Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 03/12/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WHY BUILD ONE 22-STORY TOWER WHEN YOU CAN BUILD 2 TOWERS!  HELL, THEY MIGHT AS WELL BUILD 3 OR 4 TOWERS ON THAT LOT IF THEY HAVE THE MONEY – It appears that market studies and resident concerns have had a slight impact on the Meyers Group plans for a large high rise tower in west El Paso.  The original plan called for a large 22-story tower with apartments to be built on their property off Mesa, but now they have tweaked it just a bit by unveiling that two condo towers will be built instead.  According to the plans, this will help to break up the view for nearby residents and also allow them to build the structure in two phases in order to judge interest in the project.  Although the original plan was more ambitious and looked a bit cooler in the designs, this will still be a great project for the city if it gets done.  Now, if they one day decide they’re just going to build a crappy Mimco-style mini mall on the property – then we can officially consider this project as being a major cock-tease disaster.  (kvia.com)

AT LEAST TXDOT ONLY SHUT DOWN I-10 FOR 27 HOURS ON A SUNDAY.  KNOWING THEM, THE ORIGINAL PLAN WAS TO SHUT DOWN THE FREEWAY FOR FIVE DAYS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK WEEK – As part of the GO-10 project, txdot plans to demolish the I-10 east overpass at Mesa as they reconstruct the entire thing.  This is only a preview of things to come as txdot will also end up doing this on the westbound overpass in order to complete the entire structure.  And let’s not forget all the other overpasses in the city that will more than likely need to be repaired or replaced as part of the GO-10 project.  Hopefully txdot learns from their mistakes and doesn’t drag their feet like they’ve done on other projects (coughloop375/i10interchangeontheeastsidecough).  This closure is occurring on a Sunday, so at least they’re not doing stupid things like shutting down the freeway on a weekday ……. yet.  (kvia.com)

GABBO!  GABBO!  GABBO! – Wet N’ Wild is building the largest attraction in its three decade-plus history, but they are remaining silent on what specific water park ride they are bringing in.  The new improvements, which also include an upgrade to the entrance, will be “highly visible” from I-10 and will employ hundreds of people.  It’s probably impossible to figure out what the ride is from these basic hints, but I’m sure our best and brightest will give it a go.  We here at Simple Minded hope it is some sort of super topless/nude pool that will employ the region’s strippers during the daytime “off period”.  Strippers need daytime jobs too, you know.  (cbs4local.com)

 

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WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT WORLD WAR III WOULD START OVER A PISSING MATCH BETWEEN TURKEY AND THE NETHERLANDS, OF ALL COUNTRIES – It takes a unique brand of fascist moron to accuse the Netherlands of “Nazism”, and Turkish dictator Erdogan is just the fascist moron to make such asinine comments with no real supporting evidence (lest we forget, before there was Trump there was Erdogan).  This all began with Turkey trying to forcefully start political rallies in European countries to encourage expatriate voters to approve of Erdogan’s amazingly dictator-ish plan to convert his country from a parliamentary form of government to a US-inspired, strong man president “garbage democracy” model.  Naturally, European countries don’t appreciate a borderline dictator stirring up the immigrant community within their borders in order to secure votes.  In response the Netherlands was one of many countries to block these rallies in order to stop any trouble and violence that might erupt from competing sides.  Needless to say, Erdogan is a moron and is now butt-hurt that Europe would have the audacity to prevent him from doing what he wants INSIDE ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY.  This will probably just blow over, but it would be hilarious if the EU just wipes its ass with Turkey’s EU application and tells Erdogan to go fuck himself.  Erdogan not only wants to screw over his own people, he also wants to screw over random individuals in countries far, far away.  (bbc.com)

ONE OF THE POSITIVE’S OF BREXIT IS THAT SCOTLAND WILL FINALLY DECLARE ITS INDEPENDENCE AND STOP BEING ENGLAND’S LAPDOG.  BRAVEHEART WOULD BE PROUD – The last Scottish Referendum on splitting from the United Kingdom won many votes to “stay” based on the assumption that the UK would not leave the EU.  Naturally, the UK’s attempts to drive their country off the Brexit cliff has led to some people in Scotland questioning if staying in the United Kingdom was the right path to follow.  The calls to action are now growing louder and it looks like Scotland is going to get another chance at a referendum and independence.  This should be interesting.  (bbc.com)

VIDEO PROOF OF TRUE’S BEAKED WHALES FINALLY CAPTURED ON FILM.  NEXT STOP, VIDEO PROOF OF THE HORIZON CITY MONSTER – Finding something that is new and unique in the internet era is a very tough task.  So when something pops up that is truly new, unique and one-of-a-kind it really makes you take notice.  Scientists this week released the first video footage ever of True’s Beaked Whales swimming in the ocean and it is quite beautiful.  Scientists that study these animals can go their entire careers without spotting one of them, so this video truly is a rarity.  The video is very subtle and calming, but the spectacular part is the fact that no one in history has ever recorded these animals in their natural environment!  A truly great moment that makes you think of all the wonderful mysteries found in nature.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 03/05/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EVEN THE EL PASO POLICE DEPARTMENT SAYS THAT MAKING LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT HANDLE IMMIGRANT-RELATED ISSUES IS A STUPID WASTE OF TIME.  BUT APPARENTLY DONALD TRUMP AND REDNECKS THAT LIVE HUNDREDS OF MILES FROM THE BORDER KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ACTUAL COPS WHO WORK NEXT TO MEXICO – Kudos to El Paso Police Chief Greg Allen for speaking out against having the police department enforce immigration laws.  He honestly lays it out and flat out says that his department is understaffed and that there is no money or time to train the current officers on federal immigration procedures.  So unless Donald Trump, wants to start giving free money to border police forces, none of his stupid ideas will work out.  It’s also good to see Chief Allen speak out against this bullshit “sanctuary city” nonsense that idiots like Greg Abbott constantly bitch and moan about.  The El Paso Police Department might not be perfect, but they have their shit together.  (elpasoinc.com)

LAS CRUCES IS LEADING THE WAY FOR MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION IN NEW MEXICO.  EVENTUALLY NORTH KOREA, SAUDI ARABIA AND TEXAS WILL BE THE ONLY PLACES WHERE MARIJUANA IS ILLEGAL.  TEXAS IS SO ADVANCED, Y’ALL! – CANNAville, an educational medical marijuana festival, set up shop in Las Cruces this weekend in an attempt to demystify the industry and make these services more accessible to the public.  There is still much work to be done to make ALL marijuana legal in New Mexico, but southern New Mexico is pulling its weight to get it done.  Alcohol is waaaaaaay more dangerous than marijuana and it’s already legal in New Mexico – so it’s not like crime is going to get any worse if you legalize a safer alternative to booze.  (kvia.com)

KEEP YOUR HEADS UP, BURGES AND ANDRESS, YOU KICKED ASS THIS YEAR – Kudos to the Burges and Andress boys basketball teams for making to the elite eight and sweet sixteen, respectively, of the state tournament.  Both teams had their chances, but lucky breaks by the other team took their toll in both games.  Burges and Andress seem to always have great teams every year, so they should be back even stronger.  (kvia.com)

 

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NOW SOUTH SUDAN HAS TO DEAL WITH A FAMINE IN ADDITION TO A CIVIL WAR.  GOD HELP SOUTH SUDAN – South Sudan doesn’t usually get much media attention, but it would be nice if the world starts paying attention to what is happening to South Sudan at this very moment.  The war is bad enough, but combined with the ongoing famine this will be catastrophic for South Sudan.  The UN and aid organizations are trying to help the poor civilians, but it’s hard to help when the idiot factions in the middle of the civil war are shooting at anyone who even tries to do something nice in the country.  If anything, just being aware of what is happening in South Sudan is a good start in trying to change things in that country.  (un.org)

AUSTRALIA IS PLANNING ON USING DRONES TO KILL FERAL CATS IN ISOLATED AREAS THAT THREATEN NATIVE WILDLIFE.  IF ONLY THE ABORIGINAL PEOPLE OF AUSTRALIA HAD DRONES ALL THOSE CENTURIES AGO – The feral cat overpopulation, and resulting wildlife massacre, in isolated areas of Australia is getting so bad that the government is using NEW and EXCITING ways to try and tackle the problem.  Normally they would just train dogs to protect the wildlife from cats, cheaper and more logical, but I guess the cats are starting to work with Al Qaeda and they need new technology to combat the meow meow terrorist menace.  The pilot program will occur on Christmas Island and the drones will be used to drop poisoned kangaroo sausages on unsuspecting  feral cats.  I swear to God, I didn’t make that up – Australia is going to use POISON KANGAROO SAUSAGES dropped from FUCKING DRONES to kill feral cats.  At least they’re not building a giant wall to keep the cats out, that would just be a stupid and ineffective waste of money.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – Donald Trump started the week on a high note, for him anyway, when he delivered a mediocre speech to congress that promised the stars and the moon but offered no real or logical plan on how those things would actually be accomplished.  The fact that he didn’t start saying racist and stupid things to congress was enough for the speech to be hailed a success, and then it was discovered that Attorney General Jeff Sessions committed borderline perjury during his confirmation questioning and Donald Trump returned to Twitter to make an ass of himself.  This all hit its crescendo over the weekend when Donald Trump accused Barack Obama of putting a wiretap in Trump Tower during the election.  There is no actual proof of this happening and it seems that his sources are just random blog entries and Breitbart stories, but that’s enough for Donald Trump to think that Obama was monitoring his conversations.  I’m not sure he even means that Obama ordered the FBI to wiretap his building, I think he LITERALLY believes that Obama personally entered Trump Tower using his terrorist magic to put a wiretap on his phone and then personally sat there and listened to his conversations.  Donald Trump is such a fucking idiot that he might believe that Obama was personally stalking him over the course of the election.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 02/26/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

VINTON IS FINALLY GETTING RUNNING WATER AND A SEWAGE SYSTEM!  HOORAY AND WELCOME TO CIVILIZATION – For years, the town of Vinton has been struggling to get a decent water hookup and a working sewer system in their community.  This struggle was highlighted a few years ago when “town leaders” in their government refused millions of dollars in grants and government money earmarked for their water system.  For some amazingly stupid reason that is still unknown, the idiots in the government did not take the money and were subsequently removed from office and replaced by officials who had a basic understanding of how government works and the need to use grants and loans to get things done.  The USDA recently awarded over $7 million in grants and loans to Vinton that will be used to finally get the upgrades the city so desperately needs.  As mentioned by one of the residents in the story, even poor colonias in Juarez have running water and a sewer connection and this was something that was long overdue.  So kudos to the current government officials in Vinton for securing the funds and righting some of the wrongs of the past.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO WRESTLERS ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO WRESTLEMANIA – Congratulations go out to the Hanks High School girls’ wrestling team for winning their 4th straight state title this weekend and also congrats to all the other local wrestlers that won individual titles in the state meet.  We salute you!  (cbs4local.com)

SIMPLE MINDED 2.0 – So we’re still working on updating the website.  Some content may be missing and some links might not work, but we are gradually fixing everything and improving the Simple Minded experience.  Keep your eyes open for updated features and even more Simple Minded goodness.  (self)

 

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WELCOME TO TRUMP’S AMERICA, WHERE LEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SHOT BY EMPOWERED REDNECK RACISTS WHO WANT TO MAKE THEIR ORANGE RULER HAPPY – Olathe, Kansas was the site of a vicious hate crime last week when engineer Srinivas Kuchibhotla was murdered by a dumbass redneck fuck, who was so emboldened by the Republican party’s bullshit immigration rhetoric, that he decided to confront the first brown people he saw regardless if they were Muslim or from countries on Donald Trump’s “big bad scary country list”.  The attack also left two other people wounded including Srinivas’s friend and a good Samaritan who tried to intervene and stop the attack.  Amazingly, Donald Trump and friends have yet to respond to this in any meaningful way and there is no way in hell the idiots will admit that their hate mongering directly led to this.  But rest assured, if a Muslim man would have shot a white guy at a Kansas bar. Donald Trump would be tweeting non-stop for 24 hours about how we need an even bigger Muslim ban and a bigger wall to protect Murica from the terrorists.  It’s staggering to see that he was targeted just because he looked “different”.  He wasn’t even from one of the “banned countries” OR A MUSLIM!  Fuck, the fact that he was DRINKING BEER AT A BAR should have been a clue that this wasn’t an “Evil Muslim Refugee” out to commit a terrorist attack in Buttfuck, Kansas.  But just because he looked like a possible Muslim from another country was enough for some idiot, Fox News-loving redneck fuck to shoot him in cold blood.  Welcome to Donald Trump’s Murica.  (bbc.com)

BILL PAXTON IS DEAD.  LONG LIVE BILL PAXTON – One of the more memorable actors from the past few decades, Bill Paxton, has passed away at the age of 61 as a result of complications from surgery.  Although never a superstar, he had many memorable roles in some of the most classic movies of the past 30 years or so – from Weird Science to Aliens to Twister to Titanic, he was a big part of many big films.  In addition, he was a very good actor and had multiple awards for his work.  Nothing best describes Bill Paxton’s career like the following piece of trivia from IMDB:  “(Bill Paxton) was the only other actor, along with Lance Henriksen, to have been killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator on screen.”  Now that’s what you call a cinematic legacy!  Rest in peace, Bill Paxton.  (bbc.com)

THE OSCARS HAVE BEEN AWARDED AND THAT ONLY MEANS ONE THING ……. IT’S TIME FOR THE TOURNAMENT OF FILM – One of the biggest, if not the biggest, Oscar moments of all time occurred this weekend when La La Land was incorrectly named the Best Picture and during the acceptance speech it was revealed that a mistake had been made and Moonlight was the real winner.  The important thing in all of this is that now Moonlight gets the all-important 25 points, associated with the Oscar winner, in the Simple Minded Entertainment Tournament of Film ranking process.  Just a reminder that the Tournament of Film for 2016 is coming soon once the selection process is finalized.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 02/19/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HEAVILY PROTESTS TEXAS GOVERNOR, WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI, ON HIS PROPAGANDA TRIP TO THE BORDER. EL PASO ALWAYS MAKES ME PROUD – On his search for a token Mexican to stage a photo op, Texas governor Greg Abbott aka Maxisimo Fascist Ruler Wheelchair Mussolini came to El Paso to speak at a Republican fundraising dinner to a crowd of bootlickers and random individuals without a spine. Wheelchair Mussolini is best known for trying to fuck the TIguas and block their gaming operations even though there are OTHER casinos and racetracks around Texas in addition to the statewide LOTTERY. Ah, the sweet smell of hypocrisy. Apparently gambling is only bad for those that don’t bow down and kiss the supreme fascist leader’s feet and/or donate to his campaign. The asshole has also been emboldened by his lord and master, Donald Trump, to threaten cities that don’t listen to his stupid “sanctuary city” initiatives by withholding funding and also forcing people out of office for disagreeing with him (which violates most of the Founding Father’s democratic principles and is the literal definition of authoritarian rule). So instead of celebrating the Republican ideals of freedom and a small government, the Republican turncoats are now bowing down to Donald Trump’s fascist version of the Republican party that emphasizes heavy government spending to create a police state that bends over for Russia. Kudos to El Paso for protesting and booing this fascist fuck. Hopefully some of the people that paid money to attend the “dinner” will grow a pair of balls and stand up for true Republican ideals. WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI LITERALLY WANTS TO HAVE THE POWER TO REMOVE ELECTED OFFICIALS FROM OFFICE IF THEY DISAGREE WITH HIM! HOW FUCKED UP AND ANTI-AMERICAN IS THAT? (cbs4local.com)
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THE IDK BAR IN NORTHEAST EL PASO SUFFERED ITS 2ND SHOOTING IN SIX MONTHS THIS PAST WEEKEND. BALL’S IN YOUR COURT, BARFLY. LET’S SEE IF THEY CAN BEAT THE 2 SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS RECORD – A mini crime wave hit Northeast El Paso this weekend as multiple shootings and general bad behavior hit the embattled part of the city. Things had been very positive in Northeast El Paso recently, and then came the pointless crimes and shootings. Hopefully the police department and authorities can nip this in the bud before it gets worse and, whether justified or not, the first place they will focus on is the bar that had TWO SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS! Who do they think they are? Union Plaza or something. (cbs4local.com)
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LIKE THE MAJESTIC CATERPILLAR, SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT IS METAMORPHOSING INTO SOMETHING MORE BEAUTIFUL. OKAY, WE’RE MORE OF A MOTH THAN A BUTTERFLY BUT OUR WEBSITE IS GETTING NICER – Just a heads up to all our readers and harassers, the Simple Minded Entertainment website is getting an upgrade and hopefully this will make things more efficient. So bear with us as we update our site and try to get everything working properly. (self)

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MY ADVICE TO THE POPE IS “DON’T FEED THE TROLLS” – The current Pope is pretty cool and has lots of progressive policies that is taking the Catholic Church into the modern era. In addition, he was the first Pope to visit Juarez and that’s pretty badass! It seems this progressive attitude is not going too well with some of the more conservative members of the church and he is being trolled and “bullied” online and with posters around Rome. It’s pretty obvious that some conservative Cardinals and higher ups in the Vatican aren’t too fond of a progressive Pope, but to use the tactics of angry 13 year old girls is pretty sad on their part. And you’d think that decades of child rape by priests and subsequent cover ups would be the thing that gets conservative Vatican officials angry and on the road to reform, but apparently the Pope saying compassionate things about refugees is the one thing that really grinds their gears. (bbc.com)
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THE MANDELA EFFECT IS A FRINGE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THEORY THAT, AFTER MANY STUDIES, HAS BEEN LABELED AS SCIENCE FICTION. BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK (CUE CREEPY MUSIC) – The Mandela Effect is a phenomenon that has spread amongst fringe science circles to explain alternate dimensions and the “false memories” that some people seem to have. Among the most popular examples of the effect are the spelling of the “Berenstain/Bearenstein Bears”, Sinbad in a movie called Shazaam, various celebrity deaths and the original example of some people falsely (at least in this universe) remembering that Nelson Mandela died in prison. Most of these examples have been linked to false memories, group think and hive mind; but if they were really examples of an alternate universe no physical evidence would exist and only the ethereal fragments of memories would remain if the timeline was in fact altered sometime in the past. So none of this can actually be proved or disproven. It really makes you think (cue creepy music). (aeon.com)
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DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO, AND WILL ALWAYS, BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – This week in Donald Trump stupidity, the idiot held a glorified Klan rally in Florida to boost his ego and for no other reason. During his “speech” he once again attacked the media and then started talking about an imaginary terrorist attack on Sweden that occurred the night before in his head but not in the real world. Caught in a lie, he later tried to cover his ass by implying that he was referring to a Fox News report that greatly exaggerated the “terrible refugee crime wave” that is “gripping” Sweden. Maybe he confused the Sweden Attack with the Bowling Green Massacre. Even at its worst, the crime in Sweden doesn’t even begin to compare to the crimes seen in some of America’s worst neighborhoods. It’s hilarious that the leader of a country that includes Baltimore, the Rust Belt, Florida, Chicago and the Mississippi Delta is criticizing Sweden’s crime rate. It’s good to see Sweden fighting back and using humor to make the supreme idiot look even dumber online. Donald Trump truly is a complete, fucking cunt. (bbc.com)