Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/20/2018


HEY LOOK!  A DISASTER ON I-10 THAT WASN’T CAUSED BY TXDOT! – In one of the biggest traffic nightmares to ever hit El Paso, I-10 has been closed in both directions for more than a day after a truck driver stupidly crashed his truck on Thursday into one of the supporting columns on a utility bridge in that part of I-10 that goes under downtown.  Temporary repairs should be completed soon to open up the freeway, but more permanent repairs will take some time.  The crash was caused when a truck driver from an Arizona company was reaching for his “water bottle” and swerved to the side thus crashing into the column and causing his trailer to burst into flames.  I really hope that “water bottle” is code for “Big Gulp filled with vodka” because it’s pretty scary that someone did something this stupid while completely sober.  The next step will be for the City and state to sue the driver and trucking company for all they’re worth to make up for all the lost time and money caused by this stupid traffic accident.  Hell, everyone in El Paso should sue the fucking company and driver and at least get a few bucks for their misfortune.  (

LAS CRUCES IS SHOWING EVERYONE HOW TO DO A PROPER BOND ELECTION.  MEANWHILE IN EL PASO, CITY COUNCIL IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MORE WAYS TO DO A POORLY WORDED BOND ELECTION SO THAT EVEN LESS CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH MORE MONEY – Kudos to the Las Cruces city government in being as thorough and informative as possible in their upcoming bond election.  In addition to separating all bond measures to be voted upon individually, the General Obligation Bond Election will be conducted via a mail-in ballot sent to all eligible voters.  The wording on the measures are also specific yet vague enough so that the city isn’t pigeon-holed in what they can and can’t do with the funds (who can forget the geniuses in the City of El Paso’s legal department who decided to call an arena a ‘multi-purpose center’ even though everyone knew it was a fucking arena).  Clear choices, accessibility and proper legal vetting – maybe the City of El Paso should have the Las Cruces government look over their bond elections.  Nah, the City of El Paso will just use Certificates of Obligation to skip that whole pesky bond election nuisance.  (

I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS TO NEVER POST A VIRAL VIDEO HARASSING COPS ON THE INTERNET IF YOU COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES IN FULL VIEW OF SECURITY CAMERAS A FEW DAYS BEFORE – People were “outraged” a few days back when a cop pulled his gun on a bunch of annoying wannabe thug kids who refused to follow orders and were walking behind him (note to readers:  never walk behind a cop’s line of sight in a heated situation, you’re just asking to get shot at that point).  Many people defended the dumbass kids in the video and wanted the unprofessional cop to be prosecuted for some non-existent crime.  But fast forward a few weeks and we learn that those “innocent’ kids are full blown criminals who are considered a pariah by most people in their neighborhood.  A recent crime spree of robberies and vandalism was reported in Ascarate park a few weeks back and, low and behold, the kids caught on tape committing the crimes turned out to be the “innocent” children who thought they were badasses for harassing a cop and recording it.  Thankfully, these morons will now go to juvenile detention where they will hopefully learn a lesson and stay away from horrible influences and the older ones will go straight to jail where they will hopefully re-think their path in life.  And if there is any justice in the world, the parents of these fuckheads will all be monitored by Child Protective Services and be prosecuted if their children ever do shit like this again.  So if you plan on ever going on a crime spree caught by multiple security cameras, make sure you don’t come out in any viral videos where you will be easily identified.  And yes, a cop losing his cool and pulling his gun on some wannabe thugs is bad.  But being a criminal who goes on crime sprees is much worse, no matter how old you are.  (


LOOKS LIKE IT’S SEXUAL ABUSE PUBLIC RELATIONS NIGHTMARE WEEK AT THE VATICAN ……. AGAIN – In addition to the horrible messes that Pope Francis has been dealing with in Chile, Honduras and Australia; now we have another truly disturbing scandal involving a Cardinal in America that looks to explode and bring more pressure on the Pope to actually dole out some meaningful punishments.  Cardinal Theodore McCarrick is facing multiple accusations of abuse and improper behavior and more seem to be popping up.  All in all, the accusations are pretty bad and if found to be true Pope Francis will be under great pressure to dole out a serious punishment instead of the usual “lifetime of penance” thing they normally do.  For all of the Pope’s progressive talk, now is the time where his actions should match his words.  (

WHILE DONALD TRUMP THREATENS THE WORLD TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS “SMALL HANDS”, PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS IN AFRICA TALKING ABOUT MUTUAL RESPECT AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT IN THE CONTINENT.  LOOK KIDS, A FALLING STAR!  OH WAIT, THAT’S JUST AMERICA’S STANDING AS A GLOBAL POWER FALLING TO THE GROUND – In international news that is mostly positive, Chinese President Xi Jinping is in Africa for the upcoming BRICS summit (emerging markets shindig) in Johannesburg and is taking the opportunity to visit Senegal and Rwanda to strengthen China’s ties to these countries.  In this climate of tariffs and trade wars created by the idiot in the White House, China is doing the exact opposite and talking about mutual respect and the benefits of trade as he wins over the vast majority of Africa to China’s sphere of influence.  Sure, China is doing this mainly for its own benefit and their might be some ulterior motives.  But compared to the shit that the European powers and America have done in Africa, giving countries Chinese loans in order to improve infrastructure and manufacturing isn’t the most nefarious thing imaginable.  Once upon a time, America was respected and looked up to in places like Senegal and other African countries.  Nowadays ……. not so much.  (

JUPITER HAS A LOT OF MOONS AND NOW IT HAS 12 NEW MOONS.  SO WHILE JUPITER HAS 79 MOONS, MERCURY AND VENUS STILL HAVE NONE.  POOR MERCURY AND VENUS ARE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS AND SAN DIEGO PADRES OF CELESTIAL ORBS – Scientists looking for the fabled Planet X have discovered 12 new moons surrounding Jupiter when the orb passed by their viewing range.  The researchers with the Carnegie Institution for Science found 12 previously unseen moons including a weirdo moon that is less than a kilometer in diameter and that travels in the opposite direction as its closest moon neighbors.  Most of these moons are really small compared to other moons, but having 12 new moons is still very impressive for Jupiter.  I’m sure Mercury and Venus would be elated just to have one teeny, tiny moon to keep them company.  (


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