Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – October 27, 2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU ADD THE DRUGS, GUNS AND LAUNDERED MONEY THAT IS EXPORTED; EL PASO WOULD DEFINITELY BE IN THE TOP 5 OF THE COUNTRY’S TOP EXPORTERS.  WE WILL NEVER STOP LOBBYING FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO INCLUDE THE BLACK MARKET IN OFFICIAL ECONOMIC FIGURES – Our mantra is that lists should be taken with a grain of salt, but it’s still pretty impressive that El Paso is the 10th largest exporter among all of America’s metropolitan regions.  The total of exports out of El Paso in 2016 was $26.5 billion and that put us ahead of much larger cities.  This is great news and as long as the city continues to expand its relationship with Juarez and the region, things can only get better.  (elpasoinc.com)

IF YOU EVER WANT TO KILL SOMEONE, MAKE SURE YOU DO IT IN LAS CRUCES.  IT’S PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CONVICTED OF MURDER IN DONA ANA COUNTY – A jury in Las Cruces has found Lawrence Lucero not guilty of stabbing David Escamilla to death in 2014 despite all the stabby evidence.  So continuing a tradition dating back to Pat Garrett and possibly much earlier, a jury in Dona Ana County has just shrugged its shoulders and allowed a killer to go free on the flimsiest of excuses.  Even cops can get shot by drunken partners in Las Cruces and the only result will be multiple mistrials.  You need an actual video of someone killing another person to get a murder conviction in Dona Ana County and even then the jury will still doubt the evidence and go with manslaughter.  Maybe this whole trial by jury thing should be abolished in Dona Ana County, it’s not like it accomplishes anything.  (kvia.com)

HEAVEN FORBID SOCORRO FOCUS ON IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT AND INFRASTRUCTURE, THEY INSTEAD WANT TO WASTE MONEY ON POINTLESS THINGS LIKE THE NAMES OF ROADS – The Eastlake extension project will finally give Socorro another access point to I-10 as Old Hueco Tanks Road is remodeled and properly connected to Eastlake and I-10.  This being Socorro, they’ve decided at the last minute to ask that the extension not be known as ‘South Eastlake’.  Instead they want the road to be known as ‘Nuevo Hueco Tanks Road’ so that the segment in Socorro can keep its “identity”. Because it is a stupid idea done at the last minute, the City of Socorro will have to spend thousands of dollars on the name change and signage because the state and county aren’t going to foot the bill.  It’s hard to tell what’s worse; that thousands of dollars that could have been used for useful endeavors will be wasted on a vanity project or that instead of just keeping it as ‘Old Hueco Tanks Road’ they changed it to ‘Nuevo Hueco Tanks Road’ in a false belief that it gives them some sort of Latino cred.  Apparently adding a Spanish word to the name makes them knowledgeable Latino heroes and not just pandering Latino douchebags.  But nothing is more telling than this quote by Socorro Councilman Ralph Duran:  “The amount of money that will be spent on a name change is negligible, considering the amount of money we will be getting back in taxes and sales tax.”  Dear genius, even if the name of the road was ‘Super Buttfuck Avenue’ you’d still be getting back the SAME FUCKING AMOUNT in property and sales tax!  Join us next week when the City of Socorro defends the “honor” of ‘Horizon Boulevard’ south of I-10 by renaming it ‘Cholo Raza Gandara Avenue’.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THEY FINALLY DID IT, CATALONIA HAS DECLARED ITS INDEPENDENCE!  LET’S SEE IF THE PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO FIGHT FOR SELF DETERMINATION OR IF THEY’LL JUST WHITTLE UNDER PRESSURE FROM MADRID – The Catalan government, after being pushed around by Madrid, has finally declared its independence – reflecting the will of the voters in the referendum.  Naturally, the Spanish government has decided to get its “ex-wife” back by force, like an abusive husband, and has started a hostile takeover over Catalonia by removing its autonomy.  Now we wait and see if the people of Catalonia will take this lying down or if they will fight for their land.  If you’re keeping score at home, democracy only counts if the result is pre-approved by the powers that be and self-determination is a four letter word among “democratic” nations.  (bbc.com)

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED THAT SOMETHING FROM OUTER SPACE PASSED BY EARTH!  IT’S A GIANT ROCK AND NOT AN ALIEN, BUT IT’S STILL INTERESTING – A comet or asteroid coming from an interstellar path came into the solar system last month and got as close as 14 million miles to Earth before it started its path out of the Solar System on an equally weird route.  The interstellar object did not follow a normal Solar Systemesque trajectory and instead came into the area practically from above at a very high angle.  Although this news is very cool, what’s worrying is that no one saw this coming until a few weeks ago.  So if another space rock comes hurtling in at a similar angle with a trajectory toward Earth we would only have weeks to prepare for a possible impact.  Not only do we have to worry about Solar System rocks hitting the Earth, no we have to keep an eye out for weirdo outer space objects as well.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT – It’s Halloween time again, be safe out there and make sure to get your fill of candy, booze and half-naked costumes.  It seems Halloween goes more global every year and more people are jumping in on the fun.  And while some people in other countries feel that the holiday is ‘invading their culture’, they should relax and just embrace it as a way to get together with friends and family and have a good time.  And if they want some of their country’s holidays to reach a global audience, they should make sure it involves candy, free food, slutty costumes and/or booze.  I will gladly celebrate any holiday from any part of the world as long as it involves free food, booze and slutty costumes.  Bring it on!  Paso del Norte is not threatened by any foreign cultures and will gladly absorb your eaty/drinky/slutty traditions like some sort of degenerate cultural Borg.  (news.nationalgeographic.com)

 

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