Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/09/2018


THE CITY OF SOCORRO DOUBLES DOWN ON THE STUPID IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO JUSTIFY A COP GIVING ULTRA PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT TO A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL.  JUST WHEN YOU THINK SOCORRO IS ON THE CUSP OF LIVING UP TO ITS POTENTIAL, THEY GO AROUND AND DO SOMETHING AMAZINGLY CORRUPT AND/OR STUPID – Socorro government officials are known to bend the rules and in the past have gotten caught messing around with the placement of political campaign signs, the paving of home driveways, the naming of streets, attempted bribes for annexation targets and sketchy business deals.  But this latest scandal ranks right up there with the skeeviest of all Socorro government clusterfucks.  This all started when City Manager Adriana Rodarte’s son, Diego Salais, was pulled over in late January for speeding and admitted to drinking alcohol AND was found with a white substance on his nose that tested positive for cocaine.  Despite all of this, the little fucker wasn’t charged with anything and they called mommy to pick him up.  A normal person would have been breathalyzed to death and been charged with drug trafficking for the trace cocaine on the nose, but they didn’t even bother to properly test his blood alcohol level!  Instead of doing something about it, the government in Socorro decided to extend the City Manager’s contract and said that the Socorro cop was an “expert in DWI” (because DWI is like a martial art now) and that he has the authority to pick and choose, at will, who is drunk or not.  This would have probably been swept under the rug if the dash-cam video hadn’t been leaked by a heroic whistle-blower and that appears to be the only thing the Socorro government officials are mad about.  A crooked cop did a solid for an equally crooked government official and let someone who had been drinking AND doing cocaine AND driving erratically go free, but the Socorro council is mad because they have BIG BAD LEAKERS in the office.  DWI laws are fucking stupid, but if you must have overkill laws it would be nice if everyone had to follow the same rule book regardless of who your mommy is.  (

RECYCLABLE MATERIALS ARE SOLD FOR PROFIT BY INDIVIDUALS WHO COLLECT THEM YET THE CITY OF EL PASO PAYS SOMEONE TO TAKE THE RECYCLABLES.  YUP, THAT’S PAR FOR THE COURSE FOR THE CITY OF EL PASO GOVERNMENT – Because governments are lazy and incompetent, the City of El Paso is in the midst of a contract dispute with Friedman Recycling Company who wants MORE money to take the recyclables that it then sells for EVEN MORE money to people who process the recyclables.  The current sob story is that China isn’t buying certain recyclable materials anymore and now they need the city to increase what it pays them in order to protect their current profit margin.  The city could probably just create a department filled with homeless people that sorts recyclables and just let them keep whatever money they make re-selling the materials, but I’m sure the city would screw that up and Tommy Gonzalez would just hire one of his Dallas friends to “manage” that department for a $150,000 salary.  To put it in perspective, this is the equivalent of having a garage sale and paying people to take your stuff.  Government recycling programs might be a bit inefficient.  (

THE EL PASO COMMUNITY FOUNDATION AND THE CITY OF EL PASO WANT TO MAKE SCENIC DRIVE A NICER PLACE TO PARK YOUR CAR AND HAVE SEX – In more happier local news, it looks like Scenic Drive and the lookout Murchison Park area will finally get a makeover.  The renderings look great and will really give people a reason to take visitors and potential lovers up there.  Sure, we’ll miss the rusted metal, dangerous access and overall lack of safe parking – but this is the price of progress.  Hopefully this partnership works out and this awesome local attraction finally gets some monetary love instead of the illicit carnal love it normally sees.  (


DESPITE THE LONG STANDING POLICY THAT AMERICAN LEADERS WOULD NOT MEET DIRECTLY WITH NORTH KOREA UNTIL THEY ELIMINATE THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS, DONALD TRUMP WILL MEET WITH KIM JONG UN.  IF OBAMA WOULD HAVE DONE THIS, REPUBLICANS WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM ON THE SPOT AND CALLED HIM A FOREIGN TERRORIST – So despite confusion and concern from government officials, it seems that Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un WILL actually meet up and try to negotiate a deal for peace on the Korean peninsula.  Kim Jong Un already won the first round by even getting this far, so let’s see how much he can get out of Donald “Great Negotiator” Trump.  By the end of the year it’s possible that North Korea will own Guam, the Aleutian Islands and Hawaii while Donald Trump gets a fake gold watch in return.  Anything is possible when you have an idiot toddler in the White House.  (

AN EX-RUSSIAN SPY AND HIS DAUGHTER WERE ATTACKED IN ENGLAND BY SOMEONE USING A DEADLY AND RARE NERVE AGENT.  GEE, I WONDER WHO HAS ACCESS TO RARE AND DEADLY NERVE AGENTS AND COULD HAVE ORDERED THIS ATTACK?  COUGHPUTINCOUGH – Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia, were the targets in an apparent assassination attempt that used a very nasty nerve agent.  The pair survived but are in critical condition.  No one has claimed responsibility but it’s pretty fucking obvious that Putin and Russia were behind the attack.  Putin himself could be on video delivering the poison with a giant jug marked ‘poison’ and the fuckers would still deny it.  Meanwhile, Donald Trump and his compromised cronies have remained silent on this terrorist act and are probably just waiting for talking points from daddy Putin.  (

DON’T FORGET YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM!  YOU’LL NEED IT IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL – Although amazingly hard to accurately study, there have been multiple scientific studies to try and determine how much of a role talent and luck play in a person’s financial success.  The most recent scientific study involved a model that was developed by researchers at the University of Catania which found that luck is quite important in an individual’s success.  Although this doesn’t mean that you should just give up on working hard and just buy a bunch of lottery tickets, it does go to show that often the most skilled people aren’t always the most successful.  So work your ass off and pray to God you get a few lucky breaks if you really want to be financially successful.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/02/2018


EL PASO DISTRICT ATTORNEY JAIME ESPARZA ISN’T VERY GOOD AT HIS JOB.  HE’S SO BAD AT HIS JOB THAT EVEN UTEP FOOTBALL COACHES MARVEL AT HIS INCOMPETENCE – For a second time, a Judge has declared a mistrial in the case of Devon Huerta and the punch that “may or may not” have killed Constable Robert White back in Halloween of 2014.  Though there was no hard evidence that Devon Huerta delivered the punch that “may or may not” have led to Constable White’s eventual deadly heart attack, the DA still decided to proceed with a Jury Trial for some stupid ass reason that is only known to Jaime Esparza.  I assume he just wanted to waste taxpayer money as he grandstanded for votes by showing how much he loves law enforcement.  At most, this should have been some basic assault plea deal but it ended up as two costly trials because DA Jaime Esparza wanted to appear “tough”.  Now we wait and see if it goes back to trial or if something else can be worked out.  By now DA Esparza should have known that the juries in El Paso and Las Cruces don’t really like cops and are usually stacked with morons who will gladly let someone get away with murder if it satisfies some random agenda that only exists in their head.   (

OH GOODY!  EL PASO IS GETTING ANOTHER DIVISION 2 SPORTS TEAM.  WE’RE REALLY HITTING THE BIG TIME NOW!  /S – After finally realizing that they really aren’t that important or powerful the members of MountainStar Sports Group have given up on their plans to get an MLS team and have settled for a division 2 futball team in the USL.  Although it should be noted that the MLS really, really sucks balls and by international futball standards it is probably division 3 thus making El Paso’s new team a division 4 team at best.  Regardless, MountainStar Sports is hyping this up and is trying to drum up support for a downtown stadium.  Though after the debacle with the multipurpose arena, no politician with any brain is going to touch that project with a ten foot pole.  If they build the stadium with their own money that would be awesome, but in the current climate there is no way in hell any of the local government agencies commit to this without risking their ass in future elections.  Our local government will sooner build a monument to Billy Abraham in downtown El Paso before they do another controversial sports complex deal.  (

FOR THOSE WONDERING IF THAT DOME GOING UP NEAR DOWNTOWN ON I-10 IS RELATED TO ALIENS ……. NO, IT’S NOT ALIENS.  UNLESS ALIENS ARE SILENTLY INVESTING IN ROOFING MATERIALS – The Gabbo-tastic dome that has been going up near Downtown El Paso has been attracting attention since construction started and now we know what exactly is going on in that building.  Thanks to KDBC, who simply asked the owner what was going on, we now know that the dome is being built as a showroom for foam roofing company Foam Applications LLC.  The company is owned by Francisco Molinar and he has apparently been working on this business with his family for quite some time.  Although foam roofing doesn’t sound very sexy, the building looks like it’s going to be a fresh an eye-catching architectural experience.  And if all else fails, the family can just lease the building which will inevitably become a strip club called “One Giant Boob Club”.  (


AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NUCLEAR WAR.  IF THE IDIOT TODDLER IN THE WHITE HOUSE MUST START A WAR, IT’S BETTER IF IT’S JUST A TRADE WAR – In one of his most ignorant moves yet, Donald Trump has committed to steel and aluminum tariffs because he thinks the rest of the world will just let him do whatever he wants without retaliation and because “trade wars are easy to win”.  He’s doing this to kiss ass in the Rust Belt for upcoming elections, but doesn’t understand the basics of economics and can’t see how this will fuck over the rest of the country when the price of all other goods start to rise as a result of other countries and their inevitable retaliatory tariffs.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (

PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS ON THE VERGE OF DECLARING HIMSELF DE FACTO DICTATOR FOR LIFE.  BUT DID YOU KNOW HE HAS ALSO BANNED WINNIE THE POOH IN CHINA?  THE MONSTER! – China has a weirdo communist/capitalist system in place that once made a big deal of limiting term limits because of Chairman Mao and the horrible shit parade that his decades in power ultimately created.  But now the weirdo communist/capitalist system will bend the rules it created because President Xi Jinping wants to be president for life and the country is stable enough that no one in power really cares if he stays or not.  In the run up to this historical change to the government rules, the Chinese government has been cracking down on phrases like “election term” and “emperor for life” from internet posts but also erasing pictures of Winnie the Pooh from the internet.  Why is Winnie the Pooh a resistance figure in China?  Well, it turns out that President Xi Jinping has a striking resemblance to the lovable, portly bear and the Chinese people use Winnie the Pooh as a replacement figure when they indirectly want to criticize their president.  Do yourself a favor and look for Xi Jinping/Winnie the Pooh comparison pictures on the internet.  You won’t be disappointed.  All hail Chinese Emperor Winnie the Pooh!  (

IT IS ACADEMY AWARDS TIME!  WILL THE SEQUEL / REMAKE / RE-IMAGINING / HOMAGE TO THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON WIN BEST PICTURE?  YOU’LL HAVE TO WATCH THE CEREMONY ON SUNDAY TO FIND OUT – The Oscars will be taking place in Hollywood this Sunday and that can only mean one thing ……. THE SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT TOURNAMENT OF FILM IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  So once the New York / Los Angeles Film Awards take place this Sunday, the movie prize that really matters can finally be decided.  Onward to the 2018 Simple Minded Tournament of Film!  (