Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/31/2019


CON-GRAD-ULATIONS TO ALL THE AREA YOUNG PEOPLE AS THEY ESCAPE THE JOYOUS EXISTENCE OF YOUTH TO ENTER THE NEVER-ENDING SLOG THAT IS ADULTHOOD – Summertime is here and that means that a new batch of young adults around El Paso and the surrounding region are preparing for their graduation (either from high school or college).  Congratulations to everyone who has graduated or will graduate over the next few weeks and remember to enjoy these precious times before you unknowingly slam into the monolithic slab known as being a responsible adult.  (

LAS CRUCES IS SO AWESOME THAT EVERY APARTMENT COMES WITH A FREE PIGEON.  FREE PIGEONS! – The Park Place Apartments in Las Cruces are apparently infested with pigeons, which is very hard to do because pigeons are pretty big and not the type of animal you would expect to live in an apartment.  The situation was so bad that some residents called the local CBS station and that helped in finally bringing the owners out to fix the problem.  Although if I had to choose between rat and roach infested apartments or apartments with pigeons – I would choose the pigeon apartments.  If anything, the pigeons eat the roaches and scare the rats and would make for friendly neighbors.  (

WHITE TRASH FOREIGNERS FROM REDNECKISTAN BUILD POINTLESS AND ILLEGAL WALL ALONG SHITTY BRICK COMPANY’S PROPERTY IN SUNLAND PARK.  ALTHOUGH MANY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOREIGN REFUGEES FROM CENTRAL AMERICA IN EL PASO, TO THIS DAY THEY HAVE NOT CAUSED THE LEVEL OF VANDALISM THAT FOREIGNERS FROM REDNECKISTAN CREATED IN A FEW DAYS – The morons who raised money online to build a pointless wall gathered in Sunland Park last week to build a “border wall” within the property of that shitty brick company in Sunland Park.  Naturally, proper permits were not attained from the City of Sunland Park and the legality of the wall is in limbo.  To be fair, I don’t think Sunland Park has any actual building inspectors and they probably just went in with a picture of a 2 foot garden wall and tried to pull a fast one on whoever is in charge of these things in Sunland in order to get a quickie, borderline illegal permit.  Also of note, because of the weirdo border lines drawn up by idiots in Washington over the years (but especially during the compromise of 1850) the wall is actually separating New Mexico land from Texas and has minimal impact on the Mexico border.  But this is all being done for optics by the white trash from Redneckistan and isn’t even remotely about “security”.  Get your shit together, Sunland, and make them tear down this illegally built monstrosity.  (


HAVE NO FEAR, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL SAVE THE DAY.  WHO NEEDS RATIONAL GUN LAWS – Another day and another mass shooting has occurred in America.  This time a disgruntled ex-employee, and overall scumbag, in Virginia Beach opened fire in a municipal building with a modified handgun and a movie assassin accessory kit – killing 12 people.  Unfortunately, these things are so common now that nothing will come of it and people will forget about it the next day.  In a competent country, at least some basic gun control and mental health action would be taken after something like this.  But hey, at least politicians can send their thoughts and prayers via Twitter.  That will solve everything!  (

HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT CANADA IS ON FIRE?  WITH ALL THE FOCUS ON TORNADOES AND FLOODS, MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK ON CANADA – A massive string of wildfires around northern Alberta has burned a massive area of Canada and has produced enough smoke to cover a large part of North America.  The biggest of these blazes is the Chuckegg Creek Fire that is currently on a massive tear through the northern part of the country.  Although the areas in the path of these fires are sparsely populated, the ecological damage will be devastating and the health impact from the smoke will reach a far bigger area than just northern Canada.  Hopefully some of those rains will push up north and lend a hand in preventing Canada from exploding.  (

DONALD TRUMP WILL BE GOING TO THE UK THIS WEEKEND.  WHICH WILL GIVE HIM TIME TO FIND MORE WAYS TO EMBARRASS THE COUNTRY AND/OR DISTRACT FROM THE IMPEACHMENT HE SO HANDILY DESERVES – It was a banner week for Donald Trump as Robert Mueller broke his silence to all but imply that Donald Trump did commit obstruction of justice and that Congress should impeach him.  Naturally, Donald Trump decided to distract from this by saying stupid things and announcing an absurd tariff on Mexico because of immigration or other stupid reasons.  At this point, toddler Trump keeps on using tariffs because that’s the only thing he can do without getting approval from Congress.  He’s like an idiot that uses the only tool on hand for every problem because he’s too stubborn or stupid to ask for help.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t sexually assault the royal family or create a Brexit tariff while he’s in England.  Lord knows he’d do it if it would distract from the impeachment.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/24/2019


HOMELESSNESS IN EL PASO HAS DROPPED FROM PREVIOUS YEARS.  I GUESS ALL THE HOMELESS WENT TO LOS ANGELES OR SOMEWHERE ELSE – Various local charities and organizations did their annual “point in time” count of the city’s homeless population and have found that the number has dropped by more the 300 people since a similar “point in time” count in 2017.  Overall, the count found that at any given moment there are 183 homeless living on the streets and 626 people in shelters or transitional housing in El Paso.  These numbers are even more staggering considering that they occurred during the mild period in El Paso’s weather.  One can only imagine the number of people living on the streets substantially goes down during the Paso Del Norte region’s trademark Hot-As-Hell-Summers and Colder-Than-Lucifer’s-Teets-Winters.  But while these low numbers are a sign of improvement, more can be done to help the homeless population in El Paso and hopefully lower the numbers throughout the region.  It’s highly improbable to get to zero homelessness in a large city, but we sure can try.  Kudos to everyone involved in the local charities and organizations that are tackling this important problem.  (

TURNS OUT THERE IS AN EL PASO ANIMAL HALL OF FAME AND SUNNY THE SEA LION IS THE NEWEST INDUCTEE.  HOW COME I WASN’T TOLD OF THIS BEFORE? – One of the hidden treasures at the El Paso Zoo is the newly renovated El Paso Animal Hall of Fame sponsored by the El Paso Veterinary Medical Association.  The newest inductee will be Sunny the Sea Lion who lived at the El Paso Zoo from 1986 until his death in 2012.  Sunny brought joy to thousands of zoo visitors over the years and was the face of various awareness campaigns created by the El Paso Zoo.  He was a great ambassador for the area and he deserves to be in the El Paso Animal Hall of Fame.  You will live on forever, Sunny.  (

NEON DESERT IS BACK THIS YEAR.  NOW ALL THE GIRLS WILL PUT ON THEIR BEST BIKINI-CENTERED COSTUMES AND PARADE AROUND WHILE PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT MUSIC.  LIKEWISE, GUYS WILL PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT MUSIC WHILE STARING AT GIRLS WEARING THONGS ON THE STREET – The Neon Desert Music Festival is back this weekend and has moved a few blocks over to a new location in Downtown that won’t affect too many local businesses.  So get your best thong/outfit ready and prepare to parade around downtown while pretending you care about music.  This year they have music playing trolleys – that you can ignore while you walk around in a thong!  (


YOU TRIED YOUR BEST, THERESA MAY.  HAVE A COOKIE.  NOW BRING ON THE NEXT IDIOT TO TRY TO MAKE A BENEFICIAL BREXIT DEAL WITH NO LEVERAGE WHATSOEVER – Brexit was a pretty stupid idea and now the British people can either swallow their pride and have another referendum to determine if they should remain in the EU or proceed ahead with a no-deal Brexit that will be much more devastating to the UK than to the European Union.  Whatever path they take, the only thing that is certain is that Theresa May will no longer be the Prime Minister assigned to the fool’s errand of trying to negotiate a beneficial Brexit deal with Europe.  Even though her plan failed to get enough votes multiple times, she still kept on coming with the same exact plan in a different gift box.  So the fact that she finally realized her actions were pointless and resigned shows how hopeless the process to get a Brexit deal has become.  Let’s see who volunteers to be the next sacrificial lamb/prime minister.  (

MOUNT EVEREST HAS PRACTICALLY BECOME A MAINSTREAM TOURIST ATTRACTION COMPLETE WITH LONG LINES TO SCALE THE MOUNTAIN.  STILL, IT’S DANGEROUS IF YOU AREN’T EXPERIENCED AND A DEADLY ENDEAVOR FOR THOSE THAT AREN’T FULLY PREPARED – Seven people, including four in the past few days, have died while scaling Mount Everest during the current climbing season that has been plagued by a narrow climbing window due to the weather.  The situation has created gridlock on the mountain as everyone tries to climb during the periods when the weather is decent and thus large lines form as people attempt to climb and descend the peak.  So any medical emergency when you’re stuck in line is a guaranteed death sentence.  Maybe they should increase the fees to enter the climbing zone and make everyone get a medical evaluation before going up – they can keep Everest from becoming a full blown tourist trap and maybe prevent a few deaths.  (

BACK IN MY DAY, CATS WORKED ON THE RAIL LINES AND THE TRAINS WERE ALWAYS ON TIME AND CLEAN.  THOSE WERE THE DAYS – Kudos to the BBC for recounting the tale of Tama the cat who became the stationmaster at Kishi Station on the Kishigawa railway and helped save the line from downsizing by increasing tourism and ridership during the line’s troubled times in 2006 and 2007.  Tama has passed away, but is still highly regarded and even has a shrine that has elevated her to Goddess level in the region.  The line still has cats as stationmasters and, thanks to other tourist friendly upgrades, the Kishigawa line has survived and even increased its ridership.  So go check out the story of Tama and the cat stationmasters to motivate you to do more with your life.  If a cat can become a successful railway employee with its own shrine, there’s no excuse for everybody else.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/17/2019


IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, THE CABARET STRIP CLUB IS DEAD.  REST IN PEACE, CABARET – After The Cabaret was temporarily shut down a few weeks ago, both sides agreed that practically every liquor, drug and prostitution law in the books had been violated at the Montana location and that a permanent shut down was the only option.  The Cabaret really had no choice because any lawsuit against the club by the government would probably result in damages in the billions of dollars if all the violations committed at the club were added up.  Seriously, A LOT of violations were committed at The Cab over the decades and no one apparently cared.  The Cabaret was famous for bending the law and it’s amazing that it went on for so long with minimal law enforcement action.  Rest in peace, Cabaret.  You were the trashiest of the trashy clubs and we all loved you for it.  (

EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW CALL CENTER!  BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT EL PASO NEEDS MORE OF – Teleperformance will be opening an operations center in El Paso that is expected to create over 1,000 jobs in the area.  Although this won’t really create any high paying or prestige jobs, work is work and 1,000 jobs will be good for the economy.  Needless to say, even the smallest announcement will bring out the Mayor and City Council to pat themselves on the back and claim a victory anywhere they can find it.  As an added bonus, all the strippers that lost their job at Cabaret can now go to apply at Teleperformance!  A call center job is only slightly more demeaning than stripping at The Cab.  (

APPARENTLY YOU CAN MAKE A DECENT LIVING AND BECOME FAMOUS BY POSTING YOUTUBE VIDEOS.  WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF WRITING FOR SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT, A CAREER WHERE YOU DON’T EARN A LIVING AND WHERE YOU AREN’T EVEN REMOTELY POPULAR – El Paso native Leslie Quezada has garnered a large following on social media and is currently a very popular YouTuber and makeup impresario.  Her YouTube channel is known as Les Do Makeup and has over 400,000 subscribers, which is a substantial amount of viewers.  I, however, would know nothing about this because I’m an old man and I only watch reruns of The Rockford Files and PBS – but I’m told that this YouTube thing is very popular.  Kudos to Leslie for finding success on YouTube and following her dreams.  She works her ass off on her passion and it doesn’t hurt that she is pretty cute.  Be sure to subscribe to her channel and help a local girl crack one million subscribers.  (


NOT ONLY DID WE LOSE THE CABARET THIS WEEK; BUT WE ALSO LOST DORIS DAY, TIM CONWAY AND GRUMPY CAT.  A VERY SOMBER WEEK, INDEED – This week was peppered with many sad losses as the world said goodbye to entertainment icons Doris Day, Tim Conway and Grumpy Cat within the span of a few days.  There’s not much more that can be said except rest in peace.  I will miss Grumpy Cat most of all.  (

SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND THAT PROCESSED FOODS ARE LESS HEALTHY THAN NATURAL FOODS AND CAUSE HIGHER RATES OF WEIGHT GAIN.  IN UNRELATED NEWS, SCIENTISTS ARE STILL TRYING TO DETERMINE IF EATING NOTHING BUT WENDY’S BACONATORS IS UNHEALTHY.  THEY’LL HAVE TO STUDY IT FIRST TO FIND OUT – Processed foods are bad for you and are no substitute for whole, natural foods.  A study involving the National Institute of Health has reinforced the obvious belief that processed foods aren’t good for you but has found that even if the foods are low in fat, sugars and salt; they still cause you to gain more weight than if you ate a comparable amount of whole, natural food products.   Processed foods are best defined as the items at the grocery store that have a ton of ingredients including tons of preservatives and chemicals that are hard to pronounce; and ultra-processed foods are the ones that are made up of dozens of weirdo chemicals and maybe one natural food item thrown in for good measure – i.e. chips, sodas, candies, lunch meats, frozen dinners, rat poisons, etc.  So go out and eat an apple every now and then.  And not some apple flavored concoction, go out and eat a real apple.  (

ALABAMA DECIDED TO STRENGTHEN ITS CASE THIS WEEK FOR BEING THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE, REDNECK SHITHOLE IN THE WORLD.  NOW CAN WE BOYCOTT ALABAMA?  Alabama continued with its hypocrite, redneck evangelical beliefs by passing a law that will virtually make abortion illegal in all cases (even when the pregnancy is a result of rape or incest!)  It’s hilarious that these fuckers claim to do this because “all life is precious”, when these are the same redneck trash that chant “build the wall” and want to shoot refugees on the border.  I guess life is not very precious if you are poor or a minority.  Fuck Alabama and fuck them for trying to control women.  If someone doesn’t want to have a child they should have the right to get an abortion. The last thing we need is more delinquents from broken homes that grow up to become criminals all because their parents didn’t want them.  And to add insult to injury, these “life is precious” cunts want to cut welfare funding for single moms and poor kids.  So not only do they want to force women to have children, but they don’t want the government to help them if they are poor and can’t afford to raise a kid.  Alabama – a land of ignorance and hypocrisy.  BOYCOTT ALABAMA!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/10/2019


VIRGIN GALACTIC IS FINALLY MOVING IN TO SPACEPORT AMERICA NORTH OF LAS CRUCES.  AFTER MANY DELAYS, SPACEFLIGHTS WILL FINALLY LAUNCH OVER SOUTHERN NEW MEXICO!  – Virgin Galactic announced today that they will finally move their Virgin Galactic operations from California to Spaceport America.  The development of their launch craft and spacecraft is finally winding down and they are now comfortable enough to do their final tests at the Spaceport in anticipation of sending paying customers to suborbital space.  The move is expected to occur sometime in the Summer and will be a massive shot in the arm to Las Cruces’ economy and the surrounding region.  (

BECAUSE WHAT THE PENDALE/I-10 AREA REALLY NEEDS IS A GIANT LIGHTED BOOT.  HEAVEN FORBID THEY BUILD SOMETHING NECESSARY THERE LIKE AN UNDERPASS TO FINALLY CONNECT NORTH AND SOUTH PENDALE UNDER THE FREEWAY – The City of El Paso will build a giant boot covered in lights near the Pendale/I-10 area as part of their Sun City Lights Project.  They should probably focus on getting txdot to get off their ass and finally create an underpass to connect the north and south sections of Pendale under I-10; but I guess the crippling traffic on Zaragoza, Lee Trevino and Loop 375 along I-10 isn’t really that bad.  But aside from that, a giant boot covered in lights would actually look pretty cool on the Eastside.  There’s no reason that Downtown and Central should have all the fun when it comes to outlandish El Paso freeway art projects.  (

IS THERE ANYTHING KHALID WON’T DO FOR THE COMMUNITY?  HE’S LIKE EL PASO’S SANTA CLAUS – Kudos to Khalid for starting the Great Khalid Foundation which will give out scholarships to students in the performing arts.  The foundation has hit the ground running by giving out three $10,000 scholarships to students in the Socorro Independent School District who are pursuing an education in the performing arts.  Hopefully the program expands to other school districts around the city and region so even more students can benefit from Khalid’s generosity.  Kudos, Khalid!  (


APPARENTLY JUAN GUAIDO’S PLAN TO TAKE CONTROL OF VENEZUELA INVOLVES WAITING UNTIL NICOLAS MADURO DIES OF OLD AGE – The CIA really knows how to pick them don’t they?  Despite the backing of most of the world and, let’s face it, brazenly obvious CIA help that stops just short of holding his hand and wiping his ass – Juan Guaido still can’t get enough support at home to lead the people in overthrowing Maduro.  In fact, dumbass Maduro has been so emboldened by the impotent Guaido rebellion that opposition figures are now being arrested and the government is cracking down on government officials that were following Guaido.  Hell, vice president of the National Assembly Edgar Zambrano was arrested along with his car – while he was still inside the car!  Obviously the car was the brains of the whole operation and was just using Guaido for his photogenic demeanor and pretty speeches.  (

HOORAY FOR POINTLESS SABRE-RATTLING!  DONALD TRUMP IS DEFINITELY NOT DISTRACTING US WHEN HE DOES STUPID ASS SHIT LIKE TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH IRAN.  MAYBE THIS TIME THEY’LL SHOOT DOWN TWO COMMERCIAL PLANES AND THEN PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED – Because Donald Trump is a moron, the U.S. is now trying to start a war with Iran and is moving military equipment to the area.  Saudi Arabia is naturally over the moon and can’t believe that they got someone as stupid as Donald Trump to do their dirty work for them.  Of course this is all for show and even Donald Trump is not dumb enough to actually start a war with Iran.  But what’s the worst that can happen?  It’s not like innocent civilians can die from shameless sabre-rattling in this part of the world. coughIRANAIRFLIGHT655cough  (

DON’T FORGET MOTHER’S DAY THIS WEEKEND.  THE EL PASO ZOO IS CELEBRATING WITH ORANGUTANS! – Be sure to give thanks to the woman who raised you this weekend and be sure to also salute all the women who have raised great human beings and have done all they can to be great moms.  The El Paso Zoo will be using the holiday to raise awareness for the Missing Orangutan Mothers (M.O.M.) campaign and will have many events to bring attention to this cause.  Many orangutans are killed in the wild because of poaching and the encroachment of palm oil farms into their habitat and many orangutans end up orphans because of this needless destruction.  So let’s remember all the moms this weekend –including the orangutan and other animal mommies.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/03/2019


TAKE A SELFIE WITH COHEN STADIUM BEFORE IT’S BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS!  THAT’S A BIT MACABRE, NO? – The City of El Paso will be holding a Cohen Entertainment District information session next week where people will get to learn about the new project in Northeast El Paso while also getting a chance to say goodbye to the old stadium.  The event is scheduled for May 11 and will act as the kickoff event for the project before the stadium is torn down and construction begins sometime next Spring on the new development.  Hopefully they’ll keep a part of the stadium as a memorial or at least incorporate some of it into the new amphitheatre that’s planned for the project.  They’ll also have 25 cent hot dogs in memory of the wildly popular El Paso Diablos promotion, but sadly no 25 cent beers.  (

ZOEY SPINKS IS A KINDERGARTNER AT EASTWOOD HEIGHTS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WHO, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CYSTIC FIBROSIS, FIGHTS ON TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THE DISEASE AND HELPS THE COMMUNITY IN ANY WAY SHE CAN.  IT IS HUMBLING TO SEE A KINDERGARTNER DO MORE FOR SOCIETY THAN YOUR AVERAGE ADULT – The YISD Board of Trustees has given the YISD President’s Award to Eastwood Heights student Zoey Spinks.  Although she is just a kindergartner, she has risen above her cystic fibrosis diagnosis to become a spokesperson for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation of El Paso as well as spearheading a long list of community service initiatives throughout the city.  Kudos, Zoey Spinks.  You make me look like trash in comparison and make me want to do more for the community other than write smart ass comments on a delightful website.  Seriously, she makes the entire staff of Simple Minded Entertainment look like trash in comparison.  Well, trashier than normal.  (

PRO – THE BORDER WEST EXPRESSWAY IS ALMOST COMPLETE; CON – TXDOT IS INVOLVED SO THE NEW ROAD CONFIGURATIONS PROMISE TO BE MASSIVE CLUSTERFUCKS – It’s almost here!  The Border West Expressway project is scheduled to be complete by the end of the summer and Loop 375 will finally be a real ‘loop’ with continuous traffic circulating around the city.  Although this will hopefully alleviate traffic, especially the choke points on I-10 near Downtown and the Westside, the expected road closures and new on/off ramp arrangements might create new traffic issues around the area.  Regardless, the massive project that cost hundreds of millions of dollars is almost complete and it promises to change transportation on the Westside and Downtown substantially – hopefully for the better.  (


MEANWHILE IN THE CONGO, MORE EBOLA AND NOW MEASLES! – The death toll in the Democratic Republic of Congo due to the Ebola outbreak has now surpassed 1,000 people.  Due to continuing conflict in the northeastern portion of the country, there seems to be no end in sight to this pandemic and now the country also has to deal with an outbreak of measles.  Medical personnel find it hard to fight diseases here because the local population does not trust medical professionals and warring factions have gone so far as to attack clinics and medical professionals who are trying their best to stop the diseases.  While the chance of this disaster going global is very slim, it does appear that this will go on for a while and will eventually hit neighboring countries.  I feel bad for the person that gets Ebola AND measles AND then gets shot during the civil war.  Now that’s unlucky, even by Congo standards.  (

AND NOW WE GOT A MASSIVE CYCLONE HITTING INDIA’S EAST COAST.  THOSE DAMN WHIRLY STORMS ARE EVERYWHERE NOW! – Although cyclones on the Indian subcontinent are fairly common, storms as strong as Cyclone Fani are pretty rare.  The storm has already made landfall in Puri, India and is now moving in a northeasterly route.  First the major storms hit Africa and now India is getting a taste of those spinning masses of nature’s rage that go by different names depending on where you are and who you ask.  The major impact of this storm will be felt in the Orissa region of India – that has already been evacuated of over 1 million residents.  In addition, heavy rains are expected in the northeastern portion of the country and in Bangladesh – which are places not exactly known for flood prevention infrastructure.  Take care and hunker down, Orissa.  (

REST IN PEACE, ORIGINAL CHEWBACCA.  REST IN PEACE, PETER MAYHEW – Sadness has spread around the galaxy as Peter Mayhew, the original Chewbacca, passed away earlier this week at the age of 74.  From Wookies to Ewoks to Jar JarBinks to Jabba TheHutts; all alien species mourn the loss of the beloved Chewbacca.  Peter Mayhew stood a towering 7’3” and that was the main reason he got the role of Chewbacca starting with the original Star Wars.  But over time he made the role his own and was always there for his fans and was a permanent fixture on the convention circuit.  He had other roles, but he will always be known as Chewbacca.  Rest in peace, gentle giant of the stars.  (