Month: June 2019

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/28/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE INN OF THE MOUNTAIN GODS IS GETTING A SPORTSBOOK.  GUESS I’M GOING TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY IN RUIDOSO NOW – The Mescalero Apache Tribe will start offering sports betting later this year at their Inn Of The Mountain Gods Casino after partnering with William Hill to open a sportsbook at the casino.  With this move, Inn Of The Mountain Gods will become the 4th casino in New Mexico to allow sports betting but it will become my personal number one casino in New Mexico.  Good show, Mescalero Apache Tribe.  (cbs4local.com)

LOOK AT HORIZON CITY, ALL FANCY WITH A BRAND NEW FIRE STATION – Horizon City has begun construction on their fire department’s #2 station in a bid to keep up with the impressive growth of the city.  The fire department will make the community safer and is a great sign of efficient and responsible public infrastructure investment by the city government.  Meanwhile in Sparks, the city has hired a mule with a garden house to function as both fire department AND mayor!  You’d think Sparks would incorporate by now after seeing what a united community like Horizon City can accomplish; but they are probably just waiting for El Paso, Socorro and/or Horizon City to annex them.  You can’t be an unincorporated wild west outpost forever, Sparks.  You either incorporate and do something with the community or just get absorbed by another entity.  Although a Mayor/Fire Department Mule is awesome, it can’t solve all your problems.  (cbs4local.com)

THE GIANT PSYCHEDELIC FUNGUS LIVING AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE EL PASO WESTSIDE NATATORIUM HAS WON AN AWARD.  SCORE ONE FOR GIANT PSYCHEDELIC FUNGAL GROWTHS – CODAworx has just awarded the public art piece at the EL Paso Westside Natatorium a CODA Award as one of the top 100 public art pieces in the world.  The work is known as “Marquise” and was created by artist Marc Fornes, though most people just call it the “giant psychedelic fungal explosion at the entrance to the pool”.  As an added bonus, people can go to the CODA website and vote for the piece as one of the top 2 people’s choice award winners.  So go and vote for the piece and let’s give the giant hippie fungus another prize.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EUROPE IS BURNING AND PARTS OF THE CONTINENT ARE LITERALLY ON FIRE.  I GUESS DRY DESERT SUMMERS AREN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL – Europe just went through one of the biggest heat waves in its history this week and many records were broken throughout the continent.  Of note is that France recorded its highest temperature in history when the mercury rose to 45.9C (114.6F) in Gallargues-le-Montueux in the southern part of the country.  The heat wave came as a result of hot air pouring in from North Africa and, even though it’s not a direct result of global climate change, scientists believe that events like this will become more intense and frequent as a result of climate change.  In addition to the high temps, the extreme weather also exasperated fires in Spain that have now become some of the biggest in decades.  Even El Paso doesn’t get that bad in the summer.  (bbc.com)

IT’S GOOD TO SEE THAT SCIENTISTS ARE WORKING ON TOOLS TO EXPOSE DEEPFAKE VIDEOS.  BUT THE PROBLEM WITH DEEPFAKES IS THAT ONCE THEY CREATE THE INEVITABLE MARILYN MONROE/ADOLF HITLER SEX TAPE, I WILL BE UNABLE TO UNSEE IT.  I KNOW IT’S FAKE, THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM WITH THOSE VIDEOS – Deepfakes are those creepy videos where they put someone’s face on another person in order to make them look like they are doing or saying something that they would normally not do.  The majority of these videos are doctored porn videos where celebrities are put into explicit sex scenes with varying degrees of realism.  Although most of the fake videos are easy to spot, some are created by creepily obsessive individuals that have mastered the deepfakes programs and are creating amazingly realistic forgeries.  Luckily, scientists are working on various analytic tools and algorithms to point out fake videos even when the naked eye can’t tell the difference.  It’s a creepy, creepy world.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m NOT going to go online and search for Harvey Weinstein Deepfakes.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IN THE GOVERNMENT’S DEFENSE, THEY’RE PRETTY FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND ARE PROBABLY NOT TORTURING MIGRANT CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL – Clint was in international news this week, but not for any good reasons.  The child migrant shelter in Clint made headlines when news leaked out that the children there were living in deplorable conditions and the whole thing was borderline child abuse.  Though some people think that the Trump Administration has encouraged idiot government officials to brazenly commit child torture, the most likely reason this is happening is that the government is really incompetent.  Border Patrol, Homeland Security and Customs can barely take care of themselves and do their jobs properly; so there is no chance in hell those morons will be able to take care of children properly.  The American government in general is pretty fucking incompetent and there are thousands of American children currently in foster care that are in even worse conditions than the kids in Clint.  If Child Protective Services is barely capable of tracking and taking care of kids, the Border Patrol is naturally going to do a piss poor job of doing the exact same thing.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/21/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S OFFICIAL!  EL PASO IS GETTING A DENTAL SCHOOL! – In a major coup for El Paso’s legislators this budgetary session, the State of Texas has given an appropriation of $20 million to establish the Woody L. Hunt School of Dental Medicine at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center El Paso.  This is the result of many years of hard work by many people in the community including generous donations by the Hunt Family (where the school will get its name from) and the Paso Del Norte Health Foundation.  Kudos to all involved.  Now all we need is a school of architecture and a law school in El Paso – let’s start working on that.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GET READY TO FLY YOUR PRIDE FLAG, EL PASO! – It’s El Paso Gay Pride Week and the festivities will conclude on Saturday with the annual Gay Pride Parade and Pride Fest in Downtown El Paso.  So go out and support the region’s gay community while also using the day as an excuse to wear the tight leather shorts and mesh shirt we all know you have hidden away in storage.  And don’t forget to take advantage of the free streetcar rides on Saturday that will feature a performance by the Sun City Divas drag queen ensemble.  The El Paso Downtown Streetcar is free to ride all this summer, but this will be the only time that will include a free drag show!  Though it’s possible that many impromptu drag shows will take place throughout the summer on the streetcars.  (cbs4local.com)

WE APPRECIATE THE SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO POST A STORY INVOLVING ADORABLE BABY BUNNIES.  WELL PLAYED, LAS CRUCES POLICE DEPARTMENT – Kudos to Officer Joshua Herrera of the Las Cruces Police Department for his selfless bunny rescue on Monday.  The officer was investigating the area of a crime scene when he saw two baby bunnies covered in ants in a nearby area.  He cleaned off the bunnies and placed them in the shade and then, after completing his duties, noticed that the bunnies were covered in ants again and had been essentially abandoned by mama bunny.  Thankfully, the bunnies were taken in by a representative of the Stick House Sanctuary who say the bunnies are doing fine.  It is not known if mama bunny has been found or if any charges will be filed against her for bunny abandonment.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I BELIEVE THIS IS HOW MAD MAX STARTED – For years, authorities have been warning about the day when cities will run out of water if they don’t change their ways.  While the problem almost reached zero hour in South Africa awhile back, it seems like India might be the first country to experience a city running out of water.  Chennai is the sixth largest city in India and its four reservoirs, which provide most of the water, have recently run dry.  As it stands, Chennai and its more than four million residents are on the brink of losing access to their water supply.  The government has been forced to bring in water trucks to distribute water to the masses and some restaurants and hotels have practically shut down due to the crisis.  The delay in the yearly monsoon has made the situation worse and the people of Chennai are desperately awaiting rain to finally fall on the city after an extremely long dry spell.  Water is the most important thing for any city and all government should use this as an example of why proper long term water planning is necessary for any city and country.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT BELUGA WHALES AND NARWHALS CAN HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND MAKE BABIES.  IT’S PRACTICALLY ROMEO AND JULIET WITH LARGE SEA MAMMALS – DNA evidence has discovered that an odd whale skull from the 1980s belongs to a hybrid narwhal/beluga offspring that has been named a “narluga”.  After being killed by an Inuit hunter in Greenland in the 1980s, the skull was kept as a trophy and ended up in the hands of a Danish natural history museum and researchers in the 1990s.  Recent DNA analysis has confirmed years of speculation and we now know that belugas and narwhals can successfully mate together.  I think science should next study if it’s possible for a tiger to have sex with a narwhal.  Ligers are cool, but tigwhals are infinitely cooler.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP IS BASICALLY AN IMPULSIVE TODDLER THAT MAKES LIFE AND DEATH DECISIONS ON A WHIM.  GOD HELP US ALL – It was revealed today that Donald “cocked and loaded” Trump ordered an attack on Iran and then called it off minutes before the attack was to be executed.  And even though he caused this mess, he made it seem like he was a hero for calling off an attack that HE HIMSELF ordered!  Lord knows why Donald Trump is bullying Iran and lets Russia and Saudi Arabia get away with infinitely worse things, but I’m pretty sure that Donald Trump is just jealous that Barack Obama has a bigger dick than him and wants to tear down everything that Obama did.  So Obama made a peace deal with Iran and Donald Cuck has to break it because his micro-dick psyche is insecure.  It goes without saying; Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/14/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

MAYBE ONE DAY THEY’LL TURN VIVA! EL PASO INTO A LAS VEGAS-STYLE SHOWGIRL REVUE.  THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! – Viva! El Paso is back for the summer and this year will be the 42nd season for El Paso’s favorite musical production.  The show has music by Jim Ward and also features the work of Tony award winners and other highly experienced creative professionals.  The show runs most of the summer at 8 PM on Fridays & Saturdays and takes place in the amazing outdoor theatre at McKelligon Canyon.  So be sure to include Viva! El Paso on your “to do” list this summer.  It doesn’t feature any topless showgirls, but it’s still a great musical.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ALTHOUGH THE LICON DAIRY PETTING ZOO HASN’T FULLY RECOVERED SINCE THE DOG ATTACK, NEW THINGS ARE HAPPENING AT THE DAIRY – The Licon Dairy has a new restaurant/bar called the Outlaw Saloon and as long as they serve their fresh Asadero cheese, it should be a delicious place to get a bite to eat.  The new restaurant is right next to the petting zoo and just behind the retail store where they sell their world famous cheeses.  Although the petting zoo isn’t back 100%, it has reopened along with the new restaurant and upcoming outdoor patio.  So if you ever find yourself in San Elizario, now you can get Asaderos AND booze in one place.  Viva San Elizario!  (cbs4local.com)

IN A DRAMATIC HEEL TURN, SIN CARA WILL CHALLENGE THE EL PASO STREETCAR TO A FIGHT THEN HIT IT WITH A CHAIR – Amazing news for pro wrestling and lucha libre fans as later this month the El Paso Museum of History will kick off its planned lucha libre exhibit with a special appearance by local legend, Sin Cara.  On June 27, the wrestling superstar will take part in a ride along with guests on the Downtown El Paso streetcar and then be the guest of honor at a reception and pop-up exhibit at the museum.  This is just the first part of a much larger lucha libre exhibit that will go up at the El Paso Museum of History and we can’t wait until it opens.  I hope one of the streetcars wears a wrestling outfit in honor of the occasion.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EBOLA HAS NOW SPREAD FROM DR CONGO TO UGANDA.  AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING WORSE IN CENTRAL AFRICA – Bad news came from Uganda this week when it was discovered that two people had died from the virus (and many more were infected) after a family returned from DR Congo where they were taking care of Ebola-infected relatives.  The 50-year-old woman and her 5-year-old grandson are the first fatalities from Ebola in Uganda as a result of the epidemic that started in Congo.  While it’s not too shocking to hear the news that the Ebola virus has spread from the Democratic Republic of Congo to Uganda, it’s still very disturbing to hear that such a deadly disease has yet to be contained in this very chaotic environment.  If there is any silver lining, it’s that Uganda doesn’t have any civil wars going on and the country is much more stable than DR Congo.  This could still get very bad for Uganda and the rest of the world, but so far the authorities in Uganda have followed all recommendations and procedures advised by the international medical community.  Meanwhile in eastern DR Congo, over 1,400 people have died from the Ebola outbreak and there really is no end in sight.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DOESN’T WANT TO BE A PART OF CHINA – Protests have spread across Hong Kong as citizens are angry over a proposed extradition law with China and surrounding territories.  On paper, the law is not too harsh and would only allow for extraditions for severe crimes and would first have to be approved by Hong Kong authorities before the extradition goes through.  However, most people see this is an attempt by China to gain more power in Hong Kong’s autonomous judicial system and many people are adamant about keeping their sovereignty and will fight any attempt by China to gain ground in Hong Kong.  Whatever happens, conflicts like these will only increase in frequency as 2047 approaches and the end of the “1 country, 2 systems” compromise comes to an end.  Either China fully recognizes Hong Kong’s permanent autonomy or Hong Kong gives in and becomes “just another city in China”; a permanent solution must be reached by 2047 or things will get very messy in this part of the world.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT ZEBRA STRIPES MAKE THEM LOOK COOL AND KEEP THEM COOL AT THE SAME TIME – Science has yet to figure out why exactly zebras have stripes and what specific evolutionary advantage they give them, but we do have some new theories out there.  In addition to the prevailing theory that the stripes help ward off insects, some new research has shown that the stripe pattern might create mini air flows around the zebra that act like personal air conditioning for them.  New research from Alison and Stephen Cobb in the Journal Of Natural History has revealed that there are visible temperature differences caused in and around the animal by the stripe patterns.  In addition, the temperature differences can also be seen between the dark and white bands on the animal that create a sort of micro-climate with small airflow around the animal.  Although the main stripe theories involve insect repelling, temperature control, camouflage or a little of everything; my scientific analysis leads me to believe that zebras have stripes because it makes them look cool and helps them get babes.  Never underestimate the evolutionary power of snazzy stripes.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/07/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

GOOD NEWS FOR FANS OF BIG, FACELESS CORPORATIONS OWNING IMPORTANT AREAS OF PUBLIC INFRASTRUCTURE.  EL PASO ELECTRIC HAS JUST BEEN BOUGHT UP BY ONE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED BIG, FACELESS CORPORATIONS – In major news that will have an impact on practically everyone in the region, it was announced this week that El Paso Electric will be purchased by Infrastructure Investments Fund (IIF).  The deal is expected to be completed by early next year and is worth between $2 billion and $5 billion according to different sources.  Although they are promising that the headquarters will remain in El Paso and that no local jobs or rates will be impacted by the move, it’s safe to say that there will be some big changes in store for El Paso Electric and all its customers.  Now we anxiously wait to see how our new J.P. Morgan backed overlords dick around with our local electricity.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

I WILL CALL THE NEW JUAREZ DIVISION 1 FUTBALL CLUB THE BUAPOS – After years of waiting, it appears that Juarez will once again get another team in the top flight of Mexico’s futball league system.  Although nothing is official yet, many media outlets are reporting that an announcement will be made on Monday regarding the purchase of the financially shaky – yet top flight – Lobos BUAP futball club by the ownership group of the Bravos de Juarez.  Once confirmed and approved, the currently 2nd tier Bravos de Juarez would take over for Lobos and become a Liga MX team via a simple name change.  The process will probably go both ways and the Lobos BUAP futball club would return to the 2nd division where it will hopefully stop losing money for its owners.  It’s a win-win for everyone!  (diario.mx)

WHEN THE ZOMIBE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS, STAY AWAY FROM THE MEDICAL SCHOOL.  THAT’S WHERE THEY HAVE THE BRAIN BANK AND IS THE FIRST PLACE THE ZOMBIES WILL GO – Kudos to the Robert E. and Evelyn McKee Foundation for donating money again to the Southwest Brain Bank at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center El Paso.  And thanks to this generous donation, this week I learned that there is a brain bank at the local medical school that has brain tissue samples used for research purposes.  This is very cool but also very creepy and makes me wonder if smaller organizations use brain credit unions instead of brain banks for their research.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

SUDAN HAS JUST BEEN SUSPENDED FROM THE AFRICAN UNION AFTER WEEKS OF PROTESTS HAVE LED TO COUNTLESS CIVILIAN DEATHS.  SUDAN MUST HAVE REALLY FUCKED UP, BECAUSE THE LIST OF COUNTRIES IN THE AFRICAN UNION HAS SOME PRETTY CORRUPT AND AUTHORITARIAN NAMES ON IT – The protests in Sudanese capital Khartoum and the rest of Sudan against military rule reached a tipping point this week as dozens of civilians died in clashes with government forces.  The government crackdown of the relatively peaceful protests has drawn condemnation from around the world and has resulted in the African Union suspending Sudan until civilian rule is restored and the military relinquishes the power it gained after the collapse of Omar al-Bashir’s dictatorship.  So even though the Sudanese people managed to remove one dictator from power, it seems like the military is just angling to set up another authoritarian regime in its place.  After hope filled the country a few months back, things are starting to look pretty bad for Sudan.  (bbc.com)

NEW ORLEANS WON’T BE AS ROCKING WITHOUT DR. JOHN AROUND – In sad news, Dr. John (Malcolm John Rebennack, Jr.) passed away this week at the age of 77. He was a rock and roll legend and a piano-playing genius that was the epitome of everything that made New Orleans cool.  He was best known for his hit song “Right Place Wrong Time” but also created many other albums, songs, TV themes and jingles that are known and loved by many for their infectious funky vibe and distinct vocals.  He was a great performer and his shows were flamboyant explosions of musical fireworks.  Heaven just got more funky with the arrival of Dr. John.  (deadline.com)

WILL THEY FINALLY MAKE THE PROPER E.T. VIDEO GAME THE WORLD SO DESPERATELY NEEDS? – E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) will be taking place next week as the world’s top video game makers gather in Los Angeles to reveal what they have in store for the coming year and especially the uber-busy Christmas season.  While the event isn’t as big as it used to be, it’s still one of the biggest video game events in the world and the best place to scope out what the next big thing in video games will be.  I remember when this event was the brand spanking new “be all and end all” event for video games back when I was in high school and now I feel old.  Then again, I also remember when Atari was cool so I feel ancient.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go play E.T. The Video Game and cry.  (cnet.com)