Simple Minded Monthly Recap-ITATION! – August 2020

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE BRIDGE OF THE AMERICAS/PUENTE LIBRE MIGHT GET FUNDING FOR EXPANSION AND MODERNIZATION.  WHO SAYS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT? – In a bit of good news for the local economy, the house passed the appropriations bill H.R. 7617 that includes $700 million for improvements on the Bridge of the Americas/Puente Libre that connects central El Paso with central Juarez.  Increasing trade traffic would be great for the area and pump much needed money into the economy.  The news was announced by Congresswoman Veronica Escobar and now the bill will go to the Senate where it will hopefully be passed and not bogged down by the majority Republican idiots in that chamber.  Maybe if we tell the Senate that the bill likes to drink beer and molest women they’ll pass it in record time.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

TURNS OUT ALL OF SOCORRO AND THE LOWER VALLEY IS A FLOOD ZONE.  WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN BY LOOKING AT THE FLAT LAND ALL ALONG THE RIVER THAT IT WAS PRONE TO FLOODING?  I’M GLAD THAT FEMA IS HERE TO MAKE NON-OBVIOUS MAPS – FEMA has just created a new preliminary flood map for El Paso and a bunch of the region is now in the flood zone.  This will have an impact on property values and development costs, but no real changes will occur in the areas that flood.  The valley will just keep on flooding like it always does, it’s a mystery that flat land next to the river floods.  When will the mystery be unraveled?  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

FIRST THEY START MAKING TORTILLAS, THEN THEY KILL US ALL.  THIS IS HOW TERMINATOR SHOULD HAVE REALLY STARTED – New Mexico State University has partnered with Minerva Robotics via the university’s Arrowhead Center to create a tortilla making robot.  The robot will use artificial intelligence and improved efficiencies to automate the corn tortilla production process and create gourmet tortillas that rival the homemade variety.  First the robots will replace the tortilla makers, then the robots will replace all of humanity – and it all started at NMSU!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

HAPPY TRAILS TO OUR GREATER MOGOLLON FRIENDS LOST IN AUGUST – Rudo the Lion passed away this month.  The 7 year old lion at the El Paso Zoo suffered from a neurological issue and was put down after paralysis set in.  Rest in peace, young lion.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THAT’S AN EXPLOSION FOR THE RECORD BOOKS.  IT’S PERHAPS THE LARGEST EXPLOSION EVER CAUSED BY GOVERNMENT INCOMPETENCE AND CORRUPTION – Earlier this month, a massive explosion rocked Beirut, Lebanon and killed over 200 people and caused thousands of injuries.  The explosion was caused when a fire ignited 2,750 tonnes of ammonium nitrate that had been stored in a warehouse at the port for over six years.  Apparently, the government was so incompetent that they kept tons of highly explosive material in an unsafe environment because they couldn’t figure out what to do with it.  The outrage has been high in the country and now it looks like most of the government will step down in disgrace over this failure of basic governance.  Hopefully, Beirut bounces back from this and Lebanon improves its government by not electing corrupt morons.  (bbc.com)

THE ELECTION SYSTEM IN BELARUS IS LIKE DONALD TRUMP’S WET DREAM.  THEY DON’T EVEN BOTHER COUNTING VOTES, THE GOVERNMENT JUST MAKES UP WHATEVER RESULTS THEY WANT – After widespread voting irregularities and the government’s insistence on declaring dictator Alexander Lukashenko the victor of the presidential election, the people of Belarus have taken to the streets to protest.  Tens of thousands of people have gone to the streets to fight back against the corruption and obvious voter fraud that has kept the corrupt government in power for decades.  The protests keep on growing but the ruling government is steadfast in staying in power.  Fight the good fight, people of Belarus.  (npr.org)

MALI JUST HAD A COUP AND THE CLUSTERFUCK IN THAT COUNTRY JUST KEEPS GROWING – After months of opposition protests, a faction of the Mali armed forces have “arrested” President Ibrahim Boubacar Keita and forced him to resign.  The coup d’etat leaders have vowed to proceed with “democratic elections”, but nothing is off the table in bonkers African politics.  Even “democratically-elected dictators” are a possibility once the coup d’etats start up around here.  It’s like a slightly warmer Belarus.  (aljazeera.com)

AND THE COVID PANDEMIC STILL KEEPS ON GOING – While some countries have taken the health crisis seriously, some countries care more about money and the fictional muhkonamy than human lives.  So as it stands, hundreds of thousands are dead and millions are infected and the numbers keep growing.  And we still haven’t reached the second wave.  (simplemindedentertainment.com)

 

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