Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/13/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SMART BUS IS BACK!  AND THIS TIME HE’S TAKING OVER ALAMEDA AND DYER! – After years of cockteasing, Sun Metro will finally launch the Brio smart bus rapid transit network on Alameda and Dyer this month.  The first Brio service launched on North Mesa a few years ago and now Alameda and Dyer will get improved service, speed and free wi-fi on the new dedicated routes along the major streets.  Montana was supposedly the next Brio project after this, but with construction coming up on the street I wouldn’t be surprised if Montwood became the new candidate to receive the Brio smart bust treatment.  It’s not rail transportation, but smart bus is no joke.  Smart bus is smart, dammit.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

RIVER OAKS WILL BUILD ONE MEELEEON BEELEEON SHOPPING CENTERS IN EL PASO WITHIN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.  BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE THING EL PASO NEEDS MORE OF, IT IS MINI MALLS – In exciting news for fans of strip malls, River Oaks Properties has announced that they will build 11 new shopping centers in the region.  The construction projects will be built in 2019 and 2020 and will add 500,000 square feet of shopping space – mainly around Far East and Northwest El Paso.  When asked for a comment, a spokesperson for River Oaks simply started yelling, “SHOPPING CENTERS!  SHOPPING CENTERS!  SHOPPING CENTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

HEY KIDS, HERE’S ANOTHER CHANCE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE INTERNET WHEN THEY ASK YOU TO NAME SOMETHING.  FEEL FREE TO MAKE UP THE DUMBEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF – El Paso Animal Services has a new giant dog mascot and they want you to name it.  Although the online voting only lets you choose between Franklin, Sunny and Wilson; who says you can’t submit an anonymous email and ask them to name it something else.  Feel free to submit a stupid name, kids.  Don’t let the man stop your dreams.  I suggest the names ‘Rabies The Dog’, ‘Poochie The Dog’, ‘Chico The Chihuahua 3000’ or ‘Dee Margo Is An Incompetent Mayor The Dog’.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I DON’T KNOW WHAT GOD OR GODS THE BAHAMAS PISSED OFF.  BUT I DON’T EVER WANT TO PISS OFF THOSE CELESTIAL FUCKERS – Almost two weeks after Hurricane Dorian devastated parts of the Bahamas, over one thousand people are still missing and another tropical storm is expected to hit the area over the weekend.  Though the new storm isn’t as strong as the monstrous Hurricane Dorian, a new storm passing by so soon is like rubbing salt on the wound.  Take care, Bahamas.  (reuters.com)

HONG KONG HAS A NEW UNOFFICIAL NATIONAL ANTHEM NOW.  THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT END WELL – Although people are saying that the protests in Hong Kong are ‘pro-democracy rallies’, the obvious truth is that these are pro-independence rallies in an extremely volatile part of the world.  At this point, Hong Kong would gladly welcome a communist regime or ultra religious caliphate if it meant that they would gain independence from China.  This week saw the most powerful symbolic gestures yet in the protests as the people of Hong Kong booed the Chinese national anthem during Hong Kong’s World Cup qualifying match and also started singing a new Hong Kong anthem – “Glory To Hong Kong” – in flash mobs throughout the territory.  To a country like China that gets extremely butt-hurt over symbolic things like flags and national anthems, this new action by Hong Kong is perhaps the most startling.  Who knows how this is going to end, but it’s not going to be pretty.  The ‘one country, two systems’ policy looks dead in the water and either China comes in and invades the entire thing or Hong Kong does the impossible and manages to become an independent state.  The countdown to 2047 continues.  (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE EDDIE MONEY HAS USED ONE OF HIS TICKETS.  REST IN PEACE, EDDIE MONEY – In sad news in the world of rock music, Eddie Money has passed away at the age of 70.  He had an amazing career that included massive hits in the ‘70s and ‘80s.  He was a musical icon and continued to rock and appear on TV until the day he died.  Among his hits are the songs “Two Tickets to Paradise”, “Take Me Home Tonight”, “Walk on Water” and “Baby Hold On”.  The man is gone, but his music will live on and will always pop up whenever someone does anything involving the ‘80s.  It’s federal law that you must include an Eddie Money song if you ever do a movie or TV show set in the ‘80s.  Keep on rocking up there, Eddie Money.  (deadline.com)

 

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