Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/14/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AND SO, THE CITY OF EL PASO BEGINS ITS QUIXOTIC QUEST TO IMPROVE BRIDGE CROSSING TIMES AT THE BORDER. AS LONG AS THE BABY HUEY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS IN CHARGE OF BRIDGE CHECKS, NOT MUCH WILL PROBABLY GET DONE – The City of El Paso is pledging more than $30 million on a plan to improve crossing times and efficiency on the international bridges that connect El Paso and Juarez. There are no real details on what exact projects will be done at the bridges, but at least they’re trying to make things better. Currently the city has been paying for extra overtime for federal bridge staff but the results of that have been mixed. Maybe if they build more bridges or add lanes that will at least add more capacity, but the core issue of the idiot Baby Huey government getting in the way will be the main source of delays in crossing. Although the local economy would benefit exponentially from more efficient bridge operations and faster crossing times, the feds will just complain about how it is more important to protect ‘Murica’ from the ‘drigs’ and ‘terists’ and that’s why they have to poke their ass on the inspections. And how else will the Baby Huey secret police at the border get tons of overtime for just standing around and doing jack shit? It would be nice if the local government could take matters into its own hands, but morons at the federal level – both in D.C. and Mexico City – will always have the final say on border crossings. (cbs4local.com)

PARTS OF MONTANA VISTA ARE FINALLY GETTING SEWER SERVICE. HOORAY! MAYBE NOW MONTANA VISTA CAN INCORPORATE AND TRY TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MORE INFRASTRUCTURE PROJECTS – The Texas Water Development Board has approved over $12 million to be used in the community of Montana Vista to bring sewer service to over 800 residences in the area. The funds will come from the Economically Distressed Areas program and is a continuing step to get the infrastructure in Montana Vista up to livable standards. More work is needed, obviously, but our local representatives are working hard to get more funding for these economically distressed areas both here in the region and in the rest of the state. And with all this advancement, maybe the residents of Montana Vista will one day band together to incorporate into a city and bring more development to their community. They can either follow the path of San Elizario or choose to be become Chaparral 2. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

LUMINARIAS ON SCENIC DRIVE AND KHALID CLAUS, AARON JONES CLAUS & ALVIN JONES CLAUS DELIVERING PRESENTS. IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS! – Christmas is arriving in the desert and, though it’s been pretty warm, we are in the midst of winter and the holiday season. Holiday events are popping up around the Mogollon region, but the annual Navidad de La Fe Luminarias on Scenic Drive is one of the more beautiful events and it’s happening this weekend. And kudos to Khalid, Aaron Jones and Alvin Jones for donating toys to Ernesto Serna School (Khalid) and East Point Elementary (Jones Brothers). For a second straight year Khalid even delivered the toys personally, so extra kudos for him. Other local celebrities now have to step up and donate even more toys to children! In addition, countless local charities are accepting donations this holiday season to help those in need throughout the region. So make your own Christmas magic and help as much as you can this year – you’ve got a few weeks left. (elpasoheraldpost.com/cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

VENEZUELA HAS DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE AND THEIR ANNUAL INFLATION RATE HAS GONE UP BY MORE THAN ONE MILLION PERCENT. NEXT YEAR, PRESIDENT NICOLAS MADURO HOPES TO OUTDO HIMSELF AND CONTINUE TO DESTROY THE ECONOMY SO THAT THE ANNUAL INFLATION RATE CAN GO UP BY ONE MILLION BILLION PERCENT! – In case you were wondering, Venezuela is still a disaster with no end in sight. Inflation continues to rise and people are leaving the country in droves in search of a better life. This year inflation went up by over one million percent and the International Monetary Fund expects inflation next year to rise by 10 million percent! Venezuela is truly fucked and the only solution is for President Nicolas Maduro to dig up the corpse of Hugo Chavez and sodomize it on national television while he puts a gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Even then, the inflation rate will only go down to thousand percent range depending on who takes over. Much like Zimbabwe, the government is incompetent enough to keep this going for years and simply printing more currency in the hopes that magic fairies and unicorns will appear and fix everything. So even though most people in Venezuela have millions in local currency, those millions are worth a few dollars in the real world and basic goods in the black market are priced out of the range of most people. Venezuela, we hardly knew ye. (reuters.com)

TRY NEW JOHNSON & JOHNSON BABY POWDER. NOW WITH ASBESTOS TO MAKE YOUR BABY FIREPROOF! – A report from Reuters revealed newly released internal documents from Johnson & Johnson that showed that trace amounts of asbestos have been found in their iconic talcum powder for years. The news has caused the company to get hammered on Wall Street and the lawsuits that were pending against the company have now gathered more steam. Although there is no hard scientific evidence that these trace amounts of asbestos in their talc caused cancer, the fact that they hid this information from consumers and regulators is very damning for the company. On the bright side, if you want to fireproof your house all you need to do is cover it in baby powder. (reuters.com)

MEANWHILE IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, EBOLA KEEPS GOING STRONG – The latest report from the World Health Organization shows that the spread of Ebola in Northeast DR Congo continues to grow and has reached some larger cities. Though the rate that it is spreading is not too fast, Ebola is very dangerous and not the type of disease you want out in the open. The WHO is working hard with local authorities to contain this epidemic, but rough conditions in the region are making this prospect very hard. So although it’s a slow burn, this thing still has the potential to go to neighboring areas and cause even bigger problems in the future. At least there’s no asbestos in the Ebola, so we got that working in our favor. (arstechnica.com)

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