Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/30/2018


ABOUT TIME THEY ALLOW INDUSTRIAL HEMP PRODUCTION IN NEW MEXICO.  YOU’D LITERALLY HAVE TO SMOKE POUNDS OF IT TO GET EVEN REMOTELY HIGH.  WHY IS IT EVEN ILLEGAL IN THE FIRST PLACE? – Amazingly, growing industrial hemp in New Mexico was not allowed and will finally start up as a legitimate industry in 2019.  New Mexico State University, the all-knowing beacon of all things agricultural, approved the regulations for hemp production on Thursday and the New Mexico Department of Agriculture will enforce the regulations starting in 2019.  Hemp promises to be a lucrative crop for New Mexico farmers and will also benefit the environment because it uses much, MUCH less water than some of the other crops being grown in the state.  And because society has to pander to the right wing nut jobs, all hemp that has more than .3 percent THC will be destroyed so that the “precious children” are not poisoned by the big bad marijuana drug.  (

THE RACETRACK IN VADO IS ALMOST COMPLETE!  HOORAY FOR VADO! – After years of planning and construction, Vado Speedway Park is looking like it will be ready for competition starting next spring.  The track will take over the majority of races that used to occur at Southern New Mexico Speedway and will look to expand with more races.  This is a great project for Vado and other small communities in the region should look at creating unique opportunities such as this to expand their economic output.  Good show, Vado.  Good show, Jones family.  (

RULE NUMBER ONE FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IS TO ALWAYS BLAME KIDNAPPERS WHEN YOU GO OUT DRINKING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND DON’T RETURN UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MORNING – Simple Minded Entertainment’s Hero of the Week award goes to Jorge Parra, who decided to cover up a night of drinking and drug use in Juarez by telling his wife that he was kidnapped and that his car was stolen.  He would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for his meddling wife and those meddling Scooby kids.  She was naturally worried that her family was in danger and went to the police who subsequently charged Jorge Parra with making a false report once the expertly planned scheme was unraveled by the authorities.  Remember, the key to a happy marriage is to create an elaborate lie when you do something wrong AND THEN tell your significant other not to go to the police because the cartels know where you live.  The last part is the key to protecting the lie and the relationship.  (


BUENOS AIRES WELCOMES THE G20 SUMMIT THIS WEEKEND AND, AS LONG AS NOTHING BLOWS UP, IT WILL BE CONSIDERED A GREAT SUCCESS – The G20 shindig will take place in Argentina this year and, as usual, we can expect more talking from world leaders and only the most minimal of action.  Hot button issues this year include climate change, Russia being a bully and all the disasters that Donald Trump has created through his stupidity.  Buenos Aires has decided to keep things classy this year as the major global event will occur less than a week after the Copa Libertadores final between River Plate and Boca Juniors – two teams from Buenos Aires – was canceled because fans of one team attacked the players of the other team before the game started.  Not to be outdone, a local TV station put up a picture of Apu from The Simpsons when Prime Minister Modi of India arrived in the country.  Keep it classy, Buenos Aires.  (

REST IN PEACE, GEORGE BUSH – Former President George H.W. Bush passed away tonight at the age of 94.  Although many people didn’t agree with his policies, President Bush was able to compromise and work with politicians of different backgrounds to get things done.  He served his country throughout his life, starting in the military and then moving through different areas of public service.  He was not perfect and there will be some debate on his legacy and on the impact of some of his policies, but he comported himself with respect to the job at hand throughout his career.  He also led indirectly to some of the best comedic skits in the history of Saturday Night Live and was a good sport about the constant satire during his term in office.  Rest in peace, President George Bush.  (

A LARGE EARTHQUAKE HAS STRUCK THE PACIFIC COAST OF CALIF ……. ALASKA.  OH YEAH, ALASKA GETS EARTHQUAKES TOO – A magnitude 7.0 earthquake struck near Anchorage, Alaska this week causing structural damage throughout the city but, luckily, no major loss of life.  Most people don’t associate Alaska with earthquakes, but it is on the Ring of Fire and was the location of the massive 9.2 magnitude Good Friday earthquake that occurred in 1964.  Who knew that the Syfy channel movie Ice Quake was a documentary?  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/23/2018


IT’S GOOD THAT THE COUNTY GOVERNMENT IS PLANNING TO SPEND MONEY ON ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT.  BUT THIS BEING EL PASO COUNTY, THEY MIGHT JUST SPEND THE $2 MILLION ON TRYING TO LURE ANOTHER WHATABURGER TO SOCORRO – El Paso County is looking at creating an economic development fund of $2.5 million dollars to attract businesses and jobs to the El Paso area.  The money will be used for infrastructure, land acquisition and other incentives to try and lure companies to El Paso that will hopefully create high paying jobs.  It’s nice to see the county government show some initiative and try to create business opportunities in the region.  As long as they don’t blow the entire fund on a stupid project this should be a great investment.  Though judging by some past El Paso County foibles, spending the entire fund on something stupid is, unfortunately, a possibility.  (

COME JOIN SOME OF PASO DEL NORTE’S BEST AUTHORS FOR A CHARITY Q&A FOR A GREAT CAUSE – The SOMOS fund was created by the El Paso Community Foundation to help out youth in Juarez that have been impacted by violence.  Next week they will be having a cool benefit that will feature a Q&A with important local authors, including Benjamin Alire Saenz, Ron Stallworth, Philip Connors, Andrew Selee and others.  You will have the opportunity to listen to these great authors for a minimum donation of just $25 or a donation of $100 which includes copies of the authors’ books.  A bunch of books for $100 and you get to meet the authors; that’s a bargain!  So mark your calendars for November 27 and head on out to the SOMOS fundraiser in Downtown.  (

IF ANYONE DESERVES A KICKSTARTER DONATION, IT’S THE MAN THAT CREATED WICKED LAKE.  LET’S ALL GIVE HIM MONEY AND THEN MAYBE HIS NEXT PROJECT WILL BE WICKED LAKE 2! – Zach Passero is best known for the movie Wicked Lake, the heart-warming story of hot naked witches from El Paso that go to Ruidoso to kill redneck sociopaths.  It’s a great slasher film that makes Cinemax late night movies proud and that deserves more attention as a cult classic.  Passero’s latest project is an animated feature called The Weird Kidz about teens that go out into the desert for a camping trip in a mysterious location.  I don’t believe this movie will have hot naked girls, but it still sounds pretty cool.  So go on The Weird Kidz kickstarter page and donate some money.  If not for this movie, do it for all the wonderful lesbian witch memories that Wicked Lake provided us.  (


ALTHOUGH YEMEN IS NOT YET IN FAMINE MODE, THE CIVIL WAR HAS ALREADY CREATED A HELLISH HUMANITARIAN CRISIS THAT HAS CLAIMED THE LIVES OF TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.  BUT AT LEAST SAUDI ARABIA GETS TO STOKE ITS EGO BY BEING A REGIONAL BULLY.  DONALD TRUMP MUST BE PROUD – New analysis by charities on the ground show that over 85,000 children may have died from starvation and health issues in the 3 years that the civil war has ravaged Yemen.  That number ONLY includes children under 5 and doesn’t even take into account all the people that have died because of the actual civil war and adults who have died because of the collapse of health care and society in general.  To make matters worse, Saudi Arabia has been using this whole conflict as an excuse to bully the region and is the main cause of all the major attacks in the area.  But maybe the international community led by America will step in and bring peace in the regi …….. never mind, Donald Trump isn’t done bending over for Saudi Arabia.  Even after the Saudi government brazenly murdered a journalist in a foreign country, Donald Trump went out of his way to write a letter of support for Saudi Arabia that practically apologized for the U.S. government’s investigation of the matter.  But he’s only doing this because he loves America and not because the Saudis pump money into his hotels and his businesses.  Meanwhile, thousands of children continue to die for a bullshit conflict.  (

JUST A REMINDER THAT THE EBOLA OUTBREAK IN THE CONGO IS STILL GOING STRONG.  THIS STORY GETS LOST IN THE SHUFFLE OF MAJOR NEWS STORIES AND IT’S SOMETHING THAT MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT – Dozens of new ebola cases are being confirmed daily in the Democratic Republic of Congo and the outbreak doesn’t have an end in sight.  Because the infections are popping up in the northeastern part of the country that is plagued by constant conflicts, medical staff are finding it hard to enter the area and contain the problem.  So even though the official number is over 350 infected individuals since the start of the outbreak in July, that number is probably higher and the potential for more infections is worse than what is being reported.  This is truly a horrible situation and the risk to neighboring countries and communities is very high.  Hopefully this story gets more attention from the international community before it’s too late.  (

THE NATIVES OF NORTH SENTINEL ISLAND DON’T LIKE OUTSIDERS.  SO IT’S A GOOD IDEA NOT TO MARK THAT PLACE DOWN ON YOUR TRENDY, INSTAGRAM, BUCKET LIST MUST SEE LIST – A young American adventurer/missionary was murdered on North Sentinel Island when he attempted to visit with the mysterious inhabitants of North Sentinel Island and talk to them about Jesus and/or take a selfie.  It is believed that the island has been inhabited for thousands of years by a single tribe with the most minimal of human interaction and with no knowledge of the outside world.  It should be noted that the reason this is considered one of the most “undisturbed places on Earth” is because it is far away from major shipping lanes and there is very little of value in the area.  Rest assured that if there was gold, diamonds and/or oil on that island; all these guys would already be dead and we wouldn’t be talking about “mysterious” islanders and whether or not the outside world should make contact with them.  It’s actually quite adorable to see videos and pictures of tribesmen walk to the beach completely naked with bows and arrows acting like badasses and “protecting” their island.  So adorably delusional.  If they only knew that they were part of a human zoo display protected by the government and that any random idiot with guns from Wal-Mart could wipe out their entire civilization in a matter of minutes.  Maybe Earth is like the North Sentinel Island of the Universe and some kind-hearted aliens are protecting us – without our knowledge – from meaner aliens that could wipe us out in the drop of a hat.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/16/2018


NEXT YEAR THEY SHOULD AIM FOR OVER $500,000 FOR EL PASO GIVING DAY.  EL PASO REALLY DOES CARE – El Paso Giving Day is a neat event started by the Paso Del Norte Foundation that gathers local charities together and encourages the community to donate online.  The charities are rewarded with bonus grants depending on their performance and the extra publicity really helps many organizations get more money.  This year the group surpassed their goal and over $300,000 was raised on over 2,000 donations.  Good show, everybody that donated.  (

LET’S LIGHT UP PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS IN STYLE – Winterfest is back and now it includes streetcars!  Sunday marks the start of Downtown El Paso’s Winterfest with the annual light parade and tree lighting ceremony at the Plaza De Los Lagartos.  In addition to the light display, the nearby Winterfest will include a skating rink, holiday displays, food, vendors and occasional crippling cold.  This year the streetcars are finally operational in downtown and they will be giving free rides on the weekends throughout the holiday season and the duration of Winterfest.  Let’s all go to Downtown El Paso to look at lights, ride trolleys and possibly get drunk at all the bars.  Hooray for El Paso-style Christmas!  (

ONCE MORE, THE MAJESTIC CREOSOTE AND DESERT LIZARD ARE OVERLOOKED – The Socorro Independent School District has just announced the name and mascot for the newest school and it will be called ……. Cactus Trails Elementary Diamondbacks.  Although it’s a decent name and mascot, there are tons of plants and animals in the Chihuahuan Desert that are more common than cacti and diamondbacks.  Our native creosote, mesquite, ocotillo, yucca, lizards, coyotes and even beavers are constantly overlooked and it would be nice if they got a little more love than the ever popular cactus.  There’s more to a desert than cacti, people!  (


WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT BREXIT WAS GOING TO BE SUCH A COMPLETE CLUSTERFUCK.  AH YES, EVERYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN – The UK is on the verge of coming up with a Brexit agreement with the European Union and they are pretty much in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.  The deal they have isn’t perfect but it’s the best the UK will be able to get after voting for such a stupid idea in the first place.  Prime Minister Theresa May will now have to fend off challengers within her own party who feel she is not very good at her job and try to get enough votes to pass this agreement in parliament.  Brexit, so far, has been a disaster but things can get much worse if this agreement fails in parliament and if Theresa May is replaced as Prime Minister.  Stay tuned.  (

AN ALL NATURAL PLANT THAT PROVIDES PAIN RELIEF WITH MINIMAL SIDE EFFECTS COMPARED TO SIMILAR PHARMACEUTICALS, YOU SAY?  YOU BET YOUR ASS THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO DECLARE IT ILLEGAL AND HELP OUT THEIR BUDDIES IN THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY – Kratom is a tree whose leaves are often consumed as a tea to relieve pain and anxiety in people.  The plant has naturally occurring opiod-like compounds that seem to help many people; but that appears to be a threat to established pharmaceuticals.  Even though the “evidence” about the dangers of Kratom that the government is using is flimsy at best, there are rumors that the government will soon declare this natural remedy an illicit drug on par with cocaine and meth.  The only danger that Kratom poses is to the pocketbooks of the pharmaceutical industry, lobbyists and complicit members of the government.  So naturally, Kratom is the devil and the conservative idiots who make up these bullshit laws will demonize it while “legal” opioids kill millions more than Kratom ever could.  Good job, America!  (

SAD NEWS, TRUE BELIEVERS – Stan Lee, one of the most important figures of the American comic book industry, passed away earlier this week at the age of 95 in Los Angeles.  He will always be remembered for playing an important role in the creation of such legendary comic book creations like Spider-Man, the X-Men and many others.  His work with Marvel alone led directly to the creation of a billion dollar industry in films alone!  The man was truly a legend.  Excelsior!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/09/2018


THE STREETCARS ARE BACK IN EL PASO!  SADLY, THESE FANCY PANTS, MODERN STREETCARS WILL NOT BE PULLED BY MULES LIKE IN THE GOOD OL’ DAYS – It’s official!  As of today, the El Paso Streetcar system will be back in business after being gone for decades.  The trolleys – as the cool kids call them – are the original Presidents Conference Committee Streetcars that ran on the El Paso system back in the day and that have been lovingly restored for modern use.  The system will run on two loops from downtown to UTEP and consists of a 4.8 mile route with over twenty stops.  And as an added inauguration bonus, the streetcars will be available for free rides on weekends until January 6.  So get a move on and get on the streetcar.  Free trolleys!  Hooray!  (

EVEN IN FAILURE, BILLY ABRAHAM STILL WALKS AWAY WITH HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.  NOTHING WILL EVER STOP WILLIAM “BILLY” ABRAHAM – It finally happened.  After all the fines, threats and lawsuits; the courts have finally auctioned off Billy Abraham’s properties in El Paso to pay off all his creditors.  In the end, 11 of his properties were sold for a total of $10.53 million in bankruptcy court this week.  The sales amount will allow all his creditors to be paid and leaves him with a substantial amount of money to do as he pleases.  This marks a new chapter in the history of Downtown El Paso as some wonderful historic landmarks (such as the Kress Building and Caples Building) will now be in the hands of people who should be able to renovate them and bring them back to their old glory.  Interestingly enough, Paul Foster was shut out of the auction when he was unable to purchase the Kress Building after bidding got to high.  This was the only building he made a move on even though he had shown great interest in buying up all the buildings in an earlier offer that was rejected by Abraham.  As for Billy Abraham, he now has spending money so he can finally buy an old building and renovate it – that or he just uses up all his cash and turns The Tap bar into some super nightclub.  (

AFTER YEARS OF POINTLESS LEGAL FIGHTS, A COURT OF APPEALS HAS RULED THAT THE CITY OF EL PASO HAS THE RIGHT TO HOST SPORTS, AND WHATEVER IT WANTS, INSIDE THE WAITING-T0-BE-BUILT ARENA.  AND WE’RE SLOWLY GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE MAX GROSSMAN WILL FINALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR GOOD AND BE COMPLETELY IGNORED BY THE MEDIA – The Downtown Arena project is closer to reality now as the courts have removed a major obstacle to attracting tenants and sponsorships for the arena.  Though there is still room for more appeals, it looks like sports will be a major part of the downtown arena.  It would probably be best for critics of the arena to just compromise and work for the preservation of some buildings and the facades of the more unique structures before their grandstanding results in the entire neighborhood getting flattened.  The courts at the federal level would not get involved with property rights and at this point there is no real reason to save the entire arena footprint as is.  Just pick the most important structures and at least get the city to incorporate the buildings or the facades into the final arena complex.  Hopefully Max Grossman will finally ride off with his butt buddy to Houston and someone intelligent will finally step up among the “historians” and “conservationists” to work out a compromise that gets the arena built and saves a few of the more meaningful structures in the area.  (


“CALIFORNIA IS BURNING” IS A PHRASE THAT GETS MORE USAGE EVERY YEAR.  SO WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED FROM CLIMATE CHANGE PATTERNS IS THAT SOME PLACES WILL GET SWALLOWED BY THE OCEAN AND CALIFORNIA WILL JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST – Multiple fires are raging in California and two of them look pretty bad.  The Camp Fire in northern California practically wiped out the town of Paradise and the Woolsey Fire in the southern part of the state looks to destroy tons of homes around the Malibu area.  To add insult to injury, the Woolsey Fire is raging around the city of Thousand Oaks which just went through a terrible mass shooting/terrorist attack this past weekend that claimed the lives of 12 people in a country music bar.  Although the fires are not completely contained, most of the endangered areas have been evacuated and the firefighters on the ground will do all they can to limit loss of life and property.  It’s a sad state of affairs when writing about deadly forest fires and mass shootings becomes common practice.  Be careful out there, everyone.  (

IT WASN’T A BLUE TSUNAMI, BUT THE ELECTIONS DID PRODUCE A SIGNIFICANT BLUE WAVE – The mid-term elections are over and Democrats have taken over the House of Representatives and have come ever so close to flipping the Senate.  The Senate dream was a bit of a stretch considering most of the seats up for grabs were in majority Republican-held, hillbilly territory that worships Donald Trump – but they did come close.  So it might not have been a complete rebuke of Donald Trump and his idiot xenophobic, fascist policies – but the people have spoken and they are mad.  And even though he didn’t win, Beto O’Rourke lost the Texas Senate race by only 200,000 votes or so and helped lift Democrats around the state to upset wins.  It’s pretty amazing that a Democrat came that close to winning a statewide contest in Texas of, all places.  Maybe the state is finally turning blue.  You made El Paso fucking proud, Beto.  Onward to 2020 where hopefully we will finally be rid of the orange, fascist sack of shit in the White House.  (

OUMUAMUA IS PROBABLY NOT A PIECE OF AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT, BUT IT MIGHT BE.  THE ONLY THING THAT SCIENTISTS CAN ALL AGREE ON IS THAT IT WAS WEIRD AND PENIS-SHAPED – Oumuamua was the weirdo space object that entered the solar system (and our hearts) from a weird trajectory last year that instantly generated speculation about being interstellar and maybe even an alien object.  In addition to the weird path in travels, its penis shape has also been a mystery because no known space objects of that size resemble a penis.  A new study by Harvard astronomers Shmuel Bialy and Abraham Loeb has suggested that because of its shape, size, trajectory and speed that it might be a solar sail or some other similar object from an alien spacecraft.  While the research offers this as just one possible explanation, many people have criticized the report.  But as it stands, it’s either alien space junk or a one-in-a-million penis-shaped object from a penis solar system where everything is shaped like penises.  You decide!  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION – 11/02/2018


TONS OF PEOPLE ARE VOTING IN EL PASO, BUT WE NEED EVEN MORE TO KICK THE FASCISTS OUT OF OFFICE – Early voting numbers are breaking records in El Paso and throughout the state, but we need even more people to vote to kick the fascists out of office. Over 120,000 people have voted so far in El Paso and here’s hoping that even more people turn up on election day. So please vote on Tuesday to ensure that corrupt, boot-licking morons are kicked out of office. Vote for Beto O’Rourke and every other candidate that isn’t a fascist or a coward – America is counting on you. Everybody is voting, El Paso, don’t be left out! (

HELLO, COLDNESS. THE WEATHER OUTSIDE CAN FINALLY MATCH THE COLD, DARK RECESSES OF MY DEPRESSED HEART. YAYYYYYYY! EMO POWERS ACTIVATE! – Fall is progressing and Winter is slowly approaching and the cold weather is finally returning to the Greater Mogollon region. Temperatures have dropped throughout the area and this week has seen the first freezes and even snow in some parts of our neck of the woods. So while the temperature will fluctuate between super hot and super cold in El Paso, as is the case every Fall and Winter, you can start enjoying Winter early by going out to Ski Apache – they’ve already had snow! (

HOORAY! SAN ELIZARIO IS GETTING A (SORT OF) NEW LIBRARY. MEANWHILE IN SOCORRO, CITY COUNCIL DECIDED TO BLOW UP A LIBRARY. BECAUSE SOCORRO DON’T BELIEVE IN THAT FANCY BOOK LEARNING – In positive news, San Elizario High School has announced that their library will be now be open to the public. Access to books and computers is very important for the advancement of a community and it’s good to see San Elizario ISD step up and help the people in this way. Library access is very scarce in the mission area and this really gives everyone hope that things are looking up in the area. (


MASS MURDER IS BECOMING SO COMMON IN AMERICA THAT PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO TREAT IT AS A DAILY NEWS STORY WITH NO MEANINGFUL IMPACT BEYOND A FEW DAYS. THAT’S JUST SAD – This is a story that is becoming all too familiar, a crazy moron with easy access to guns kills multiple civilians because of hate-filled beliefs. Last Saturday; a fat-ass, redneck piece of trash walked into a Synagogue in Pittsburgh and shot and killed 11 innocent people just because the conspiracy theories that he was a big fan of told him that “Jews are bad” and “immigrants are invading America”. That actually was the thing that set him off and that he mentioned in his last social media post – his belief that a specific Jewish organization was helping out refugees and bringing them into America for an invasion. Gee, where could such a feeble-minded idiot get the idea that “refugees were invading America”. It’s almost as if there is an ignorant fat ass in power that is stoking fear and hatred in America in order to get votes for his party in the upcoming election. Fuck this terrorist, racist piece of trash and all his enablers in power that use fear and hatred to divide people. 11 innocent people are dead because of the hate-filled rhetoric that is the new normal for the Republican Party and no one seems to want to call them out on it. (

IN FUNGUS WE TRUST – In the realm of biomaterial engineering, mycelium is gaining a reputation for being a truly super material. Mycelium is the very strong “root” structure of fungus that makes up most of its mass and is usually found beneath the surface. By controlling growth and allowing the mycelium to fill out molds, this super material can be used to make everything from boots to building materials and can one day even become the basis of “space construction” all over the solar system. Due to its light weight, low cost and ease of transport; fungus spores can be cheaply sent virtually anywhere. The BBC has a great article on the biomaterial applications of mycelium and how it can one day shape our future construction needs. Check it out if you want to learn more about the fascinating world of fungus, they aren’t just pizza toppings anymore. (

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE VOTE! – We’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating, PLEASE VOTE! If you didn’t do early voting, just show up on Tuesday and do your duty as a citizen of this country. In addition to Beto O’Rourke for Senate; other local, state and national races will be determined and we need your help to vote for non-fascists and decent human beings to rule this country. So to summarize, vote for Beto O’Rourke and every Democrat on the ballot. The Republicans have shown themselves to be nothing more than Donald Trump bootlickers who are one step short of becoming fascist foot soldiers. And if the Republican snowflakes don’t like the criticism, they can all go fuck themselves. Vote these fuckers out! This is no joke. (