Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/06/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

JUDGING BY THE LOCAL NEWS STATIONS, YOU’D THINK THAT DRUNK DRIVING AND DOWNTOWN ARENA CONSTRUCTION WOULD BE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN EL PASO.  BUT NO, PLAIN OLD HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER IN EL PASO – The El Paso Public Health Department has released a study that covers different aspects of the health of El Paso’s residents as a whole.  Among the more interesting findings was that the top 4 leading causes of death in the region can be attributed to cardiovascular disease, cancer, stroke and accidents.  They also released a color coded map of the area’s health issues with dark red being the color for the unhealthiest areas of the city.  Guess what part of the city was colored with the darkest red imaginable?  It rhymes with ‘Vower Lalley’.  Who would have thought that a car-dependent area filled with nothing but auto dealerships, junkyards, bars, greasy spoon diners, money laundering operations masquerading as successful businesses and liquor stores would be an unhealthy environment?  Naturally, the people in the Lower Valley will respond by complaining to the city and asking for more on-street parking and more places to drive their car – why bother with sidewalks when you can just use that space for another driving lane and more parking!  That last part sounds like a joke, but people in the Lower Valley have actually asked for sidewalks and pedestrian areas to be removed so they can have more space to park and drive their shitty cars.  (cbs4local.com)

MIRACLE IN LAS CRUCES – Kudos to the Las Cruces community and other charitable people in the area for stepping up big time when the  Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission burned down on June 22.  Since then, different people and businesses have committed to help and now the thrift store will have a temporary home as they make repairs and the more than 700 children who depend on the organization for school clothes will still be able to get help for the upcoming school year.  The Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission could still use help, so if you want to donate to an organization doing good things locally look no further than these guys.  (cbs4local.com)

JUST ANOTHER FRIENDLY REMINDER, RED SANDS IS FUCKING PRIVATE PROPERTY.  SO QUIT POLLUTING THE PRISTINE SAND DUNES WITH UNAUTHORIZED OFF ROAD VEHICLES.  BAD ENOUGH THAT CRAPPY HOUSING IS ALREADY ENCROACHING ON THE AREA – Red Sands is private property, but that still doesn’t stop the throngs of people who use it for off-roading, drinking, photo shoots, parties and other random violations of natural space.  The problem is so bad that there is a security force known as the Texas Rescue Patrol (possible Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers reference) that is made up of volunteers whose sole purpose is to make sure people don’t go onto the private Red Sands property for borderline illicit activities.  Instead of focusing on dime a dozen trails on the Westside and rundown slum housing in Union Plaza, it would be nice if “activists” and other interested parties would work with El Paso County and other relevant government entities to try and secure all this land for preservation and regulated public use.  One day greedy developers are going to encroach on this entire area and a unique and pristine sand dune environment will be destroyed.  If you think dumbass, disrespectful off-roaders are cunts; you have no idea how bad the developers will be in comparison.  Let’s force the government to finally step up to the plate at Red Sands and make it a public park.  The Texas Rescue Patrol can protect Red Sands from 4th of July fireworks but, unlike Chip and Dale, they can’t be around 24/7 to protect Red Sands all the time.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY FOUND THE KIDS TRAPPED IN A CAVE IN THAILAND.  THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY ARE STRANDED IN THE FLOODED CAVE AND IT’S GOING TO BE A HELL OF AN EFFORT TO GET THEM OUT – 12 boys and their futball coach have been found in the Tham Luang cave in Thailand after being missing for days, but now the hard part begins as volunteers try to take them out.  A diver has already died trying to deliver supplies and the monsoon season means it’s a race against time to try and get them out.  Many ideas have been brought up to try and get them out, ranging from the practical to the absurd, as authorities plan their next move.  As always, famous attention whore Elon Musk came out with a stupid idea involving a “kid-sized submarine” even though it’s already been noted that some of the gaps in the cave are so narrow that a diver cannot pass while wearing an oxygen tank.  But sure, a fucking submarine should have no problem taking the kids out in narrow passages where only one person can fit.  Elon Musk, ladies and gentleman!  And they still keep on giving the fucker billions of dollars for outlandish, “futuristic” ideas that don’t generate a profit.  A dozen kids are close to death and Elon Musk still manages to weasel his way into the story.  God help those poor children.  If the cave doesn’t kill them, the SpaceX Tesla Super Submarine will surely explode and kill them all.  (bbc.com)

MEXICO HAS A NEW PRESIDENT, BUT JUAREZ STILL CAN’T PICK A DAMN MAYOR – Lopez Obrador was the landslide winner in Mexico’s election in a contest that wasn’t even close.  But while pundits are marveling over Obrador and the Morena party’s rise to power, Juarez is having an ongoing controversy in the mayoral election.  Preliminary results show Javier Gonzalez Mocken from the Morena party beat incumbent Armando Cabada by just over 5,000 votes.  Naturally, this has led to calls for a recount and claims of fraud at the polls.  And with the added bonus of Cabada being involved, the drama in the Juarez race is the most spectacularly absurd election in all of Mexico.  (elpasotimes.com)

AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE YEARS OF SHITTING ON ETHICS AND COMMON DECENCY, SCOTT PRUITT RESIGNED AS CHIEF OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY – Scott Pruitt resigned this week not because Republicans finally grew a pair of balls and called him out on his corruption and cronyism, but because his feelings were hurt because activists were calling him and his family out for being human excrement.  Normally this would be great news, but Donald Trump will just find another sack of shit with no morals to “lead” the EPA and allow corporations to do whatever they want to the environment as long as they “donate” to the right politicians.  Fuck those guys.  (reuters.com)

 

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