Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/10/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

A PERSON WAS SEVERELY INJURED AFTER A WHITE PICKUP TRUCK SPED THROUGH AN ALLEY IN FIVE POINTS WITH NO REGARD FOR SAFETY.  SO IF ANYBODY KNOWS ANY CUNTS WHO RECKLESSLY DRIVE WHITE PICKUP TRUCKS, TURN THEM INTO THE COPS – Christian Ortiz, aka DJ Swift, suffered massive injuries this past Sunday when a bastard in a white pickup truck maliciously went through an alley in Five Points and pinned Christian against his car.  Christian is currently in the hospital with severe injuries while the driver of the truck got away.  Surveillance footage was released of the incident and it clearly showed a white pickup truck with no regard for safety plowing into the alley.  So if you know anyone with a white pickup truck that would do something this horrible, report them to the cops immediately.  (cbs4local.com)

WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE DAY WHEN I’LL BE ABLE TO 3D PRINT STRIPPERS FROM THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME.  AT THAT POINT I WILL BECOME A SHUT-IN AND DIE – UTEP has pulled off quite a feat and has managed to attract Aconity 3D to set up its North American headquarters in El Paso.  UTEP lured them thanks to their Keck Center for 3D Innovation that provides countless research opportunities for UTEP students to get hands on time with industrial 3D printers.  So kudos to the UTEP staff for bringing more research and employment opportunities for El Paso’s students.  So let’s get started with that 3D printed android stripper research, UTEP.  (elpasoinc.com)

RON STALLWORTH IS ONE OF EL PASO’S GREATEST UNSUNG HEROES.  BUT A NEW MOVIE BY SPIKE LEE WILL FINALLY PUT HIM IN THE SPOTLIGHT – Ron Stallworth is an El Paso native who is best known as the black police officer who managed to trick the KKK into letting him into their organization.  During his time in law enforcement in Colorado, he infiltrated the KKK to stop an attack and later published his experience in his amazing memoir.  His story was recently made into a movie by Spike Lee which will only make his story a wider audience.  The movie, Blackkklansman, is now in theatres and Ron Stallworth will be speaking at Alamo Drafthouse and the Plaza Classic Film Festival about his experiences.  So go check out this El Paso hero if you get a chance this weekend.  As an added bonus, they’ll have copies of his book and he’ll be signing autographs!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

BANGLADESH IS IN THE MIDST OF PROTESTS DESPITE GOVERNMENT CRACKDOWNS TO TRY AND SUPPRESS THE NEWS.  WE’LL DO OUR PART BY GIVING THE PROTESTERS A VOICE AND KEEP THE GOVERNMENT FROM DROWNING THEM OUT COMPLETELY – Bangladesh has a ton of problems and the straw that broke the camel’s back happened in late July when 2 children were killed by a speeding bus driver.  At that point the people became fed up and have been holding almost daily protests to ask for better road conditions.  Although the core of the protests center on pedestrian safety, the protests have flared up due to the general frustration of the people with a government that seems a bit on the corrupt side.  We hope things get better in Bangladesh, but their government will sooner start shooting protesters before it actually tries to make the country better.  Shooting people is much easier than working hard and helping your fellow countrymen.  (bbc.com)

TWENTY MINUTES AFTER THE HEATWAVE ENDED IN EUROPE A GIANT FLOOD HIT THE CONTINENT.  WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO HURRICANES HITTING EUROPE AND PEOPLE WILL STILL DEBATE IF CLIMATE CHANGE “MAYBE” HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT – Wacky weather has always been around, though nowadays it seems like crazy, unpredictable weather is the norm rather than the rarity.  Just as the record temperatures receded in France and the rest of Europe, heavy rains took their place and flooded many parts of the continent.  The heaviest flooding appears to have occurred in France where over 1,500 were rescued due to rising waters.  Welcome to Europe:  If you happen to spontaneously combust, just wait awhile until the floods put you out.  (bbc.com)

SO WHEN CAN I GO TO THE PET SHOP AND BUY MYSELF A FOX? – Researchers in Russia, led by Dmitry Belyaev, managed to domesticate foxes in the 20th century and over that time managed to gather tons of research on domestication and the parts of the brain linked to aggression and the genetic basis for these changes.  The study has tons of information with an impact on everything from genetics to behavioral psychology.  Make sure you read the write up on Discover or the full journal article from Nature Ecology and Evolution if you want the full story on fox domestication.  So where can I go buy a pet fox then?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/03/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL TIME AGAIN!  AND ONCE MORE THEY HAVE SHUNNED DEUCE BIGELOW:  MALE GIGOLO – One of El Paso’s best yearly events is the Plaza Classic Film Festival.  The movie lover’s dream returns this week with more than a week of excellent movies chock full of special guests and related events.  This year there is an even bigger focus on movies with local connections and even a museum exhibit dedicated to the greater Paso Del Norte region and its role in film history.  So make sure you check out at least one movie this festival season.  You can’t go wrong with seeing a classic film in the gorgeous movie palace known as the Plaza Theatre.  The festival runs from August 2 to 12 and you can find more information at plazaclassic.com.  (elpasoinc.com)

EL PASO HAS ANOTHER WORLD CHAMPION – Kudos to Andres Hernandez for winning the gold in the 200 freestyle, in addition to other medals in the 100 freestyle and the 100 back, at the World Swimming Championships for Down syndrome that took place in Canada recently.  Andres has been competing for years and this time out beat competitors from over 20 countries to get his medals.  Congratulations to Andres.  He makes the region proud.  (cbs4local.com)

FRIENDLY ESTONIANS ARE INVADING EL PASO WITH BOOKS!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! – Because everyone on Facebook is a moron, “worried” parents created a mini-scare among an El Paso parents Facebook group when they shared stories of foreign exchange student booksellers roaming the city.  This being Facebook, people immediately jumped to conclusions and started talking about human trafficking, child abductions and other preposterous scenarios.  Naturally, the local news media got involved and calmed everyone’s nerves by discovering that the book sellers were Estonian students that were ensnared by, borderline pyramid scheme, Southwest Advantage to sell books during their summer break.  So no, Estonians are not here to kidnap your children.  They might be a bit pushy when selling books, but please be polite if you encounter them in your neighborhood.  They are guests in our community and we should be friendly and make them feel welcome.  Whoever assigned these poor souls to sell books in Clint during the middle of summer is one messed up individual.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ON A POSITIVE NOTE, AT LEAST MUGABE ISN’T LEADER OF ZIMBABWE ANYMORE – The first open democratic election in Zimbabwe in decades started out well and then turned into a bloody riot once the results came in earlier this week.  The vote was close, but in the end incumbent President Emmerson Mnangagwa and his party won re-election with a majority of the seats in power.  The close result and long delay in the count have caused some of the population to think that the vote was rigged and this led to deadly protests on the day the results were first released.  Opposition leader Nelson Chamisa has also rejected the results and claims to have really won the election thus making a tense situation that much more dangerous.  Though no serious voting irregularities were reported, Zimbabwe has a SLIGHT reputation for being corrupt and that has led the population to question the results. Regardless, Zimbabwe is still doing WAAAAAAY better than when idiot Mugabe was in charge.  (bbc.com)

AT THIS RATE, EUROPE WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IMMIGRANTS ANYMORE.  BECAUSE EUROPE WILL BE BURNED TO A CRISP AND EVERYONE WILL BE DEAD.  ONLY THE LAVA PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO MIGRATE TO EUROPE – Temperatures are expected to approach the continental record of 118 degrees Fahrenheit the next few days when temps in parts of Spain and Portugal flirt with that hellish mark.  The rest of Europe is also burning up and the heatwave of 2018 continues to be one for the ages.  But of course, global climate change doesn’t exist so this is all an illusion and fake news.  If everyone just ignores the high temperatures, like climate change, the temps will magically go back to normal.  Take care, Europe.  In addition to rising sea levels, desertification and the expansion of existing deserts is one aspect of climate change that many people overlook.  Let’s just hope Europe doesn’t become Sahara 2.  (bbc.com)

THAT IS ONE INTERESTING WEIRDO ROGUE PLANET – Turns out the weirdo rogue object that is floating in the Milky Way is not a Brown Dwarf, but a really big planet.  The orb’s unofficial name has been shortened to SIMP and it is now been deemed a planet because it is just “small” enough to fit in that category.  It seems our giant orb friend also has a powerful magnetic field, is really hot and might have a moon!  The universe is really, really weird.  Let’s just hope SIMP doesn’t decide to wander into our Solar System and play billiards with all his new orb friends.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)