Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/16/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE WAY THE BORDER PATROL UNION IS PAINTING IT, ALL THE CARTELS GOT TOGETHER AND HIRED A GIANT HOLE TO MURDER A BORDER PATROL AGENT – Once more an official government report has revealed that there is no evidence of a crime being committed in the death of Border Patrol Agent Rogelio Martinez near Van Horn a few months back.  The death of the agent and the injury of his partner was seized upon by conspiracy theorists and right wing nut jobs as proof that illegal immigrants were roaming the desert looking to kill innocent Muricans and thus proof that the border wall was needed ASAP (even though this happened a fuckload of miles away from the actual border).   This all appears to be a very tragic accident involving agents not paying attention and a deep arroyo/culvert ditch, but that won’t stop the conspiracy theorists and the Border Patrol Union from grasping at straws and declaring that master criminals planned this as an assassination for some equally outlandish reason.  (cbs4local.com)

GOOD TO SEE DOWNTOWN JUAREZ MAKING A COMEBACK – After a period of violence, Juarez has been making a comeback these past few years and Downtown Juarez is the epicenter of the revival.  A new first-run theater has opened in Juarez near the Catedral Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe and efforts continue to restore historic buildings in the area.  The multiplex is in a new shopping center created by investors and it is only one of many projects that are sprouting up in the area.  In addition, the government in Juarez is working with the government in El Paso to match the planned renovations on Avenida Juarez with the current restoration being done on El Paso Street.  Let’s hope everything gets better in Juarez and the spirit of revival in Downtown El Paso spreads into Downtown Juarez.  (elpasoinc.com)

SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT THE COCAINE ON THE LAS CRUCES BUS WASN’T PART OF THE CITY’S PLAN TO INCREASE RIDERSHIP?  BUT IT WAS SUCH A GREAT IDEA! – Police in Las Cruces arrested an employee of Roadrunner Transit for allegedly selling drugs on the job.  The alleged bus station dealer is Ernesto Garcia-Quintana and he deserves some credit for doing two jobs at once, though selling drugs on the clock on government property isn’t really the best of ideas.  He was found with 18 small bags of cocaine and $1,000 of cash yet somehow is still employed with the City of Las Cruces.  And why is he still employed despite an obvious work violation?  Because Las Cruces don’t give a fuck and loves the COCAINE!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING.  IT’S GETTING DEPRESSING THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN SO OFTEN THAT SOCIETY IS BECOMING DESENSITIZED – A school shooting took the lives of 17 innocent people in Florida this week as a deranged ex-student went to his old school on Valentine’s Day and shot up the place with an AR-15.  The tragedy at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida seems to have struck a nerve with the American public and it looks like this might actually be a turning point in keeping semi-automatic weapons away from the hands of deranged individuals and morons.  It looks like “thoughts and prayers” won’t be enough for certain members of the government to wipe their hands clean of this and tough ACTION will actually be demanded by the people this time.  Which is a shame, because everyone knows that the most meaningful and powerful prayers come from the mouths of racist, vile, hypocrite Evangelical scumbags like Donald Trump.  (bbc.com)

IT TURNS OUT THAT RUSSIA WAS, IN FACT, INTERFERING WITH U.S. ELECTIONS IN 2016.  THIS WAS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE BUT DONALD TRUMP WHO GOT A PINKY SWEAR FROM PUTIN THAT RUSSIA DID NOTHING WRONG – Robert Mueller has issued an indictment against 13 Russian nationals for meddling in the 2016 U.S. Election.  And the investigation is still going strong, so get ready for more damning evidence against those that colluded with Russia to “vote for the worst” in the 2016 elections.  While the fact that a foreign power interfered in America’s elections is pretty bad, the fact that American’s went along with it is the most disturbing thing of all.  And the Americans that went along with it are most likely the next group of people to be indicted.  Because he is a moron, Donald Trump will somehow blame all of this on Obama and claim that he and his cronies were forced by him to work with obvious Russian trolls.  (economist.com)

MOVE OVER BLACK PANTHER, AFRICAN ROBIN HOOD FOUTANGA BABANI SISSOKO IS AFRICA’S TRUE UNSUNG HERO – In the mid-‘90s, Foutanga Babani Sissoko scammed a Dubai bank and others for hundreds of millions of dollars with claims that he had black magic powers that could double any investment.  Even after he was caught, he still managed to get off with a slap on the wrist and ended up giving away tens of millions of dollars away to the poor and needy in a way that would make Robin Hood proud.  He continued to evade punishment and returned to his hometown where he was elected to office and lives out his days in his homeland.  Yes, he stole money.  But the fact that he stole money directly from upper level skeevy bankers and the ultra-bastard banking industry AND then went on to give away most of the money sort of cancels everything out.  How the fuck have they not made a movie or TV show about Foutanga Babani Sissoko?  The man is a hero!  Be sure to check out the excellent article on the BBC website for the full story on this obscure modern day Robin Hood.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/09/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE CARLSBAD MIGHT BE GETTING A NEW MASSIVE HOLE IN THE GROUND THANKS TO CORPORATE GREED.  THOUGH THIS NEW ONE IS A SINKHOLE THAT WON’T BE BRINGING IN MANY TOURISTS – Carlsbad has been struggling with the likely collapse of the I&W brine well for awhile and it looks like the state of New Mexico will finally pony up the tens of millions of dollars needed to stabilize the danger area and keep it from collapsing into a massive sinkhole near one of the city’s major roads.  The State Senate passed legislation to take funds from the New Mexico vehicle excise tax to cover the costs of filling in the brine well and preventing a disaster.  The bill will now go to the House of Representatives will it will hopefully pass and then go on to the governor.  This should be a lesson to everybody that companies that rape the environment for profit only provide shitty jobs for a few years and then just turn tail and declare bankruptcy when shit hits the fan.  I&W and the executives that made tons of money from this brine well should be the ones paying for the clusterfuck and not the taxpayers.  But sure, let’s cut regulations and let more oil companies be irresponsible so a few uneducated dumbasses can feel like big shots with “high paying” jobs that only last a few years.  (currentargus.com)

THE NINE LIVES OF BILLY ABRAHAM – Just when you think he’s down and out for the count, Billy Abraham manages to squirm away and live to fight another day.  At the eleventh hour Billy Abraham prevented an auction on Tuesday morning that was set to sell off 11 of his properties by declaring bankruptcy.  He is still on the hook for the over $1 million settlement that the estate of Juan Gabriel won from him, but he now has some breathing room.  There is no way that Abraham’s property empire will come out unscathed from this and many of the highly sought after historic downtown buildings he owns will definitely be sold to more competent owners to cover costs.  But for now, Billy Abraham can breathe a sigh of relief as his property empire collapses in slow motion.  Maybe if Billy Abraham is left with only one building he might actually fix it up?  (kvia.com)

UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE A PRISTINE NATURAL LANDSCAPE FROM IRRESPONSIBLE DEVELOPERS IS FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO BUY UP THE LAND AND CREATE AN OPEN SPACE – In a move lauded by all, the City of El Paso will pay $3.5 million to buy up hundreds of acres of pristine land around the Franklin Mountains and Castner Range in order to preserve the natural environment and expand the Franklin Mountains park.  Though this is a great idea, this being El Paso, you can count on some random group of idiots to protest the decision and make up equally idiotic reasons for their protest.  Maybe poor Mexicans used to live in the canyon and Max Grossman has to “stand up” for their legacy and protect the “history” of Castnerito.  At this point, nothing is beyond the range of possibility.  The important thing is that skeevy developers will no longer be able to build crappy ass, glorified cardboard box housing on this beautiful land.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE 2018 PYEONGCHANG WINTER OLYMPICS ARE OFFICIALLY OPEN!  LET’S SEE HOW MANY STEROIDS AND DRUGS THE RUSSIAN TEAM CAN GET AWAY WITH USING BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT AND PRETENDING IT DIDN’T HAPPEN – The Opening Ceremony has officially kicked off the Winter Olympics this weekend and it was an impressive visual spectacle as always.  As can be expected, the festivities featured fire, dancing, fire, drums, bitter cold and even more fire!  The highlight of the event, however, was seeing South and North Korea marching under one banner and bringing some hope that the North vs. South pissing match might one day be settled peacefully.  The Olympics are at their best when the political nonsense is pushed to the back burner and conflicts are laid to rest, if even just for a few weeks.  Meanwhile, the Russian team is still denying they did anything wrong despite the overwhelming evidence and are using the games to make themselves into martyrs.  I guess some people didn’t get the memo about fair play and not bringing politics into the games.  (bbc.com)

JUST WHEN IT DIDN’T SEEM POSSIBLE FOR THINGS TO GET WORSE IN VENEZUELA, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE IN VENEZUELA – As Venezuela continues on its descent into oblivion at the hands of Maduro, some people on the border with Colombia have survived by crossing into Colombia for work and to buy goods that are impossible to find in Venezuela.  Now the people in these communities are in danger of losing their normalcy as the Colombian government seeks to tighten security on the border in order to better control the waves of people that come from Venezuela on a daily basis.  The new tightened regulations will require all people who come from Venezuela to have a passport or “border card” to come into Colombia.  The news has caused increased activity on the border as Venezuelans prepare for an even tougher time earning a living and getting basic goods and services.  Maybe it’s time for the parts of Venezuela far away from Caracas to declare their independence from the Kingdom of Stupidity that Chavez and his followers created in the capital.  It can’t be any worse than what they are currently facing.  (bbc.com)

BUT I THOUGHT THE CORPORATE WELFARE TAX CUTS WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP CORPORATIONS MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY AND TAKE THE STOCK MARKET TO SUPER EXTREME LEVELS, THUS MAKING EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR TRUMP A SUPER BILLIONAIRE.  DID THE IDIOTS IN WASHINGTON LIE TO US? – Although the economy is very complex and can’t be judged entirely by the state of the stock market, since Donald Trump used its rise as 100% proof HE improved the economy it is only fair that the massive drop in the stock market be seen as his fault and proof that he is tanking the economy.  The Dow is down by 10% from its highs in January and this has spread to other markets around the world.  This seems to be a correction in the market, but it can also be a sign that the fundamentals of the economy are a lot worse off than most people thought.  Stay tuned, it looks like it’s going to be one hell of a roller coaster ride.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/02/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

I GUESS COHEN STADIUM IS GOING TO BE TORN DOWN TO BUILD AN APPLEBEES, A WHATABURGER, A WAL-MART AND A COMMUNITY CENTER.  BECAUSE WHEN YOU MASH UP THE IDEAS OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE YOU END UP WITH A GENERIC PLAN FOR A SHOPPING CENTER – After tons of focus groups and community meetings, the City of El Paso has created the most generic plan possible for the old Cohen Stadium site.  There was some hope that Cohen Stadium would be turned into something unique like an amphitheatre, but the plan is to now bulldoze the stadium and build a generic shopping center around an empty patch of grass where the field used to stand.  Some of the ideas that residents had were amazingly stupid and wasteful, like building a direct competitor to Wet ‘N Wild using taxpayer money.  But the city caved in a bit to those whims and will now include a “regional water park” to try to fit in every stupid idea that they got in the Cohen focus groups.  At the end of the day, without any real leadership the property will just become a generic shopping center with an Applebee’s, a Whataburger and a Wal-Mart.  Just like every other generic shopping center in El Paso.  But if the focus groups want a generic Applebee’s shopping center then that’s what the Northeast will get.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ALTHOUGH IT APPEARS LIKE THE HISTORIC LINCOLN CENTER IS SAFE FROM DEMOLITION, THEY ARE STILL LOOKING FOR A GOVERNMENT ENTITY TO TAKE OVER AND GIVE THE BUILDING A PURPOSE.  IF ALL ELSE FAILS THEY CAN JUST TURN IT INTO AN APPLEBEE’S AND WHATABURGER – You got to give state Rep. Joe Pickett credit, when he finds a cause he likes he really throws himself into it.  Long after the community came together to save the Lincoln Center in Central El Paso from txdot’s stupid demolition plans, Joe Pickett is still fighting for funding and partners to take over the Lincoln Center.  Its one thing to save the building from demolition but someone is going to have to step up and give the building a purpose.  There is a hope that the building will be used as  community center, but a private/public partnership might have to be used to try and get ANYTHING established in that area.  If the Cohen Stadium focus groups are any indication, the people of El Paso will just ask for something outlandish and stupid at the Lincoln Center like a water park and 20 soccer fields.  Please, someone help the Lincoln Center become a useful structure once again and let’s keep the focus groups to a minimum.  (cbs4local.com)

ROBOT SEMI-TRUCKS ARE INVADING EL PASO!  WHERE IS OPTIMUS PRIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM? – It’s no surprise that autonomous vehicles will one day take over our roads and the early stages of this revolution are starting to take place in El Paso.  A test run is being conducted by three companies that are running an autonomous semi-trailer line transporting refrigerators from El Paso to California.  Although a human driver is present throughout the process to keep tabs on the system and as a backup, these are just the early stages of the autonomous vehicle revolution.  Let’s just hope the trucks aren’t evil.  I’ve seen that movie before.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHO KNEW WOODPECKERS, HEADBANGERS AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON? – The damage to the brain caused by concussions and severe head impacts is a hot topic these days as more and more evidence is discovered about the dangers of banging your brain repeatedly.  It’s only natural that research has turned to the majestic woodpecker, nature’s head banging brain rocking machine!  Research by Boston University graduate student George Farah on preserved woodpecker specimens has found that woodpecker brains have a similar accumulation of tau proteins as human brains that have gone through repeated head impacts.  While the role of tau proteins in the brain are still not fully known, it is apparent that the woodpecker is not impacted by this “damage” or finds a way to isolate it.  Who knew the woodpecker might be the key to better treatment for various brain ailments?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

WE’RE ONE STEP CLOSER TO CUSTOM SEX BOTS AND THE COMPLETE COLLAPSE OF CIVILIZATION.  IT’S A CREEPY, CREEPY WORLD – A free computer program known as FakeApp has been released that allows you to replace anyone’s face on any video with whatever face you want.  It’s face swapping gone mad!  The free program is quite efficient and has produced some amazingly realistic face swaps.  Naturally, 99% of the output since its release has been fake celebrity porn videos known as DeepFakes and sadly this is what the program will be known for.  Because every technology ever developed since the beginning of time has always been used for sexual gratification immediately after it was created.  It’s a creepy new world and we’re getting closer to the day when you can create a lifelike sex bot with the face of the girl who broke your heart in college.  Not that it’s crossed my mind.  That thought’s never crossed my mind.  (bbc.com)

YEAH, THE FANCY TV GROUNDHOG IS PROBABLY MORE ACCURATE AT WEATHER FORECASTING THAN CHUCK DEBRODER.  BUT CAN A GROUNDHOG PARTY HARDER THAN CHUCK?  I THINK NOT – Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this Groundhog’s Day and thus we will have six more weeks of winter.  I, for one, trust Phil’s scientific acumen and have great faith in groundhog weather prediction abilities.  So when you’re freezing your ass off during a random storm in March, feel free to blame groundhogs.  (npr.org)