Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 04/27/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

KUDOS TO UTEP’S WILL HERNANDEZ FOR BEING DRAFTED IN THE NFL DRAFT.  AND ALSO FOR PROVING THAT EVEN IF YOU ARE ON A CRAPPY TEAM THAT DOESN’T WIN ANY GAMES, AS LONG AS YOU WORK HARD AND DO YOUR THING YOU CAN EXCEL IN THE HARDEST OF SITUATIONS – Will Hernandez, the UTEP offensive lineman that was one of the few bright spots in the past few years of sad UTEP football, has been drafted by the New York Giants in the 2nd Round (34th Overall) of the NFL Draft.  Even in the most dire of situations, Will Hernandez never gave up and was a solid presence on the UTEP offensive line.  Congratulations to Will and hopefully this is a spark that can be used by the UTEP staff to lead the team back to somewhat respectable levels.  (kvia.com)

LIKE THE MAJESTIC SWALLOWS RETURNING TO CAPISTRANO EVERY YEAR; THE ILL-PREPARED. LOWER VALLEY, DOMESTICATED DUCKS HAVE RETURNED TO ASCARATE LAKE TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH – Because it just wouldn’t be an El Paso tradition if it didn’t involve poor planning and basic abandonment, countless idiots have once again purchased baby ducks for Easter and then dumped them at Ascarate Lake when they magically transform from cute baby ducks into large, angry and annoying adult ducks.  We’ll let Loretta Hyde from the Animal Rescue League explain why this is a bad idea:  “Year after year, people get these little ducklings and chicks and little bunnies for Easter and every year, when they’re done with them and the cuteness has worn off, they end up at the lake.”  Fuck, people are also dumping chickens and bunnies in Ascarate Lake!  What the fuck is wrong with people?  So don’t dump your unwanted ducks in Ascarate Lake and definitely don’t dump your chickens and bunnies in the lake as well.  I don’t think chickens and bunnies would like Ascarate and I highly doubt they can swim.  If anything, I think chickens and bunnies would like the Upper Valley or maybe one of the nice places on the Westside.  So take your bunnies to the Animal Shelter or to Whole Foods on North Mesa, I think that’s where bunnies would like to go instead of Ascarate.  (cbs4local.com)

THIS WEEK MULTIPLE LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICTS DID SOMETHING STUPID, CANUTILLO ISD STILL MANAGED TO OUTSTUPID THEM ALL – The trendy students at Canutillo High School saw some stupid “things to do before graduation list” online and like good little posers decided to copy it.  A good portion of the activities were illegal and all hell broke loose on campus as multiple students were sent to alternative education for doing illegal things on the list.  The principal and District sort of had a half-assed response to this whole thing and somehow managed to drag a dwarf into this as she had to go to the local news stations to complain because one of the challenges was to “jump over a little person” and this led to her being bullied at school.  So to recap, the students at Canutillo High saw a list with “jump over a little person” and “smoke marijuana in class” and thought it would be cool to do it.  Meanwhile the authority figures at the district fought over a barn.  If only one of the items on the list was “don’t be a poser” or “be a competent district administrator” this would have never escalated to this point.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, THE LEADERS OF NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA HAVE AGREED IN PRINCIPLE TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO BRING PEACE TO THE PENINSULA.  LET’S HOPE THIS ONE ACTUALLY LEADS SOMEWHERE AND MAYBE LEADS TO PEACE AND UNIFICATION – Although Donald Trump would like to claim direct responsibility for the olive branch fest in Korea, the fact is that he is such a horrible sack of shit that North Korea decided to take advantage of this situation to try and get a good deal with South Korea now that the south is starting to look at a Trump-led America as more of an obnoxious bully than a friend.  After Trump’s use of tariffs on “close friend” South Korea for no apparent reason, they are starting to think,”With Friends like this …”  So I guess Trump is INDIRECTLY responsible for this meeting at least.  The agreement between the North’s Kim Jong-un and the South’s Moon Jae-in calls for a plan to denuclearize the peninsula and for a formal peace treaty between both nations.  The final form that this plan takes will now depend on Donald Trump and how much Kim Jong-un can get out of him in their upcoming meeting.  From his actions it seems that Kim Jong-un is willing to abandon nuclear weapons completely as long as America stops its joint military exercises in the region and moves its troops and bases from South Korea.  While this can’t be done instantly, if there is a gradual American withdrawal from the peninsula and North Korea continues on the path away from nuclear weapons a lasting peace and reunification might be possible in a span of a few decades.  As long as it’s done gradually, and not overnight, a successful reunification is possible this century.  The key word here is ‘gradual’.  The last thing we need is an economic and social clusterfuck like we witnessed in Eastern Europe in the years after the collapse of the Soviet Union.  (bbc.com)

NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY ITS HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS AGAINST THE ROHINGYA IN THE SOUTH OF THE COUNTRY, THE GOVERNMENT OF MYANMAR NOW WANTS TO FOCUS ON NEW HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS AGAINST THE KACHIN IN THE NORTH OF THE COUNTRY.  WHO SAYS YOU HAVE TO BE A BIG NATION TO ENGAGE IN THE RAMPANT IMAGINARY NATIONALISM AND BLATANT LAND THEFT FOUND IN LARGE FRANKENSTEIN COUNTRIES – The Kachin Independence Army (KIA) has announced that the government of Myanmar have increased their activity in the north of the country and the resulting fighting will create a new wave of refugees in that part of the country.  The Kachin people and their independence movement is much older and more well entrenched in the country than the Rohingya, so the Myanmar government will probably have a tougher time in pushing them around.  May the Kachin and Rohingya one day get their own country and may all the Frankenstein countries go fuck themselves.  Maybe the Myanmar and Israeli governments can get together and complain about how the world community “unfairly” criticizes them for stealing other people’s land and killing civilians.  (reuters.com)

ALL HAIL DNA!  IT SOLVED THE CASE OF THE GOLDEN STATE KILLER WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT AND DIDN’T “ACCIDENTALLY” SHOOT ANY UNARMED PEOPLE IN THE PROCESS – Authorities have identified Joseph DeAngelo as the prime suspect in the murders, rapes and thefts that were committed by the so-called Golden State Killer / Original Night Stalker.  The serial killer’s rampage continued from the mid-‘70s to the mid-‘80s with the authorities virtually powerless to stop it.  In fact, the crimes only stopped because the killer got bored or possibly changed his MO or location.  Although DNA had originally linked most of his crimes, the culprit was not discovered until the available DNA was matched with a commercial DNA database used for genealogical purposes.  From there the authorities were able to trace it all back to Joseph DeAngelo and now many people will get some closure for all the pain they have suffered.  I think I speak for everyone when I say Fuck Joseph DeAngelo and I hope he rots in Hell.  (bbc.com)

 

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