Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/30/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

I GUESS SOCORRO HIGH SCHOOL WASN’T HISTORIC ENOUGH.  A NEW SOCORRO HIGH SCHOOL WILL BE BUILT AS THE OLD BUILDING IS GRADUALLY TOSSED TO THE DUSTBIN OF HISTORY.  BUT THAT IS THE PRICE OF PROGRESS – It’s been brewing for awhile, but the planned overhaul of Socorro High School is well underway now.  Recent community meetings have revealed designs and timelines for the massive $135 million project and it’s looking like it is full speed ahead for the destruction/re-construction of Socorro High.  The building has been around for decades; but many buildings made of cinder block, drywall and plywood just don’t pass the test to attain significantly historic status.  It’s sad to see an old building go, but the future looks bright thanks to this new project in Socorro.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IF THE MEASLES DOESN’T GET YOU, THE WEST NILE VIRUS WILL – 3 new cases of the West Nile Virus have popped up in El Paso this week, raising the total to 13 this year.  The virus is spread by mosquitoes, so be extra careful with the annoying little bastards as the summer comes to an end.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IT’S TIME FOR EL PASO HEMPFEST 2019 FEATURING CBD!  IT’S NOT LEGALIZED MARIJUANA, BUT WE’RE GETTING THERE – Buena Vida Wellness will be holding the 1st Annual Hemp And CBD Wellness Fair this Saturday at Sunland Park Mall.  It will be a professional and responsible showcase for the community to get familiar with hemp and CBD products.  The more people become aware of these products the easier it will be to progress to a full legalization of Marijuana and the abolishment of these arcane anti-drug laws.  Taking things slowly and maturely is probably the best way to attain legalization.  Though I still think the Simple Minded Legalize Pot And Fuck the Hypocrite Moralistic Drunk “Conservatives” Festival and Revolt 2019 has potential.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU THOUGHT BREXIT COULDN’T BECOME AN EVEN BIGGER CLUSTERFUCK, HOW WRONG YOU WERE – Boris Johnson, the new Prime Minister of the UK, has decided that he wants to collapse the British economy in the most spectacular way possible by accelerating towards a no-deal Brexit.  The prime minister has called for a suspension of Parliament in September and October, a move that will only allow lawmakers a few weeks to prevent a no-deal Brexit.  Boris Johnson’s plan – apparently – is to try to negotiate a new deal with the EU with absolutely no leverage and by showing off his crazy hair and poor planning skills.  So yeah, the UK is really fucked.  The best solution is to go back to voters with a choice of either ‘No Brexit’, ‘No-Deal Brexit’ and ‘Brexit with the shitty ass deal that was the best that the UK could get from the EU’.  This new referendum would cut through all the pie-in-the-sky bullshit that was promised in the original Brexit vote and give voters the cold hard truth of what to expect.  (bbc.com)

PEOPLE ARE BORN THIS WAY, BUT IT’S A LITTLE MORE COMPLEX THAN JUST ONE BIOLOGICAL FACTOR CONTROLLING EVERYTHING – A large research study has just been completed on the relationship of genetics and homosexuality.  The study was led by Harvard researchers and has just been published in the journal Science.  The main findings of the study show that multiple genes may be involved in homosexual behavior in humans.  The study got data from hundreds of thousands of people in DNA databases along with an associated sexual experience questionnaire.  In all, the study found five variants in the genome that had a big impact on sexuality.  Though not all were present in people that exhibited homosexual behavior, it seems that many of the variations were present in these situations.  Human sexuality – it turns out – is very complex and sexual preference doesn’t just come down to one gene or one single environmental factor.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

HEY, KIDS!  NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AN INTERNET CONTEST AND GIVE A NASA ROVER A STUPID NAME.  CHOOSE SOMETHING LIKE ROVERY MCROVERFACE, ONLY MORE STUPID IF POSSIBLE – NASA is holding the Mars 2020 Name The Rover Essay Contest for students across the country to write an essay about a rover and give it a name.  The winner gets to watch the launch of the mission that includes the rover and – more importantly – gets to give the rover a name.  Although this appears to be a juried contest and will not involve an internet poll, there is still a chance to give the rover a stupid name.  So any kids out there, be sure to write an essay about a rover that likes to party and get drunk and give it a cool name like King Beer Memorial Rover 3000.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/23/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO HAVING A COUNT CHOCULA BOWL – It was announced this week that Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes will be the new sponsor for the Sun Bowl and the full name for the beloved bowl game will be the Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl.  Kellogg’s has also committed to work with the Sun Bowl to help out in youth sports programs.  This is a pretty good sponsorship deal for the Sun Bowl with Frosted Flakes and Tony The Tiger being moderately football-related.  So, unlike most bowls, this deal makes sense.  Everyone knows the sugar content in Frosted Flakes makes for the perfect jet fuel for young athletes and Tony The Tiger is practically a college football mascot looking for a university.  All in all, this is a much better idea than the original plan to rename the game as the Tony Montana Cocaine Bowl in honor of Scarface.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MONTE IS NOW THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DOG ACTOR IN THE HISTORY OF LAS CRUCES.  HELL, HE’S MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN MOST ACTORS WILL EVER HOPE TO BE – Kudos to Monte the dog for landing the role of a lifetime as Tramp in the Disney+ remake of Lady And The Tramp.  Although he was adopted from HALO Animal Rescue in Arizona, Monte was originally from Las Cruces.  Monte is a 2-year old terrier mix and looks exactly like the beloved Tramp character from the movie.  Make us proud, Monte.  (cbs4local.com)

THE UTEP BOOZE FESTIVAL, AKA MINERPALOOZA, TAKES PLACE NEXT WEEKEND; SO YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO BUILD UP YOUR ALCOHOL TOLERANCE – A new school year is starting at UTEP and that means football season, tailgating and shameless binge drinking are not that far behind.  To honor the occasion, UTEP is holding its annual Minerpalooza celebration on Friday, August 30 right next to the Sun Bowl.  The festival will include live music, games, food and booze!  And if that isn’t enough, the Cincinnati party district is like 10 feet away with hot girls in thongs serving up even more booze!  Let’s celebrate binge drinki……… I mean, let’s celebrate UTEP and all their academic accomplishments.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE AMAZON RAINFOREST IS ON FIRE.  LOOKS LIKE MAKING A RIGHT-WING MORON AS LEADER WASN’T SUCH A GOOD DEAL FOR THE ENVIRONMENT – The Amazon rainforest is burning in multiple locations with a size and intensity not seen in more than a decade.  It’s probably not fair to blame this entirely on the idiot Jair Bolsonaro and the morons who voted for him.  But his lax attitude toward the environment and his relaxation of deforestation and industrial regulations have certainly taken Brazil back to the turn of the century – and not in a good way.   After pressure from Europe, Bolsonaro is now sending the military to fight the fires because his “ultra capitalist” government doesn’t even have a sufficient environmental and fire management department.  And we won’t even get started on the fact that a Frankenstein country like Brazil is not equipped to handle problems that occur thousands of miles away from the capital and the major cities.  Heaven forbid Frankenstein countries like Brazil be broken up into more efficient rationally-sized nations.  This would never have happened if Amazonland was its own country with Manaus as the capital.  (bbc.com)

MUD BACTERIA ISN’T THE HERO WE WANTED, BUT IT IS THE ONE WE NEED – Dimethyl Sulfide (DMS) is a chemical that helps reflect sunlight and create clouds and, in turn, helps cool the Earth.  Thus, it is considered a “good guy” gas because it can help neutralize or reverse the accelerated, man-made heating of the Earth that will eventually fuck us all up.  Researchers, led by scientists at the University of East Anglia, have recently discovered that bacteria in sea mud produce a ton of the helpful DMS gas and much more than open water organisms.  How this can help in the fight against climate change is yet to be seen, but it’s good to see that some organisms on Earth are actually trying to help the environment.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

SO IS THE PLAN TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN BY CRASHING THE ECONOMY AND STARTING A RECESSION?  MAYBE THE PLAN IS TO FUCK UP SO BADLY THAT DEMOCRATS TAKE OVER ALL THE BRANCHES OF THE GOVERNMENT IN THE NEXT ELECTION AND FIX EVERYTHING FOR DONALD TRUMP! – Donald Trump knows jack shit about economics and business and is only using tariffs because that’s one of the few things he can do without congressional approval (checks and balances apparently isn’t that great in the American government).  Naturally, this has had devastating consequences and now the economy is on the verge of a recession because an idiot overgrown toddler likes throwing tantrums in the White House.  Make no mistake, the economy is in an amazingly shitty position and it’s basically being propped up by the American consumer and their endless supply of stupidity and credit cards.  And don’t be fooled by any “magical” economic reports that the government puts out; if the Trump administration can fuck around with environmental reports and the justice department, they can fuck around with economic data.  On a good day, most financial reports are filled with more bullshit than a rodeo.  There’s no limit to the amount of bullshit that can be generated by sycophants and right wing bootlickers.  But hell, maybe if we put even more tariffs on other countries we’ll finally get the opposite effect of what’s already happened thousands of times before.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/16/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER TWO WEEKS OF ANGUISH, EL PASO REMAINS UNITED AND STRONG – The Paso Del Norte region is still reeling from the terrorist attack on August 3 that was carried out by a radicalized right-wing extremist, but the region has responded by being stronger and more united than ever.  We ask that everyone remember the victims of this heinous attack and contribute in any way possible to make sure their families and the survivors have all the support they need to overcome this tragedy.  Various fundraisers and support events have already been held and 2 separate benefit concerts headlined by El Paso natives Khalid and Vikki Carr are coming up in a few weeks.  We shall overcome.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

VIRGIN GALACTIC HAS OFFICIALLY MOVED TO THE LAS CRUCES AREA AND IS MAKING SPACEPORT AMERICA ITS HOME.  I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY THAT VIRGIN GALACTIC FORGOT ALL ABOUT US – In great news for southern New Mexico and the Mesilla Valley, Virgin Galactic has finally opened up its main office inside of Spaceport America.  While official flights are yet to begin, Virgin Galactic recently unveiled their new interior launch and control space inside the Spaceport to local media and it looks very sleek and modern.  In addition, the company hinted that test flights would finish up soon and the spacecraft would soon start making commercial trips from New Mexico in the near future.  This is very good news for Las Cruces, Truth Or Consequences and the surrounding region.  (cbs4local.com)

THE XII TRAVELERS STATUE PROJECT IS STILL GOING STRONG AND HAS FINALLY REACHED MONUMENT #4 AFTER A FEW DECADES.  WE’LL GET TO MONUMENT #12 BY 2100 COME HELL OR HIGH WATER – The XII Travelers of the Southwest will be unveiling the model for the Benito Juarez statue (monument #4) next Thursday at the Chamizal National Memorial.  The XII Travelers project was started by a group led by John Houser and has already created the Fray Garcia De San Francisco statue at Pioneer Plaza, the Don Juan De Onate equestrian statue at the airport and the Susan Shelby Magoffin statue at Keystone Heritage Park.  John House is sadly no longer with us, but the work on the project continues with help from his son.  The new monument is titled Benito Juarez – Child To Man and will more than likely be placed at the Chamizal National Memorial when it is completed.  Let’s support the XII Travelers and get all these statues done.  By the time they reach monument #12 it will be a statue dedicated to Mr. Mouse and Simple Minded Entertainment and our role in fighting the Great Alien Invasion Of 2099.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

INDIA’S STUPID, RIGHT WING ANSWER TO DONALD TRUMP IS NARENDRA MODI.  AND JUST LIKE HIS IDIOTIC AMERICAN COUNTERPART, HE DOES STUPID ASS SHIT UNDER THE GUISE OF “NATIONALISM” THAT ENDS BADLY.  CASE IN POINT:  KASHMIR – Because Kashmir wasn’t enough of a powder keg already, Narendra Modi’s recent decision to strip “Indian Kashmir” of its autonomy has brought more unrest to the region with no real benefit to be found.  If anything, he did it in order to rile up his idiot nationalistic base (Donald Trump would be impressed) and made a situation worse in order to make a minority group look bad and evil.  So now the world focuses once again on Kashmir and the possibility that this might escalate in to an even bigger pissing match with Pakistan.  Though Pakistan at the moment should be commended for not escalating things and doing something equally stupid as India.  It says a lot when Pakistan is the voice of reason in a conflict.  Modi did the impossible and made Pakistan look rational.  Yes, that Pakistan.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG IS STILL RIOTING.  THEY HAVE UNTIL 2047 TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, BUT IT SEEMS THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE WORLD TO KEEP HONG KONG FROM BEING SWALLOWED BY CHINA – Student protests have been raging in Hong Kong for weeks now and although many people call these “pro democracy” protests, these are more like “what the hell are we going to do when 2047 rolls around and the one-country, two system agreement ends” anxiety protests.  The full reunification of Hong Kong with China seems inevitable and protests like these will become the norm unless Hong Kong can work out an indefinite agreement or somehow gain its independence.  The virtual death of Hong Kong’s once mighty film and TV industry at the hands of the China behemoth was just the beginning of what appears to be the dissolution of Hong Kong’s identity and culture; and there seems to be very little that can be done to stop it.  Keep up the good fight, Hong Kong.  You still have a few decades to work something out.  (bbc.com)

REST IN PEACE, PETER FONDA.  YOU CAN NOW RIDE YOUR MOTORCYCLE IN HEAVEN LIKE A TRUE BAD ASS – Peter Fonda passed away this week at the age of 79 at his home in Los Angeles.  He had a lengthy career that spanned movies of all genres, but he will best be remembered for his role in Easy Rider and for being one of the last great Hollywood mavericks of the ‘60s and ‘70s.  He was a great actor and we should all watch a Peter Fonda movie marathon this weekend in his honor.  (deadline.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/09/2019

PASO DEL NORTE AND WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HAS SUFFERED A TERRORIST ATTACK, BUT EL PASO WILL EMERGE FROM THIS STRONGER THAN EVER – The only story we will cover this week will be the heinous white supremacist terrorist attack at the Cielo Vista Wal-Mart from last Saturday that claimed the lives of 22 people and injured countless more.  We will not focus on the cowardly, racist terrorist from the edge of Redneckistan – just outside of Dallas – that was radicalized by the teachings of Donald Trump and will not give him the benefit of mentioning his name.  Instead we hope everyone will remember the people who lost their lives and all the heroes who helped out that day and those who continue to help the region during this very dark moment.  Paso Del Norte will not buckle because of this and instead stands tall and spits in the face of racism, fascism and radicalized right wing terrorists along with their figurehead Osama bin Trump.  Stay strong, El Paso.  God bless us all.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/02/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TIME TO NUMB YOUR ASS BY SITTING DOWN FOR 11 DAYS OF NON-STOP MOVIE MADNESS.  THE PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL IS BACK – The Plaza Classic Film Festival is celebrating its 12th anniversary and this year promises more cinematic goodness in and around Downtown El Paso.  The festival began on Thursday and continues until August 11.  Most of the great movies range in price from free to just under $10, so it’s a great bargain to see some of the best the cinematic world has to offer.  Prepare your ass for hours and hours of non-stop sitting.  (cbs4local.com)

BUILD SEESAWS, NOT WALLS – The border is so dangerous that ……. seesaws were installed across the stupid border wall for children to play with.  That’s right, seesaws were installed on the wall along Sunland Park and no cartels came by to shoot the children and give everyone free drugs.  The seesaws are the work of California professors Ronald Rael and Virginia San Fratello, whose work brought joy to a structure that has become the symbol of Donald Trump’s hatred and racism in America.  (cbs4local.com)

SMELTERTOWN NEEDS OUR HELP – The Smeltertown Cemetery is in pretty bad shape and needs volunteers and supplies for cleanup efforts.  The cemetery was in much worse condition but a volunteer group led by Willie Cordero jump-started the revitalization process and his group has been cleaning up the cemetery for some time.  So lend a hand and help out the friends of Smeltertown Cemetery.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

RWANDA HAS 99 PROBLEMS BUT EBOLA AIN’T ONE – The Ebola crisis continues to grow in the Democratic Republic of Congo and now Rwanda has taken the controversial step of shutting down the border between the two countries.  The border has now reopened but the temporary closing of the border between Goma, DR Congo and Gisenyi, Rwanda has rattled nerves in the area.  This all comes after the third confirmed Ebola case in the large city of Goma that is the major urban area in the region of DR Congo that has been plagued by Ebola in the past year.  The outbreak has already claimed close to 2,000 lives and there is genuine concern that the virus can spread in this densely populated part of the country.  Rwanda has a ton of problems and Ebola jumping over the border would be pretty bad for the country’s medical infrastructure.  (bbc.com)

WHY YES, JULY WAS VERY HOT THIS YEAR.  SOME WOULD SAY IT WAS THE HOTTEST FUCKING MONTH IN HISTORY – Scientists at the Copernicus Climate Change Service say that preliminary results indicate that July was the hottest month on record in relation to the decades of data they have available.  July was filled with record-breaking heatwaves all over the world and most people would agree that July was pretty hot.  Overall, this follows a trend that shows the past few years are among the hottest in recorded history.  So yeah, maybe climate change is real and the world is heating up to some very worrisome levels.  (bbc.com)

THANKS TO ‘FROZEN ZOOS’ I’LL BE ABLE TO SEE ALL THE ANIMALS THAT HUMANITY HAS DESTROYED IN EXCITING FROZEN TISSUE FORM! – Cryobanks are locations where animal and plant samples are frozen and/or stored for future generations to study and possibly to help in the revival of extinct species.  The scientific branch for this is known as cryobiology and is becoming a very important area of study thanks to humanity’s wanton destruction of the environment.  Fresh off the heels of the most recent meeting of the Society for Cryobiology, Discover Magazine has a great summary of the amazing cryobank projects happening all across the world.  Not all humans want to destroy the environment for a few pieces of silver, some people actually care about things.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)