Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/17/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, THE CABARET STRIP CLUB IS DEAD.  REST IN PEACE, CABARET – After The Cabaret was temporarily shut down a few weeks ago, both sides agreed that practically every liquor, drug and prostitution law in the books had been violated at the Montana location and that a permanent shut down was the only option.  The Cabaret really had no choice because any lawsuit against the club by the government would probably result in damages in the billions of dollars if all the violations committed at the club were added up.  Seriously, A LOT of violations were committed at The Cab over the decades and no one apparently cared.  The Cabaret was famous for bending the law and it’s amazing that it went on for so long with minimal law enforcement action.  Rest in peace, Cabaret.  You were the trashiest of the trashy clubs and we all loved you for it.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW CALL CENTER!  BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT EL PASO NEEDS MORE OF – Teleperformance will be opening an operations center in El Paso that is expected to create over 1,000 jobs in the area.  Although this won’t really create any high paying or prestige jobs, work is work and 1,000 jobs will be good for the economy.  Needless to say, even the smallest announcement will bring out the Mayor and City Council to pat themselves on the back and claim a victory anywhere they can find it.  As an added bonus, all the strippers that lost their job at Cabaret can now go to apply at Teleperformance!  A call center job is only slightly more demeaning than stripping at The Cab.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

APPARENTLY YOU CAN MAKE A DECENT LIVING AND BECOME FAMOUS BY POSTING YOUTUBE VIDEOS.  WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF WRITING FOR SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT, A CAREER WHERE YOU DON’T EARN A LIVING AND WHERE YOU AREN’T EVEN REMOTELY POPULAR – El Paso native Leslie Quezada has garnered a large following on social media and is currently a very popular YouTuber and makeup impresario.  Her YouTube channel is known as Les Do Makeup and has over 400,000 subscribers, which is a substantial amount of viewers.  I, however, would know nothing about this because I’m an old man and I only watch reruns of The Rockford Files and PBS – but I’m told that this YouTube thing is very popular.  Kudos to Leslie for finding success on YouTube and following her dreams.  She works her ass off on her passion and it doesn’t hurt that she is pretty cute.  Be sure to subscribe to her channel and help a local girl crack one million subscribers.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

NOT ONLY DID WE LOSE THE CABARET THIS WEEK; BUT WE ALSO LOST DORIS DAY, TIM CONWAY AND GRUMPY CAT.  A VERY SOMBER WEEK, INDEED – This week was peppered with many sad losses as the world said goodbye to entertainment icons Doris Day, Tim Conway and Grumpy Cat within the span of a few days.  There’s not much more that can be said except rest in peace.  I will miss Grumpy Cat most of all.  (deadline.com)

SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND THAT PROCESSED FOODS ARE LESS HEALTHY THAN NATURAL FOODS AND CAUSE HIGHER RATES OF WEIGHT GAIN.  IN UNRELATED NEWS, SCIENTISTS ARE STILL TRYING TO DETERMINE IF EATING NOTHING BUT WENDY’S BACONATORS IS UNHEALTHY.  THEY’LL HAVE TO STUDY IT FIRST TO FIND OUT – Processed foods are bad for you and are no substitute for whole, natural foods.  A study involving the National Institute of Health has reinforced the obvious belief that processed foods aren’t good for you but has found that even if the foods are low in fat, sugars and salt; they still cause you to gain more weight than if you ate a comparable amount of whole, natural food products.   Processed foods are best defined as the items at the grocery store that have a ton of ingredients including tons of preservatives and chemicals that are hard to pronounce; and ultra-processed foods are the ones that are made up of dozens of weirdo chemicals and maybe one natural food item thrown in for good measure – i.e. chips, sodas, candies, lunch meats, frozen dinners, rat poisons, etc.  So go out and eat an apple every now and then.  And not some apple flavored concoction, go out and eat a real apple.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

ALABAMA DECIDED TO STRENGTHEN ITS CASE THIS WEEK FOR BEING THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE, REDNECK SHITHOLE IN THE WORLD.  NOW CAN WE BOYCOTT ALABAMA?  Alabama continued with its hypocrite, redneck evangelical beliefs by passing a law that will virtually make abortion illegal in all cases (even when the pregnancy is a result of rape or incest!)  It’s hilarious that these fuckers claim to do this because “all life is precious”, when these are the same redneck trash that chant “build the wall” and want to shoot refugees on the border.  I guess life is not very precious if you are poor or a minority.  Fuck Alabama and fuck them for trying to control women.  If someone doesn’t want to have a child they should have the right to get an abortion. The last thing we need is more delinquents from broken homes that grow up to become criminals all because their parents didn’t want them.  And to add insult to injury, these “life is precious” cunts want to cut welfare funding for single moms and poor kids.  So not only do they want to force women to have children, but they don’t want the government to help them if they are poor and can’t afford to raise a kid.  Alabama – a land of ignorance and hypocrisy.  BOYCOTT ALABAMA!  (reuters.com)

 

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