Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/26/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

BUT WILL THEY LET HORSES RIDE ON THE PASO DEL NORTE SUPER TRAIL?  WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE PONIES? – In a plan that is long overdue, the Paso del Norte Health Foundation is spearheading the creation of a 50 mile long continuous trail that will stretch from Tornillo to the New Mexico State line.  The long gestating Paso Del Norte Trail is now in the planning phase and it’s looking like the trickiest part will be getting the trail through Dowtown El Paso in a way that makes it look like a continuous path.  Normally a trail like this would follow the river, but thanks to America’s militarized fascist wet dream of a border – that idea is not very likely.  The canals make for perfect trail routes in most of the area, but that downtown stretch is going to be a doozy.  We’re still hoping for them to announce that horses will be allowed on the trail because it would be pretty damn cool to ride a horse from the lower valley to the upper valley unimpeded.  FREE THE PONIES!  LET THEM USE THE TRAIL!  (kvia.com)

FIVE DAYS THAT SHOOK VADO, NEW MEXICO – Vado is rarely in the news, but this week was different as the region and the WORLD were fixated on the rescue of a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head.  Although multiple rescue attempts failed to trap the dog, eventually it just saved itself and showed up one day without the jug.  People are still hoping the dog will be “rescued” and, with the help of a shelter, eventually be adopted by a good home.  Thus ends one of the most exciting chapters in the history of Vado.  Elsewhere in New Mexico; a bunch of kids were raped, people were murdered and cops shot innocent civilians in and around Albuquerque.  When the biggest news event is a community effort to save a dog with a plastic jug stuck on its head, you know that life is pretty fucking good.  (kvia.com)

ALTHOUGH NOT AS EXCITING AS A FIVE DAY DOG RESCUE, STUDENTS IN EPISD ARE DOING THEIR PART BY HELPING TO REHABILITATE A PARALYZED DOG – Kudos to the students at EPISD’s Center for Career, Technology and Education for lending a hand to help a paralyzed dog.  Camila the dog was taken by MuttLove Dog Rescue to EPISD to receive physical therapy after the dog was diagnosed with a spinal disease that left the dog paralyzed.  Veterinary students at CTE will provide the rehabilitation and engineering students will help build a custom wheelchair to help Camila get around.  Thankfully Camila did not have a plastic jug stuck to its head.  That would have taken five days for a solution to be found and the students would not have had the resources to solve such a perplexing problem.  Kudos, EPISD CTE students and everyone else involved in saving Camila.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHILE AMERICA WAS FOCUSED ON SYRIA, IRAN, NORTH KOREA AND PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY ON EARTH; THE TALIBAN AND OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS DECIDED TO TAKE OVER AFGHANISTAN ONE MORE TIME – Hot on the heels of a large wave of recent Taliban attacks in Afghanistan, the daesh cunts of ISIS decided to bomb a children’s charity in the country.  Yup, ISIS is now making its presence felt in Afghanistan and have attacked the offices of Save the Children charity killing three workers and one soldier.  Donald Trump has really done a hell of a job destroying ISIS!  Naturally, the Taliban and every other terrorist in Afghanistan felt the wave of stupidity emanating from Washington D.C. and decided that now was the time to make a move.  We should probably see if we can get China to take over this mess, Lord knows a decade of American occupation in Afghanistan didn’t accomplish a damn thing.  (bbc.com)

NOW VENEZUELA IS GETTING IN A PISSING MATCH WITH EUROPE.  IT LOOKS LIKE THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO PISS OFF THE ENTIRE WORLD.  AT SOME POINT EVEN RUSSIA WILL PUT SANCTIONS ON VENEZUELA – Hot on the heels of fresh sanctions from the European Union, Venezuela has expelled the Spanish ambassador because of some imaginary conspiracy theory that Maduro pulled out of his ass.  If you’re keeping score at home, the government in Venezuela now blames America, Europe and most of the developed world for its problems.  It’s definitely not corruption and incompetence at the highest levels of Venezuela that are responsible for the human rights abuses and the shit economy.  It’s the big bad capitalist conspiracy that is keeping Venezuela down.  (bbc.com)

IF THERE’S ONE THING WE KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THE FIRST MODERN HUMANS, IT’S THAT THEY ARE DEFINITELY OLDER THAN THE FEW THOUSAND YEARS THAT CRAZY, REDNECK, YOUNG EARTH BIBLE THUMPERS BELIEVE IN – Not only are humans much older than originally thought (about 300,000 years according to most modern evidence).  It turns out that humans may have left Africa about 100,000 years earlier than originally thought as well.  A new human fossil find in Israel has been dated to being between 177,000 to 194,000 years old and that pretty much ruins most of the timelines regarding humanity’s exit from Africa.  Science is an ever evolving mystery that just keeps on getting more interesting with every new puzzle piece.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 01/19/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE EL PASO COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT, THE ONLY EL PASO COUNTY GOVERNMENT ENTITY THAT ISN’T PERPETUALLY DOING SOMETHING STUPID – The El Paso County Sheriff’s department has revealed crime statistics from 2017 and they show that crime throughout the county has dropped by 26% compared to 2016.  The crime has dropped in both violent and property categories and this follows a trend that has occurred since Sheriff Richard Wiles took over the department a few years back.  We joke a lot about Wiles and his quirks, but he gets the job done and has always helped keep crime down and increase awareness in the community.  And he’s light years beyond the wacko sheriff in Dona Ana County.  So we salute you Sheriff Wiles and El Paso County law enforcement, you’re doing a great job and have not shot any innocent civilians like some of the other law enforcement outfits in the country.  (kvia.com)

LOOKS LIKE BILLY ABRAHAM IS GOING TO LOOSE HIS DOWNTOWN PROPERTIES SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT – Even as Billy Abraham is trying to keep the Toltec Building from creditors, ten more of his properties are now on the auction block in an attempt to raise funds to cover Abraham’s debts.  This really looks like the end of Billy Abraham’s dilapidated downtown empire.  It’s going to take a hell of a lot of legal wrangling to keep them from selling his buildings and he probably doesn’t have the means to cover the $1,000,000 Juan Gabriel concert judgment that is the main force speeding up this sale.  He could borrow the money to save his properties, but at this point it’s not apparent that there is anybody left that is stupid enough to lend him money.  Even if this all goes through, he’ll still have a few properties including the American Furniture building in Downtown El Paso.  But with all the financial buzzards circling around you have to wonder at what point will Billy Abraham be stable enough to renovate any one of his buildings and get some rent money that won’t be taken up in a future court case.  Is this the end of Billy?  (elpasoinc.com)

THE EL PASO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LIZARDS ARE OFFICIALLY AN ENDANGERED SPECIES – The carpeting at the El Paso Airport has long been one of the more unique decorations found in any airport around the world.  Love it or hate it, the “lizard carpet” has achieved an almost cult-like status in the decades that it has been a staple in El Paso International Airport.  But alas, all good things must come to an end and the airport’s renovation plans include a phasing out of the iconic lizard design by mid-2018.  There’s some good news in that pieces of the carpeting  will be given out to people that want a piece of history, but it still sucks to see it gone forever at the airport.  Farewell, Airport Lizards.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

CAPE TOWN IS ON THE VERGE OF BECOMING THE FIRST MAJOR CITY IN THE WORLD TO RUN OUT OF WATER.  THAT’S USUALLY WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU COMBINE A MISMANAGED GOVERNMENT WITH A CRAPPY ECONOMY – As a result of a prolonged drought and an even longer streak of governmental incompetence, Cape Town in South Africa is on the verge of running out water by mid April.  Mandatory water usage caps have been placed throughout the city as the government struggles to fix a mess that they should have been planning against for years.  It’s right next to the ocean, so desalination plants are an option – but desalination plants don’t grow on trees and won’t be online anywhere near the April deadline.   (bbc.com)

TO ALL THE PEOPLE IN HAWAII WHO JUST HAD A HEARTATTACK, HAWAII’S EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT DEPARTMENT WOULD LIKE TO APOLIGIZE FOR THE FALSE ALARM.  WHOOPS – A ballistic missile threat false alarm was sent out in Hawaii last Saturday and it took over 30 minutes for the authorities to let everyone know it was an accident.  The situation was made worse by the fact that the alarm said it was not a test and it was the real thing.  So if you had a cell or were watching TV in Hawaii last Saturday you probably thought you were going to die and maybe did some stupid things in your “final moments” on Earth.  Although many people thought the system was hacked, it turns out that human error in a shift change led to the false alarm.  That employee was re-assigned because it’s practically impossible to be fired from a government job unless you kill someone and/or cuss out your superiors.  (bbc.com)

PHOENIX HAD NOT ONE, BUT TWO, SERIAL KILLERS IN 2017.  THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE ISSUING A TRAVEL WARNING ABOUT ARIZONA ANY MINUTE NOW – Cleophus Cooksey Jr. was arrested last month for murdering his parents, and after tracing his gun, they discovered that he was responsible for 7 other murders (possibly more) in the Phoenix area last year.  The Phoenix Police Department was quoted as saying, “To solve nine homicides in a period of three weeks is outstanding”.  No Phoenix PD, to NOT have nine homicides in a period of three weeks would be outstanding.  Solving nine homicides in three weeks is just sad, especially for a major American city not named Chicago, Detroit or Baltimore.  Talk about having a lack of tact.  (azcentral.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/12/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AT THIS RATE, BILLY ABRAHAM WILL RUN OUT OF BUILDINGS BY THE END OF THE YEAR – Billy Abraham has been one of the most irresponsible building owners in Downtown El Paso for years, either neglecting his properties or not paying loans related to his buildings.  It seems this bad karma is finally coming back to bite him in the ass as a second building  of his is in the process of being foreclosed and sold to a new owner.  After losing the train depot on Campbell St. via fancy legal wrangling by Isha Rogers and Steve Santamaria, Billy Abraham is about to lose the historic Toltec Building to the same exact duo via the same blueprint of buying up debt and foreclosing on the property.  Billy Abraham is putting up a legal fight to stop the process, but like last time it just seems he is delaying the inevitable.  And after all the years of neglect and thumbing his nose at the local government, Billy Abraham doesn’t have too much sympathy in the city.  It looks like the framework is in place and now we wait and see how many of his buildings he will actually be able to hold onto as time rolls by.  The good news is that all these wonderful historic buildings will finally be renovated and put to good use.  (elpasoinc.com)

ALTHOUGH NOT AS RICH AS PAUL FOSTER, LANE GADDY HAS EMERGED AS THE SECOND-MOST PROLIFIC HIGH QUALITY PROPERTY DEVELOPER IN PASO DEL NORTE.  HE’S LIKE THE SCOTTIE PIPPEN OF EL PASO PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT – When he’s not restoring Downtown El Paso buildings to their full historic splendor, Lane Gaddy is using his recycling empire to develop land in Santa Teresa.  The latest addition to the Lane Gaddy property empire is over 2,000 acres in Santa Teresa that his investment group hopes will be used for a variety of land uses and not just industrial.  Santa Teresa is booming and it will be a major community in a few years so it’s good to see that someone responsible like Lane Gaddy will have a hand in how the place develops.  Speaking of responsible developments, maybe Lane Gaddy can buy up some of those foreclosure properties that are soon to be popping up in Downtown.  (elpasoinc.com)

THE MAJOR ISSUE IS THAT THE COUNTY PAYS A SHITLOAD OF MONEY TO MAINTAIN A PARK INSIDE CITY LIMITS WHEN IT SHOULD INSTEAD BE FOCUSING ON PARKS IN THE PARTS OF THE COUNTY THAT DON’T HAVE A A CITY PARK SYSTEM.  BUT LET’S INSTEAD FOCUS ON BOOZE AT THE SPORTSPARK.  THAT’S OBVIOUSLY THE MAJOR ISSUE HURTING EL PASO COUNTY’S FINANCES – Because the El Paso County government loves nothing more than to waste time and money, they asked random people at the Sportspark their opinions on booze and will use that as the sole reason to stop alcohol sales at the Sportspark.  So now the park will get less revenue and taxpayers will have to pay more money for a park that should have just been transferred to the City of El Paso Parks department.  But at least the pearl-clutchers in the government got to say a “scientific” survey says drinking in a park is bad and thus we must protect the people of El Paso from themselves.  This will cost taxpayers more money on the white elephant county parks, but at least the elected officials got to pat themselves on the back.  So just another day of financial mismanagement in the offices of the El Paso County government.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AT LEAST THE Y DON’T GET HURRICANES IN CALIFORNIA ……. YET – Not to be outdone by earthquakes and wildfire, mud has decided that it too will kill people and cause havoc in California.  Santa Barbara and the surrounding region just can’t catch a break as the land that was previously devastated by wildfires less than a month ago is now the site of massive flooding and mudslides.  Over a dozen people are dead and hundreds have no place to go as the mudslides have taken a swipe at areas spared the brunt of the wildfires wrath.  It is believed that the wildfires and dead vegetation have contributed to the mudslide-happy conditions in the area because water can no longer be absorbed by the ground.  But building on a hillside is always a risky proposition, especially when land is reclaimed in arroyo-like areas where the water likes to flow.  I would say things are going to get better, but I don’t want to jinx it considering California’s crazy weather.  (bbc.com)

THAT’S ONE HELL OF AN ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN – An Iranian oil tanker has collided with a Chinese cargo ship 160 miles from Shanghai and the result is nothing short of severe.  While survivors were recovered from the cargo ship, no survivors were found from the tanker that caught fire shortly after the impact.  The fire is so bad that the ship is still burning almost a week after the impact and it doesn’t seem like the fire is close to being contained.  At the moment there is no spill, but the Sanchi tanker is filled with the light oil known as condensate which will not create a messy spill on the surface but will instead just explode or slowly be released into the deep ocean if the vessel sinks.  Either way, this is going to be one hell of an environmental disaster in this part of the ocean.  (bbc.com)

THERE IS APPARENTLY TONS OF ACCESSIBLE ICE ON MARS.  WE JUST NEED TO FIND SOME BOOZE ON THE PLANET AND WE CAN MOVE IN NEXT WEEK! – After increased studies of Mars, it seems like humanity is unlocking more and more of the red planet’s secrets on a weekly basis.  Not only is there ice on Mars but, according to a recent study that used the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, it was found that there are at least eight sites with eroded slopes that are covering up large shelves of ice that are hundreds of feet thick.  These sites are important because they can be the perfect sites for future colonists to set up camp and use the ice deposits for water and fuel.  Maybe all those whackos saying that Mars will be colonized within our lifetime aren’t so whacko after all.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly-RECAPITATION! – 01/05/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SOCORRO IS MAKING A WELL THOUGH OUT AND RATIONAL PLANNING DECISION?  WHAT TYPE OF BIZARRO WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?  – The City of Socorro has shocked many by making a very smart move to expand its connections to I-10 with the construction of a new road east of Horizon that will connect North Loop to the freeway.  At the moment the city only has Horizon as a major arterial connection to I-10 and with the proposed expansion of Bauman Road the city will have another connection to alleviate the crazy traffic on Horizon Boulevard.  Coupled with the Eastlake expansion, this will give the City of Socorro a large financial shot in the arm as most of the lots on those streets will be high priced commercial lots that pay more in taxes than standard residential areas.  The city will now work with the Metropolitan Planning Organization to get this project off the ground.  Good job, Socorro government.  Keep on doing stuff like this instead of all the other stupid stuff you usually do.  (kfoxtv.com)

NEVER STOP YOUR CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY TO GET INTO A FIGHT.  YOU’D THINK THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE IN EL PASO NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS – In perhaps the most preventable traffic death in the city’s history, two idiots (Jonathan Perez and Carlos Hoyos) got into a road rage pissing match on Loop 375 and decided to stop in the middle of the freeway to yell at each other.  That genius decision caused a major crash that resulted in the death of one of the passengers in the stopped vehicle.  This is your weekly reminder that driving while stupid is waaaaaaaaaaay more dangerous than driving while intoxicated.  Maybe the cops will create a safety campaign where they set up random checkpoints to give IQ tests and make sure people aren’t driving while stupid.  (kvia.com)

ACCORDING TO THE MAX GROSSMAN SCHOOL OF HISTORIC PRESERVATION, YOU ONLY DEFEND “HISTORIC” DISTRICTS FOR PROPERTIES THAT ALLOW YOU TO GRANDSTAND LIKE A PRAT ON TV – Thanks to some clever boundary wrangling, Community College will not have to follow historical district guidelines and will build a bland, lifeless building in an actual historic neighborhood that has some very beautiful buildings around it.  Fuck, the architects that designed the EPCC parking garage really suck ass. Even though the “activists” go crazy when you talk about tearing down some cinder block buildings in an area that isn’t even a historic district.  When an ugly ass building goes up in an ACTUAL historic district the “activists” don’t do anything because KVIA isn’t there to felLate them and their bullshit historical fairy tales.  Maybe if they call the district Communitycollegito they will show up to at least make sure the new fucking Community College Rio Grande Campus parking garage sort of matches the beautiful architecture in the area.  Do yourself a favor and look at the renderings for the building.  Yikes, that’s a horrible building.  Did the fucking architects who designed that even go to school or did they just buy the generic plans at Wal-Mart?  (kfoxtv.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

BEFORE YOU START MAKING CLEVER JOKES ABOUT HOW THE ULTRA COLD WEATHER IN THE EASTERN US IS A SIGN THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX.  PLEASE LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLIMATE AND WEATHER.  AND THE CORRECT TERM IS CLIMATE CHANGE NOT GLOBAL WARMING – It’s colder than Lucifer’s teats in the Eastern U.S., but don’t let that lull you into the belief that this is a sign that that the Earth isn’t getting hotter.  In fact, increased extreme weather is a sign that the overall temperature is going up and making things more chaotic.  And if you really want to see hot weather, just check out what’s happening in Australia where it is currently summer.  They are expecting high temperatures not seen in decades and the asphalt in some roads is even melting!  (npr.org)

WHEN YOUR ONLY OTHER OPTION IS HAVING A MORON LIKE DONALD TRUMP ACT AS A MEDIATOR, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST DEAL WITH THE MORON IN NORTH KOREAN DIRECTLY – South Korea is using the upcoming Winter Olympics in Pyeonchang as an opportunity to engage in high level talks with North Korea.  The talks are mainly aimed at getting a North Korean delegation to attend the Olympic games but they are hoping it will pave the way towards more productive talks on more important issues.  The fact that South Korea is taking the lead in all of this just shows how little faith they have in America and Donald Trump’s idiotic blabbing style of diplomacy.  Maybe Donald Trump has inadvertently done something good via his stupidity!  (bbc.com)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – It’s been awhile since we last checked with the idiot in the White House, but this week saw the Mueller investigation continue to inch closer to criminal charges on the moron and someone wrote a book that detailed all the stupidity and backstabbing going on in the administration.  So business as usual for Donald Trump and friends.  Perhaps the most shocking thing about Michael Wolff and his book Fire and Fury is that Donald Trump and his cronies let him hang around the White House for months and observe all the incompetence first hand.  How fucking stupid can they be?  What type of book did they think he was going to write?  Damn, fuck Donald Trump.  (bbc.com)