Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/21/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S OFFICIAL!  EL PASO IS GETTING A DENTAL SCHOOL! – In a major coup for El Paso’s legislators this budgetary session, the State of Texas has given an appropriation of $20 million to establish the Woody L. Hunt School of Dental Medicine at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center El Paso.  This is the result of many years of hard work by many people in the community including generous donations by the Hunt Family (where the school will get its name from) and the Paso Del Norte Health Foundation.  Kudos to all involved.  Now all we need is a school of architecture and a law school in El Paso – let’s start working on that.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GET READY TO FLY YOUR PRIDE FLAG, EL PASO! – It’s El Paso Gay Pride Week and the festivities will conclude on Saturday with the annual Gay Pride Parade and Pride Fest in Downtown El Paso.  So go out and support the region’s gay community while also using the day as an excuse to wear the tight leather shorts and mesh shirt we all know you have hidden away in storage.  And don’t forget to take advantage of the free streetcar rides on Saturday that will feature a performance by the Sun City Divas drag queen ensemble.  The El Paso Downtown Streetcar is free to ride all this summer, but this will be the only time that will include a free drag show!  Though it’s possible that many impromptu drag shows will take place throughout the summer on the streetcars.  (cbs4local.com)

WE APPRECIATE THE SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO POST A STORY INVOLVING ADORABLE BABY BUNNIES.  WELL PLAYED, LAS CRUCES POLICE DEPARTMENT – Kudos to Officer Joshua Herrera of the Las Cruces Police Department for his selfless bunny rescue on Monday.  The officer was investigating the area of a crime scene when he saw two baby bunnies covered in ants in a nearby area.  He cleaned off the bunnies and placed them in the shade and then, after completing his duties, noticed that the bunnies were covered in ants again and had been essentially abandoned by mama bunny.  Thankfully, the bunnies were taken in by a representative of the Stick House Sanctuary who say the bunnies are doing fine.  It is not known if mama bunny has been found or if any charges will be filed against her for bunny abandonment.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I BELIEVE THIS IS HOW MAD MAX STARTED – For years, authorities have been warning about the day when cities will run out of water if they don’t change their ways.  While the problem almost reached zero hour in South Africa awhile back, it seems like India might be the first country to experience a city running out of water.  Chennai is the sixth largest city in India and its four reservoirs, which provide most of the water, have recently run dry.  As it stands, Chennai and its more than four million residents are on the brink of losing access to their water supply.  The government has been forced to bring in water trucks to distribute water to the masses and some restaurants and hotels have practically shut down due to the crisis.  The delay in the yearly monsoon has made the situation worse and the people of Chennai are desperately awaiting rain to finally fall on the city after an extremely long dry spell.  Water is the most important thing for any city and all government should use this as an example of why proper long term water planning is necessary for any city and country.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT BELUGA WHALES AND NARWHALS CAN HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND MAKE BABIES.  IT’S PRACTICALLY ROMEO AND JULIET WITH LARGE SEA MAMMALS – DNA evidence has discovered that an odd whale skull from the 1980s belongs to a hybrid narwhal/beluga offspring that has been named a “narluga”.  After being killed by an Inuit hunter in Greenland in the 1980s, the skull was kept as a trophy and ended up in the hands of a Danish natural history museum and researchers in the 1990s.  Recent DNA analysis has confirmed years of speculation and we now know that belugas and narwhals can successfully mate together.  I think science should next study if it’s possible for a tiger to have sex with a narwhal.  Ligers are cool, but tigwhals are infinitely cooler.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP IS BASICALLY AN IMPULSIVE TODDLER THAT MAKES LIFE AND DEATH DECISIONS ON A WHIM.  GOD HELP US ALL – It was revealed today that Donald “cocked and loaded” Trump ordered an attack on Iran and then called it off minutes before the attack was to be executed.  And even though he caused this mess, he made it seem like he was a hero for calling off an attack that HE HIMSELF ordered!  Lord knows why Donald Trump is bullying Iran and lets Russia and Saudi Arabia get away with infinitely worse things, but I’m pretty sure that Donald Trump is just jealous that Barack Obama has a bigger dick than him and wants to tear down everything that Obama did.  So Obama made a peace deal with Iran and Donald Cuck has to break it because his micro-dick psyche is insecure.  It goes without saying; Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

 

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