Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 04/30/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TO ALL FIVE PEOPLE WHO VOTE IN EL PASO, DON’T FORGET TO VOTE IN THIS SATURDAY’S MAYORAL/COUNCIL ELECTIONS.  WE HAVE A GOOD SHOT OF KICKING MORONS OUT OF OFFICE AND ELECTING COMPETENT INDIVIDUALS – The El Paso Mayoral and City Council Elections are this Saturday, May 6, and the city has a shot to remove some speed bumps in the current government and replace them with qualified people who can make a difference and not spend all their time bitching and flip flopping on the location of the arena.  Voting isn’t very popular in El Paso, sadly, and some of these elections will be decided by hundreds of votes or less!  So please go out and vote.  In local elections your vote DOES make a difference.  I won’t tell you how to vote, but as a public service I WILL tell you who you shouldn’t vote for in the major elections:

MAYOR – Don’t vote for David Saucedo

DISTRICT 2 – Vote for anyone BUT Jim Tolbert

DISTRICT 7 – Please, for the love of God, don’t vote for Lily Limon

(epcountyvotes.com)

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT HE DIDN’T GET DRAFTED BY THE DALLAS COWBOYS OR NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS.  AT LEAST AARON JONES GETS TO BE ON A LIKABLE TEAM – The wait is over and Aaron Jones has been drafted by the Green Bay Packers in the 5th round of the NFL Draft.  Aaron Jones is a 100% El Paso machine that dominated at running back for Burges and UTEP and will be hoping to do the same for the Packers.  Hopefully this is a sign of things to come and we’ll see more El Paso athletes reach the professional level.  Good luck, Mr. Jones.  (cbs4local.com)

WET N WILD IS GETTING A NEW RIDE!  HOORAY!  NOW IF THEY CAN JUST BUILD A NICER PARKING LOT – Wet N Wild has been a hallmark of summer fun for decades in Paso Del Norte and their latest expansion is one of the more impressive projects they have done in quite some time.  Jaguar Falls (not to be confused with Jaguars Gold Club on Gateway West, another type of wet ride) will open in late May/early June and the group raft slide will be the biggest attraction in the park yet.  Construction is still ongoing, but in a few weeks there will be another cool ride that you can check out when you go out to the park.  Kudos, Wet N Wild for staying strong for more than 30 years!  Western Playland, the ball is now in your court to build a cool ride.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I’M GUESSING RECEP ERDOGAN GOT MAD WHEN WIKIPEDIA DIDN’T LET HIM CHANGE HIS ENTRY TO ADD THAT HE HAS “A GIANT 18-INCH PENIS” AND IS “THE LEGITIMATE RULER OF TURKEY” – This weekend, Turkey decided to “temporarily block” access to Wikipedia throughout the country for no apparent reason and with no actual court order.  Even China and Russia make a half-assed effort to only “hinder” Wikipedia and not block it completely.  Even by authoritarian standards, Turkey is going off the rails in spectacular fashion.  It’s not like Wikipedia is “western propaganda”.  As long as you have facts and sources you can go ahead and change anything on Wikipedia ……. ANYTHING!  Any idiot can put things on Wikipedia as long as there is a modicum of truth to it!  Wait, that’s the problem – things have to be somewhat truthful to be listed on Wikipedia.  Hope Erdogan is having fun oppressing the truth and running his country into the ground.  (bbc.com)

IF ANYTHING CAN GET AUTISTIC INDIVIDUALS TO CONQUER THEIR SOCIAL PHOBIAS, IT’S ECSTASY.  MOLLY CAN MAKE ANYONE WANT TO PARTY – A study by Alicia Danforth and Charles Grob with the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute has shown that MDMA (aka Ecstasy or Molly) has reduced anxiety and social phobias among people with Autism.  Although this is only the beginning of the research, the results are promising.  Coupled with therapy, the use of these drugs can be extremely useful when treating severe social anxiety in people with Autism and others.  Damn, even the “evil drugs” seem to have a useful purpose when regulated.  America’s “War on Drugs” gets dumber and dumber every year with each new study and their resulting facts and statistics.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

AFTER AN EXTENDED DICK MEASURING CONTEST, NOW AMERICA IS WILLING TO NEGOTIATE WITH NORTH KOREA.  EVEN TWO KIDS WITH ADHD IN AN ARGUMENT ARE MORE CONSISTENT THAN KIM JONG UN AND DONALD TRUMP – In keeping with its current wacko leadership, the US government is now saying that it wants to negotiate with North Korea over its nuclear weapons program; this after it sent warships into the area, engaged in massive military drills with South Korea and implied it would bomb North Korea preemptively if they didn’t stop their nuclear weapons program.  So it appears the strategy to deal with North Korea is to just throw shit on the wall and see what sticks.  At least Kim Jong Un is consistent with his stupidity, Donald Trump just seems to be making it up as he goes along.  Oh well, Seoul doesn’t have massive Trump “investments” so it’s of no concern to Washington if that’s the main target of any North Korean retaliation.  Pray for Seoul.  (bbc.com)

 

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