Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/11/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE DAY WHEN TXDOT SHUTS DOWN ALL THE ROADS IN EL PASO TO PAINT ONE SINGLE TRAFFIC STRIPE ON THE FREEWAY.  A TRAFFIC STRIPE THAT WILL BE PAINTED INCORRECTLY THUS RESULTING IN MORE ROAD CLOSURES THE FOLLOWING WEEK.  GOOD JOB, TXDOT – The geniuses at txdot are back at it and this time they will close I-10 at the intersection of Sunland Park Drive for 57 hours this weekend to demolish the old Sunland Flyover ramps over I-10 as part of their Super Fantastic Go 10 Re-Construction Project.  This latest artificial clusterfuck will shut down the freeway during both a holiday AND UTEP graduations.  They got testy when questioned about the timing of the closure and txdot’s not-a-moron spokesperson, Jennifer Wright, responded, “If not this weekend, when?”  Gee, Jenny, maybe when it isn’t a holiday AND when there aren’t multiple fucking graduation ceremonies going on a few miles away.  I’m sure the original plan was to close the freeway during an important Sunland Park Racetrack event, but even txdot has some common sense.  But here we are, part of a Frankenstein state called Texas and forced to take orders from morons hundreds of miles away.  Would it be so bad if everything west of the Pecos became a separate state and then we would only have to deal with EPDOT?  (cbs4local.com)

LANE GADDY JUST HAS TO BUY A COUPLE OF BUILDINGS IN JUAREZ AND HE’LL BE KING OF THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Not to be outdone by his amazing building renovations in Downtown El Paso, Lane Gaddy has decided to spread the wealth and is leading an investment group in the purchase of the tallest building in Las Cruces.  The 11-story Electronic Caregiver building and surrounding area will now, hopefully, get the Lane Gaddy treatment and become a classy yet modern destination in Las Cruces.  The city has been seeing some new developments lately and the introduction of Lane Gaddy and friends to the mix signifies that more investment and construction projects are surely on the horizon for Las Cruces.  (elpasoinc.com)

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BAR OWNERS THAT DON’T REALLY GET ALONG WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS MOVE INTO THE WHINIEST RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD IN EL PASO?  WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT! – The residents of Kern Place have been complaining about any random noise that comes out of the Cincinnati Entertainment District for decades now and most people have learned to ignore them and just do enough to keep them from stopping the economic progress of the Westside.  You’d think that living mere feet from North Mesa (one of the most crowded streets in El Paso) would have made them accustomed to noise and traffic.  But no, they’ll still bitch and complain about any business that moves anywhere near Stanton.  But now it seems that things will get even wackier as the owners of Later Later, who actually have warrants out for not showing up to court for noise complaints, plan to open a bar near Cincy.  Add to this the fact that all the local news stations love nothing more than giving crazy people an outlet to complain about pointless shit and you have the ingredients for a very entertaining public fight.  We haven’t had any crazy public meetings yet on this topic, but you just know they’re coming.  So get your popcorn ready and don’t forget to create a drinking game that involves taking a shot every time a resident of Kern places bitches about traffic circles even though the meeting isn’t even remotely related to street issues.  You’ll die of alcohol poisoning in 15 minutes.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S EUROVISION TIME!  THE WORLD’S FAVORITE SONG CONTEST … EXCEPT FOR CHINA.  EUROVISION IS APPARENTLY A LITTLE TOO GAY FOR CHINA – It’s that time of the year again, time for Europe to crown its champion of music by ignoring all musical merit and focusing instead on gimmicks and wackiness.  Yes, kids, it’s Eurovision time!  We have some global controversy this year as Chinese broadcaster Mango TV has lost its broadcast rights because they decided to censor parts of the semi-final round when a rainbow flag was pictured on screen and when two men were seen dancing together.  Apparently rainbow flags and dancing gay men are the new enemy supreme of China.  The grand final will take place on Saturday and, as always, expect the gimmickiest, gaudiest and over the top performance to be crowned as champion.  Don’t even worry about analyzing the music (it isn’t even remotely about the music), just sit back and enjoy the magical and overblown spectacle.  (bbc.com)

THE HISTORY OF HORSE DOMESTICATION AND THE SPREAD OF LANGUAGE AND IDEAS IN EURASIA HAS BEEN A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE OVER THE YEARS.  AFTER STUDIES OF THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF HUMAN DNA EVER ANALYZED, THE HISTORY OF EURASIA CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE – For fans of DNA research and ancient history (who isn’t a fan?), recent studies released in the journals Nature and Science have been a godsend.  The Discover Magazine blog has an excellent run down of all these studies and if you aren’t going to read the journals you might as well feed your mind with the summaries.  From horse domestication to the Indo European Language Family to tool use to the hepatitis B virus, these studies cover everything but the invention of the kitchen sink (and that will probably come in a later DNA study).  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IF IT LOOKS LIKE FRAUD AND BRIBERY, IT’S PROBABLY FRAUD AND BRIBERY.  UNLESS DONALD TRUMP AND FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED, THEN FOX NEWS LABELS IT “COMMON PRESIDENTIAL BEHAVIOR”.  NOTHING TO SEE HERE – The Trump Shitshow continued this week as his personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, was found accepting large sums of money from corporations that had business or pending business decisions related to the federal government.  Michael Cohen is a shitty lawyer from the shittiest law school  in America and somehow  large corporations were giving him hundreds of thousands of dollars for his expertise and not because he could get them influence and access to Donald Trump.  Suuuuuuuuuuure.  At worst this is extortion to try and get companies to pay up or be punished and at best this is the president’s FRIEND AND PERSONAL LAWYER selling access and possible influence regarding important national decisions.  AT&T and the other companies that paid this moron are like the creepy guys on To Catch A Predator who would walk in to a stranger’s house pants-less with a six-pack and a box of condoms.  We don’t need to see them commit the crime, we all know what their intent was and what they wanted to accomplish with the fictional underage girl.  Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?  (bbc.com)

 

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