Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/06/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S LOOKING LIKE VISTA HILLS COUNTRY CLUB WILL NOT BE SAVED.  WE’LL BE LUCKY IF THEY MANAGE TO SALVAGE A MINI-GOLF COURSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INEVITABLE MINI MALL THAT SPROUTS UP AT THE LOCATION – The financial clusterfuck that is Vista Hills Country Club keeps sputtering along with no resolution in site.  Plans and possible offers have popped up according to many news outlets, but the current ownership group somehow feels like they have leverage and is holding back for a magical super deal that will never be offered.  The bills keep piling up and Vista Hills Country Club and the surrounding homes are on the verge of becoming a dilapidated weed garden.  Let’s just get this over with and turn the thing into a public park and golf course like Ascarate – the local government already spends tons of money on pointless projects, might as well do something useful with our tax dollars.  (cbs4local.com)

AND SO ENDS THE HUNT FOR THE MONTWOOD EMBEZZLING BANDIT – Former Montwood High School booster club treasurer Stacey Telles turned herself over to the police after a warrant was issued for her arrest in the alleged embezzlement of around $50,000 from the Montwood booster club.  It was initially believed she was on the run, but even the famous Montwood Bandit knew she was no match for the El Paso Police Department   Stealing is wrong, but stealing from a bunch of high school students is severely fucked up and the only thing that would have been worse were if the band were made up of terminally ill and mentally handicapped kids.  But maybe that’s the next goal for the Montwood Bandit.  Perhaps the most surprising thing was that a high school band booster club had $50,000 to steal.  I know parents waste tons of money on random things like high school football, but who knew parents wasted that much money on high school band as well.  Never live your life through your kids, you’ll just end up spending more money than is logically reasonable on pointless shit.  (cbs4local.com)

HOORAY!  IT’S DOGGIE SWIMMING DAY! – You know it’s the end of the summer when they allow pet owners to bring their dogs in for a final swim before they drain the pools.  This weekend will be El Paso’s Doggie Swimming Weekend and dog owners are encouraged to bring their doggos for a cool day at the pool.  Owners will be charged $2 per dog and must have shot records for all the participating pets.  I’m not sure if you can go if you don’t have a dog.  But as long as you don’t tell anyone, no one will judge you for being the guy that doesn’t have a pet and just goes to look at other people’s dogs.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HURRICANE DORIAN BASICALLY ANNIHILATED THE BAHAMAS AND JUST MISSED FLORIDA BY A HAIR.  AS MIAMI’S MOTTO STATES:  IT’S BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN COMPETENT – Hurricane Dorian continues its North America tour this weekend as the hurricane now finds itself barreling toward Canada(!) and the Nova Scotia area.  Though the hurricane is now severely weakened, that was not the case when the storm hit the Bahamas as a category 5 storm and then just stayed over the islands for what seemed like days.  The devastation in the Abacos Islands and Grand Bahama is staggering and the death toll of 43 is expected to rise drastically as the full extent of the damage comes into view.  Florida was extremely lucky to avoid this storm and one can only imagine the catastrophe that would have unfolded if good luck and/or divine intervention hadn’t intervened.  Hell, even Lucifer probably had a hand in steering this thing away from Miami.  (reuters.com)

BREXIT IS STILL A DISASTER – Britain’s parliament has just passed laws that force Prime Minister Boris Johnson to ask the EU for a delay in Brexit if no deal is reached by October 31.  This was done to prevent a no deal Brexit and to stop Boris Johnson from exercising dictator-like powers and forcing the UK out of the EU without any plan.  It’s still possible that Boris Johnson does something stupid and ignores the law to get his precious no-deal Brexit.  But that would be an unprecedented act and even Boris Johnson isn’t as stupid and oblivious as Donald Trump … we hope.  So yeah, the Brexit debate is going to continue for a little longer.  Maybe they should let the people vote all over again and let them choose from the options on the table.  (bbc.com)

MOVE OVER, GONORRHEA.  THERE’S A NEW BATCH OF HORRIFYING SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS LURKING ABOUT – When it comes to Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), most people know about the basics like syphilis and chlamydia.  But there are over 30 documented STIs and they all cause a  fair bit of damage.  Acording to doctors, it seems like 4 of the lesser known infections are becoming more common and more dangerous due to antibiotic resistance.  The 4 infections that are causing worry are Mycoplasma genitalium, Neisseria meningitidis, Shigella Flexneri and Lymphogranuloma venereum.  They are all pretty bad and you can read up more on this nightmare fuel over at Discover Magazine.  Yet even with all this crazy shit stumbling about, people still have unprotected sex.  It’s almost as if humans just want to die.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

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