Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 04/09/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ACCORDING TO EL PASO ELECTRIC, PEOPLE WITH SOLAR PANELS THAT CONTRIBUTE ELECTRICITY BACK INTO THE SYSTEM NEED TO BE CHARGED MORE FOR ELECTRICITY BECAUSE THEY USE UP SOME FORM OF “SUPER ELECTRICITY” THAT COSTS THE ELECTRIC COMPANY MORE TO PRODUCE BECAUSE OF SPECIAL POLES AND WIRES.  EL PASO ELECTRIC IS SKETCHY AS FUCK – El Paso Electric does not want to deal with people with solar panels because they, stupidly, believe that residential solar power is competition or will take their jobs or is powered by the Devil – at this point it’s pretty hard to understand what their reasoning is.  A competent organization would try to work with ALL solar energy providers to create the most solar friendly utility in the world.  But El Paso Electric is petty, greedy and incompetent and thus it somehow manages to get beat by places like Austin and any random city on the east coast when it comes to solar initiatives.  So basically the city with the most sunshine in America is getting its butt kicked by cities in cloudy and humid environments when it comes to solar power thanks to El Paso Electric.  Luckily, local government bodies and individuals like county commissioner Vince Perez are fighting the utility’s stupidity.  But we’ll have to wait and see if they can actually do anything against a powerful utility that is essentially a money printing monopoly.  I won’t even try to explain El Paso Electric’s argument because it is just a pointless revolving door of excuses designed to cover their asses.  But I will leave you with this poorly phrased word jumble that El Paso Electric spokesman, Eddie Gutierrez, gave as an explanation for his employer’s horrible policy, “The $14 a month for private solar customers reflects and attempts to capture a portion of the bill — of the wires and poles, the system to be on standby — to attempt to capture the subsidy that’s currently being imposed upon residents that don’t have this technology.”  Wires!  Poles!  Subsidies!  Solar power is the Devil and it wants to take your money and molest your children!  That truly is one of the dumbest explanations for anything that anyone has ever uttered in defense of a giant monopoly.  (kvia.com)

THE CHIHUAHUAS ARE BACK IN ACTION AT CITY HALL FIELD!  LET’S FETCH SOME EXCITEMENT AND (INSERT ANOTHER SHAMELESS DOG PUN HERE)! – Coming off a very successful season last year in which the team was one win away from claiming the Supreme Minor League Championship (or whatever the championship is called), the El Paso Chihuahuas kicked off the 2017 season this weekend against Las Vegas with very promising results.  Good luck to the Chihuahuas this season and hopefully we see an even larger economic impact in downtown this season.  (cbs4local.com)

BAWWWWWW!  LOOK AT THE CUTE BABY PRONGHORN – Congratulations go out to Princessa and Tabasco at the El Paso Zoo on the birth of their brand new male pronghorn fawn.  The baby was named Bowser and the fawn and mother are doing well.  Peninsular pronghorns, or Baja California pronghorns, are listed as a critically endangered subspecies of pronghorn and this birth is great news for re-population efforts.  So if you are a fan of baby animals (who isn’t) make sure you go to the El Paso Zoo and say hi to Bowser.  (elpasoproud.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOK!  AMERICA ISN’T THE ONLY COUNTRY THAT REALIZES THEIR PRESIDENT IS A MORON AND SHOULD BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY.  SOUTH AFRICA SEEMS TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM TOO.  THE CITIZENS OF THE WORLD REALLY DO HAVE MANY THINGS IN COMMON – South African President, Jacob Zuma, has been a disaster in office and has “led” his country into a horrible economic malaise with a junk status credit rating.  This has, naturally, pissed off a good portion of South Africa’s population who marched in cities around the country this weekend demanding that he step down from power.  Although this is a great show of “people power”, Mr. Zuma will still find a way to survive all of this and just blame others as he fires all the competent people in the government and replaces them with his personal “yes men” and stooges.  Firing everyone and replacing them with cronies – hmmm, where have I heard that before?  It’s almost as if Zuma is “draining the swamp” and using nepotism to make all of his hiring decisions.  I’m glad things like that don’t happen in developed nations.  (bbc.com)

WHEN THE OCTOPUS ARMIES TAKE OVER THE WORLD, WE WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT WAS THE FIRST TO WARN THE WORLD ABOUT THE IMPENDING DANGER – Scientists have discovered that cephalopods don’t rely on DNA mutations to adapt over generations, like virtually all species, but instead alter their RNA to make changes at the individual level that are not passed on to offspring.  So most adaptations in cephalopods are done “on the fly” and don’t rely on natural selection or a traditional interpretation of evolution.  Although octopi, squid and other cephalopods are known to be very clever creatures, the changes do not appear to be made consciously by the animal but, rather, as a result of interaction with the environment.  But what if octopuses where really ancient aliens and they are so smart that they can change their adaptations on command via RNA?  What if this is only the beginning of the Grand Octopus Army?  Somebody call SyFy Channel or History Channel!  I have an idea for a horribly inaccurate show that fits perfectly with their content!  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IT TOOK YEARS BEFORE BILL CLINTON AND THE BUSHES LAUNCHED CRUISE MISSILES INTO RANDOM COUNTRIES TO DISTRACT US FROM DOMESTIC PROBLEMS.  IT TOOK DONALD TRUMP LESS THAN 100 DAYS TO DO THE SAME – Even though Donald Trump said he would never involve America in pointless conflicts, he just launched cruise missiles at Syria and further involved us in a pointless Middle East conflict.  Donald Trump says the tipping point for him came when he saw babies dying after a chemical attack in Syria – never mind that babies have been dying for a long time in Syria due to guns and fire bombs.  Even Donald Trump can’t resist the power of “Obama’s Red Line of Syria”.  So now the world will just sit back again write a strongly worded letter to Russia and Assad and continue letting babies die because of fire bombings – but they better think twice if they plan on using chemicals on those babies.  At this point I’m starting to think that this is all just some elaborate ploy by Putin to accomplish whatever weirdo goal he has lined up.  (bbc.com)

 

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