Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/25/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WELCOME BACK, BASSETT TOWER! – After decades of neglect, the O.T. Bassett Tower has finally been renovated and many of its original features have been restored to their former glory. The iconic El Paso tower is now an Aloft hotel and includes an bar called WXYZ that will be open to the public. The ground floor areas at the base of the building will soon see some new restaurants that promise to inject some new life into the area. The pictures of the renovation look excellent and show that this was a high quality project for the city. Kudos to all involved for making this great project a reality. (ktsm.com)

EL PASO HAS TIRZ FEVER AND THE ONLY CURE IS MORE INVESTMENT AND DEVELOPMENTS – The City of El Paso is in the process of creating 2 new Tax Increment Reinvestment Zones, aka TIRZ, and expanding an existing one to include a larger area. The new TIRZ and the expansion area are located in Northwest and Northeast El Paso and are areas that are poised to see increased development in the coming years. TIRZ are a government tool that allows taxes generated in the zone to be reinvested for infrastructure and other projects that are unique to the zone. Overall, TIRZ are a great tool to encourage controlled growth and are a great way to handle taxes. But for those who still have questions, the City of El Paso will be holding public meetings to give more details on the zones and to handle any questions, suggestions and complaints that the public might have. Now is the time to speak up about this plan and to ask questions. Don’t wait until the project is practically ready to start before you begin the bitching and moaning like the fuckers who don’t want the Downtown Arena. It’s good to see the city making an attempt to handle growth and taxation responsibly. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ONCE MORE, CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO KHALID. KHALID JUST CAN’T STOP WINNING AND KICKING ASS – El Paso’s beloved crooner, Khalid, has won another trophy to add to his extensive collection. The singer won the 2018 Billboard Music Award for Top New Artist and gave El Paso a shout out in the process. Kudos, Khalid. Your music is awesome and you are one hell of a guy. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IRELAND WAS ONE OF THE FEW CIVILIZED COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD THAT STILL HAD EXTREME LAWS AGAINST ABORTION. LOOKS LIKE IRELAND WILL BE CASTING THAT ANOMALY ASIDE AND WILL BE AN EVEN STRONGER MEMBER OF THE DEVELOPED WORLD – The Irish people have spoken and it looks like they are overwhelmingly behind Women’s basic rights. For years, abortion was only legal in Ireland when a mother’s life was in danger. But now it seems that Ireland will get less extreme laws when it comes to a woman’s right to choose. Exit polls are showing a landslide vote in favor of changing Ireland’s laws to allow abortions within the first three months and in special cases involving rape and incest. Although not as liberal as some of Europe’s other countries, the change to Ireland’s laws will finally give Irish women the basic rights that were denied to them for so long. (bbc.com)

THE ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN NORTH KOREA – UNITED STATES SUMMIT APPEARS TO BE OFF AGAIN AS DONALD TRUMP AND KIM JONG-UN CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE TODDLERS WHILE HAVING NUCLEAR WEAPONS AT THEIR DISPOSAL – So after temper tantrums by both Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, the planned June meeting between the leaders of both countries seems to be off. This could all change at the drop of a hat, however, as we are one penis-compliment away from both sides becoming friends and declaring the end to all nuclear weapons. Donald Trump is a moron and will probably GIVE North Korea nuclear weapons as long as Kim Jong-un compliments Donald Trump’s groin and talks shit about Hillary Clinton. Stay tuned, you never know what to expect when idiots with nuclear weapons get together. (bbc.com)

YES, APPARENTLY THE BORDER PATROL REALLY IS THAT FUCKING STUPID UP ON THE CANADIAN BORDER – Ana Suda and her friend are U.S. citizens and El Paso natives. They were recently stopped at a convenience store in Havre, Montana for speaking Spanish in public and being “suspicious”. Apparently, Border Patrol Agent Buford T. Buttfuck thought he made the bust of the century when he saw two people in Montana speaking Spanish and “obviously” planning terrorist cartel activity. Because, in his tiny mind, drug dealers are so fucking stupid that they would bring attention to themselves by speaking Spanish in front of a Border Patrol agent in MiddleOfNowhere, Montana. The two women were released after being questioned, but not after recording the cringe-worthy encounter with the dumbass border security guard. Border Patrol Agents aren’t exactly the FBI or CIA and you must score really low to end up on assignment in the hinterlands of the Canadian border. Rest assured, the Border Patrol Agents in the southern border would never be this ignorant and even they think the Border Security Guard Force patrolling Canada is the bottom of the barrel. (cbs4local.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/18/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DOWNTOWN EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW TALL BUILDING! IT’S NOT A HIGH RISE OR A SKYSCRAPER, BUT AT 18 FLOORS IT’S A START – The city and county governments of El Paso have approved millions of dollars in tax incentives and rebates to Hunt Companies and WestStar Bank for the construction of a large headquarters in Downtown El Paso. The building will be built on the corner of North Mesa and I-10 next to the giant ditch where they decided to put the freeway. In addition to housing the main offices of Hunt Companies and WestStar Bank, the building will also include parking and office space for rent. Hopefully this jump starts new construction projects in Downtown and maybe we’ll finally get a new high rise or skyscraper in El Paso. Kudos to everyone involved for making this excellent project happen. (elpasoinc.com)

HUGS NOT WALLS. THAT SHORT PHRASE SAYS IT ALL – Last Saturday, hundreds of families were briefly reunited on the Rio Grande as the Border Network For Human Rights organized the fifth annual Hugs Not Walls event. People from both sides of the border met on the El Paso side of the river for a brief time without fear of punishment and with permission from the authorities. The fact that this has been going on for five years just goes to show that this idiotic obsession with walls and xenophobia the country is experiencing goes way beyond Donald Trump and his stupidity. Some parts of Murica are just really, really fucking racist and stupid. This is a great event for the community and we should do all we can to support the Border Network For Human Rights and everyone else that is trying to create a positive border. Fuck the wall! It’s all about Hugs Not Walls. (ktsm.com)

IT’S LIKE ONE OF THOSE DELIGHTFUL TEEN COMEDIES WHERE STUDENTS GET TOGETHER IN AN ELABORATE SCHEME TO CHANGE THEIR GRADES AND THEN LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT LIFE. ONLY NONE OF THE GADSDEN TEENS ARE DELIGHTFUL AND THEY DIDN’T LEARN JACK – The Gadsden School District and Gadsden High are in the midst of a scandal as it was recently revealed that over 50 students were involved in a cheating scheme. The students allegedly gained access to a computer program used for credit recovery (more than likely a student got a teacher’s easy to guess password) and then proceeded to change their grades. If the kids were smart they would have only done this with a few students and only changed their grades slightly and thus would have never been caught. But the fact that they allowed over 50 idiots to get in on the scheme and then made obvious grade changes leads me to believe that these weren’t the best and brightest that Gadsden has to offer. So now multiple students have been punished and many more will no longer be able to graduate this year. All because they got greedy and stupid. Did they not learn anything from those teen comedy heist movies? (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF AMERICA’S GOAL WAS TO ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE AND HELP ISRAEL IN ITS HORRIBLE, SOUTH AFRICA-STYLE HANDLING OF THE BORDER DISPUTE WITH PALESTINE, THEN MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. LET IT BE NOTED THAT DONALD TRUMPS IDIOTIC ACTIONS DIRECTLY LED TO THE DEATHS OF 60 PALESTINIAN CIVILIANS – The junior version of Apartheid South Africa, emboldened by Donald Trump’s idiotic move of the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem, acted disproportionately to protests on the Gaza border by firing live rounds at unarmed protesters and killing dozens of people in the process. But the Palestinians had rocks and burning tires, so the brave Apartheid Warriors of Jerusalem were fully justified in using machine guns and calling in airstrikes. Even the UN condemned the horrible overuse of force that happened on Monday and they generally just let Apartheid South Africa Junior do whatever the hell they want. This was a low point for diplomacy in the Middle East and it is completely deplorable that the Palestinians are being ghettoized and massacred at will. Forcing people into ghettos, massacring them when they rise up because of horrible living conditions and then claiming the moral high ground by saying it is “self defense”. Gee, where have we seen that before? (bbc.com)

SPEAKING OF STUPID ACTIONS THAT HAVE DONE MORE HARM THAN GOOD IN THE MIDDLE EAST, LET’S CHECK IN ON IRAN – If the ultimate goal was to make America look weak and untrustworthy, then the current foreign policy is working wonders. Even though the United States have pulled out of the Iran Nuclear Deal, the European Union is still trying to salvage it because it was working and because the last thing the world needs is an economically challenged Iran pushed to make nukes as bargaining chips. The fact that Europe and the rest of the world are still working on this without America’s help speaks volumes to the diminished role and standing that the United States now has. When will this corrupt shitshow in the White House end? (reuters.com)

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING. BUT DON’T WORRY, REPUBLICANS (I.E. FAKE CHRISTIANS) ARE OFFERING THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. WHY EVEN BOTHER REPORTING ON ALL OF THIS, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM IN A SNAP – Somehow, a teenager was able to get access to a shotgun, handgun and other weapons used in a school massacre and the right wing gun nuts are still trying to blame video games and other random nonsense in order to avoid talking about gun control. But at least they offered thoughts and prayers, the most powerful tool available to the Fake Plastic Evangelicals. So 10 innocent kids are dead in Santa Fe High School near Houston and still nothing will be done by the idiots in charge. No one is talking about banning all guns, rational people just want to make sure that fucked up teenagers can’t get easy access to multiple high powered weapons. Is that too much to ask? (reuters.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/11/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE DAY WHEN TXDOT SHUTS DOWN ALL THE ROADS IN EL PASO TO PAINT ONE SINGLE TRAFFIC STRIPE ON THE FREEWAY. A TRAFFIC STRIPE THAT WILL BE PAINTED INCORRECTLY THUS RESULTING IN MORE ROAD CLOSURES THE FOLLOWING WEEK. GOOD JOB, TXDOT – The geniuses at txdot are back at it and this time they will close I-10 at the intersection of Sunland Park Drive for 57 hours this weekend to demolish the old Sunland Flyover ramps over I-10 as part of their Super Fantastic Go 10 Re-Construction Project. This latest artificial clusterfuck will shut down the freeway during both a holiday AND UTEP graduations. They got testy when questioned about the timing of the closure and txdot’s not-a-moron spokesperson, Jennifer Wright, responded, “If not this weekend, when?” Gee, Jenny, maybe when it isn’t a holiday AND when there aren’t multiple fucking graduation ceremonies going on a few miles away. I’m sure the original plan was to close the freeway during an important Sunland Park Racetrack event, but even txdot has some common sense. But here we are, part of a Frankenstein state called Texas and forced to take orders from morons hundreds of miles away. Would it be so bad if everything west of the Pecos became a separate state and then we would only have to deal with EPDOT? (cbs4local.com)

LANE GADDY JUST HAS TO BUY A COUPLE OF BUILDINGS IN JUAREZ AND HE’LL BE KING OF THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Not to be outdone by his amazing building renovations in Downtown El Paso, Lane Gaddy has decided to spread the wealth and is leading an investment group in the purchase of the tallest building in Las Cruces. The 11-story Electronic Caregiver building and surrounding area will now, hopefully, get the Lane Gaddy treatment and become a classy yet modern destination in Las Cruces. The city has been seeing some new developments lately and the introduction of Lane Gaddy and friends to the mix signifies that more investment and construction projects are surely on the horizon for Las Cruces. (elpasoinc.com)

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BAR OWNERS THAT DON’T REALLY GET ALONG WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS MOVE INTO THE WHINIEST RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD IN EL PASO? WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT! – The residents of Kern Place have been complaining about any random noise that comes out of the Cincinnati Entertainment District for decades now and most people have learned to ignore them and just do enough to keep them from stopping the economic progress of the Westside. You’d think that living mere feet from North Mesa (one of the most crowded streets in El Paso) would have made them accustomed to noise and traffic. But no, they’ll still bitch and complain about any business that moves anywhere near Stanton. But now it seems that things will get even wackier as the owners of Later Later, who actually have warrants out for not showing up to court for noise complaints, plan to open a bar near Cincy. Add to this the fact that all the local news stations love nothing more than giving crazy people an outlet to complain about pointless shit and you have the ingredients for a very entertaining public fight. We haven’t had any crazy public meetings yet on this topic, but you just know they’re coming. So get your popcorn ready and don’t forget to create a drinking game that involves taking a shot every time a resident of Kern places bitches about traffic circles even though the meeting isn’t even remotely related to street issues. You’ll die of alcohol poisoning in 15 minutes. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S EUROVISION TIME! THE WORLD’S FAVORITE SONG CONTEST … EXCEPT FOR CHINA. EUROVISION IS APPARENTLY A LITTLE TOO GAY FOR CHINA – It’s that time of the year again, time for Europe to crown its champion of music by ignoring all musical merit and focusing instead on gimmicks and wackiness. Yes, kids, it’s Eurovision time! We have some global controversy this year as Chinese broadcaster Mango TV has lost its broadcast rights because they decided to censor parts of the semi-final round when a rainbow flag was pictured on screen and when two men were seen dancing together. Apparently rainbow flags and dancing gay men are the new enemy supreme of China. The grand final will take place on Saturday and, as always, expect the gimmickiest, gaudiest and over the top performance to be crowned as champion. Don’t even worry about analyzing the music (it isn’t even remotely about the music), just sit back and enjoy the magical and overblown spectacle. (bbc.com)

THE HISTORY OF HORSE DOMESTICATION AND THE SPREAD OF LANGUAGE AND IDEAS IN EURASIA HAS BEEN A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE OVER THE YEARS. AFTER STUDIES OF THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF HUMAN DNA EVER ANALYZED, THE HISTORY OF EURASIA CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE – For fans of DNA research and ancient history (who isn’t a fan?), recent studies released in the journals Nature and Science have been a godsend. The Discover Magazine blog has an excellent run down of all these studies and if you aren’t going to read the journals you might as well feed your mind with the summaries. From horse domestication to the Indo European Language Family to tool use to the hepatitis B virus, these studies cover everything but the invention of the kitchen sink (and that will probably come in a later DNA study). (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IF IT LOOKS LIKE FRAUD AND BRIBERY, IT’S PROBABLY FRAUD AND BRIBERY. UNLESS DONALD TRUMP AND FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED, THEN FOX NEWS LABELS IT “COMMON PRESIDENTIAL BEHAVIOR”. NOTHING TO SEE HERE – The Trump Shitshow continued this week as his personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, was found accepting large sums of money from corporations that had business or pending business decisions related to the federal government. Michael Cohen is a shitty lawyer from the shittiest law school in America and somehow large corporations were giving him hundreds of thousands of dollars for his expertise and not because he could get them influence and access to Donald Trump. Suuuuuuuuuuure. At worst this is extortion to try and get companies to pay up or be punished and at best this is the president’s FRIEND AND PERSONAL LAWYER selling access and possible influence regarding important national decisions. AT&T and the other companies that paid this moron are like the creepy guys on To Catch A Predator who would walk in to a stranger’s house pants-less with a six-pack and a box of condoms. We don’t need to see them commit the crime, we all know what their intent was and what they wanted to accomplish with the fictional underage girl. Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him? (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/04/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SOMEHOW WHITE SANDS IS JUST A NATIONAL MONUMENT AND NOT A NATIONAL PARK. HOW THE HELL IS IT NOT A MAJOR NATIONAL PARK EVEN AFTER ALL THE INTERNATIONAL ACCOLADES AND RECOGNITION? – White Sands is one of our region’s most beautiful natural wonders and the federal government has done a decent job in preserving it, yet they still haven’t turned it into a National Park! Hopefully all that will change as local governments and U.S. Senator Martin Heinrich are leading the charge to raise White Sand’s profile to National Park status. Some of the current National Parks pale in comparison to White Sands so the change in designation should be a no-brainer. (cbs4local.com)

NOW IF THE GHOST OF PANCHO VILLA EVER WANTS TO ATTACK COLUMBUS, HE’LL HAVE AN EASIER TIME CROSSING INTO AMERICA – Construction has started on the new and improved expansion of the Columbus Port of Entry. The vital connection to Palomas will now have expanded pedestrian areas and more lanes for vehicle traffic. Columbus is rarely in the news, so it’s nice that they are getting some improvements in the town. (cbs4local.com)

CLINT ISD MIGHT FINALLY MOVE INTO THE WORLD OF REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY INSTEAD OF THE CURRENT GOOD ‘OL BOY VOTING NETWORK THAT THEY USE TO DETERMINE WHO SERVES ON THE SCHOOL BOARD – Clint ISD is alone in the realm of local school districts in the way that they choose trustees. The current method is decided on an at-large basis that results in most of the board members coming from the same location because of general voter apathy and population distortion. This leads to schools in the Montana Vista and Horizon area being severely under represented. To correct this, the school board is finally moving toward a direct representation system in which each school area will vote for a representative that comes directly from the area and not based on a popularity vote. There will still be a few seats determined by total vote, but this is a step in the right direction and finally gives people in the far flung reaches of the district a voice in school matters. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S ALMOST AS IF ARGENTINA SAW VENEZUELA’S ABSURD CURRENCY RATES AND CRAZY ECONOMY AND FELT OBLIGATED TO TRY AND TOP IT – Argentina has raised its interest rate to an amazingly high 40% as it attempts to stop the bleeding from its collapsing currency. Although this looks crazy, it’s the only thing Argentina can do as it transitions to a more market friendly economy after years of protectionism and extreme public spending by the previous administration. The powers that be are steadfast in maintaining a 15% inflation rate and thus the currency and interest rate will continue in its deadly tango to ensure that inflation doesn’t blow up and destroy Argentina as is usually the case in the South American country. At least Argentina is trying to fix its problems as opposed to Venezuela who just want to blame everyone else for their incompetence. (bbc.com)

IF YOU WERE PLANNING ON VISITING HAWAII SOON, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK YOUR TRAVEL PLANS – The Kilauea volcano in Hawaii has been active for years but now it has decided to up its volcano game and branch out. Although the increased volcanic and seismic activity is isolated to a small part of one of the Hawaiian islands, it is still pretty catastrophic to the people that took a risk and built their houses next to an active volcano. The videos that are coming from Kilauea are spectacular but let’s not sensationalize this and act like all of Hawaii is going to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Yes, there is a volcano erupting in Hawaii. But no, it is not going to destroy America’s beloved island state that should be its own country. (bbc.com)

THE FIRST SATURDAY IN MAY IS FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! GUESS WHAT SATURDAY IS COMING UP? – This weekend brings another installment of Free Comic Book Day, the day that cheapos can enjoy the finest of the Ninth Art for FREE! So take a break from all the awful things going on in the world by picking up a free comic book filled with super fights, violence and jaded, smart-ass dialogue. (elpasoheraldpost.com)