Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/15/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

FROM WILDFIRES TO MUDSLIDES, THE MESCALERO APACHE TRIBE JUST CAN’T CATCH A BREAK – Over 1,000 acres of forest were burned down in last week’s fires near Mescalero, New Mexico and now heavy rains this weekend are expected to bring the threat of mudslides to the area.  Wildfires burn down vegetation and that in turn causes the soil to wash away more easily and exasperates the runoff and mudslide potential.  Federal authorities are working with the tribe and local governments to try and secure the area that is in danger of mudslides.  A state of emergency has been issued by the Mescalero Apache Tribe and evacuations are still on the table in case things get real bad with the storms.  And now the unpleasant waiting game begins.  (cbs4local.com)

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS NOT VERY GOOD AT BUDGETING AND RESPONSIBLE SPENDING.  IN RELATED NEWS, THE SKY IS BLUE – In news that surprised no one, an audit has revealed that the new William Beaumont Army Medical Center in Far East El Paso is over $200 million over budget and 3 years behind schedule.  The hospital project was started in 2013 and was expected to be completed in 2016 at a cost of $812 million, yet here we are.  Incompetent contractors and an absurd amount of design changes have led to the bloated budget and, unless they are building a secret alien base and using the hospital as a cover, the time and money wasted is absurd even by federal government Baby Huey standards.  The moral of the story is that the federal and state governments should never be in charge of anything and all money should just be funneled straight to the local level where it can be used efficiently.  Let’s cross our fingers and hope Beaumont Medical Center actually gets completed by 2019.  (cbs4local.com)

WE CAN ALWAYS NOT BUILD PLAYGROUNDS AND JUST HAVE CHILDREN RUN AROUND IN THE GRASS LIKE A NORMAL PARK – Parents in El Paso are mad that playgrounds are hot during the middle of the day IN SUMMER and are asking the city to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for protective shelters at each playground location.  Geez, can’t people just go early in the morning or wait until the fucking Sun goes down for their kids to use the playground?  Do we really need to spend millions of dollars to coddle people who obviously don’t give a damn about anything and take their children outside during 100+ degree temperature days.  Somehow people are up in arms over crappy buildings in Union Plaza being torn down yet aren’t protesting when the government plans to waste millions on pointless projects like playground shelters for dumbass parents and their kids.  Your tax dollars at work.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER DECADES OF POSTURING AND COMPLAINING, GREECE WILL FINALLY RECOGNIZE THE COUNTRY OF ‘MACEDONIA’ AS LONG AS THEY CALL THEMSELVES ‘NORTH MACEDONIA’.  GREECE LOVES ITS POINTLESS CONFLICTS – The leaders of Greece and Macedonia/North Macedonia have agreed, in principle, to a compromise that will see ‘Macedonia’ change its official name and Greece finally support the small country’s admission into the European Union and NATO.  The compromise is 27 years in the making and is one of the more absurd political powder kegs that Greece has created for itself over the years.  At issue was Greece’s objection to the name ‘Macedonia’ being used for a country because there is also a region of Greece known as ‘Macedonia’ and there were fears of future land grabs in the area.  Also, Greece has a heavy Alexander The Great fetish and didn’t want to share him and his legend with the place that was now calling itself Macedonia – ‘Macedonia’ being the homeland of Alexander.  Though it should be noted that after thousands of years very few people in this geographic region actually have a direct connection to him because thousands of years of migration will generally wipe away any pure genetic connection to any region of the world.  But all this posturing seems to be in the rearview mirror and all that remains is for the respective citizens and representatives of the countries to agree to this and it will all be settled.  Though because this is Greece and ‘North Macedonia’, we can expect lots of riots before any decision is made official.  (bbc.com)

WHO KNEW DESTABILIZING LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENTS IN CENTRAL AMERICA IN ORDER TO FIGHT A FAIRY TALE BATTLE WITH THE SHADOW OF THE SOVIET UNION WOULD LEAD TO SO MANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES? – The American government generally reaps what it sows and the current shit show in Nicaragua is indirectly related to all the anti-communist paranoia in Central America that they engaged in for most of the 20th century.  Hell, the CIA might be directly involved in this one as well.  President Daniel Ortega and his opposition have been fighting a bitter battle in Nicaragua over the past two months that has left over 170 dead.  A truce has been called to try and end hostilities, but as long as President Ortega stays in power and offers no concessions the opposition will still keep on fighting.  Considering what happened in the Contra War of the 1980s, this has the potential to explode in scope.  Let’s just hope this doesn’t lead to another large refugee crisis in Central America, the idiot in the White House can barely manage the current trickle of immigrants without resorting to human rights violations.  For the sake of the whole world, let’s hope that America stays out of this and just lets Nicaragua sort this out themselves with possibly the help of the UN.  (reuters.com)

IN CONTINUING WITH THEIR STREAK OF AWARDING THE WORLD CUP TO COUNTRIES WITH FLAGRANT HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS, THE UNITED STATES WILL HOST THE WORLD CUP IN 2026 ON THE HEELS OF THE EVENTS IN RUSSIA AND QATAR – A joint bid by the United States, Canada and Mexico has been chosen by FIFA as the winning entry for the right to host the 2026 World Cup.  The only competition was Morocco, but their lack of extreme human rights violations set them back in the voting.  The addition of safe, secure and honorable Canada really set the bid back but Donald Trump’s decision to separate children from their parents at the border and place young kids in internment camps was the icing on the cake that put America on top of the voting and dwarfed all the horrible abuses that even Russia and Qatar have engaged in.  Although the U.S. and Mexico can hold their own in human rights violations, which is something that FIFA looks for in its World Cup bids, Canada will have to step up its game if it truly wants to earn FIFA’s respect.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/08/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

REMIND ME TO NEVER PISS OFF A HAIL STORM – An American Airlines flight from San Antonio to Phoenix made an emergency landing in El Paso after it went into the path of a severe Thunderstorm last Sunday.  This was the same system that brought heavy rains and hail to the El Paso area on Sunday and judging by the after-pictures of the plane it was one hell of a severe storm.  I don’t know how large the hail stones were, but they busted up the windshield and “completely fucked up the plane’s nose cone” (actual aviation term).  Luckily no one was seriously injured in the incident and the plane will be repaired and live to fly another day.  But let this be a lesson to everyone, don’t mess around with desert thunderstorms – they can cause a lot of damage.  (cbs4local.com)

AFTER MULTIPLE INSPECTIONS, THE CITY OF EL PASO IS TAKING ACTION AGAINST THE OWNERS OF A BATTERED DOWNTOWN BUILDING TO KEEP IT UP TO CODE.  THE PLOT TWIST IS THAT THE BUILDING DOESN’T BELONG TO BILLY ABRAHAM, FOR ONCE – The Popular Building in Downtown El Paso is a historic landmark designed by Henry Trost that once housed the Popular Department Store.  Unfortunately, its glory days are long gone and the current owners aren’t exactly rushing to fix the property.  After multiple violations, including mold and exposed electrical wires, the City of El Paso has finally put its foot down and given Fallas Paredes and its parent company 30 days to fix the most pressing problems at the building before fines and other punishments are levied on the owners.  The building still has retail and some apartments on the first few floors and the owners do seem to have a legitimate restoration plan, so hopefully this will kick start the renovation of the building.  Worst case scenario is that Billy Abraham somehow buys the building and nothing gets done for decades until he is sued by the estate of another deceased pop star.  (elpasoinc.com)

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ARTISTS! – The Paso Del Norte music scene produces tons of great artists and now they have a new outlet to be heard … the El Paso International Music Foundation.  The foundation is a great idea that hopes to offer networking and exposure opportunities to local musicians trying to get their music heard.  And keeping with the El Paso music scene tradition, you can expect a lot of drama and everybody sleeping around with everyone else’s boyfriends/girlfriends.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

GUATEMALA’S FUEGO VOLCANO LIVED UP TO ITS NAME WITH DEADLY RESULTS.  ON A RELATED NOTE, NEVER BUILD YOUR HOUSE NEXT TO SOMETHING CALLED FUEGO VOLCANO – The death toll of the disastrous Fuego volcano eruption is now over 100 as authorities and the people of Guatemala struggle during the recovery phase.  The volcano erupted with a big explosion earlier this week and , unlike the slow burn lava flow previously seen in Hawaii, the action in Guatemala was limited to a short period of time but produced ultra-deadly pyroclastic flows and lahars that engulfed nearby villages with minimal warning.  So as the desperate search for survivors reaches its end, the people are now looking to the authorities for help but also for answers as to why there was no warning about the impending eruption.  Let’s hope this is the last we hear from Fuego for awhile.  (reuters.com)

HOORAY!  IT’S WORLD CUP TIME!  THE MAGICAL CONTEST HELD EVERY FOUR YEARS WHERE GERMANY, SPAIN AND BRAZIL WILL COMPETE FOR THE TITLE OF SUPER MASTERS OF FUTBALL AS DOZENS OF OTHER TEAMS WITH A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL PRETEND LIKE THEY HAVE AN ACTUAL CHANCE TO WIN – The World Cup starts next Thursday and, even though FIFA chose to have it in a borderline dictatorship like Putinland, at least they didn’t pick a country like Qatar to host the most important futball tournament in the world – that would just be absurd.  So sit back and enjoy the magic as your productivity at work and in your personal life drop down to near zero as you aimlessly watch Tunisia vs. Panama while subconsciously wondering where your life went wrong.  (dailymail.co.uk)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – Donald Trump is now attacking our allies and is poised to make a fool of himself at the G7 Summit in Canada by bitching about unfair trade even though he understands nothing about global trade and business in general.  The idiot probably thinks he can make America declare bankruptcy and he can just run off with all his ill-gotten gains when the whole thing collapses.  This is sadly the reality we are living in.  Oh, and he gets to meet with Kim Jong-un next week in his attempt to strike a “deal” with North Korea.  So he has double the opportunity to make a global ass of himself in the next few days.  The bar is so low that as long as he doesn’t give North Korea any American territories or islands as part of the “deal”, people will consider it a great success.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/01/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EPISD OFFERS A SURPRISE KICK IN THE BALLS TO MANY STUDENTS AS THEY LEAVE FOR SUMMER VACATION.  EPISD DOESN’T HAVE MUCH TACT – In a surprise announcement that caught many off guard, the EPISD Board President and friends decided to let everyone know (during the last fucking week of school) that the district is low on funds and was probably going to close some schools to save money.  Even the Superintendent was apparently caught off guard by this news as he only issued a statement on Friday and did not answer questions from the press.  The optics of this announcement looks horrible as only last year the El Paso Independent School District got hundreds of millions of dollars in a bond election to consolidate and build new schools and now they are coming back and saying that enrollment is still collapsing and that schools will have to be shut down.  Gee, maybe this should have been addressed when the district was asking voters for hundreds of millions of dollars.  In addition, there are plans for the construction of a new central office building near Downtown El Paso and the fact that millions will be spent on that will make these school closures look even more awful in comparison.  Most of the schools that are “under capacity” and in danger of closing are elementary schools in poor neighborhoods and that just adds to the increasingly horrible optics of this plan.  It’s almost as if EPISD wants everyone to hate them and move their kids to another district thus allowing them to close even more schools!  (cbs4local.com)

AS EXPECTED, BILLY ABRAHAM’S BANKRUPTCY FILING HAS LED TO SOME AMAZINGLY STUPID SCHEMES TO TRY AND KEEP THE COURT FROM SELLING OFF ALL HIS BUILDINGS.  LUCKILY, THE JUDGE AND EVERYONE ELSE WITH A BRAIN CAN SEE HOW STUPID THESE SCHEMES ARE – In an attempt to prevent the court from selling off the American Furniture Building, Billy Abraham is working with Jose A. Gonzalez in a plan that will lease the building to accommodate an alleged Wyndham Hotel.  While Paul Foster has made a $225,000 offer on the building, Jose A. Gonzalez is offering a $185,000 a year lease for the building which he says he will renovate and thus bring in a Wyndham hotel to the property.  While this is all well and good, Jose A. Gonzalez is just as sketchy as Billy Abraham and has dozens of multi-million dollar projects “in the planning stages” all around the city in addition to his own financial legal issues.  Judge H. Christopher Mott, who is handling the bankruptcy case, found all of this to be a bit fishy and has set a July 24 date for a hearing to determine if this is all feasible or just a shameless Abraham-Gonzalez scheme that will never get off the ground and is being proposed solely to keep the building from being sold.  Stay tuned.  (elpasoinc.com)

FREE ONIONS!  CHEAP LEASES ON LAND!  THIS CATTLE RANCHING RACKET SOUNDS PRETTY SWEET! – A mini controversy erupted in Las Cruces this week as residents found a huge pile of onions in the middle of the desert and decided to use social media to let people know that there were free onions available for everyone.  Unfortunately, the onions belonged to the cows on some guys government leased land and were not put out there so people could go get them.  The story garnered multiple news stories on local news sites and was quickly blown out of proportion.  Things calmed down when it was explained that the onions were not dumped there as waste and that Barker Produce donated the non-consumer friendly onions to the rancher to feed to the cows.  Barker Produce also offered to give cull onions to anyone who went to their company’s front desk and asked for them.  Although they have a hard center, the rest of the onion is edible even though they are not too aesthetically pleasing.  So problem solved and free onions for everyone!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK, ANOTHER EBOLA OUTBREAK IN AFRICA.  ONE DAY LUCK WILL RUN OUT ON THE DUMBASSES RUNNING THESE COUNTRIES TO THE GROUND AND AN EBOLA OUTBREAK WILL BECOME CATASTROPHIC – The latest winner of the Ebola lottery is the Democratic Republic of Congo where the World Health Organization has increased their projections to 100 to 300 cases of Ebola this summer in the current outbreak region.  Fortunately for everyone else, the outbreak is centered in the remote and sparsely populated Bikoro region and thus will probably not reach any major urban zones.  Democratic Republic of Congo is a corrupt, war-ravaged borderline dictatorship; so the presence of Ebola in the country only makes a bad situation even worse.  But the WHO is on the case and they have enough experience with this to stop this before it becomes something truly catastrophic.  But we shouldn’t grow too complacent, one day luck will run out and the world will have to face prolonged exposure to Ebola in urban environments outside of Africa.  (reuters.com)

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THE CURRENT KILAUEA ERUPTION IS ENTERING A “CALM” PHASE, THE BAD NEWS IS THAT IT MIGHT BE BUILDING UP TO A BIGGER EXPLOSION THAN BEFORE – The volcanic lave flows continue on the big island of Hawaii and more homes and businesses continue to fall in the lava’s path.  Even though the eruption has entered a calm phase, the lava still flows and this will continue to be a problem for the residents on this part of the island for some time to come.  Though we should be careful not to sensationalize these eruptions and act like all of Hawaii is on fire, it is still a pretty big deal to the people in this area and the pictures and videos of the lava and eruptions are simply spellbinding.  Be safe, Hawaii, and let’s hope that the calming isn’t a sign of more devastating things to come.  (reuters.com)

DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT AND ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED BY THAT CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES – This week, Donald Trump decided to bully AMERICA’S ALLIES by putting tariffs on them and risked the start of a major trade war due to his stupidity and arrogance.  Though these countries are America’s friends and allies, they won’t stand idly by as they are attacked by a jingoistic American jackass who sadly controls trade powers.  Interestingly, Russia is not getting any major tariffs or sanctions, but fuck if Donald Trump would ever anger his masters.  In addition, idiot Trump also went back and forth on the North Korea summit and defended racist tweets by Roseanne Barr.  So it was quite the week for the racist, moron sack of shit that is currently in the Oval Office.  Donald Trump is, and will always be, a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)