Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/14/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ALL HAIL NOLAN RICHARDSON!  THE NEW KING OF THE SEGUNDO BARRIO! – Congratulations to Nolan Richardson who was named the Segundo Barrio person of the year and was honored with a parade this weekend.  Nolan Richardson grew up in the Segundo Barrio neighborhood and went on to play basketball at UTEP, coached at Bowie and then had a hall of fame career at the University of Arkansas where he won a national championship.  Nolan Richardson is one of the city’s favorite sons and it’s good to see his old neighborhood honor him in such a great way.  (kvia.com)

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION IN THE UPCOMING MAYORAL RUNOFF ELECTION IS “WHICH CANDIDATE IS THE BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF EL PASO ENDORSING?” – Things were going nice and civilized in the one on one mayoral match-up between Dee Margo and David Saucedo, but once the current mayor and six city representatives endorsed Dee Margo – David Saucedo threw a tantrum.  Seriously, minutes after the vast majority of the city government said that Dee Margo would be the best choice for mayor, David Saucedo started accusing the city government and staff of corruption and implied that Dee Margo was a part of the corruption and would make things even more corrupt in City Hall.  David Saucedo offered no evidence for his stupid allegations (probably because he pulled the “information” out of his ass during the tantrum) and started babbling about anonymous sources that were too scared to come forward about city inspectors and staff taking bribes to get things done.  If he does know about specific acts of corruption in the city, he should go to the authorities immediately or he would be considered to be aiding in the alleged corruption.  But since he’s just making things up in a desperate attempt to get votes, it’s best just to ignore him.  Along with his creepy “Old Guy Trying To Fit In At Tipsy Tiger” look, it’s almost as if David Saucedo is doing everything in his power to turn people off and lose the election.  This can’t be stressed enough, David Saucedo is coming off as less likable than a guy who referred to the ugly, overkill border security near the Segundo Barrio as a fucking “Freedom Fence”!  (kvia.com)

EARLY REPORTS SUGGEST THAT AN EL PASO POLICE OFFICER FLIPPED HIS CAR ON SCHUSTER BECAUSE WAS CHASING A BALD HEADED MAN IN A NEON COLORED MUSTANG WHO WAS DRIVING “FURIOUSLY FAST” – El Paso police officer J. Andrew Morales lost control of his vehicle and flipped it over near El Paso High School because he was driving too fast and not paying attention.  There was no other cars involved and there is no logical reason why someone would be driving that fast on a residential street, but the officer still managed to do it.  If he can’t blame the wreck on a cool car chase he should just double down and tell people he was practicing to be in the next Fast and the Furious movie – SCENIC DRIVE DRIFT!  The officer was cited for “failure to control speed” which will be rapidly dismissed once it goes to court.  At least he wasn’t drunk, because drunk driving is apparently the only thing that causes any outrage among El Paso’s ankle biters.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC

PHISHING SCHEMES ARE SO 2016, RANSOMWARE IS THE HIP NEW THING THAT ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING – A massive worldwide computer attack occurred this weekend as businesses and government offices in over 100 countries have been hit by a ransom parasite that locks and encrypts files on a computer and asks for bitcoin in order to unlock them.  The attackers are unknown at this time, but they are pretty cheap considering that they are only asking for the equivalent of around $300 in bitcoin to “unlock” the files.  Lazy hackers, back in my day hackers used to work hard and con people in elaborate phishing schemes to scam companies out of millions of dollars.  Nowadays they just download ransomware programs stolen from the American government and get paid in their fancy pants bitcoin.  Get off my lawn, hackers!  (bbc.com)

WHILE AMERICA WANTS TO BUILD WALLS AND ALIENATE ALL ITS NEIGHBORS, CHINA IS NOW WORKING TO IMPROVE ROADS AND INFRASTRUCTURE FOR NEIGHBORING COUNTRIES IN ORDER TO ENCOURAGE TRADE AND PROSPERITY.  I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE DAY THAT AMERICA WOULD BE THE CLOSE-MINDED AUTHORITARIAN AND THAT CHINA WOULD BE THE OPEN-MINDED CHAMPION OF FREE TRADE AND PEACE – China has pledged $124 billion for their long gestating Belt and Road initiative that seeks to improve transportation and trade between China, the rest of Asia, Europe and Africa.  Part of the funding will include aid for less prosperous countries in order for them to improve ports, roads and other critical infrastructure.  Chinese President Xi Jinping has long stressed the importance of trade and the belief that China should aid other countries without getting involved in their internal affairs.  Contrast this with the Donald Trump shit show and its fear mongering and obsession with walls and you start to wonder who is the progressive, democratic leader and who is the authoritarian?  Hell, even the Communist party doesn’t allow a leader to fire someone that is investigating them for treasonous actions.  (bbc.com)

I LIKE TO THINK THAT ROBERT MILES FLOATED UP TO HEAVEN AS AN ARMY OF ANGEL DJS PLAYED “CHILDREN” – Acclaimed DJ, Robert Miles, passed away earlier in the week after a tough bout with cancer.  DJ Robert Miles, born Roberto Concina, was a Swiss/Italian electronic music maestro who is best known for his epic track “Children”.  He had an amazing career with many electronica hits and contributions to film soundtracks.  He was a pioneer in trance music and the electronic music scene and also had a profound social impact through his music.  Be sure to read the full BBC article on his passing which includes an excellent story on how “Children” came about and how the song helped save lives during the hectic rave scene of the ‘90s.  Rest in peace, Robert Miles.  (bbc.com)

 

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