tech companies, the winner of the Amazon sweepstakes will be the city that offers the most “incentives” and that has the whitest population possible.  Let’s face it, Amazon is a white bread company and they will choose the wealthiest suburbanite community that has just enough “urban” elements and just enough Latino, Black and Asian faces that they can claim they are in a “vibrant and diverse” place.  So basically some white bread city filled with a few token minorities will get Amazon Headquarters Part 2.  At least El Paso hasn’t gone to some of the extreme begging and bribing lengths that other cities have engaged in to try and get Amazon to come to their town.  El Paso has some integrity.  (

IT’S TIME FOR EL PASO’S ANNUAL DRAWING PENISES WITH CHALK FESTIVAL!  – Chalk The Block is back in downtown El Paso with great art and music activities for the whole family.  The festival is a great event in downtown that showcases talented artists doing amazing things with only chalk and also gives everyone a chance to do chalk graffiti all over downtown El Paso.  In keeping with El Paso tradition, this is the perfect opportunity to get really drunk and turn something wholesome into a morbid mess by using your chalk to draw penises and boobs all over the streets of El Paso.  So go out and enjoy the Chalk The Block (With Penises) Festival 2017!  (

ZOMBIE HAMBURGERS ARE COMING TO EL PASO!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! – Much like a zombie or Jesus Christ, Charcoaler is coming back from the dead to bring joy, excitement and delicious food to El Paso.  Charcoaler was a legendary fast food joint that made amazing hamburgers cooked on a real charcoal grill for decades in El Paso.  Sadly, the burger joint ceased operations last year ……. but now it’s coming back!  The new owners, which include a member of the family that owned the original, will open Charcoaler before the holidays and promise that it will be better than ever.  So start getting in line now, because Mesa is going to be a parking lot once Charcoaler opens up again.  (


WELL, THAT WENT WELL.  THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT ISN’T VERY GOOD AT DECISION MAKING, IS IT? – All Spain had to do was back off and let Catalonia have its non-binding referendum and it would have lost or won by a very narrow margin.  All things considered, no one would have cared and only the small minority of true separatists would have bitched and complained about the result.  By banning the vote, sending police and acting violently against people who just wanted to practice basic democracy; the Spanish government has pissed off the entire Catalan region and have pushed the moderates into the arms of the fringe nationalist separatists that now are calling for a real independence movement.  Next time, just look at how London handled the whole Scottish Independence movement to see how to properly handle a referendum by angry separatists.  Now Madrid has backed itself into a corner and will probably end up using more violence that will push Catalonia and other Spanish regions to question the bullshit dream of “Spanish Unity”.  Madrid is just lucky the Basque Country hasn’t risen up again, Spain would already be split into 8 countries by now if the Catalans and the Basques pushed Madrid at the same time.  (

AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WERE AN ELDERLY LOSER CAN AMASS AN ARSENAL AND KILL DOZENS OF PEOPLE IN A TERRORIST ATTACK USING HIS PERFECTLY LEGAL GUN COLLECTION – A terrorist attack occurred in Las Vegas as an elderly moron who hated casinos, or some other stupid reason, decided to take out his anger on innocent people watching a country music concert.  By the end of his cowardly terrorist strike, the elderly fucker killed 58 people from his 32nd floor perch at the Mandalay Bay Hotel using semi-automatic weapons with legal modifications that turned them into borderline machine guns.  These modifications were so fucked up that even the NRA is asking the government to look into banning bump-stocks that can turn a semi-automatic rifle into an even more dangerous weapon.  Fuck terrorists of all races, creeds and ideologies and their stupid reasoning.  (

LET’S END ON A HAPPY NOTE WITH A PARROT THAT SINGS WITH A BELFAST ACCENT TO SUPPORT THE NORTHERN IRELAND NATIONAL FUTBALL TEAM – Kelo the parrot is a magical bird that sings and talks with a Belfast accent while supporting the Green and White Army.  This is all you need to know, so just click the link and watch Kelo support Northern Ireland!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/29/2017


TAKING A PAGE FROM THE LEADERSHIP MANUAL OF DONALD TRUMP, EL PASO STATE SENATOR JOSE RODRIGUEZ DECIDED NOW WAS THE TIME TO ACT LIKE A RACIST, MONEY-WASTING ASSHOLE – It was a banner week for State Senator Jose Rodriguez who was named the 4th worst spender in the entire Texas Senate by the Texas Monitor and who decided to double down on the racist comments he said last week by trying to spin the whole thing with “save the barrio” rhetoric and refusing to apologize.  This all stated when he told a statewide magazine his crazy conspiracy theory that white people wanted to take over the Union Plaza area and build the arena in order to create a ‘Gringolandia’ and eliminate the ‘Mexican culture’ that is supposedly represented by the Victorian-style buildings in the area.  Bad enough that an elected official is creating a conspiracy theory about imaginary cultural invaders, but for an elected official to use the word ‘gringo’ is amazingly offensive and racist as sin.  For comparison’s sake, it’s like if a white politician said that all the people protesting in Union Plaza were spics that wanted to create a ‘Wetbackland’ instead of allowing an arena to be built.  If a white politician ever said that every fucking crybaby activist that is bitching about the arena would be clamoring for his removal from office and for criminal charges to be filed.  But because Jose Rodriguez is brown he thinks he can be a racist prick and come off as the Latino Macho Man Champion of the People – and the lack of outrage from El Paso’s “activists” sort of proves that point.  Hell, I’m sure the idiots that are still fighting over the old buildings in Union Plaza already have posters of the brown Donald Trump and are ejaculating over his comments.  This behavior is incredibly vile for a public servant and his lack of remorse over his racism is staggering.  It’s one thing for an idiot shock jock or comedian on Univision to say ‘gringo’ – hell, they have a right to say whatever they want as long as it’s not libel or slander.  But for a public official to use such ignorant and racist language is amazingly disheartening.  But putting the vile racism aside, Jose Rodriguez also wastes more money that practically every other Texas Senator including a whopping $5,000 a month on an Austin apartment and over $20,000 for a lease on a Lexus!  Please vote Jose Rodriguez out of office in the next election.  If not for his racism, get rid of him for his incompetence and lack of financial responsibility.  (

IN POSITIVE DOWNTOWN NEWS, LOOKS LIKE THE ABDOU BUILDING WILL FINALLY GET RENOVATED AND NO ONE IS PROTESTING THE PROJECT! – It’s really nice when things get done downtown without uninformed protesters and pseudo-historians getting in the way.  The latest project in Downtown El Paso’s current growth spurt is the renovation of the Abdou Building near Mesa and Texas St.  The building will be revamped as a mixed use development with retail space on the bottom floor and massive 3-bedroom apartments taking up the upper floors.  In fact, it seems that only 5 apartments will be available and each unit will take up an entire floor.  Kudos to the young El Pasoans who took up this project and who are doing something amazingly beneficial for the community.  Now let’s fix up all the other buildings in downtown and make sure that Billy Abraham doesn’t buy any more of them.  (

IN NEWS THAT WOULD MAKE CAPTAIN OBVIOUS PROUD, CONSULTANTS HIRED BY THE CITY HAVE FOUND THAT THE MEXICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL INSTITUTE IS INCOMPETENT AND IS NOT VERY GOOD AT FUNDRAISING – The City of El Paso wasted money on consultants out of due diligence, but any idiot off the street could see that the MACI knew jack shit about fundraising.  There’s been a lot of back and forth between the city and the people that wanted to spend $30 million on a Mexican American Cultural Center.  But all you need to know is that the people tasked with raising $20 million dollars only raised $19,626 in 2016 and $1,630 in 2017.  Children in elementary schools doing those fundraising order form scams that offer you prizes raise more money for their schools than the idiots at MACI.  Fuck, I’m pretty sure the top fundraiser in any elementary school is able to raise $1,630 all by themselves – and then they get the crazy top prize which is like a bicycle or a video game system.  So to recap, grown-ass adults who are supposedly the best of the best in the city could barely raise $20,000 in a year while damn elementary school kids raise that in like 3 weeks.  But sure, the MACI is the victim in all of this and the big, bad city government is out to get them because they are brown and want to “Save Durangito”.  (


HUGH HEFNER IS DEAD.  LONG LIVE HUGH HEFNER – It is a sad day as Hugh Hefner, one of the Patron Saints of Simple Minded Entertainment and founder of Playboy Magazine, has passed away at the age of 91.  He will forever be known for being one of the driving forces in the sexual revolution via his role in Playboy, but he was much more complex than just that.  He fought for first amendment rights and civil rights and created a magazine that not only celebrated the female body as something artistic and beautiful, but that also featured amazing writers and was a huge cultural influence in many aspects of society.  He wasn’t perfect and he led the Playboy Empire into an almost virtual collapse in his later years, but he will always be remembered as being a man ahead of his time.  (

THIS WEEK’S SEQUEL TO “HURRICANEPOCALYPSE AND EARTHQUAKEMAGGEDON” IS “REVENGE OF THE TWIN VOLCANOES” – Hurricanes aren’t the only natural disasters that can be predicted with varying degrees of success, Volcanoes also have been studied enough that modern science can get a good estimate of when they will strike.  And much like hurricanes, despite all the best intentions the warnings are sometimes a little off which leads to people growing complacent with these sort of alerts.  The first volcano expected to have a big eruption is Agung in Indonesia.  The surrounding area has been evacuated of tens of thousands of people as scientists have warned, for days, that the signs point to a big eruption at any given moment.  It still hasn’t blown up, but it should be pretty bad when it happens and the people in the area should heed all warnings.  Ambae in Vanuatu is another volcano that scientists are watching closely and people in the area have already been relocated in anticipation of the damage that Ambae can cause.  Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any worse than hurricanes and volcanoes on the same day, we have a double volcano threat in the eastern hemisphere.  All we need is a tsunami and tornado and the Earth’s royal flush of natural disasters is complete.  (

SAUDI ARABIA WILL FINALLY ALLOW WOMEN TO DRIVE IN THE COUNTRY.  SAUDI ARABIA HAS FINALLY ENTERED THE 20TH CENTURY!  1920 SAYS HELLO, JUST A FEW MORE DECADES OF ADVANCEMENT AND SAUDI ARABIA MIGHT CATCH UP TO THE REST OF THE WORLD – Saudi Arabia has always been one of the worst offenders of human rights in the world, so it is refreshing to see the government there finally give the most minimal of respect and rights to the women in their country.  Starting next year women will be able to drive in Saudi Arabia and it seems like the government of the country is sticking to its guns in its official plan to try and modernize the country in all aspects.  They’ve got a long way to go, but maybe Saudi Arabia will at least be on par with most of the other advanced Muslim nations in the world when it comes to laws and rights.  (