Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/27/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DUE TO A SLIGHT CALCULATION ERROR, THE $20 MILLION EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM APPROVED IN THE 2012 BOND ELECTION SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN A $60 MILLION CHILDREN’S MUSEUM. OOPS, GUESS THEY’LL JUST HAVE TO RAISE TAXES – In the 2012 Quality of Life Bond Election, voters approved $20 million for a children’s museum. After actual analysis and proper estimates, it turns out a decent museum will cost $60 million. As a result, the City of El Paso decided this week to give an additional $20 million to the museum with the caveat that the other $20 million is raised by the private sector. All in all, the region will be getting a better museum but it really makes the people who put together the bond proposal look like complete neophyte idiots. The tax impact will only be about $3 extra a year on a house valued at $100,000 – so that just means one less Fireball shot for everyone when they go out to the Douchebarmuda Triangle between George Dieter and Zaragoza. Oh well, now I can only drink 10 Fireball shots in one night. Hopefully this is the last of the 2012 Bond Election errors we’ll be seeing, but judging by the state of the arena project I wouldn’t be surprised if that $100+ million dollar commitment turned into a one meeleeon beelleon dollar commitment over the next few years. (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO INC DID A WRITE UP ON LOCAL INTERNET-PEOPLE AND DID NOT MENTION SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT. FOR SHAME, EL PASO INC. FOR SHAME – Although we are hurt that El Paso Inc. didn’t mention us in their review of favorite local internet-people, it’s still a great list and a good gateway into all the great vloggers, podcasters, writers and internet-people that are making it here in El Paso and the surrounding region. From booze to travel to comedy to literature; there is an abundance of local talent covering every topic under the sun. So go check out their list for some good El Paso area entertainment. (elpasoinc.com)

THE CULT-CHARTER-FAILED EXPERIMENT SCHOOLS ARE INVADING EL PASO! IT’S FREE LIKE A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE TAXPAYER MONEY INSTEAD GOES TO A HEARTLESS “NON-PROFIT” HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY. HOORAY PROGRESS? – IDEA School is opening up in Far East El Paso and it’s about as weird as you would expect from a charter-cult school. I guess all you need to know about the school and the cult program is that they will overload classrooms and aim to have “every student complete college”. Although a pipe dream, it is a very stupid pipe dream. If everyone gets a college degree it will cheapen the college degree and having one will be insignificant. Wouldn’t it be better if some kids that aren’t particularly good at school went through a vocational program and got a job instead? Shouldn’t the ultimate goal be that every student ends up in a meaningful job instead of the cliché “all kids should go to college”? All in all, the loaded classrooms and pie in the sky rhetoric makes these schools the same as public schools – but this time the majority of your money goes out of town! The American government has no fucking clue on how to fix the education system. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WITH ALL ITS PROBLEMS, THE LAST THING GREECE NEEDED WAS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE. THE LAST THING ANYONE NEEDS IS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE – Over 80 people are dead after devastating wild fires hit the Greek coast near Athens, severely damaging multiple villages popular with tourists. The hardest hit area was the town of Mati where people where many people were overtaken by the fires as they desperately tried to run to the ocean. Arson is currently considered as the main source of the fire and government officials are also blaming illegal construction and poor municipal planning for the lack of escape routes and for creating an environment conductive to wild fires. This is the worst fire to hit Greece in decades but, with climate change burning and drying up a good portion of the world, it’s looking like these types of events will sadly become the norm. (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE MARS HAS EVEN MORE WATER THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT. AT THIS RATE THEY’LL BE TELLING US THAT THE CANALS ON MARS ARE IN FACT FILLED WITH WATER AND MARTIANS AND THEY HAVE BEEN LYING TO US THIS WHOLE TIME – Last time out, scientists revealed that satellite images had shown signs of melted ice and short-lived running water in some parts of Mars. Now scientists have used data gathered from the European Space Agency’s Mars Express to show that there is possibly a decent sized lake of liquid water underneath part of Mars’ polar ice cap. Using radar to penetrate the ground, the spacecraft bounced back data that seems to show that there is something ‘lake-like’ under the surface. It will take years before a mission can go to the Mars ice cap to verify this information, but it’s looking like Mars is more active than previously thought. (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

TURNS OUT AMAZON’S FACIAL RECOGNITION SOFTWARE IS RACIST. WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT SUCH A NOBLE AND HONEST COMPANY WOULD CREATE AN ERROR-FILLED, RACIST ALGORITHM – The ACLU recently ran the pictures of all the members of Congress through Amazon’s, much ballyhooed, Rekognition program and 28 were identified as police suspects. In addition, 40% of the false positives were black even though the percentage of black members of Congress is much lower than 40%. This would be hilarious if it weren’t such a serious issue. Apparently, the facial recognition software is a bit on the biased side when linking minorities to a criminal database. Emboldened by the news, Amazon has said that they will now change their slogan “From A to Z” into the more fitting “From A to KKK”. (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/20/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK! A DISASTER ON I-10 THAT WASN’T CAUSED BY TXDOT! – In one of the biggest traffic nightmares to ever hit El Paso, I-10 has been closed in both directions for more than a day after a truck driver stupidly crashed his truck on Thursday into one of the supporting columns on a utility bridge in that part of I-10 that goes under downtown. Temporary repairs should be completed soon to open up the freeway, but more permanent repairs will take some time. The crash was caused when a truck driver from an Arizona company was reaching for his “water bottle” and swerved to the side thus crashing into the column and causing his trailer to burst into flames. I really hope that “water bottle” is code for “Big Gulp filled with vodka” because it’s pretty scary that someone did something this stupid while completely sober. The next step will be for the City and state to sue the driver and trucking company for all they’re worth to make up for all the lost time and money caused by this stupid traffic accident. Hell, everyone in El Paso should sue the fucking company and driver and at least get a few bucks for their misfortune. (cbs4local.com)

LAS CRUCES IS SHOWING EVERYONE HOW TO DO A PROPER BOND ELECTION. MEANWHILE IN EL PASO, CITY COUNCIL IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MORE WAYS TO DO A POORLY WORDED BOND ELECTION SO THAT EVEN LESS CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH MORE MONEY – Kudos to the Las Cruces city government in being as thorough and informative as possible in their upcoming bond election. In addition to separating all bond measures to be voted upon individually, the General Obligation Bond Election will be conducted via a mail-in ballot sent to all eligible voters. The wording on the measures are also specific yet vague enough so that the city isn’t pigeon-holed in what they can and can’t do with the funds (who can forget the geniuses in the City of El Paso’s legal department who decided to call an arena a ‘multi-purpose center’ even though everyone knew it was a fucking arena). Clear choices, accessibility and proper legal vetting – maybe the City of El Paso should have the Las Cruces government look over their bond elections. Nah, the City of El Paso will just use Certificates of Obligation to skip that whole pesky bond election nuisance. (cbs4local.com)

I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS TO NEVER POST A VIRAL VIDEO HARASSING COPS ON THE INTERNET IF YOU COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES IN FULL VIEW OF SECURITY CAMERAS A FEW DAYS BEFORE – People were “outraged” a few days back when a cop pulled his gun on a bunch of annoying wannabe thug kids who refused to follow orders and were walking behind him (note to readers: never walk behind a cop’s line of sight in a heated situation, you’re just asking to get shot at that point). Many people defended the dumbass kids in the video and wanted the unprofessional cop to be prosecuted for some non-existent crime. But fast forward a few weeks and we learn that those “innocent’ kids are full blown criminals who are considered a pariah by most people in their neighborhood. A recent crime spree of robberies and vandalism was reported in Ascarate park a few weeks back and, low and behold, the kids caught on tape committing the crimes turned out to be the “innocent” children who thought they were badasses for harassing a cop and recording it. Thankfully, these morons will now go to juvenile detention where they will hopefully learn a lesson and stay away from horrible influences and the older ones will go straight to jail where they will hopefully re-think their path in life. And if there is any justice in the world, the parents of these fuckheads will all be monitored by Child Protective Services and be prosecuted if their children ever do shit like this again. So if you plan on ever going on a crime spree caught by multiple security cameras, make sure you don’t come out in any viral videos where you will be easily identified. And yes, a cop losing his cool and pulling his gun on some wannabe thugs is bad. But being a criminal who goes on crime sprees is much worse, no matter how old you are. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE IT’S SEXUAL ABUSE PUBLIC RELATIONS NIGHTMARE WEEK AT THE VATICAN ……. AGAIN – In addition to the horrible messes that Pope Francis has been dealing with in Chile, Honduras and Australia; now we have another truly disturbing scandal involving a Cardinal in America that looks to explode and bring more pressure on the Pope to actually dole out some meaningful punishments. Cardinal Theodore McCarrick is facing multiple accusations of abuse and improper behavior and more seem to be popping up. All in all, the accusations are pretty bad and if found to be true Pope Francis will be under great pressure to dole out a serious punishment instead of the usual “lifetime of penance” thing they normally do. For all of the Pope’s progressive talk, now is the time where his actions should match his words. (northjersey.com)

WHILE DONALD TRUMP THREATENS THE WORLD TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS “SMALL HANDS”, PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS IN AFRICA TALKING ABOUT MUTUAL RESPECT AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT IN THE CONTINENT. LOOK KIDS, A FALLING STAR! OH WAIT, THAT’S JUST AMERICA’S STANDING AS A GLOBAL POWER FALLING TO THE GROUND – In international news that is mostly positive, Chinese President Xi Jinping is in Africa for the upcoming BRICS summit (emerging markets shindig) in Johannesburg and is taking the opportunity to visit Senegal and Rwanda to strengthen China’s ties to these countries. In this climate of tariffs and trade wars created by the idiot in the White House, China is doing the exact opposite and talking about mutual respect and the benefits of trade as he wins over the vast majority of Africa to China’s sphere of influence. Sure, China is doing this mainly for its own benefit and their might be some ulterior motives. But compared to the shit that the European powers and America have done in Africa, giving countries Chinese loans in order to improve infrastructure and manufacturing isn’t the most nefarious thing imaginable. Once upon a time, America was respected and looked up to in places like Senegal and other African countries. Nowadays ……. not so much. (africatimes.com)

JUPITER HAS A LOT OF MOONS AND NOW IT HAS 12 NEW MOONS. SO WHILE JUPITER HAS 79 MOONS, MERCURY AND VENUS STILL HAVE NONE. POOR MERCURY AND VENUS ARE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS AND SAN DIEGO PADRES OF CELESTIAL ORBS – Scientists looking for the fabled Planet X have discovered 12 new moons surrounding Jupiter when the orb passed by their viewing range. The researchers with the Carnegie Institution for Science found 12 previously unseen moons including a weirdo moon that is less than a kilometer in diameter and that travels in the opposite direction as its closest moon neighbors. Most of these moons are really small compared to other moons, but having 12 new moons is still very impressive for Jupiter. I’m sure Mercury and Venus would be elated just to have one teeny, tiny moon to keep them company. (space.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/13/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUNLAND PARK IS CELEBRATING ITS 35^TH YEAR OF BEING AN “OFFICIAL” CITY BY BRINGING IN HUNDREDS OF JOBS TO THE CITY! HOW THE HELL DID THE DUMBASSES IN THE CITY GOVERNMENT NOT FUCK THIS UP? – In surprising and happy news, Stampede has announced that they will be establishing a major protein processing (mass food preparation) plant in Sunland Park that will create over 1,000 jobs in Sunland Park. When Tyson Foods left the facility a few years back, state and local government agencies came together to create a plan to bring another employer to fill the void and they have surely accomplished that goal (and then some) with the arrival of Stampede to the city. Who knows how much credit the city government of Sunland Park should get for this? But I like to think that when Mesilla Valley Economic Development Alliance members and state officials had meetings with Stampede in Sunland Park, they told the mayor and city council members that the meeting was on the Moon and sent them to the Spaceport so they wouldn’t screw up negotiations. Happy 35^th anniversary of being called a city, Sunland Park. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EL PASO’S DIVISION TWO SOCCER TEAM IS HAVING A “CONTEST” TO CHOOSE A NAME FOR THE TEAM. IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ALREADY HAVE THE NAME DECIDED ON AND ARE USING THIS AS A SHAMELESS MARKETING SCHEME. LORD KNOWS HOW WELL THE NAMING CONTEST DEBACLE WENT FOR THE CHIHUAHUAS – El Paso is getting a division 2 soccer team and MountainStar Sports Group “needs your help” in picking a name. The El Paso team will play in the USL and fans are asked to pick from a list of five finalists. Three of the names (Stars, Estrellas and Tejanos) are amazingly stupid so, knowing the team management, are probably the frontrunners. Tejanos is actually the dumbest name that can be chosen because ‘Tejanos’ is the term that people in South Texas east of Laredo use to refer to themselves because of some random pseudo-historical beliefs that they hold. So Tejanos makes no sense in this part of the world and it’s also, inexplicably, the nickname for the El Paso Community College sports teams. The remaining two names aren’t all that bad and both have a nice ring to them. ‘Lagartos’ has a strong affinity with Downtown El Paso and the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the desert gator theme was a fan favorite when the baseball team voting contest was announced before Chihuahuas was finally chosen. ‘Locomotive’ is the other name that is pretty cool because it ties in with the train yard and railroad history in El Paso and acts as an homage to all the Eastern European futball teams that use the Lokomotiv name. So please, for the love of God, go vote for Lagartos or Locomotive as the El Paso Futball team name. Otherwise we’ll end up with Stars, Estrellas or (GROAN) Tejanos. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

NMSU STUDENT EXCAVATIONS HAVE UNCOVERED THE REMAINS OF A SETTLEMENT MORE THAN 500 YEARS OLD THAT SHEDS LIGHT ON THE ORIGINAL JORNADA MOGOLLON INHABITANTS OF THE REGION. ARCHAEOLOGY IS FUN! – NMSU’s Anthropology Department has continued important work on the poorly named Cottonwood Spring Pueblo north of Las Cruces and the El Paso Herald Post has a great story on the ongoing research. Although it is called a ‘pueblo’ the settlement is more closely related to the Mogollon people and the Paquime nation state than the contemporary Pueblo settlements and people of northern New Mexico. If anything, the people who created these settlements are more closely related to the contemporary Apache tribes in the area than to any other group. Still, the research they are doing here is very important and gives a clear picture of the complex and advanced peoples that inhabited our region hundreds of years ago. Current dating techniques place the Cottonwood Spring Settlement to about 1300 to 1450 AD and the size is rather impressive, consisting of hundreds of rooms. Let us never forget our past and the history of the Greater Mogollon region and its people. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU WERE WONDERING IF THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE IN NICARAGUA, WELL THEY JUST GOT WORSE – Fighting continues in Nicaragua as mass protests have grown in the past few months and a mass strike just added more fuel to the fire. Of the more extreme things to come out this week was the raid by government/paramilitary forces on a church that resulted in the deaths of multiple protestors that were seeking refuge in the facility. As it stands, President Daniel Ortega is steadfast on maintaining power and will not even call for new elections or any viable changes. So both sides are at a stalemate and we now find the violence in the country approaching ‘90s civil war levels. If you thought the migration from Central American countries into the U.S. was bad now, it will get monumentally worse if Nicaragua goes into civil war mode. (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO EARTHQUAKES, HURRICANES AND VOLCANOES; JAPAN ALSO HAS TO DEAL WITH OVERWHELMING RAIN AND CATASTROPHIC FLOODING. I GUESS GODZILLA AND OTHER KAIJU ARE JUST THINLY-VEILED METAPHORS FOR ALL THE NATURAL DISASTERS THAT CONSISTENTLY HIT JAPAN ON A CONSISTENT BASIS – Torrential rains and accompanying floods and mudslides in western and central Japan have killed more than 170 people since last week and millions more have been affected by blackouts and the evacuation of homes in the danger zone. This is the strongest flooding event that Japan has seen in decades and some parts of the country have truly been devastated. Although the rain has died down, any future rainfall in these saturated areas will just bring more damage and destruction. Stay safe, Japan. (bbc.com)

THE WORLD CUP IS COMING TO AN END. ALL THAT’S LEFT IS THE UNLIKELY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF FRANCE VS. CROATIA. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE FINAL – The World Cup ends on Sunday and it has been, for the most part, a pretty good tournament. No real standout team has emerged, but we have had a few solid teams in the mix and two of the strongest are now in the final. Croatia is probably the more exciting and productive of the two, but France has the “strong defense, only do enough to win” vibe that doesn’t excite but leads to multiple victories. So who you got? (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/06/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

JUDGING BY THE LOCAL NEWS STATIONS, YOU’D THINK THAT DRUNK DRIVING AND DOWNTOWN ARENA CONSTRUCTION WOULD BE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN EL PASO. BUT NO, PLAIN OLD HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER IN EL PASO – The El Paso Public Health Department has released a study that covers different aspects of the health of El Paso’s residents as a whole. Among the more interesting findings was that the top 4 leading causes of death in the region can be attributed to cardiovascular disease, cancer, stroke and accidents. They also released a color coded map of the area’s health issues with dark red being the color for the unhealthiest areas of the city. Guess what part of the city was colored with the darkest red imaginable? It rhymes with ‘Vower Lalley’. Who would have thought that a car-dependent area filled with nothing but auto dealerships, junkyards, bars, greasy spoon diners, money laundering operations masquerading as successful businesses and liquor stores would be an unhealthy environment? Naturally, the people in the Lower Valley will respond by complaining to the city and asking for more on-street parking and more places to drive their car – why bother with sidewalks when you can just use that space for another driving lane and more parking! That last part sounds like a joke, but people in the Lower Valley have actually asked for sidewalks and pedestrian areas to be removed so they can have more space to park and drive their shitty cars. (cbs4local.com)

MIRACLE IN LAS CRUCES – Kudos to the Las Cruces community and other charitable people in the area for stepping up big time when the Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission burned down on June 22. Since then, different people and businesses have committed to help and now the thrift store will have a temporary home as they make repairs and the more than 700 children who depend on the organization for school clothes will still be able to get help for the upcoming school year. The Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission could still use help, so if you want to donate to an organization doing good things locally look no further than these guys. (cbs4local.com)

JUST ANOTHER FRIENDLY REMINDER, RED SANDS IS FUCKING PRIVATE PROPERTY. SO QUIT POLLUTING THE PRISTINE SAND DUNES WITH UNAUTHORIZED OFF ROAD VEHICLES. BAD ENOUGH THAT CRAPPY HOUSING IS ALREADY ENCROACHING ON THE AREA – Red Sands is private property, but that still doesn’t stop the throngs of people who use it for off-roading, drinking, photo shoots, parties and other random violations of natural space. The problem is so bad that there is a security force known as the Texas Rescue Patrol (possible Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers reference) that is made up of volunteers whose sole purpose is to make sure people don’t go onto the private Red Sands property for borderline illicit activities. Instead of focusing on dime a dozen trails on the Westside and rundown slum housing in Union Plaza, it would be nice if “activists” and other interested parties would work with El Paso County and other relevant government entities to try and secure all this land for preservation and regulated public use. One day greedy developers are going to encroach on this entire area and a unique and pristine sand dune environment will be destroyed. If you think dumbass, disrespectful off-roaders are cunts; you have no idea how bad the developers will be in comparison. Let’s force the government to finally step up to the plate at Red Sands and make it a public park. The Texas Rescue Patrol can protect Red Sands from 4^th of July fireworks but, unlike Chip and Dale, they can’t be around 24/7 to protect Red Sands all the time. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY FOUND THE KIDS TRAPPED IN A CAVE IN THAILAND. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY ARE STRANDED IN THE FLOODED CAVE AND IT’S GOING TO BE A HELL OF AN EFFORT TO GET THEM OUT – 12 boys and their futball coach have been found in the Tham Luang cave in Thailand after being missing for days, but now the hard part begins as volunteers try to take them out. A diver has already died trying to deliver supplies and the monsoon season means it’s a race against time to try and get them out. Many ideas have been brought up to try and get them out, ranging from the practical to the absurd, as authorities plan their next move. As always, famous attention whore Elon Musk came out with a stupid idea involving a “kid-sized submarine” even though it’s already been noted that some of the gaps in the cave are so narrow that a diver cannot pass while wearing an oxygen tank. But sure, a fucking submarine should have no problem taking the kids out in narrow passages where only one person can fit. Elon Musk, ladies and gentleman! And they still keep on giving the fucker billions of dollars for outlandish, “futuristic” ideas that don’t generate a profit. A dozen kids are close to death and Elon Musk still manages to weasel his way into the story. God help those poor children. If the cave doesn’t kill them, the SpaceX Tesla Super Submarine will surely explode and kill them all. (bbc.com)

MEXICO HAS A NEW PRESIDENT, BUT JUAREZ STILL CAN’T PICK A DAMN MAYOR – Lopez Obrador was the landslide winner in Mexico’s election in a contest that wasn’t even close. But while pundits are marveling over Obrador and the Morena party’s rise to power, Juarez is having an ongoing controversy in the mayoral election. Preliminary results show Javier Gonzalez Mocken from the Morena party beat incumbent Armando Cabada by just over 5,000 votes. Naturally, this has led to calls for a recount and claims of fraud at the polls. And with the added bonus of Cabada being involved, the drama in the Juarez race is the most spectacularly absurd election in all of Mexico. (elpasotimes.com)

AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE YEARS OF SHITTING ON ETHICS AND COMMON DECENCY, SCOTT PRUITT RESIGNED AS CHIEF OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY – Scott Pruitt resigned this week not because Republicans finally grew a pair of balls and called him out on his corruption and cronyism, but because his feelings were hurt because activists were calling him and his family out for being human excrement. Normally this would be great news, but Donald Trump will just find another sack of shit with no morals to “lead” the EPA and allow corporations to do whatever they want to the environment as long as they “donate” to the right politicians. Fuck those guys. (reuters.com)