Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/21/2017


I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD BE OUTLIVED BY THE BRASS ASP.  IN FACT, SCIENTISTS ORIGINALLY BELIEVED THAT ONLY A METEOR IMPACT COULD DESTROY THE BRASS ASP.  HOW WRONG WE ALL WERE – The Brass Asp and five other central El Paso bars are “no more” as a TABC investigation has found illegal activity in the bars that required them to be shut down.  Although not caught in any “alcohol related” offenses, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission found that employees at these places were engaging in illegal drug sales inside the premises and it was prevalent enough that they decided to shut them down.  The TABC don’t fuck around and all bar owners should make sure that they don’t put their business at the hands of people who would be this bad at decision making.  To make matters worse, the bars were within 1,000 feet of “drug-Free Zones”, such as schools or daycares, and that made the punishment that much more severe.  A reminder that even though these places were less than a 1,000 feet from a school, the bars never abducted any children or forcefully gave them alcohol and forced them to work as prostitutes.  “Drug-Free Zones” and school zoning laws – fear mongering at its finest!  Rest in peace, sketchy central El Paso bars.  If anything, maybe Max Grossman will start a petition to save the historic Brass Asp Bar, which has the same amount of history as “Duranguito” and doesn’t need a fake marketing name.  (

AFTER MORE THAN A CENTURY, A RECENTLY DISCOVERED DOCUMENT MIGHT FINALLY SHED SOME LIGHT AS TO WHO REALLY KILLED PAT GARRETT.   EVEN WITHOUT KIKI VIGIL, THE DONA ANA COUNTY SHERIFF’S MANAGED TO TURN A CASE WITH A FULL CONFESSION INTO AN ACQUITTAL AND A CONSPIRACY THEORY CLUSTERFUCK – A document recently unearthed in the Dona Ana County archives promises to shed new light on the murder of Pat Garrett back in 1908.  The coroner’s jury report was found in an un-archived box and is one of the few official documents that have information on the murder.  Pat Garrett gained recognition as a lawman when he killed Billy the Kid, but his life was marred with financial troubles and his life ended when he got involved in a skeevy land deal involving goats and some of the more sketchy residents of southern New Mexico.  The same sketchy residents that were friends with Albert “Teapot Dome Scandal” Fall and that were loosely involved in all the hazy happenings in the area at the time, including the disappearance of Albert Jennings Fountain.  Even though Jesse Wayne Brazel confessed to the killing, he was STILL acquitted and a mystery developed regarding what happened that day in 1908.  Even back then, Dona Ana County Sheriffs and prosecutors were already finding ways to mess up cases and let killers go free.   With this find, Dona Ana County hopes to secure more funding to restore this, and other, historical documents and increase its search for other antique treasures in its archives.  The document is set to be officially unveiled this summer in case any history buffs want to take a look.  (

AS ONE TIGER PASSES AWAY AT THE EL PASO ZOO, TWO WHITE TIGERS ARE BORN IN SAN JORGE ZOO IN JUAREZ.  IT’S ALMOST POETIC – El Paso Zoo’s Belahat the tiger passed away last week at the age of 18.  He had suffered from kidney disease for the past two years and just wasn’t able to recover from the most recent troubles he had with the disease.  But don’t feel too bad, he lived a decent amount of time in tiger years and sired 4 male and 3 female cubs in his lifetime.  So he did his part.  And in more happier local tiger news, 2 white tiger cubs were born in the San Jorge Zoo recently and the zoo is celebrating their arrival.  The cubs were born to Jazmin Tigre and Sascha Tigre and the whole tiger family is doing well and on display at the zoo.  The cubs don’t have names yet, but the zoo is planning on holding a contest for local schoolchildren to submit their suggestions soon.  We recommend the names “Pancho Pantera” for a boy cub and “Niurka” for a girl cub – kids, start stuffing the ballot box with those names NOW!  So make sure you visit the El Paso Zoo and the San Jorge Zoo if you like tigers of all colors.  ( /


LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT BE GETTING A NEW REVOLUTION IN AFRICA.  HOPEFULLY THIS DOESN’T END BADLY LIKE THE PAST 500 “REVOLUTIONS” THAT HAVE OCCURRED IN AFRICA – In what is perhaps one of the largest prison breaks in history, sources say that over 3,000 prisoners escaped from Makala Prison in Democratic Republic of Congo last week.  What makes this prison break so important is that the religious/political/revolutionary group Bundu Dia Kongo is believed to be responsible for the attack on the prison and that the escapees include Ne Muanda Nsemi, who is considered a major leader of the group, and many of his followers.  Bundu Dia Kongo seeks to “revive” the ancient Kongo Kingdom in parts of DR Congo and surrounding countries.  One cannot condemn a group of people for trying to claim their sovereignty, so let’s just hope this is a noble fight and not a shameless excuse for ethnic cleansing as has been seen in most “revolutions” in the last few decades.  (

CHRIS CORNELL IS DEAD.  LONG LIVE CHRIS CORNELL – Chris Cornell was a legendary rocker that had enormous success with Soundgarden, Audioslave and as a solo artist.  He was one of the founding fathers of Seattle’s grunge music scene and was instrumental in the alternative music boom of the 1990s.  Tragically, Chris Cornell died last week and it is alleged that he committed suicide, adding yet another casualty from the list of grunge pioneers.  I grew up during the heyday of that amazing ‘90s alternative music scene and Chris Cornell and Soundgarden were one of the nostalgic musical highlights of my youth.  His amazing voice transcended rock music and he will be dearly missed.  Rest in peace, Chris Cornell.  (

FOR THOSE KEEPING TRACK, THAT WEIRDO STAR THAT DOES WEIRD THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE RELATED TO ALIENS IS STILL DOING WEIRD THINGS – Star KIC 8462852 (aka Tabby’s Star, aka WTF Star) is a star that has defied explanation and that has been observed to dim up to 20% by something larger than a planet.  To date, there have been many theories to explain its behavior but nothing has really been finalized.  The thing is so weird that a theory involving aliens creating a Dyson Sphere around the object is just as viable as most other theories.  Well, it’s still doing weird things and it has started to dim all over again – so act accordingly.  I vote for giant cosmic cloud made of a weirdo substance as the source of the dimming, but it would be pretty cool if the source was a giant alien structure.  (


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