Simple Minded Monthly Recap-ITATION! – April 2020

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EVEN A GLOBAL PANDEMIC CAN’T KEEP SAN ELIZARIO DOWN – The City of San Elizario has been ahead of the curve when it comes to urban agriculture and their City-To-Table program was one of the best urban garden programs in the region before the pandemic hit us all.  Not to be deterred, San Elizario has launched the City-In-A-Box program that will give every household in the city the opportunity to have their own mini-garden at home to grow desert-friendly vegetables.  The kits they are giving out for free include a 2×2 raised bed, soil, seeds and instructions.  So if you live in San Elizario, make sure to contact the city’s Urban Agriculture Department and start your own little farm.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

TONY THE TIGER IS IN EL PASO TO HELP FEED THE HUNGRY.  WE ARE SAVED! – Among the many issues the pandemic and lockdown have brought to the region, food scarcity is one of the bigger ones.  Fortunately, El Pasoans Fighting Hunger has been doing all they can to make sure everyone that needs help can get food for their family.  And now they have the combined might of Tony The Tiger and the National Guard to make sure even more food is distributed to the community!  I was a bit disappointed to see that Tony The Tiger was not wearing a face mask while giving out food, but I assume cartoon tigers are immune to this virus.  I still love you, Mr. Tiger.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MINOR LEAGUE SPORTS MAY BE OFF THE MENU FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE, BUT OUR LOCAL SPORTS TEAMS HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT US – In an effort to boost morale and show solidarity with the community, local professional sports teams have come together to showcase a message of hope for the region.  The Bravos De Juarez, El Paso Locomotive and El Paso Chihuahuas have joined forces and will be lighting up their stadiums and showing positive messages on their video boards in a show of solidarity between communities on both sides of the border.  The first event was livestreamed on April 29 and the next one will occur on May 6 and will also be shown on the team’s respective internet outlets.  We miss you too, Chico The Chihuahua.  (cbs4local.com)

HAPPY TRAILS TO OUR GREATER MOGOLLON FRIENDS LOST IN APRIL – Butterfield Trail Golf Club is officially closing as the City of El Paso tries to find ways to NOT lose money.  Municipal golf courses aren’t that profitable during times of prosperity and are a giant albatross around the neck during borderline economic recessions.  The course was out in the desert and never really made any money for the city, so its closing was sort of predictable.  But fret not, the course is very good and there is hope that a developer will end up buying it for pennies on the dollar and finally develop the area around Butterfield Trail.  The airport has a bunch of land it doesn’t need and maybe this will lead to more sales and development on these vacant lands.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

PROBLEM SOLVED, EVERYONE!  IF WE JUST DRINK LYSOL WE CAN KILL THE CORONAVIRUS.  WE ALSO DIE IN THE PROCESS, BUT AT LEAST THE VIRUS IS KILLED AND WE CAN “REOPEN THE ECONOMY” – The COVID-19 Pandemic is still raging across the globe and Donald Trump is still babbling on like a dementia-riddled old man.  This month, Dr. Donald Trump gave us his ideas on using disinfectants and UV rays in fighting the virus in a rant that was incoherent and stupid even by Trump’s standards.  The only reason he is so desperate to “cure” the disease is because his entire re-election hinges on the strength of the economy – Donald Trump could care less if average people live or die.  Amazingly, the idiot has managed to turn “reopen the economy” as a campaign slogan even though the economy is already open and is just limiting non-essential businesses.  As long as Wal-Mart and Amazon are open, THE ECONOMY IS FUCKING OPEN.  Hell, Wal-Mart and McDonald’s are hiring at this moment!  If you are a shuttered business owner and you need cash you can go there.  But at least we now have a scapegoat for the overinflated economy’s collapse.  Now every shitty business that goes under can claim the coronavirus.  (bbc.com)

FOR IT’S NEXT TRICK, OIL WILL NOW GO TO A NEGATIVE VALUE AND PEOPLE WILL STILL THINK THAT IT IS A GREAT INVESTMENT FOR THE FUTURE – They finally did it.  Oil producers have kept putting product on the market despite low demand and now we are at a point where they will pay people to take the oil due to storage issues.  This unprecedented phenomenon occurred this month when WTI oil contracts for April were about to be closed and traders were scrambling to sell them off.  Unlike stocks, when you buy commodity contracts on the market you have to either sell them off or actually pick up the product or pay a fee when the contract comes to term.  Oil prices have stabilized now, but the roller coaster will continue until the middle of May when the contracts start hitting the month’s deadline and all hell breaks loose when they realize that the storage and demand isn’t there for the oil they keep pumping.  Though rest assured, the Fed is working overtime to figure out a way to use their magic money printing machine to inflate this commodity as well.  (Bloomberg.com)

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE BIG TO BE TOUGH.  MEET THE HERO SHREW, THE ANIMAL WITH THE WORLD’S STRONGEST BACKBONE – Scientists have begun to unravel the secrets of the interlocked vertebrae of the hero shrew that allows it to withstand an amazing amount of pressure for an animal of its size.  A new study has come out that sheds more light onto the inner workings of this amazing animal.  The hero shrew is so tough that there are stories of full grown men stepping on them with no damage to the little shrew.  Thankfully, that experiment was not repeated for these studies.  So grow a backbone and be strong like the hero shrew.  It might be small, but the hero shrew is tougher than most.  Go read the full report for more detailed info on this fascinating little mammal.  (sciencenews.org)

 

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