Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/06/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

UTEP OFFERS AMAZON THE CHANCE TO LEASE ONCE TOXIC LAND AS AN INCENTIVE TO LAND AMAZON’S SECOND HEADQUARTERS.  DIANA NATALICIO ISN’T VERY GOOD AT THIS WHITE COLLAR CORPORATE BRIBERY THING – The Amazon sweepstakes is under way and cities around the country are busy whoring themselves out and offering bribes (I’m sorry, they’re called “incentives”) to get the company to set up a multi-billion dollar headquarters in their immediate tax zone.  It is admirable that many stakeholders in the Paso del Norte region have come together to support this project (even the Mayor of Juarez has come aboard to support El Paso’s bid, though the Mayor of Las Cruces has not been very vocal about this at all).  But maybe Diana Natalicio should just give them the old Asarco cleanup site instead of just offering a lease, that’s not much of a bribecentive.  Like when San Antonio and Texas bribed (aka incentivized) Toyota to put a factory there and Austin’s bribe (aka economic development incentive) spree to land random tech companies, the winner of the Amazon sweepstakes will be the city that offers the most “incentives” and that has the whitest population possible.  Let’s face it, Amazon is a white bread company and they will choose the wealthiest suburbanite community that has just enough “urban” elements and just enough Latino, Black and Asian faces that they can claim they are in a “vibrant and diverse” place.  So basically some white bread city filled with a few token minorities will get Amazon Headquarters Part 2.  At least El Paso hasn’t gone to some of the extreme begging and bribing lengths that other cities have engaged in to try and get Amazon to come to their town.  El Paso has some integrity.  (elpasoinc.com)

IT’S TIME FOR EL PASO’S ANNUAL DRAWING PENISES WITH CHALK FESTIVAL!  – Chalk The Block is back in downtown El Paso with great art and music activities for the whole family.  The festival is a great event in downtown that showcases talented artists doing amazing things with only chalk and also gives everyone a chance to do chalk graffiti all over downtown El Paso.  In keeping with El Paso tradition, this is the perfect opportunity to get really drunk and turn something wholesome into a morbid mess by using your chalk to draw penises and boobs all over the streets of El Paso.  So go out and enjoy the Chalk The Block (With Penises) Festival 2017!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ZOMBIE HAMBURGERS ARE COMING TO EL PASO!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! – Much like a zombie or Jesus Christ, Charcoaler is coming back from the dead to bring joy, excitement and delicious food to El Paso.  Charcoaler was a legendary fast food joint that made amazing hamburgers cooked on a real charcoal grill for decades in El Paso.  Sadly, the burger joint ceased operations last year ……. but now it’s coming back!  The new owners, which include a member of the family that owned the original, will open Charcoaler before the holidays and promise that it will be better than ever.  So start getting in line now, because Mesa is going to be a parking lot once Charcoaler opens up again.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WELL, THAT WENT WELL.  THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT ISN’T VERY GOOD AT DECISION MAKING, IS IT? – All Spain had to do was back off and let Catalonia have its non-binding referendum and it would have lost or won by a very narrow margin.  All things considered, no one would have cared and only the small minority of true separatists would have bitched and complained about the result.  By banning the vote, sending police and acting violently against people who just wanted to practice basic democracy; the Spanish government has pissed off the entire Catalan region and have pushed the moderates into the arms of the fringe nationalist separatists that now are calling for a real independence movement.  Next time, just look at how London handled the whole Scottish Independence movement to see how to properly handle a referendum by angry separatists.  Now Madrid has backed itself into a corner and will probably end up using more violence that will push Catalonia and other Spanish regions to question the bullshit dream of “Spanish Unity”.  Madrid is just lucky the Basque Country hasn’t risen up again, Spain would already be split into 8 countries by now if the Catalans and the Basques pushed Madrid at the same time.  (bbc.com)

AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WERE AN ELDERLY LOSER CAN AMASS AN ARSENAL AND KILL DOZENS OF PEOPLE IN A TERRORIST ATTACK USING HIS PERFECTLY LEGAL GUN COLLECTION – A terrorist attack occurred in Las Vegas as an elderly moron who hated casinos, or some other stupid reason, decided to take out his anger on innocent people watching a country music concert.  By the end of his cowardly terrorist strike, the elderly fucker killed 58 people from his 32nd floor perch at the Mandalay Bay Hotel using semi-automatic weapons with legal modifications that turned them into borderline machine guns.  These modifications were so fucked up that even the NRA is asking the government to look into banning bump-stocks that can turn a semi-automatic rifle into an even more dangerous weapon.  Fuck terrorists of all races, creeds and ideologies and their stupid reasoning.  (bbc.com)

LET’S END ON A HAPPY NOTE WITH A PARROT THAT SINGS WITH A BELFAST ACCENT TO SUPPORT THE NORTHERN IRELAND NATIONAL FUTBALL TEAM – Kelo the parrot is a magical bird that sings and talks with a Belfast accent while supporting the Green and White Army.  This is all you need to know, so just click the link and watch Kelo support Northern Ireland!  (bbc.com)

 

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