Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/08/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11 BETO O’ROURKE WILL LEAD THE EL PASO COMMUNITY ON A MARCH TO CELEBRATE THE PEACE AND UNITY OF THE PASO DEL NORTE REGION.  ALSO ON THAT DAY, A VILE RACIST OLD MAN WILL SPEW LIES AND HORSESHIT ON A STAGE IN THE EL PASO COUNTY COLISEUM – Multiple El Paso-area organizations will be uniting on Monday to march from Bowie High School to Chalio Acosta Park where they will be led by Beto O’Rourke in a celebration of unity at the border.  The March For Truth will take place at around 6 PM and will run counter to Donald Trump’s glorified klan rally in the coliseum.  So let’s all attend the March For Truth and keep the coliseum empty for the fascist’s vile rhetoric.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE LAS CRUCES INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL IS ALMOST UPON US.  START STOCKING UP ON CHILE AND BOOZE – One of the coolest regional arts events is the Las Cruces International Film Festival.  The event is less than two weeks away and the lineup and special guests are as great as ever.  This year the event features film events with Edward James Olmos and George Lopez, so start preparing your Battlestar Galactica questions now.  Get your tickets now and get ready for the Las Cruces International Film Festival!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EL PASO NEEDS ANOTHER CHURCH AS MUCH AS IT NEEDS ANOTHER BAR.  BECAUSE LORD KNOWS EL PASO DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH BARS AND CHURCHES – It seems like every day a new random bar or church opens up somewhere in El Paso.  But now a popular church has replaced a popular club to some hilarious reactions online.  Abundant Living Faith Center (El Paso’s own tribute to Joel Osteen without the closeted homosexuality) has purchased over the building that once housed the popular Tricky Falls nightclub on El Paso Street.  The reaction online has been hilarious and some crazy people online had some real choice words for ALFC after they announced the deal.  In ALFC’s defense, the prick owner of the building kicked Tricky Falls out a few months back and the building was simply sold to the highest bidder.  But it is a bit of a downer that a popular performance space that offered something unique in the city will now be replaced by something that is available in practically every block in the city.  But hey, a fancy church will add some diversity to Downtown’s business lineup and since the building now has an owner/tenant it will finally get a full blown renovation.  But still, it stings.  Rest in Peace, Tricky Falls.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHEN BILLIONAIRES FIGHT EACH OTHER TO THE DEATH, WE ALL WIN – According to Jeff Bezos (the guy who conned humanity into giving him billions of dollars for a business model that barely turns a profit), the National Enquirer is trying to blackmail him via dick pics because of his ownership of the Washington Post and his fights against the powers that be.  Whether completely true or not, the last person you want to blackmail is a fucker with billions of dollars and not just “pretend billions”.  What makes this more intriguing, however, is the insinuation that certain people in power (coughTRUMPcough) and his cronies used their position to get dirt on Jeff Bezos and feed it to the National Enquirer.  Given the fact that the garbage enquirer’s owner has his mouth around Donald Trump’s dick and that the organization has been found to work with the idiot in the past, it’s not too far-fetched to believe that Donald Trump and friends have been using the government to try and attack Jeff Bezos.  Turns out that billionaires are just as petty and trashy as everyone else.  (bbc.com)

MEANWHILE IN BRITAIN, THE UK EXPRESS HAS LOST ITS BRAKES AS IT CAREENS TO THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF KNOWN AS NO DEAL BREXIT – Even though Britain has no leverage whatsoever, Theresa May continues to ask for concessions from the European Union for her stupid Brexit plan.  The EU is, obviously, just laughing when she gives her demands but you have to admire her blind devotion to a stupid cause.  The main issue continues to be the Northern Ireland border backstop but it is highly unlikely that the European Union will let the UK have their cake and eat it too by letting them leave the EU but still give them special treatment with freedom of movement.  I guess that grand plan of having the UK leave the EU yet still having freedom of movement and business for UK residents only didn’t work out.  Who would’ve thought?  (bbc.com)

SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT FISH AND HONEY BEES ARE SMARTER THAN DONALD TRUMP.  THAT IS NOT SURPRISING AT ALL – New scientific research has discovered that fish can recognize themselves in a mirror and that honey bees can do basic math.  So these animals are self aware, can do basic math and would more than likely not lie after being presented with facts and data.  Hell, it seems like most fish and bees are infinitely more qualified to be in the White House than most of the current inhabitants.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

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