Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/12/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF THIS IS HOW THE EL PASO POLICE DEPARTMENT ACTS WHEN DEALING WITH A SUICIDAL OLD MAN, IMAGINE WHAT THEY’LL DO WHEN FACED WITH A REAL EMERGENCY – The El Paso Police Department shut down local businesses around the Pebble Hills Command Center and forced employees and customers to stay inside for hours after an elderly man named Richard Palafox was shot by 3 officers because he allegedly threatened them with a weapon.  Naturally the police department did this overkill shut down for safety reasons and not to stack up easy overtime for their officers.  Lord knows the El Paso Police Department has never had shameless overtime scandals and only does overkill scenarios like this for safety reasons.  If this is how they act with an old man with a gun, if there’s ever a mass shooting event in the city they’ll probably shut down the entire town and force people to stay indoors for a week.  (cbs4local.com)

TWO LIONS AND A TIGER WERE FOUND IN A RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY IN JUAREZ AFTER THEIR OWNER SHOWED UP TO THE HOSPITAL WITH LARGE FELINE-RELATED INJURIES.  OF COURSE, DRUGS AND DRUG DEALING ARE NOT PART OF THIS CASE – The authorities in Juarez have moved two lions and a tiger to a rescue facility after they were taken from their owner who did not have the proper paperwork.  This being Juarez, apparently there is such a thing as a permit to own lions and tigers  So far the owner’s only punishment has been to be mauled by a large feline and having the cats removed from his property.  The authorities could possibly investigate how a regular person had enough money to purchase 3 large predatory cats, but they probably won’t.  Obviously drug dealing was not involved in this case and the authorities will just count this as a win after placing the cats in a shelter.  (cbs4local.com)

MAYBE THE MOUNTAIN LION JUST WANTED TO CHECK OUT THE NEW EXHIBITS AT THE EL PASO ZOO – The El Paso Zoo was on lock down on Friday after security at the zoo allegedly saw a mountain lion around the property.  No “mountain lion” has actually been caught, so this might just be a false alarm and the security guards may have just seen a really large cat.  It’s very easy to confuse Garfield with a mountain lion or any other medium size wildcat.  The mountain lion is believed to come from the Franklin Mountains, but they had some random idiot on the local news say the mountain lion came from Juarez – which is a theory so stupid that we won’t even bother discussing it.  But people in the area shouldn’t worry too much about this, if it were a true “mountain lion emergency” EPPD would have shut down the freeway and all the businesses in a 5 mile radius to make sure everyone was “safe” and not because of sweet, sweet overtime pay.  Then they would shoot a random house cat because it was being “suspicious” and label it “case closed”.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

YOU’D THINK A COUNTRY PLANNING TO SECRETLY MURDER SOMEONE WOULD MAKE AN EFFORT TO AT LEAST TRY TO KEEP IT SECRETISH – Jamal Khashoggi disappeared in Turkey more than a week ago and all evidence points to at least some involvement by Saudi Arabia.  There is video of Khashoggi entering the Saudi Arabia consulate in Turkey, but no evidence that he actually left.  So either he was murdered in there or he magically disappeared.  Turkey is claiming to have audio and video of the murder and Saudi Arabia is responding by covering their ears and yelling “Fake News”.  Even if Saudi Arabia did murder the government critic, nothing will really happen and the rest of the world will just wag their finger and act outraged (like when the Russian government murders people and blows up passenger planes and no one seems to do anything).  At most, Donald Trump will send out an angry tweet filled with empty threats and then nothing will happen.  (bbc.com)

WHO KNEW THAT HIRING IDIOTS TO RUN A COMPANY WOULD LEAD TO SUCH HORRIBLE RESULTS.  REST IN PEACE, SEARS – By Sunday we will know if Sears will shut down completely or will live on for at least a few more months.  It’s no surprise that Sears is in horrible condition.  They’ve been selling off assets and engaging in stupid business practices for more than a decade.  At the moment, Sears’ stock is in the toilet and the company doesn’t have the money to keep all of its stores open.  The company is pinning their hopes on a bankruptcy plan that will keep about half of their 700 stores open, but it’s too early to tell if this will be enough to permanently save the company.  So while not completely dead, this past week’s stock market drop has at least put Sears in a coma.  (reuters.com)

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  LET’S ALL GO EAT SPOOKY TREATS AT BURGER KING! – Japan has really embraced Halloween in the past decade and one of the most unique things that they have is that almost every store and restaurant has special Halloween items on the menu.  Burger King is one of the companies embracing this trend in America and this year they have brought the Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry drink to their stores.  In the past they have also served whoppers on black buns, so Burger King has been on the cutting edge of American Halloween treats.  Here’s hoping more American businesses embrace this trend and start giving us more spooky treats for October.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 10/05/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO’S PROFESSIONAL FUTBALL TEAM FINALLY HAS A NAME AND …….. IT’S A PRETTY FUCKING COOL NAME.  MOUNTAINSTAR COULD HAVE REALLY SCREWED THIS UP, BUT THEY CAME THROUGH.  I’M IMPRESSED – MountainStar Sports Group officially announced the name of their new soccer club to much fanfare this week and also gave everyone a first peak at the logo and color scheme for the team.  Welcome the El Paso Locomotive FC to your sports loving hearts!  The name, logo and colors are surprisingly good and the presentation went pretty well.  Overall, most people are really excited about the team and they might pack more people into the Chihuahua’s City Hall Field per game than the actual official tenants.  And if the team proves to be successful, we can see a large stadium project in their future if they can guarantee a shot at being promoted into the MLS.  I would have preferred if the team were named FC Lokomotiv El Paso for traditionalist reasons, but all in all the name and team has great potential.  CHOO CHOO!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 HOORAY!  THEY HAVE FINISHED THE CONNECTIONS ON US-85 IN THE VICINITY OF PAISANO AND SUNLAND PARK.  TRAFFIC IS STILL A DISASTER IN THAT AREA, BUT AT LEAST IT’S NO LONGER AN APOCALYPTIC CLUSTERFUCK – In a pleasant surprise, txdot has announced the completion of bridge roads on US-85 from Paisano to Sunland Park.  This should help alleviate some of the traffic on I-10 in that area and also takes us one step closer to the super loop that will one day wrap around all of El Paso.  So next time you find yourself in the traffic clusterfuck known as I-10 on the Westside, just use Paisano instead.  (cbs4local.com)

SHEEP AND GOATS AND COWS, OH MY!  – NMSU will be holding its annual Ag Day Degree training program later this month and this time they will also have a special sheep and goat symposium devoted to everything you wanted to know about sheep and goats, but were afraid to ask.  The event will start on Thursday, October 18 and continue through the weekend.  The combined fee for both events is only $50 and is a great way to get a taste of NMSU’s world class agriculture programs.  So if you were ever curious about farming and related topics, this is your chance to learn from professionals!  It’s good to see the sheepies finally get their day in the sun.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S VERY HARD TO ELECT A DICTATOR INTO A DEMOCRATIC OFFICE, BRAZIL LOOKS TO ACCOMPLISH THIS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE FEAT THIS WEEKEND – The Brazilian presidential election is this Sunday and right wing, wannabe dictator Jair Bolsonaro is the front runner.  Bolsonaro has literally said he is in favor of a dictatorship and has been skyrocketing up the polls by promising to fix Brazil’s crime and corruption problems by unchecked, extra judicial force and general vitriol.  So Brazil basically wants to stop a tire fire by pouring gasoline on top of it.  The election will probably go into a run-off where the idiot will face the more stable Fernando Haddad, but even then it looks like Bolsonaro has a good chance of winning.  Fascism looks to be on the rise and the world should be very careful when right wing idiots start coming to power in droves.  (reuters.com)

IN IMPORTANT NEWS THAT THE WORLD SHOULD PROBABLY BE PAYING ATTENTION TOO, CAMEROON IS CURRENTLY IN THE MIDST OF A BORDERLINE CIVIL WAR BETWEEN FRENCH AND ENGLISH SPEAKERS.  YOU’D THINK SOMETHING THAT CRAZY WOULD GET MORE PRESS COVERAGE – In Cameroon, separatists in the Northwest and Southwest English speaking parts of the Country are seeking independence from the French speaking government.  Although the government claims that things are under control, tensions are still high in the separatist regions and the revolutionaries are vowing to stop the presidential election vote in these areas.  The divisions in these regions run deeper than French vs. English, but this appears to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.  When you start creating boundaries and borders from hundreds of miles away with no actual thought given to the people that live there, you will always have problems.  This is the curse of the Frankenstein countries that cobble together as much land as possible simply for the greed of it.  coughcough  I’m looking in your direction, Russia and America.  (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO PLACING A SEXUAL PREDATOR IN THE SUPREME COURT, THE PEOPLE IN POWER ARE PLACING CHILDREN IN INTERNMENT CAMPS.  AMERICA IS TURNING INTO A BANANA REPUBLIC RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES – So now even more children are being placed in internment camps in Tornillo with no release in sight and they aren’t even being offered an education while in custody.  At this very moment, hypocrite and spineless Republicans in Washington are shrugging their shoulders and saying, “At least they haven’t built any gas chambers yet.”  This country is going into the fascist shitter faster than anyone thought possible.  (cbs4local.com)