Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/22/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, TXDOT’S DECADES LONG I-10 AND AMERICAS INTERCHANGE PROJECT HAS KILLED SOMEONE – For some ungodly reason, Bob Bielek and friends have taken close to a decade to finish up the I-10 and Americas Spaghetti Bowl II project and now the dangerous driving conditions created by a perpetual construction zone have ended in tragedy.  Two truck drivers died this week when construction equipment was dangerously left hanging over the construction zone into the left lane of traffic.  The situation created an accident that involved multiple vehicles and left two people dead.  As is customary, txdot will just shrug their shoulders and blame the contractors and the project that should have been finished in a few years will now go on for another decade.  (kvia.com)

PASO DEL NORTE COULD USE A LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE KAYLEE CASTILLO – Kudos to 8-year old Kaylee Castillo for her efforts to bring some joy to refugees as they come to El Paso.  For the past two years she has been selling candy in order to buy teddy bears to give to children via the child crisis center and EPPD’s crimes and children’s unit.  She does a lot more for the community than the vast majority of the population and we can all learn a lesson from this wonderful girl.  Good show, Kaylee Castillo.  (cbs4local.com)

WHO KNEW LOSING ALL YOUR GAMES WOULD LEAD TO A DROP IN ATTENDANCE AND REVENUE – In news that surprised no one, it was revealed that UTEP’s athletic program revenue is abysmal and the university has to subsidize the football program and every other sport in order to break even.  Ticket revenue for the 2016 football season fell to a paltry $582,469 and with no wins and minimal hope it will take A LOT of effort to reverse this trend.  It’s amazing that that the university will spend millions to support football but can’t spare $10 to start a men’s soccer and baseball program at UTEP.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHO KNEW THAT ONE OF THE GUYS FROM BLINK 182 WOULD BE THE PERSON TO LEAD THE WORLD TO ALIEN DISCLOSURE AND A NEW ERA IN HUMANITY? – For the first time ever, the U.S. government has released video of something that they cannot identify.  The government released two videos taken from fighter jet cameras to Tom DeLonge’s To The Stars Academy and the videos are backed up by the New York Times who investigated the encounters and got testimony from pilots and people involved in the government’s not-so-secret U.F.O. investigation program.  Let’s not jump to conclusions though, the video is either evidence of some secret military DARPAesque project or proof of the time-traveling, inter-dimensional, reptilian gray aliens that built the pyramids.  It’s definitely the second one!  (coi.tothestarsacademy.com)

MADRID THE PATHETIC EX-GIRLFRIEND IS GETTING ANGRIER AS CATALONIA STRIVES TO MAKE THE BREAKUP OFFICIAL– The majority of Catalonia have once again voted for a government that seeks independence from Spain and the heavy handed assholes in Madrid will now do everything in their power to undermine the Catalan people.  Even though the “pro-Spain” Citizens party won the most seats in the election, the separatist parties will still have the majority of power in the government.  Madrid already took most of Catalonia’s autonomy, so who knows what actions they will take after their upcoming temper tantrum when Catalonia slams the door in their face.  (bbc.com)

WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR THAN WITH A CHIRPING ROBOT MONKEY THAT WRAPS AROUND YOUR FINGER – Merry Christmas, everyone!  It’s that special time of the year when we forget all the important things in life and start obsessing over pointless presents and other consumerist trappings.  The hot toy this year is a tiny robot monkey that makes odd noises, back in my day our Christmas robots were fuzzy puppets that at least had the decency to say their own name.  Elmo and Furby must be spinning in their graves.  Be safe this Christmas and don’t get arrested in your attempt to capture teeny tiny robot monkey Fingerlings for your ungrateful brat children.  (bbc.com)

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *