Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/23/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO HAVING A COUNT CHOCULA BOWL – It was announced this week that Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes will be the new sponsor for the Sun Bowl and the full name for the beloved bowl game will be the Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl.  Kellogg’s has also committed to work with the Sun Bowl to help out in youth sports programs.  This is a pretty good sponsorship deal for the Sun Bowl with Frosted Flakes and Tony The Tiger being moderately football-related.  So, unlike most bowls, this deal makes sense.  Everyone knows the sugar content in Frosted Flakes makes for the perfect jet fuel for young athletes and Tony The Tiger is practically a college football mascot looking for a university.  All in all, this is a much better idea than the original plan to rename the game as the Tony Montana Cocaine Bowl in honor of Scarface.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MONTE IS NOW THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DOG ACTOR IN THE HISTORY OF LAS CRUCES.  HELL, HE’S MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN MOST ACTORS WILL EVER HOPE TO BE – Kudos to Monte the dog for landing the role of a lifetime as Tramp in the Disney+ remake of Lady And The Tramp.  Although he was adopted from HALO Animal Rescue in Arizona, Monte was originally from Las Cruces.  Monte is a 2-year old terrier mix and looks exactly like the beloved Tramp character from the movie.  Make us proud, Monte.  (cbs4local.com)

THE UTEP BOOZE FESTIVAL, AKA MINERPALOOZA, TAKES PLACE NEXT WEEKEND; SO YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO BUILD UP YOUR ALCOHOL TOLERANCE – A new school year is starting at UTEP and that means football season, tailgating and shameless binge drinking are not that far behind.  To honor the occasion, UTEP is holding its annual Minerpalooza celebration on Friday, August 30 right next to the Sun Bowl.  The festival will include live music, games, food and booze!  And if that isn’t enough, the Cincinnati party district is like 10 feet away with hot girls in thongs serving up even more booze!  Let’s celebrate binge drinki……… I mean, let’s celebrate UTEP and all their academic accomplishments.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE AMAZON RAINFOREST IS ON FIRE.  LOOKS LIKE MAKING A RIGHT-WING MORON AS LEADER WASN’T SUCH A GOOD DEAL FOR THE ENVIRONMENT – The Amazon rainforest is burning in multiple locations with a size and intensity not seen in more than a decade.  It’s probably not fair to blame this entirely on the idiot Jair Bolsonaro and the morons who voted for him.  But his lax attitude toward the environment and his relaxation of deforestation and industrial regulations have certainly taken Brazil back to the turn of the century – and not in a good way.   After pressure from Europe, Bolsonaro is now sending the military to fight the fires because his “ultra capitalist” government doesn’t even have a sufficient environmental and fire management department.  And we won’t even get started on the fact that a Frankenstein country like Brazil is not equipped to handle problems that occur thousands of miles away from the capital and the major cities.  Heaven forbid Frankenstein countries like Brazil be broken up into more efficient rationally-sized nations.  This would never have happened if Amazonland was its own country with Manaus as the capital.  (bbc.com)

MUD BACTERIA ISN’T THE HERO WE WANTED, BUT IT IS THE ONE WE NEED – Dimethyl Sulfide (DMS) is a chemical that helps reflect sunlight and create clouds and, in turn, helps cool the Earth.  Thus, it is considered a “good guy” gas because it can help neutralize or reverse the accelerated, man-made heating of the Earth that will eventually fuck us all up.  Researchers, led by scientists at the University of East Anglia, have recently discovered that bacteria in sea mud produce a ton of the helpful DMS gas and much more than open water organisms.  How this can help in the fight against climate change is yet to be seen, but it’s good to see that some organisms on Earth are actually trying to help the environment.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

SO IS THE PLAN TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN BY CRASHING THE ECONOMY AND STARTING A RECESSION?  MAYBE THE PLAN IS TO FUCK UP SO BADLY THAT DEMOCRATS TAKE OVER ALL THE BRANCHES OF THE GOVERNMENT IN THE NEXT ELECTION AND FIX EVERYTHING FOR DONALD TRUMP! – Donald Trump knows jack shit about economics and business and is only using tariffs because that’s one of the few things he can do without congressional approval (checks and balances apparently isn’t that great in the American government).  Naturally, this has had devastating consequences and now the economy is on the verge of a recession because an idiot overgrown toddler likes throwing tantrums in the White House.  Make no mistake, the economy is in an amazingly shitty position and it’s basically being propped up by the American consumer and their endless supply of stupidity and credit cards.  And don’t be fooled by any “magical” economic reports that the government puts out; if the Trump administration can fuck around with environmental reports and the justice department, they can fuck around with economic data.  On a good day, most financial reports are filled with more bullshit than a rodeo.  There’s no limit to the amount of bullshit that can be generated by sycophants and right wing bootlickers.  But hell, maybe if we put even more tariffs on other countries we’ll finally get the opposite effect of what’s already happened thousands of times before.  (bbc.com)

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *