Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 04/19/2019


ALL HAIL KHALID!  KING OF POP MUSIC AND PATRON SAINT OF EL PASO – Khalid has been having a hell of a year so far with a number one album and a co-headlining spot on the ever-popular Coachella Festival.  To add to his ever growing list of accomplishments, Time Magazine has just named him to their 100 Most Influential People Of 2019 list.  We wish Khalid good luck on the rest of his year and we’re glad to see him make El Paso proud.  (

WHEN ALL YOU HAVE IS INCOMPETENCE, EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A POTENTIAL DRAINAGE POND – Many cities around the world, that get massive amounts of rain, deal with storm water with many tools that do not include massive drainage ponds.  It is ironic that a desert city like El Paso has perhaps the highest number per capita of drainage ponds in the whole wide world – and they don’t even bother turning them into park ponds or open space!  In fact, El Paso Water Utilities has built so many drainage ponds that there is one behind you at this very minute looking over your shoulder.  So it’s no surprise that they are planning yet another massive drainage pond in Northeast El Paso – off Dyer – and want to use eminent domain to buy up the four remaining properties needed to create their precious pond.  Heaven forbid their new drainage pond be reduced from 250 acres to 249 acres, that would throw off their careful calculations and require even more drainage ponds to be built in the area to compensate for the change.  So if you are looking for an easy job, just apply with El Paso Water Utilities.  The entire job consists of answering ‘DRAINAGE POND’ to every question and then digging holes in the ground.  (

HAPPY 5OTH ANNIVERSARY, EPCC!  UTEP’S LITTLE BROTHER IS A LITTLE BIT OLDER, BUT WE ALL KNOW HE’S STILL GOING TO CELEBRATE AT ONE OF THE DOUCHEBARS IN THE EASTSIDE’S GEORGE DIETER/ZARAGOZA DOUCHEMUDA TRIANGLE – In honor of El Paso Community College’s 50 years of existence, the El Paso Museum of History will be hosting an exhibition covering the college’s past and legacy.  So if you’ve ever wondered how the most drunktastic college in the world got its start, look no further than the museum’s El Paso Community College’s 50th Anniversary: Honoring the Past, Building the Future exhibit.  The display starts this Friday, April 19; so go check it out.  Don’t tell UTEP, but we’ve always considered EPCC to be the cool brother.  (


THERE’S A HUNCHBACK JOKE SOMEWHERE IN HERE, BUT WE’LL BE CLASSY AND KEEP QUIET – In what was a very shocking and transfixing scene, fire tore through the centuries old Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris on Monday and destroyed the entire roof and spire of the cathedral.  Luckily, firefighters managed to contain most of the blaze after they got to the scene and the fact that the rest of the building is made of stone helped in keeping the fire from spreading.  So even though the damage is quite severe, nobody died in the blaze and that’s the best outcome anyone can hope for in a situation like this.  And don’t worry about Notre Dame, as we speak millions are being pledged by people around the world and renovation plans are already underway.  The new Notre Dame will be more spectacular and will hopefully not include a highly flammable roof made of wood. (

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOU NO LONGER HAVE THE ‘BUBBLE BOY’ DISEASE, THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU NOW HAVE HIV – Scientists have developed a new way to treat and cure severe combined immunodeficiency (‘bubble boy’ disease) by using a modified HIV virus.  Normally, children born with this disease would have to be placed in a sterile environment – a ‘bubble’ – immediately after being born or risk dying of infection.  The new treatment process involves collecting bone marrow immediately after the child is born and fixing the genetic defect in their DNA.  Then the modified gene is placed into an altered HIV virus (not the real disease-causing virus, so don’t worry) and this is used to change the genetic defect in the children.  The gene therapy gave eight patients fully functioning immune systems and a chance at a normal life, so it looks like this is a viable cure.  Who said genetically altered organisms are bad?  (

SEEING AS TO HOW HE LIKES TO FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE OF CORRUPT LEADERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.  MAYBE DONALD TRUMP CAN TAKE A CUE FROM THE EX-PRESIDENT OF PERU – Alan Garcia, ex-president of Peru, was under a corruption investigation that has taken down other politicians involved with Brazilian company Odebrecht and the pressure was building around him the past few weeks.  Rather than be arrested, Alan Garcia decided to shoot himself in the head and avoid the ensuing scandal.  Maybe other corrupt politicians should follow this example and spare the people a lengthy investigation and criminal process.  If only other corrupt dumbasses in positions of power would be inspired by him.  (


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