Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/17/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF A PERSON HAS A DRINK AND GETS CAUGHT IN A WASTE-OF-RESOURCES DUI CHECKPOINT, THEY GO TO JAIL.  IF A PERSON MURDERS SOMEONE WITH THEIR CAR IN A PARKING LOT AND SAYS THEY ARE “DISORIENTED”, THEY GO FREE AND GET A PAT ON THE BACK.  EL PASO LAW AND ORDER SURE HAS ITS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT – Tragedy struck earlier this week as a mother was killed when an idiot driver struck her and her children in the parking lot of Tippin Elementary on the first day of school.  Kharisma James was the young mother that died and her children and others were also injured in the incident.  The idiot in question that killed Kharisma James was Roger Hawkins who was conveniently “disoriented” when the cops arrived after showing off his poor understanding of driving.  Naturally, no charges were filed by the police.  But if he would have had one drink in his system rest assured that the police and every pearl-clutcher in the region would be asking for his execution.  Unfortunately, while driving under the influence is considered a major crime by many, “driving while old and stupid” is considered an accomplishment by many members of society.  So if you ever commit a crime, just be sure to tell them that you are “disoriented” and they’ll let you go with a slap on the wrist.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO IS ONE STEP CLOSER TO GETTING A DENTAL SCHOOL!  IT TOOK ABOUT A CENTURY, BUT THE TEXAS GOVERNMENT IS FINALLY NOTICING US – The Texas Tech Board of Regents has just approved the doctor of dental medicine degree that will be offered starting in 2021 at the El Paso medical school campus.  This is a long time coming and is one of the many professional degrees that have been missing from El Paso’s educational puzzle for a long time.  Now if the state can just stop fucking us over and allow us the opportunity to have a law school, architecture school and veterinary school; we’ll be on our way.  Kudos to the Paso Del Norte Foundation and the Hunt Foundation for getting the ball rolling on this plan and helping to bring a dental school to El Paso.  Although it would be cool if the school was called Doctor Diente’s Toothatorium and Dental School, the Woody L. Hunt School of Medicine is also a good name.  After the Hunt Foundation’s $25 million donation and support, they deserve the naming honors.  (elpasoinc.com)

 DOWNTOWN BUSINESS OWNERS ARE ONCE AGAIN BLAMING RANDOM THINGS FOR LACK OF BUSINESS.  THIS SEASON’S BOOGIE MAN IS THE CONSTRUCTION ON EL PASO STREET – El Paso Street is undergoing a major renovation project and, as is tradition, the downtown business owners are blaming their low business numbers on random reason #11354:  construction.  Although much of the loss of business over the years can be attributed to a business plan that basically consists of taking a truck to Los Angeles and buying as much cheap “Made in China” goods as possible and selling them at double the cost.  Though that simple plan might have worked in the past, consumers are now looking for more upscale goods and even shoppers from Juarez will rather drive, or take public transportation, to the mall or the nearest Wal-Mart to buy stuff.  But changing the business plan would require effort and it’s much easier to just blame random things and the government for all your problems.  Of note is the mention in the article that most of the business owners are buying into a rumor that the city has run out of money and has stopped construction on the street.  WhatsApp Conspiracy theories and fake news is alive and well in Downtown El Paso!  But we’ll hold off judgment until the late October deadline for construction to end arrives.  Maybe the conspiracy theory is right!  But once construction is complete by the end of the year we can go back to making WhatsApp rumor jokes about Downtown business owners.  Did you know Godzilla and his kaiju friends are planning to attack El Paso and are only focusing on Downtown Businesses?!?  It’s true because it’s on Facebook AND WhatsApp.  And someone’s tio has it on good authority that none other than Mayor Dee Margo is working with Godzilla to destroy businesses on El Paso St. and in Union Plaza so that they can build TWO arenas.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EVEN DEVELOPED NATIONS AREN’T IMMUNE TO SHITTY ENGINEERING – In one of the more shocking disasters to occur in quite some time, a bridge collapsed in Genoa, Italy on Tuesday, killing more than 30 people.  What makes this so shocking is that this was a massive bridge in Genoa, Italy that served as one of Italy’s most important connections.  And it was a truly massive collapse that took out a good portion of the bridge and structures below.  It’s actually a miracle that more people didn’t die or get horribly injured, that’s how bad this collapse was.  Authorities and the bridge managers are now pointing fingers and trying to pass the blame on anybody but themselves.  Although a big storm was going on at the time and repair work was being done at the base of the tower that collapsed, it is still too early to determine why such an important bridge collapsed, seemingly, without warning in one of the most advanced and richest regions in the world.  It should be noted that the bridge was de facto privatized and a private sector company was in charge of tolls and maintenance.  So maybe privatizing important public infrastructure isn’t such a hot idea.  In case any private sector groupies want to expand this idea into America, never allow the private sector anywhere near important infrastructure.  (bbc.com)

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN OF SOUL, ARETHA FRANKLIN – Aretha Franklin passed away on Thursday at the age of 76.  Throughout her career she had a string of classic hits including “Respect” and had one of the most powerful voices in the world throughout her lifetime.  She was the Queen of Soul while alive and I don’t see anyone taking that title anytime soon.  Rest in peace, Aretha Franklin.  (reuters.com)

TASMANIAN DEVILS NOT ONLY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HUMANS DRIVING THEM TO EXTINCTION, THEY ALSO HAVE TO DEAL WITH A CRAZY CONTAGIOUS CANCER THAT ONLY INFECTS THEIR SPECIES.  NOW THAT’S SOMETHING WE DIDN’T SEE IN THE CARTOONS – Tasmanian Devils are a fascinating creature that managed to survive human encroachment in their isolated geological area yet are still threatened by a cancer known as devil facial tumor disease.  What is interesting about this cancer is that it is highly contagious if the devils touch the infected area of another animal and it is one of the few known cancers that acts in this way.  Thanks to preservation efforts, and sheer Tasmanian Devil will power, the Tasmanian Devil has managed to avoid extinction and is recovering in some areas.  Some fascinating research is being conducted on these remarkable creatures and their relationship to cancer and it is possible that this may help humans in their fight against the disease.  So if you’ve ever been curious about Tasmanian Devil medical issues, have I got a research paper for you.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

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