Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/30/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ABOUT TIME THEY ALLOW INDUSTRIAL HEMP PRODUCTION IN NEW MEXICO.  YOU’D LITERALLY HAVE TO SMOKE POUNDS OF IT TO GET EVEN REMOTELY HIGH.  WHY IS IT EVEN ILLEGAL IN THE FIRST PLACE? – Amazingly, growing industrial hemp in New Mexico was not allowed and will finally start up as a legitimate industry in 2019.  New Mexico State University, the all-knowing beacon of all things agricultural, approved the regulations for hemp production on Thursday and the New Mexico Department of Agriculture will enforce the regulations starting in 2019.  Hemp promises to be a lucrative crop for New Mexico farmers and will also benefit the environment because it uses much, MUCH less water than some of the other crops being grown in the state.  And because society has to pander to the right wing nut jobs, all hemp that has more than .3 percent THC will be destroyed so that the “precious children” are not poisoned by the big bad marijuana drug.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE RACETRACK IN VADO IS ALMOST COMPLETE!  HOORAY FOR VADO! – After years of planning and construction, Vado Speedway Park is looking like it will be ready for competition starting next spring.  The track will take over the majority of races that used to occur at Southern New Mexico Speedway and will look to expand with more races.  This is a great project for Vado and other small communities in the region should look at creating unique opportunities such as this to expand their economic output.  Good show, Vado.  Good show, Jones family.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

RULE NUMBER ONE FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IS TO ALWAYS BLAME KIDNAPPERS WHEN YOU GO OUT DRINKING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND DON’T RETURN UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MORNING – Simple Minded Entertainment’s Hero of the Week award goes to Jorge Parra, who decided to cover up a night of drinking and drug use in Juarez by telling his wife that he was kidnapped and that his car was stolen.  He would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for his meddling wife and those meddling Scooby kids.  She was naturally worried that her family was in danger and went to the police who subsequently charged Jorge Parra with making a false report once the expertly planned scheme was unraveled by the authorities.  Remember, the key to a happy marriage is to create an elaborate lie when you do something wrong AND THEN tell your significant other not to go to the police because the cartels know where you live.  The last part is the key to protecting the lie and the relationship.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

BUENOS AIRES WELCOMES THE G20 SUMMIT THIS WEEKEND AND, AS LONG AS NOTHING BLOWS UP, IT WILL BE CONSIDERED A GREAT SUCCESS – The G20 shindig will take place in Argentina this year and, as usual, we can expect more talking from world leaders and only the most minimal of action.  Hot button issues this year include climate change, Russia being a bully and all the disasters that Donald Trump has created through his stupidity.  Buenos Aires has decided to keep things classy this year as the major global event will occur less than a week after the Copa Libertadores final between River Plate and Boca Juniors – two teams from Buenos Aires – was canceled because fans of one team attacked the players of the other team before the game started.  Not to be outdone, a local TV station put up a picture of Apu from The Simpsons when Prime Minister Modi of India arrived in the country.  Keep it classy, Buenos Aires.  (bbc.com)

REST IN PEACE, GEORGE BUSH – Former President George H.W. Bush passed away tonight at the age of 94.  Although many people didn’t agree with his policies, President Bush was able to compromise and work with politicians of different backgrounds to get things done.  He served his country throughout his life, starting in the military and then moving through different areas of public service.  He was not perfect and there will be some debate on his legacy and on the impact of some of his policies, but he comported himself with respect to the job at hand throughout his career.  He also led indirectly to some of the best comedic skits in the history of Saturday Night Live and was a good sport about the constant satire during his term in office.  Rest in peace, President George Bush.  (reuters.com)

A LARGE EARTHQUAKE HAS STRUCK THE PACIFIC COAST OF CALIF ……. ALASKA.  OH YEAH, ALASKA GETS EARTHQUAKES TOO – A magnitude 7.0 earthquake struck near Anchorage, Alaska this week causing structural damage throughout the city but, luckily, no major loss of life.  Most people don’t associate Alaska with earthquakes, but it is on the Ring of Fire and was the location of the massive 9.2 magnitude Good Friday earthquake that occurred in 1964.  Who knew that the Syfy channel movie Ice Quake was a documentary?  (reuters.com)

 

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