Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/31/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

CON-GRAD-ULATIONS TO ALL THE AREA YOUNG PEOPLE AS THEY ESCAPE THE JOYOUS EXISTENCE OF YOUTH TO ENTER THE NEVER-ENDING SLOG THAT IS ADULTHOOD – Summertime is here and that means that a new batch of young adults around El Paso and the surrounding region are preparing for their graduation (either from high school or college).  Congratulations to everyone who has graduated or will graduate over the next few weeks and remember to enjoy these precious times before you unknowingly slam into the monolithic slab known as being a responsible adult.  (cbs4local.com)

LAS CRUCES IS SO AWESOME THAT EVERY APARTMENT COMES WITH A FREE PIGEON.  FREE PIGEONS! – The Park Place Apartments in Las Cruces are apparently infested with pigeons, which is very hard to do because pigeons are pretty big and not the type of animal you would expect to live in an apartment.  The situation was so bad that some residents called the local CBS station and that helped in finally bringing the owners out to fix the problem.  Although if I had to choose between rat and roach infested apartments or apartments with pigeons – I would choose the pigeon apartments.  If anything, the pigeons eat the roaches and scare the rats and would make for friendly neighbors.  (cbs4local.com)

WHITE TRASH FOREIGNERS FROM REDNECKISTAN BUILD POINTLESS AND ILLEGAL WALL ALONG SHITTY BRICK COMPANY’S PROPERTY IN SUNLAND PARK.  ALTHOUGH MANY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOREIGN REFUGEES FROM CENTRAL AMERICA IN EL PASO, TO THIS DAY THEY HAVE NOT CAUSED THE LEVEL OF VANDALISM THAT FOREIGNERS FROM REDNECKISTAN CREATED IN A FEW DAYS – The morons who raised money online to build a pointless wall gathered in Sunland Park last week to build a “border wall” within the property of that shitty brick company in Sunland Park.  Naturally, proper permits were not attained from the City of Sunland Park and the legality of the wall is in limbo.  To be fair, I don’t think Sunland Park has any actual building inspectors and they probably just went in with a picture of a 2 foot garden wall and tried to pull a fast one on whoever is in charge of these things in Sunland in order to get a quickie, borderline illegal permit.  Also of note, because of the weirdo border lines drawn up by idiots in Washington over the years (but especially during the compromise of 1850) the wall is actually separating New Mexico land from Texas and has minimal impact on the Mexico border.  But this is all being done for optics by the white trash from Redneckistan and isn’t even remotely about “security”.  Get your shit together, Sunland, and make them tear down this illegally built monstrosity.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HAVE NO FEAR, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL SAVE THE DAY.  WHO NEEDS RATIONAL GUN LAWS – Another day and another mass shooting has occurred in America.  This time a disgruntled ex-employee, and overall scumbag, in Virginia Beach opened fire in a municipal building with a modified handgun and a movie assassin accessory kit – killing 12 people.  Unfortunately, these things are so common now that nothing will come of it and people will forget about it the next day.  In a competent country, at least some basic gun control and mental health action would be taken after something like this.  But hey, at least politicians can send their thoughts and prayers via Twitter.  That will solve everything!  (reuters.com)

HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT CANADA IS ON FIRE?  WITH ALL THE FOCUS ON TORNADOES AND FLOODS, MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK ON CANADA – A massive string of wildfires around northern Alberta has burned a massive area of Canada and has produced enough smoke to cover a large part of North America.  The biggest of these blazes is the Chuckegg Creek Fire that is currently on a massive tear through the northern part of the country.  Although the areas in the path of these fires are sparsely populated, the ecological damage will be devastating and the health impact from the smoke will reach a far bigger area than just northern Canada.  Hopefully some of those rains will push up north and lend a hand in preventing Canada from exploding.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP WILL BE GOING TO THE UK THIS WEEKEND.  WHICH WILL GIVE HIM TIME TO FIND MORE WAYS TO EMBARRASS THE COUNTRY AND/OR DISTRACT FROM THE IMPEACHMENT HE SO HANDILY DESERVES – It was a banner week for Donald Trump as Robert Mueller broke his silence to all but imply that Donald Trump did commit obstruction of justice and that Congress should impeach him.  Naturally, Donald Trump decided to distract from this by saying stupid things and announcing an absurd tariff on Mexico because of immigration or other stupid reasons.  At this point, toddler Trump keeps on using tariffs because that’s the only thing he can do without getting approval from Congress.  He’s like an idiot that uses the only tool on hand for every problem because he’s too stubborn or stupid to ask for help.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t sexually assault the royal family or create a Brexit tariff while he’s in England.  Lord knows he’d do it if it would distract from the impeachment.  (bbc.com)

 

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