Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/23/2018


GOD BLESS THE WONDERFUL MONEY-MAKING PONIES AT SUNLAND PARK – It’s that time of the year again, it’s time for the annual Sunland Park Derby!  And there’s no equine herpes in sight to stop this one!  One of the most important sporting events in the region will take place this Sunday as ponies from around the country will race at the Sunland Derby in order to win large cash prizes totaling $800,000 and points to guarantee a place in the Kentucky Derby.  The favorite for this race is All Out Blitz, but we’ll all be rooting for home track favorite Runaway Ghost to make Sunland proud.  God speed, ponies!  (

WELCOME BACK, FANCY RENOVATED EL PASO STREETCARS – After an extensive restoration, the first of the six El Paso Streetcars that will be rolling around Downtown El Paso has come back from the Pennsylvania.  Most of the ground work is done on the El Paso Streetcar project and now the waiting game begins as the fancy renovated streetcars return and then are tested before the service can start back up later in the year.  Who knows how successful this service will be, but this revived streetcar looks pretty fucking cool.  (

IF THE NEW TEAM ISN’T NAMED THE EL PASO COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY UNITED, I WILL BE GREATLY DISAPPOINTED – They’re having a contest to name the new Division 2, Sub-MLS futball team that MountainStar is bringing to El Paso and we recommend that everyone enter the contest and come up with the dumbest name imaginable.  Bonus points if you can work in an arena/stadium/Duranguito reference into the name of the team.  (


WE SALUTE THE “MARCH FOR OUR LIVES” STUDENTS FOR THEIR FIGHT AGAINST ARCHAIC GUN LAWS AND THE NRA’S PROPAGANDA MACHINE – The “March For Our Lives” protest will be occurring on Saturday and hundreds of thousands of people are expected to gather in Washington D.C. and other cities to demand that proper government action is taken to prevent psychos and idiots from owning high powered weaponry.  While the students from Douglas High School and others are just looking for some action on the topic (as opposed to the decades of inaction by the NRA-controlled cowards in the government), this will be spinned by the alt-right and their fascist ilk into a “librul plan ta take muh guns” propaganda storm.  Let’s get one thing straight, the “March For Our Lives” protesters are pissed off but they don’t want to take all of your guns – they just want responsible action against highly unnecessary semi-automatic weapons.  You know, basic restrictions like the ones we currently have that prevent idiots from owning rocket launchers.  Technically rocket launchers count as “arms” and should be allowed under the Second Amendment.  (

MEANWHILE IN SPAIN, CATALONIA IS STILL PISSED OFF – Because things aren’t already tense enough, the Madrid government decided it would be a great idea to arrest five Catalan politicians for being “dangerous” separatist leaders.  By now it’s apparent to everyone that Catalonia will not resort to violent means to get their deserved freedom, but that doesn’t stop Madrid from taking the heavy handed approach in order to distract from the serious issues that are actually facing Spain.  Clashes have been reported in Barcelona between police and protesters and things are only getting more chaotic in Spain.  (

IT SEEMS THAT, ONCE UPON A TIME, A STAR CAME PARTICULARLY CLOSE TO THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND ACTUALLY INTERACTED WITH OUR SOLAR SYSTEM’S OORT CLOUD.  BUT DON’T GET TOO EXCITED, IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S PLANET X OR NIBIRU OR ANYTHING ……. OR IS IT? (CUE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES THEME) – Thanks to the tracking of weirdo space objects that have strange orbits in and out of the Solar System, astronomers in Europe have deduced that a large object may have come into the Oort Cloud about 70,000 years ago and caused some of the objects in this area to come into the Solar System.  This tracking prediction just happens to be supported by the discovery of Scholz’s Star a few years back and the determination that it came near the Solar System at roughly that same time and place.  At the moment this is just considered a highly coincidental correlation, but it makes for some very good circumstantial evidence.  We’re not saying that Catastrophism is accurate, but it might have some truth to it.  (


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