Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/14/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S KHALID APPRECIATION WEEKEND IN EL PASO!  PLAN ACCORDINGLY – Khalid has returned home to El Paso a conquering hero and he was rewarded by the El Paso city government with the key to the city.  In addition, Khalid will celebrate his triumphant return by playing back-to-back concerts at the Don Haskins Center on Friday and Saturday.  Well played, Khalid.  So make sure you celebrate Khalid Day by buying his album and jamming out to all his great songs – it’s the official way to celebrate this new holiday.  (cbs4local.com)

MORE THAN ONE WEEK LATER AND THE SUNSPOT OBSERVATORY IS STILL CLOSED WITH NO REASON GIVEN.  I DON’T WANT TO SAY IT’S ALIENS, BUT IT WAS PROBABLY A “WEATHER BALLOON” – Last week, the FBI mysteriously closed off the Sunspot Observatory near Cloudcroft and forced all the employees out of the premises.  No reason has been given for this closure and the tight lipped nature of the operation has led to many conspiracy theories popping up online.  It’s anybody’s guess as to what went down in the Sunspot Observatory.  But we can all agree that the authorities will make up some bullshit excuse over the closure that doesn’t even begin to explain the use of Blackhawk helicopters and federal agents on an NMSU facility.  My money is on an official explanation involving swamp gas and birds that look like UFOs.  (kvia.com)

I’VE SAID IT BEFORE, EL PASO NEEDS A MEXICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL CENTER LIKE A PIG NEEDS TWO ASSHOLES.  THE ENTIRE FUCKING CITY IS A MEXICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL CENTER.  IT’S MORE THAN 2/3 “MEXICAN AMERICAN” AND “MEXICAN AMERICAN” IS THE DOMINANT CULTURE IN THE REGION! – As long as the city doesn’t go over budget and keeps the money spent in a respectable range, the Mexican American Cultural Center is okay.  It’s a stupid idea, but if it makes people happy and can be used by the entire community it will be a nice thing.  The latest plan to keep costs down is to expand the Downtown library with a new building and include the cultural center in the improved library/center complex.  This would cut down on costs and fit in nicely with the nearby history museum and future children’s museum.  Naturally, certain idiots in the city want to show off their Latino Superman nonsense and are asking for an even bigger center that requires even more taxpayer money.  These people are idiots and, even if they disrupt community meetings, they should just be ignored and the most financially responsible option should be used.  If there is no private sector push, let’s not let this snowball into a massive waste of money.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AT ONE POINT THIS WEEK, THERE WERE FOUR NAMED STORMS IN THE ATLANTIC IN ADDITION TO ALL THE OTHER STORMS RAMBLING AROUND IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.  AND THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BELOW-AVERAGE HURRICANE SEASON! – As Hurricane Florence soaks the Carolinas and Typhoon Mangkhut makes its way towards the Philippines and China, a bunch of other storms of varying sizes are twirling around all around the globe.  Whether you call them hurricanes, typhoons or cyclones; these storms are dangerous and all should be on alert when in their vicinity.  If this is a below-average season, I can’t imagine what it would be like if we were in an above-average season.  (bbc.com)

REMEMBER WHEN EBOLA OUTBREAKS WERE CONSIDERED SCIENCE FICTION AND THE WORLD WAS SCARED OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY BECAME REALITY?  AH, SIMPLER TIMES.  NOWADAYS EBOLA OUTBREAKS ARE SO COMMON IN AFRICA THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD JUST IGNORES THEM – Lost in the news cycle is the current Ebola outbreak impacting the Democratic Republic of Congo.  The outbreak has been occurring since August and 91 people have died out of 133 cases.  To make matters worse, this is all occurring among the backdrop of warring militant groups fighting for control of this part of the Congo.  Normally this would be pretty big news, but the rest of the world doesn’t really care about poor countries like Congo and tragedies like this are more common than many people think.  The global community should really pay attention to issues like this before they burn out of control.  (telegraph.co.uk)

IN ADDITION TO BEING A SMUG, SACK OF SHIT CONSERVATIVE ZEALOT; LOOKS LIKE BRETT KAVANAUGH IS ALSO A SEXUAL PREDATOR.  THIS WON’T DISQUALIFY HIM FROM THE SUPREME COURT AND ONLY MAKES HIM MORE IN LINE WITH REPUBLICAN IDEALS.  HE’LL BE ABLE TO JOIN FELLOW SEXUAL PREDATOR, CLARENCE “COCA COLA PUBIC HAIR” THOMAS, ON THE SUPREME COURT AND FOLLOW ORDERS FROM ULTIMATE SEXUAL PREDATOR, DONALD TRUMP – Brett Kavanaugh is an idiot conservative zealot and a lap dog for Donald Trump.  For those reasons, he should not be on the Supreme Court.  Though now it seems we can add sexual predator to Kavanaugh’’s list of accomplishments.  A woman has come forward and revealed that Brett Kavanaugh attempted to drunkenly sexually assault her at a high school party back in the ‘80s.  In his defense, getting drunk and trying to take advantage of incapacitated girls is the accepted norm for hypocrite Republicans.  So the Donald Trump shitshow just keeps on growing and we can only expect more creepy stories to come out regarding Brett Kavanaugh.  The guy literally looks like the adult bro embodiment of date rape and roofie abuse.  (newyorker.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/07/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT TURNS OUT ONE OF THE NEGATIVES OF INSTALLING ARTIFICIAL TURF IN POORLY SECURED AREAS IS THAT IDIOTS CAN CAUSE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DAMAGE THAT IS NOT EASILY REPAIRED.  IF EPISD WOULD HAVE JUST INSTALLED REGULAR GRASS AT BOWIE, THE VANDALIZED FIELD COULD HAVE BEEN FIXED WITH SOME DIRT AND $5 OF GRASS – After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to install spiffy artificial turf at Bowie High School Stadium, the field was severely damaged when 4 idiot teens drove their car onto the field to do donuts and then proceeded to vandalize other parts of the stadium.  The idiots were caught but, because laws don’t work and the idiots were minors, they will most likely get off with a slap on the wrist and taxpayers will be on the hook for the full cost of repairs.  Right about now I bet EPISD is wishing they didn’t waste all that money on artificial turf at Bowie without making sure that there was adequate barriers in place to prevent random vehicles from getting on the field.  That’s why you can’t have nice things, Bowie.  (cbs4local.com)

ONCE UPON A TIME, NMSU WANTED TO INCREASE ENROLLMENT SO THEY STARTED HANDING OUT A BUNCH OF SCHOLARSHIPS.  THE PLAN WORKED A LITTLE TOO WELL AND NOW NMSU HAS A BUDGET DEFICIT BECAUSE OF THE SCHEME.  OOPS! – NMSU has announced that they have a deficit in the $5 million range because of all the scholarships they have been giving out over the past few years.  For some ungodly reason NMSU included their scholarship students in their planned revenue stream, which is like including ghosts in the revenue stream.  Teachers are getting paid, no matter what, whether there is 1 student or 50.  So they can just stuff all the scholarship students and ghosts in the classrooms without spending an extra dime.  Just don’t count them in planned revenue and, VOILA, you don’t have a budget deficit.  So with that problem solved, keep on giving out scholarships like Halloween candy, NMSU.  Hell, if you start giving scholarships to cows and farm animals you can be considered visionary.  (cbs4local.com)

BILLY ABRAHAM IS IN JAIL AGAIN.  LOOKS LIKE ABRAHAM’S PAST IS OUT TO BITE HIM IN THE ASS – When you live your life in an antagonistic manner and do things without a care for consequences, eventually your actions catch up to you.  Or when your loaded and connected lawyer father dies, there’s no one left to cover your ass.  Either way, it looks like Billy Abraham is in trouble again and there is no one else to blame but himself.   The latest arrest comes from last year’s “elevator incident” in which Billy Abraham brazenly tried to manipulate and bribe witnesses in his attempts to change the inspection and operation dates on an unsafe elevator in one of his buildings that should not have been in service.  The government went after him for the elevator and he thought he could pull a fast one by dicking around with the inspection certificate.  Next time on the Billy Abraham legal soap opera:  bankruptcy court and a possible final partitioning of his property empire.  Stay tuned.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ALTHOUGH THE ECONOMIC CLUSTERFUCK IN VENEZUELA AND ARGENTINA HAS NOT YET SPREAD TO BRAZIL, THEY ARE KEEPING BUSY WITH THEIR OWN CLUSTERFUCK THAT SAW THEIR NATIONAL MUSEUM GO UP IN FLAMES AND A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GET STABBED DURING A CAMPAIGN STOP.  SO JUST ANOTHER WEEK IN BRAZIL – Last weekend, the National Museum in Rio caught fire and virtually all of its contents were lost.  The museum didn’t have a sprinkler system and the people in the country see this as an example of an incompetent government choked by corruption.  The anger of the people in Brazil is palpable and upcoming elections in October are stirring up strong emotions.  A few days ago, one of the front runners for the presidency was stabbed during a campaign stop and almost died.  Granted, Jair Bolsonaro is a right-wing, hate-filled nut job.  But no candidate should be in danger in any advanced democracy.  On the bright side, Brazil’s economy isn’t as crappy as Venezuela or Argentina.  So they’ve got that going for them …….. for now.  (reuters.com)

BURT REYNOLDS IS DOING CRAZY TRANS-AM STUNTS WITH JESUS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.  LONG LIVE BURT REYNOLDS – Some sad news this week as legendary actor Burt Reynolds passed away at the age of 82.  Burt Reynolds will be known for his amazing acting career that included such classics as Deliverance, Smokey and the Bandit and Boogie Nights.  His career ranged from every genre imaginable and he made an impact on both the large and small screen.  Burt Reynolds always had a smile on his face and it seems he had a lot of fun and enjoyed life to the fullest.  Rest in peace, Burt Reynolds.  (bbc.com)

ALTHOUGH THE HURRICANE SEASON STARTED OFF SLOW, IT’S LOOKING TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME WITH 3 POSSIBLE HURRICANES IN THE ATLANTIC AND MORE IN THE PACIFIC – Hurricane Florence is the big monster currently lurking in the Atlantic with its eyes set on the Carolinas.  But there are other storms taking aim at American territory on both sides of the globe.  By this time next week we might have major storms making impact from Guam to Hawaii to the Virgin Islands to the Carolinas.  Although the hurricane season started off slow, it looks like it’s coming on with a vengeance during the peak of the season.  Be careful out there.  (tbo.com)