Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/09/2018


THE CITY OF SOCORRO DOUBLES DOWN ON THE STUPID IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO JUSTIFY A COP GIVING ULTRA PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT TO A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL.  JUST WHEN YOU THINK SOCORRO IS ON THE CUSP OF LIVING UP TO ITS POTENTIAL, THEY GO AROUND AND DO SOMETHING AMAZINGLY CORRUPT AND/OR STUPID – Socorro government officials are known to bend the rules and in the past have gotten caught messing around with the placement of political campaign signs, the paving of home driveways, the naming of streets, attempted bribes for annexation targets and sketchy business deals.  But this latest scandal ranks right up there with the skeeviest of all Socorro government clusterfucks.  This all started when City Manager Adriana Rodarte’s son, Diego Salais, was pulled over in late January for speeding and admitted to drinking alcohol AND was found with a white substance on his nose that tested positive for cocaine.  Despite all of this, the little fucker wasn’t charged with anything and they called mommy to pick him up.  A normal person would have been breathalyzed to death and been charged with drug trafficking for the trace cocaine on the nose, but they didn’t even bother to properly test his blood alcohol level!  Instead of doing something about it, the government in Socorro decided to extend the City Manager’s contract and said that the Socorro cop was an “expert in DWI” (because DWI is like a martial art now) and that he has the authority to pick and choose, at will, who is drunk or not.  This would have probably been swept under the rug if the dash-cam video hadn’t been leaked by a heroic whistle-blower and that appears to be the only thing the Socorro government officials are mad about.  A crooked cop did a solid for an equally crooked government official and let someone who had been drinking AND doing cocaine AND driving erratically go free, but the Socorro council is mad because they have BIG BAD LEAKERS in the office.  DWI laws are fucking stupid, but if you must have overkill laws it would be nice if everyone had to follow the same rule book regardless of who your mommy is.  (

RECYCLABLE MATERIALS ARE SOLD FOR PROFIT BY INDIVIDUALS WHO COLLECT THEM YET THE CITY OF EL PASO PAYS SOMEONE TO TAKE THE RECYCLABLES.  YUP, THAT’S PAR FOR THE COURSE FOR THE CITY OF EL PASO GOVERNMENT – Because governments are lazy and incompetent, the City of El Paso is in the midst of a contract dispute with Friedman Recycling Company who wants MORE money to take the recyclables that it then sells for EVEN MORE money to people who process the recyclables.  The current sob story is that China isn’t buying certain recyclable materials anymore and now they need the city to increase what it pays them in order to protect their current profit margin.  The city could probably just create a department filled with homeless people that sorts recyclables and just let them keep whatever money they make re-selling the materials, but I’m sure the city would screw that up and Tommy Gonzalez would just hire one of his Dallas friends to “manage” that department for a $150,000 salary.  To put it in perspective, this is the equivalent of having a garage sale and paying people to take your stuff.  Government recycling programs might be a bit inefficient.  (

THE EL PASO COMMUNITY FOUNDATION AND THE CITY OF EL PASO WANT TO MAKE SCENIC DRIVE A NICER PLACE TO PARK YOUR CAR AND HAVE SEX – In more happier local news, it looks like Scenic Drive and the lookout Murchison Park area will finally get a makeover.  The renderings look great and will really give people a reason to take visitors and potential lovers up there.  Sure, we’ll miss the rusted metal, dangerous access and overall lack of safe parking – but this is the price of progress.  Hopefully this partnership works out and this awesome local attraction finally gets some monetary love instead of the illicit carnal love it normally sees.  (


DESPITE THE LONG STANDING POLICY THAT AMERICAN LEADERS WOULD NOT MEET DIRECTLY WITH NORTH KOREA UNTIL THEY ELIMINATE THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS, DONALD TRUMP WILL MEET WITH KIM JONG UN.  IF OBAMA WOULD HAVE DONE THIS, REPUBLICANS WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM ON THE SPOT AND CALLED HIM A FOREIGN TERRORIST – So despite confusion and concern from government officials, it seems that Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un WILL actually meet up and try to negotiate a deal for peace on the Korean peninsula.  Kim Jong Un already won the first round by even getting this far, so let’s see how much he can get out of Donald “Great Negotiator” Trump.  By the end of the year it’s possible that North Korea will own Guam, the Aleutian Islands and Hawaii while Donald Trump gets a fake gold watch in return.  Anything is possible when you have an idiot toddler in the White House.  (

AN EX-RUSSIAN SPY AND HIS DAUGHTER WERE ATTACKED IN ENGLAND BY SOMEONE USING A DEADLY AND RARE NERVE AGENT.  GEE, I WONDER WHO HAS ACCESS TO RARE AND DEADLY NERVE AGENTS AND COULD HAVE ORDERED THIS ATTACK?  COUGHPUTINCOUGH – Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia, were the targets in an apparent assassination attempt that used a very nasty nerve agent.  The pair survived but are in critical condition.  No one has claimed responsibility but it’s pretty fucking obvious that Putin and Russia were behind the attack.  Putin himself could be on video delivering the poison with a giant jug marked ‘poison’ and the fuckers would still deny it.  Meanwhile, Donald Trump and his compromised cronies have remained silent on this terrorist act and are probably just waiting for talking points from daddy Putin.  (

DON’T FORGET YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM!  YOU’LL NEED IT IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL – Although amazingly hard to accurately study, there have been multiple scientific studies to try and determine how much of a role talent and luck play in a person’s financial success.  The most recent scientific study involved a model that was developed by researchers at the University of Catania which found that luck is quite important in an individual’s success.  Although this doesn’t mean that you should just give up on working hard and just buy a bunch of lottery tickets, it does go to show that often the most skilled people aren’t always the most successful.  So work your ass off and pray to God you get a few lucky breaks if you really want to be financially successful.  (


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