Month: December 2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S A TREE AND A RANDOM COLOR VERSUS PANTHERS IN A HIGH NOON SHOWDOWN AT THE SUN BOWL – As we say goodbye to 2018, we have the final major event on El Paso’s calendar coming up on New Year’s Eve ……. the Sun Bowl.  This year the Stanford Cardinal takes on the Pittsburgh Panthers in a contest that promises to be quite entertaining.  So go out and get your ticket and let’s sell out the Sun Bowl.  This is one of the main showcase events for the Greater Mogollon land and it’s always cool to see the Sun Bowl filled up for a global audience.  And if you are a gambler, my pick is Stanford.  In a basic mascot analysis, a panther would kick a color’s ass – Stanford’s nickname is cardinal the color as opposed to cardinal the bird.  But Stanford’s unofficial mascot is a crazy tree with googly eyes and you just can never underestimate a crazy tree – bet all your money on the team with a crazy tree.  (ktsm.com)

KUDOS TO THE ANNUNCIATION HOUSE AND OTHER LOCAL CHARITIES FOR STEPPING UP IN HOUSING CENTRAL AMERICAN IMMIGRANTS SHAMELESSLY DROPPED OFF IN EL PASO – As most people already know, ICE and the other tone deaf morons in the government decided that the best Christmas gift they could give Central American refugees would be to drop them off in the middle of downtown El Paso with no warning and let them fend for themselves in the bus station.  Thankfully, El Paso and its countless charities and concerned citizens banded together to get these poor people a warm meal, a roof over their heads and a chance to travel to their loved ones throughout the U.S.  Annunciation House has really stepped up in this situation and the El Paso Community Foundation has done its share with a generous donation of $40,00 to them.  Kudos to El Paso for standing up to Trump and Company’s vile attempt at causing a crisis in El Paso by leaving thousands of migrants on the streets without warning.  Unlike other cities, El Paso isn’t filled with racist shitheads and the city handled this with compassion and composure.  There were a few sour points, but overall the community’s response was commendable.   So keep the good vibes going by donating whatever you can to the Paso Del Norte area organizations doing good work during these hard times.  (cbs4local.com)

SNOWMAGGEDON 2018 (DECEMBER EDITION) – Snow is predicted throughout the Paso Del Norte area starting today and, as always, it’s time for the annual tradition of people acting like they’ve never seen snow before even though it snows every year here.  So be careful out there because it’s going to get cold and icy.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

KRAKATAU ERUPTED AGAIN.  YES, THAT KRAKATAU – Last weekend, Anak Krakatau in Indonesia had a rather large eruption that caused a massive collapse of land into the ocean that created a tsunami that killed hundreds of people in the surrounding coastal areas.  If the name Krakatau sounds familiar it’s because it was the site of a massive eruption in the 19^th century that was heard thousands of miles away and that ejected so much debris into the atmosphere that it altered climate patterns GLOBALLY for years to come.  This volcano is Anak Krakatau (Child of Krakatau) and is on top of what once was Krakatau.  The alert level has been raised in the area and there is still a chance of a large eruption.  Though the odds of a massive 19^th century-size eruption are low, it is still possible that Anak Krakatau is not done yet.  Be safe, Indonesia.  (bbc.com)

ULTIMA THULE SOUNDS LIKE A HEAVY METAL BAND.  MAYBE NASA WILL DISCOVER HEAVY METAL IN SPACE! – NASA’S New Horizons spacecraft made headlines when it photographed Pluto and took data from the solar system orb and now it has gone even further.  On New Year’s Day, New Horizons will make history when it photographs and collects data on Ultima Thule, a Kuiper Belt object that is billions of miles from Earth.  If all goes to plan, the spacecraft will speed by Ultima Thule and take pictures and collect data and then turn it’s transmitter to Earth where it will send the data at a snail’s pace over the next few years.  This will be the farthest object ever visited by an Earth-based spacecraft and is an amazing feat of engineering and scientific know-how.  And it will definitely inspire many rock bands in the years to come to name themselves after some variation of UTLIMA THULE.  (apnews.com)

GOODBYE, 2018! – 2018 has come to an end and we now welcome 2019 with open arms.  Like most years, 2018 was a bittersweet year with ups and downs that we sadly leave in the rear-view mirror.  But now we welcome 2019 and the hopes of something better in the year ahead.  If you are in the area, make sure to bring in the New Year in Las Cruces for the annual Chile Drop.  It’s a cool event that keeps on getting bigger and better every year and is the de facto New Year’s Eve focal point for the Greater Mogollon land.  Happy New Year, everybody!  (Wikipedia.org)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LET’S FIND THE FUCKER THAT BURNED DOWN THAT MOBILE HOME IN SUNLAND PARK AND KILLED A LITTLE GIRL – Arson is suspected in the case of the mobile home fire in Sunland Park that killed 8-year old Marisa Munoz.  The arsonist/murderer is yet to be caught but authorities are on the hunt.  So if you have any information on this case, please call the local authorities or Crime Stoppers.  Let’s catch this bastard.  (cbs4local.com)

IN THEIR DEFENSE, HOMELAND SECURITY DOESN’T KILL ALL THE CHILDREN THAT COME THROUGH THE BORDER – Kudos to the Customs and Border Protection Officers at the Paso Del Norte Bridge for saving the life of an 11-month old Guatemalan child at the bridge last week.  The young girl was choking after being fed by her mother and the quick acting officers managed to perform the Heimlich maneuver and save her life.  This comes on the heels of news that a 7-year old girl in Border Patrol custody died from health complications after reaching the U.S. at Antelope Wells and being transported to Lordsburg.  Though to be fair, anybody having a major medical emergency in Lordsburg will have a hard time surviving since the nearest trauma center is in El Paso.  But refugee children should at least get a basic medical check when they arrive at the border to make sure something like this doesn’t happen, one dead child is way too many.  (cbs4local.com)

WESTSTAR TOWER WATCH (END OF 2018 EDITION) – WestStar Tower will one day be the tallest building in El Paso and construction is looking to ramp up in 2019.  The building at Hunt Plaza will be 313 Feet and 6 inches tall and will house the headquarters for WestStar Bank.  The site clearing and foundation work is coming along nicely and we will soon be seeing more vertical elements going up in the coming months.  Dowtown El Paso is growing and sometime in 2020 the skyline will change dramatically once the tower is completed.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHO KNEW LAWS THAT ENCOURAGE SLAVE LABOUR WOULD BE SO UNPOPULAR?  SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL THE FASCIST GOVERNMENT IN HUNGARY ABOUT HOW SLAVE LABOUR IS BAD – The right-wing, fascist, nut job leadership in Hungary has done it again and passed another stupid law.  This time, however, the law fucks over the majority of the working class in the country and the people don’t like it.  Thousands of people across Hungary have taken to the streets to protest the Fidesz party’s tribute to corporate welfare – the overtime “slave law”.  Among other things, the law allows employers to demand 400 hours of overtime a year (up from 250 hours a year) and lets companies “hold” the payment for this overtime for up to 3 years.  Because everyone knows that money-making corporations need the most welfare from the government to survive.  The law was pushed by Prime Minister Orban and President Ader whose party is also pushing a law to create special courts completely controlled by the powers that be – not fascist at all.  So even though the majority of the people are against this and visibly angry at the government, the right wing idiots in the government are blaming George Soros and some stupid random conspiracy theories for the protests.  Right wing morons around the world are all the same,  George Soros is apparently the boogey man that can appear all over the world and give money to protestors that are asking for – GASP – basic human rights.  (bbc.com)

IDIOT MAN-CHILD THROWS TEMPER TANTRUM OVER POINTLESS WALL AND ENDS UP SHUTTING DOWN GOVERNMENT AND COSTING MANY THEIR LIVELIHOOD – It’s official, the idiot Donald Trump is going to make his racist monument border wall the hill that he dies on.  After agreeing to a Republican/Democrat compromise to keep the government funded for a few months, Donald Trump decided at the last minute that he wouldn’t sign off on it because some right wing idiots on TV told him not to do it unless it included billions of dollars for a stupid wall.  Let’s ignore for a minute that illegal immigrants will still be able to come over on boats, planes and expired visas regardless of how big the wall is.  But wasting billions of dollars for a stupid vanity project is just irresponsible and criminal in today’s economic climate.  But Trump’s base – racist morons who don’t live near the border and who have never even seen the border – are more than happy to support Trump to fulfill their racist fantasies in the guise of “national security”.  So once more, the idiot Donald Trump has made a shit show of the government and now even the stock market is collapsing.  Well done, Donald Trump.  It bears repeating, Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (apnews.com)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! – Christmas is coming up next week and I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and good vibes this holiday season from me and the rest of the Simple Minded family.  We come off a bit rough around the edges sometimes but we just want everyone to be happy and live in a world that isn’t horrible.  In uplifting holiday news, today we found out a minor Christmas miracle occurred in England when LadBaby’s spoof song, “We Built This City … On Sausage Rolls”, claimed the Christmas number one spot on the singles sales chart.  For those that don’t know, the battle for the number one song at Christmas is a time-honored tradition in England and it is quite remarkable for a spoof charity single by an internet star to reach the top spot.  And it’s all for charity, so everyone’s a winner.  Merry Christmas, one and all.  (bbc.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AND SO, THE CITY OF EL PASO BEGINS ITS QUIXOTIC QUEST TO IMPROVE BRIDGE CROSSING TIMES AT THE BORDER. AS LONG AS THE BABY HUEY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS IN CHARGE OF BRIDGE CHECKS, NOT MUCH WILL PROBABLY GET DONE – The City of El Paso is pledging more than $30 million on a plan to improve crossing times and efficiency on the international bridges that connect El Paso and Juarez. There are no real details on what exact projects will be done at the bridges, but at least they’re trying to make things better. Currently the city has been paying for extra overtime for federal bridge staff but the results of that have been mixed. Maybe if they build more bridges or add lanes that will at least add more capacity, but the core issue of the idiot Baby Huey government getting in the way will be the main source of delays in crossing. Although the local economy would benefit exponentially from more efficient bridge operations and faster crossing times, the feds will just complain about how it is more important to protect ‘Murica’ from the ‘drigs’ and ‘terists’ and that’s why they have to poke their ass on the inspections. And how else will the Baby Huey secret police at the border get tons of overtime for just standing around and doing jack shit? It would be nice if the local government could take matters into its own hands, but morons at the federal level – both in D.C. and Mexico City – will always have the final say on border crossings. (cbs4local.com)

PARTS OF MONTANA VISTA ARE FINALLY GETTING SEWER SERVICE. HOORAY! MAYBE NOW MONTANA VISTA CAN INCORPORATE AND TRY TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MORE INFRASTRUCTURE PROJECTS – The Texas Water Development Board has approved over $12 million to be used in the community of Montana Vista to bring sewer service to over 800 residences in the area. The funds will come from the Economically Distressed Areas program and is a continuing step to get the infrastructure in Montana Vista up to livable standards. More work is needed, obviously, but our local representatives are working hard to get more funding for these economically distressed areas both here in the region and in the rest of the state. And with all this advancement, maybe the residents of Montana Vista will one day band together to incorporate into a city and bring more development to their community. They can either follow the path of San Elizario or choose to be become Chaparral 2. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

LUMINARIAS ON SCENIC DRIVE AND KHALID CLAUS, AARON JONES CLAUS & ALVIN JONES CLAUS DELIVERING PRESENTS. IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS! – Christmas is arriving in the desert and, though it’s been pretty warm, we are in the midst of winter and the holiday season. Holiday events are popping up around the Mogollon region, but the annual Navidad de La Fe Luminarias on Scenic Drive is one of the more beautiful events and it’s happening this weekend. And kudos to Khalid, Aaron Jones and Alvin Jones for donating toys to Ernesto Serna School (Khalid) and East Point Elementary (Jones Brothers). For a second straight year Khalid even delivered the toys personally, so extra kudos for him. Other local celebrities now have to step up and donate even more toys to children! In addition, countless local charities are accepting donations this holiday season to help those in need throughout the region. So make your own Christmas magic and help as much as you can this year – you’ve got a few weeks left. (elpasoheraldpost.com/cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

VENEZUELA HAS DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE AND THEIR ANNUAL INFLATION RATE HAS GONE UP BY MORE THAN ONE MILLION PERCENT. NEXT YEAR, PRESIDENT NICOLAS MADURO HOPES TO OUTDO HIMSELF AND CONTINUE TO DESTROY THE ECONOMY SO THAT THE ANNUAL INFLATION RATE CAN GO UP BY ONE MILLION BILLION PERCENT! – In case you were wondering, Venezuela is still a disaster with no end in sight. Inflation continues to rise and people are leaving the country in droves in search of a better life. This year inflation went up by over one million percent and the International Monetary Fund expects inflation next year to rise by 10 million percent! Venezuela is truly fucked and the only solution is for President Nicolas Maduro to dig up the corpse of Hugo Chavez and sodomize it on national television while he puts a gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Even then, the inflation rate will only go down to thousand percent range depending on who takes over. Much like Zimbabwe, the government is incompetent enough to keep this going for years and simply printing more currency in the hopes that magic fairies and unicorns will appear and fix everything. So even though most people in Venezuela have millions in local currency, those millions are worth a few dollars in the real world and basic goods in the black market are priced out of the range of most people. Venezuela, we hardly knew ye. (reuters.com)

TRY NEW JOHNSON & JOHNSON BABY POWDER. NOW WITH ASBESTOS TO MAKE YOUR BABY FIREPROOF! – A report from Reuters revealed newly released internal documents from Johnson & Johnson that showed that trace amounts of asbestos have been found in their iconic talcum powder for years. The news has caused the company to get hammered on Wall Street and the lawsuits that were pending against the company have now gathered more steam. Although there is no hard scientific evidence that these trace amounts of asbestos in their talc caused cancer, the fact that they hid this information from consumers and regulators is very damning for the company. On the bright side, if you want to fireproof your house all you need to do is cover it in baby powder. (reuters.com)

MEANWHILE IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, EBOLA KEEPS GOING STRONG – The latest report from the World Health Organization shows that the spread of Ebola in Northeast DR Congo continues to grow and has reached some larger cities. Though the rate that it is spreading is not too fast, Ebola is very dangerous and not the type of disease you want out in the open. The WHO is working hard with local authorities to contain this epidemic, but rough conditions in the region are making this prospect very hard. So although it’s a slow burn, this thing still has the potential to go to neighboring areas and cause even bigger problems in the future. At least there’s no asbestos in the Ebola, so we got that working in our favor. (arstechnica.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LET’S ALL WELCOME CURACUBBY TO EL PASO – Another tech firm has decided to expand into ElPaso and it really is looking like there will be a tech scene in Downtown ElPaso.  The latest firm to enter the market is Curacubby, which to my extreme disappointment does not make computer software designed to match pediatricians with baby bears.  Curacubby is – in fact – a tech company that runs an online management system for schools and care providers that handles everything from enrollment to billing. The company is currently hiring and hopes to fill various positions with local talent.  So if you’ve ever wanted to work for a tech startup, now is your chance – and you don’t even have to move to Silicon Valley!  Kudos to the local city governments, the Borderplex Alliance and everyone else who is working behind the scenes to make deals like this happen.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ANOTHER ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR RON STALLWORTH. THIS IS BECOMING A COMMON OCCURRENCE – The accolades just keep on coming for BlacKKKlansman, the movie based on the book by local legend Ron Stallworth.  This week the film was nominated for multiple Golden Globes and with awards season upon us the accolades should just keep rolling in. Both the movie and book recount Ron Stallworth’s time in law enforcement in Colorado and the time he spent undercover as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.  Which was all the more dangerous and absurd because Ron Stallworth is black. Ron Stallworth is a great El Pasoan and it’s good to see his story get a much deserved international audience. It’s looking like we’ll be seeing BlacKKKlansman mentioned multiple times when Academy Award nominations are announced.  (cbs4local.com)

SO WHAT’S THE PUNISHMENT FOR GETTING DRUNK AND KILLING SOMEONE?  SIX MONTHS IN JAIL AND PROBATION.  EL PASO JURIES ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT GIVING OUT PUNISHMENTS – A verdict was reached this week in the case of Lorenzo Anchondo, who killed Xiaoyan Shi when he drunkenly went over the curb and hit a stop sign that landed on the victim’s head. An El Paso jury found him guilty of intoxication manslaughter for the offense but his “punishment” was a paltry 6 months in jail and probation.  To put that in perspective, if Lorenzo Anchondo would have had a box of kiddie porn in his car he would have gotten like 10 years in prison for that alone.  But KILLING someone only gets him a few months in jail.  Hell, even Billy Abraham got more time in PRISON and the person he killed was a drunk hobo who was crossing in the middle of the street away from the crosswalk in the dead of night. Anchondo must have been driving pretty fast to knock down a stop sign with such force that it killed someone, but I guess they only want to focus on the drinking and not the dangerous speed in a residential area.  El Paso juries are proof that common law and the 12-juror system might not be the best way to handle a legal system.  Bring on efficient European-style civil law!  (ktsm.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE DEATH CROSS IS COMING FOR YOU!  BEWARE!  BEWARE! – The financial markets have been tanking this week (who knew trade wars and piss poor management of the country could lead to volatility and horrible market conditions?) and experts predict that it’s probably going to get worse in the coming months.  The Death Cross occurs when “an index’s near-term moving average of daily closing prices falls below its long-term moving average as both averages are declining.”  And that very same phenomenon occurred on Friday like a majestic financial groundhog. This indicates that the index will fall more in the short term but any long term predictions are still up in the air. For my money, my favorite financial groundhog is the inverted yield curve and that one says we’re fucked. But fret not, as long as Americans keep making stupid purchases the markets will continue to fluctuate but remain in relatively stable territory.  If the end of year reports still show that people are buying TVs, iPhones, Netflix subscriptions, large trucks and other shit that they don’t need all will remain relatively stable.  If there is one national resource that America has in droves – it is stupidity.  And that is the real commodity that keeps the economy running.  (reuters.com)

TURNS OUT THE PLAGUE HAS BEEN A PAIN INHUMANITY’S ASS FOR FAR LONGER THAN ORIGINALLY THOUGHT – The 5,000 year old bones of a young woman found in Sweden have revealed the presence of plague according to DNA analysis.  The finding makes her the earliest known victim of the plague in humans and might explain the huge migrations and population shifts that are found throughout this time period.  The research by scientists Nicolas Rascovan and Simon Rasmussen published in the journal Cell reveals that the strain in the woman was the pneumonic plague which would have made it easier to spread from person to person in close quarters. If this spread like outbreaks that are found in Europe’s written historical record, it would have been cataclysmic to all the early civilizations around at that time and would have led to a significant paradigm shift in the history of the world.  It’s very interesting that this can be dated to the mysterious 3000 B.C. mark where many legendary figures are said to originate and where massive global change is believed to have occurred.  Plague is a bitch.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

FRANCE IS RIOTING!  IN RELATED NEWS, THE SKY IS BLUE – More people and groups around France have been emboldened by the “yellow vest” protesters and their successful anti-fuel tax demonstrations.  The discontent in France is so great that French authorities expect more protests and possible riots this weekend and have closed important venues for the next few days.   The lack of leadership for this movement makes it difficult to gauge just what their endgame is, but as long as the rich get tax breaks and the poor get shafted people will continue to protest and fight back.  Though it should be noted that these are prim and proper protesters that only do it on the weekends and go back to work during the week.  They want to change France, not destroy it completely.  But yeah, Macron is sort of fucked.  (bbc.com)